Gay talks
Beautiful HangoverJackson
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For the people who doesn't know, that every morning isn't only just sun shining from your window and singing birds in the background, or at least not today, not for me. I was getting used to every morning hangover, but today it was the strongest it has ever been.
I got up from the bed I was laying on, and I rubbed my face with my hands. The headache was unbearable. After I took my hands from my face, I looked around and at first I didn't recognize the place. Soon the memory of last night, hit my brain as fast as a train.
I couldn't believe my memories, did I really kiss him? I got up from the bed and ran to the bathroom, which was inside of Bambam's room. After I opened the faucet, I took some flowing water to my hands and splashed the cold water to my face.
After doing it a while, I lifted my head to see myself from the mirror. I wasn't pleased to see myself like this, but why? Why in the earth did I kiss a guy?
''It was only because of drugs, it was only because of drugs...'' I told myself many times and tried to calm myself down as I closed the faucet. I took the hand towel and dried my face with it. Leaving it to the place I took it, I glanced one more time at the mirror, before going back Bambam's room.
Where is he anyway? Did he leave because the amount of shame he had? I started to think that I should leave as fast as I could, because I really didn't know if this was his house or not. I didn't know Bambam that well and I shouldn't trust him, but somehow I still did. Taking my stuff from that room, I left it, with closing the door after me.
I walked to the downstairs, and I looked around. Where is everybody? I took my phone from my pocket and glanced at the screen of it. It was 2pm, so it wasn't too much, but did everyone really leave already or was there someone to kick them out?
I walked to the front door and opened it to leave the place. I stepped outside and started to close the door slowly. My breath came out as a gasp and then I stopped. Did I seem to be scared about the situation? I just kissed a guy because of drugs, it was understandable.
''Already leaving?'' A voice came behind me and it got me startled.
I turned around and saw his bright face smiling at me. I looked at my stuff in my hands, and then I looked at his face again. Was I too rude to just leave the place without even telling him?
''Yeah, If you don't mind... I got somewhere to be soon.'' I told him and his face turned upside down. Did I make him sad by leaving so early?
''Alright... I just wanted you to stay a bit more so we could talk about your new shifts.'' He told me and then he started to open his front door.
''Oh, yeah right... Can I come back later? I really need to go now.'' I said pretending to be in a hurry.
''Yeah, sure. Just text me when you are available.'' He said before closing the door in front of me.
I was confused. Did he even remember what happened yesterday? He looked like something bad happened... I hope it wasn't because of the kiss.
I turned around and walked through his yard to the streets. My mind repeated the kiss in my head and I won’t deny that I was ashamed of it… but did it really happen only because of the drugs?
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Jinyoung
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I walked behind him and I copied his steps. He didn't seem to notice me sneaking like a lion, before striking its target. I glanced at him very carefully from his hair to his body movements. He was a man, but not so manly. Was that why I fancied him?
I took one last glance before rushing next to him, and putting my arm around his neck, making him startled a bit.
"Why? Are you scared of me?" I asked him and pouted my face, while walking to the direction where he was going.
He seemed to smile right after he saw me. It felt nice to have someone, that I could make smile. I hope now, that I have that kind of person again, he won't leave, like the former did.
"No-no, I was just in deep thoughts, that's why." He said while he gave a lame smile.
"What were you thinking?" I asked him a bit curiously.
I wondered what he was thinking so intimately. Every time I was with him, I always wanted to ask so many questions about him, but I was afraid that it would offend him, so I just had my mouth shut.
''Oh... Just... Nothing.'' He answered, but I knew that he was thinking about Jackson again.
I was kind of jealous, because even Jackson was a prick, and acted like a child, someone still cared about him. Jackson didn't deserve to be cared, or not at least from Mark.
I put my hands on my pockets and I looked at the sky. The sky was full of clouds, and it looked like it was going to rain soon. The weather was chilly and the wind was light, even thought it felt cold on my face whenever it started to blow.
We weren't far away from school by now, but I started to hear some specific steps, running towards us, and I knew who it was.
''Hey you!'' Jaebum said while he sounded like he was trying to flatter Mark. It disgusted me.
''Oh, it's Jaebum!'' Mark said with his surprised voice.
His face brightened up a little, even more than I made him to. I looked at Jaebum’s hand on Mark's shoulder. It was just like the way I had my hand on his shoulder, just a while ago.
I was irritated, and I wanted to look somewhere else, before I puke. Jaebum was trying to tell Mark something, but I got something to tell him too, so...
''Hey Mark!'' I shouted over Jaebum's talk. I really didn’t care if I talked over Jaebum, but I wanted to be with Mark alone.
Jaebum looked offended, but I didn't care. It was actually what I wanted to see on his face.
''You want to grab a coffee? Just the two of us?'' I asked very annoyingly and I saw that Jaebum started to see me as a rival.
Mark glanced at Jaebum for a while and then he looked at me. He thought about that for a while, but then he opened his mouth with an answer.
''I actually have to go, because I have something urgent to do... but I think you two could go together, because you seem not to know each other very well. I think it would be nice so we can hangout together sometimes, without anyone left behind.'' He said while he glanced at his phone's clock.
