Chapter 31: Rejections & Repressions

Hwayang saw the huntress hanging up her laundry on a clothesline when he came to her house. From a distance, he caught the little details of how she looked. Her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows, and her hair was nicely done in a french braid. She was being a good daughter while doing her chores.

Taking a short breath, he made his way over to where she was. He walked up behind her until he was close enough and parted his lips. “Eunpil,” he said.

The huntress froze hearing a familiar, warm voice behind her. Wanting to confirm who it was, she turned around and saw the person she didn’t expect to meet so soon. As if it was old times, her heart started to beat quickly.

“Hey,” Hwayang said.  

Eunpil looked away from him before turning her back on him again and continuing to do her laundry. “What do you want?” she replied, trying to sound careless.

Hwayang wasn’t taken back by her tone, but he felt glad to hear her voice after many weeks. “Can we talk?”

Eunpil sighed in irritation. “I’m kind of busy right now.”

“Eunpil,” Hwayang said more sternly. “Please. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks now. I just want us to talk.”

Stopping her actions, Eunpil turned back to him with eyes of sympathy. She silently cursed her heart and feelings for instantly giving in to him. “Make it quick.” She hung up her last clothing, then began to walk away.

Hwayang watched her do so before trailing on behind her. The two continued walking until they were a nearby tree stump.

Eunpil gladly sat down and gazed out into the view of the field behind the wooden fences. Hwayang, however, decided it was best if he just stood. “Myungseok told me he spoke to you a few days ago,” Eunpil said without looking at him. “Say what you want to say.”

Hwayang lowered his head and sighed before he stared at her again. “How are you?” he firstly asked.

Eunpil scoffed as quietly as mumble. “You wanted to talk to me, and all you’re asking is how I am?” She let out a dry laugh and shook her head. “You’re still as blunt as ever, Hwayang.”

Unlike her, Hwayang didn’t laugh. It wasn’t that he couldn’t - the atmosphere just wasn’t right for him to. He only knew the huntress was forcing herself to lighten up the mood. “How come you never told me?”

The smile on Eunpil’s face vanished.

“Eunpil…” Hwayang slowly made his way over and took a seat beside her on the stump. “We’ve been best friends ever since we were kids. You always told me everything.” Every time he spoke, he found his voice getting much quieter. Everything he was saying, he knew he was emotionally hurting Eunpil. “I… You… Why didn’t you tell me?”

Eunpil lifted her head and exhaled a heavy breath. “How could I?” she replied dryly. “You were too busy with the Crown Princess.”

Hwayang looked away hearing the irritation in her tone. “Don’t do that, Eunpil. Please…” He turned to her again. “We need to talk about this.”

Eunpil scoffed and turned to look at him this time. A few seconds pass as both of their eyes locked. For a moment, she felt as though they were the only two people in the world. Was this how it felt like, to be staring into the person you love’s eyes? Was this what Yeonhwa felt like?

Eunpil gulped as her eyes began to simmer. “I was always there,” she quietly said. “I was always there for you, Hwayang. Through everything, thick and thin. Growing up with you, I got to know what you’re really like and what kind of a person you are.” She shook her head and gazed at the field again. “On the way… I didn’t even know what was happening to me. I found myself wanting to see you everyday, even though you were just working in the fields. I wanted to talk to you all day, even if we had nothing to talk about. I wanted to see you smile, even if I wasn’t the reason why…” She turned in his direction, but kept her eyes on the ground. “You made me forget about everything else that mattered in the world, Hwayang. You made me feel warmth and joy…” She lifted her gaze and let it fall on the farmboy. “Hwayang… You made me-”

“Don’t…” Hwayang stopped her as he set his jaw while looking at the ground, not realizing that he had been the entire time. “Don’t say it…”

Eunpil became quiet as if she was compelled to listen to his words. But a tear eventually slipped down her eye.

“Eunpil… You’re my best friend.” Hwayang carefully looked at her. “And I completely cherish you for that… And believe me when I say this… I love you, too.”

Eunpil felt like she was flying in the clouds. For the first time in all her years of being with him, she heard him say the words she never thought she would ever hear. Like how she always felt with him, she was happy.

“But…” Hwayang’s expression fell. “I will always love you just as that…. My best friend…”

Eunpil furrowed her brows as if she was confused, but she completely understood his words. But honestly, she didn’t like it.

Hwayang scooted a bit closer and took one of her hands into his one, and held it. “Eunpil,” he said softly. “I will always care about you. I will always watch over you like old times. I will always be there… But I’m afraid… that I cannot return your feelings… That’s the only thing I will feel sorry about…”

It was no surprise, but it felt like a large weight of cinder block just fell on her and crushed her bones - shattered her heart. Eunpil said no words as she kept her gaze on him.

Hwayang knew she was hurting, and he was the reason why. He never meant to do so, and he didn’t want to at all. If anything, he wanted to make sure she was happy or nevertheless, relief from her complicated feelings for him. He only wanted to set things straight between them.

 A sigh escaped his lips. “I have to get going,” he said as he let her hand go. He looked up at her teary eyes again. “Please… Just don’t shut yourself out from me…” He stared at her for a while longer before he turned away from her and stood up. Exhaling a deep breath, he took a step aside and slowly walked off. Confusion, yet relief filled his mind. Although they both spoke about their true feelings for each other, he still didn’t feel good. Was he supposed to? How could he if one of them was hurting?

He suddenly stopped walking as he was pulled back. He hitched a breath feeling two arms wrapping around his waist from behind. He let out a shaky breath and leaned his head to the side. “Eunpil…” he softly called to her.

Eunpil bravely cried as she tightened her grip around him. “Why?” she asked softly through her tears. “Why her?”

Hwayang softly let his feelings absorb him as he stared at the ground.

“I know everything about you, Hwayang,” Eunpil continued. “I grew up with you. I know you… I’ve done nothing but be good to you, so… why her? What has she ever done that I haven’t?”

She quietly cried into his back as she held onto him. She waited to hear a response. She waited for him to say something. But she only felt two hands unwinding her arms from embracing the person she loved, followed by his warm voice saying, “I’m sorry, Eunpil…”

It was almost