”I really need to go now, but have fun you two! See ya!” Mark said and sprang lightly away from us.
I think Mark sensed a tension between me and Jaebum, and I think that Mark really wasn’t in a hurry, he just wanted us to hangout. This is going to be the best day ever.
”Oh! I forgot that I have to be somewhere right now. I’ll go too, bye!” I said, after thinking a way to escape from this situation.
”No-oh, you and me are gonna have a chat. Right now.” Jaebum said and took a strong grip from my jacket and pulled me behind him, while he walked forward.
Great. Now I had to spend a time with him, just the two of us. I really wasn’t in a mood to hear his annoying voice and foolish talks.
He dragged me to the nearest coffee shop, where I wanted to go with Mark. We entered the shop and Jaebum made me sit down to the table, while he went to order the coffee.
Soon, Jaebum walked to the table with two coffees. I really didn’t expect him to bring me anything, but as he did, he stretched his hand offering the other cup of coffee to me. I took that to my hand and glanced at it.
I got Jaebum’s attention, while I put the coffee cup to the table and pushed it to his way.
”I drink it black.” I said and then I put my arms crossed.
I hope he understands that I dislike him already. He couldn’t change that status anymore by being kind to me.
”Oh really? Me too. You can take this then.” He said with his low voice, while he offered his coffee cup to me.
I took the coffee out of his hand and then put it to the table. I wasn’t here on a date with him, or at least not voluntarily.
”Just skip the chitchat and go to the topic. I really have no intention to be here, so be quick.” I said with a strong tone, just him to realize that I really want to leave.
”So quickly? I didn’t even got to ask how’s the weather…” He said while he sipped some coffee from that other coffee cup.
He just got on my nerves so much, that I gathered my stuff and left the coffee shop. I really wasn’t in a mood and he playing like this, was annoying.
He shouted at me to come back, but I really didn’t care. I’m never going to be his friend, even if I would get paid for it.
”How’s the weather? Tsk! I’m not a girl, so is he gay or what?” I said to myself while walking on a street away from that coffee shop.
All of a sudden, someone dragged me to the smaller street and pushed me to the building’s wall.
”I’m not only gay, I’m BI ual. Why? Aren’t you?” Jaebum said while looking at me, and then he backed few steps away from me.
”I’m not gay.” I said while wiping some dirt from my jacket, which came from the building’s wall.
”Good! Then I’ll call Mark and ask him to go on a date with me.” Jaebum said while he took his phone to his hand and started to search something.
”What? No!” I said with my angry and confused tone.
”Why? You aren’t gay so…” Jaebum said while looking at the phone’s screen again.
”Is Mark even gay? And even if he is, you wouldn’t be his type anyway.” I said and glanced at Jaebum’s soft looking hair.
”Actually, his type is gay guys. So I might have a chance.” He said while he smiled at me and then he fixed his hair.
”How do you know that?” I asked him and then he told me that Mark have told Jaebum, at the very first day they met.
Why did Mark told him first? I have been with him many times, but he never even made me question that he might be gay. It really didn’t even matter if I was the last one who knew, but I got to hear this from someone other than from Mark himself, so it made me feel bad.
I was angry and sad at the same time. Sad about Mark not telling me, and angry about Jaebum spilling it out.
”So how about you? I know I’m not the one who likes him more, than as a friend.” Jaebum said with his suspicious voice.
”I won’t deny that I like him, but you don’t have to be gay to like a guy.” I said with my confident voice.
He looked at me while he put his phone to his pocket. His face looked like he didn’t believe my words and he suddenly started walking towards me, step by step. I was getting nervous and I didn’t know why.
He looked at my eyes without even closing them. Did I have something on my face? In just seconds, Jaebum’s hands were against the building’s wall, me between them. His right hand were suddenly on my chest.
”W-what are you doing??” I asked while I sounded like I was breathless. Was I?
”If you are not gay, your heart wouldn’t beat like crazy and you probably would have pushed me away by now.” He said quietly, while his hand started slowly moving lower.
My brain totally froze. I felt how my heartbeat was getting stronger in my chest. I have never had this kind of feeling inside of me. .
I pushed him away from me, while I took a grip from my throat. Jaebum started to look concerned about me, because I was in a shock.
It felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I ran away from him. I didn’t stop even thought he ran after me and tried to make me stop running.
Soon I arrived without knowledge to that park, where Jackson and I liked to play. I looked around and I couldn’t spot Jaebum anymore, so I think he lost me.
I walked inside to that park and sat down to the swing. My feelings were really fragile right now and being at this place it got me crying.
”You were the only one who knew about me. You supported me through that time I came out… But your father’s death changed you… you left me because I was just like your father…” I said.
My tears fell down to my cheeks and they flowed down to my chin, and then they dropped inside my shirt. I didn’t care even it felt cold.
I was missing him, I was missing his presence around me. He was my best friend, who abandoned me. He left me suffering alone, while bullying me with his new friends.
He left me because I was reminding him, about his father. I guess he was scared that I would kill myself too, and he would lose his best friend. Instead of staying besides me, he wanted to cut me off from his life.
After that, I kept hiding who I truly was. A gay Jin-young.
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