The scariest time a crime happens is during broad daylight. That’s because you think you’re at your safest and you never expect it. The blood is the brightest under the high sun, glimmering with the perpetrator’s sin.

The brick dropped in front of her, like Newton’s apple, the reality and discovery of what she had done overwhelming her. Her hands shook as her trembling eyes stared down at her blood-stained hands. She wanted to scream but her breath froze in . She gazed at the fallen body in front of her, the pool of crimson growing, much like her despair. He remained unmoving as she staggered back, terrified of the present and the future.

It was the end of her life as she knew it. She had committed the most horrific crime, and she would have to pay. She would have to pay with her future which she had imagined, plain and obtainable. It was tarnished and now no way reachable. She had invested so much time preparing to meet expectations. Yet, in a split second, she made her choice. Her choice would make her lose everything. Her future life would abandon her, in exchange for her choice of taking another person’s life.

However, when she stepped back expecting nothing to support her, arms circled around her waist, holding her tightly, to prevent her from breaking apart.

SOLAR

“I don’t deserve to be punished like this!” I exclaimed as I gripped the bars of the wooden cell.

“A wench like you should keep you mouth shut.” the guard mercilessly retorted. “You shall pay for your crimes. Know your place, common woman.”

 Disdain welled up inside me like a bubble waiting to burst. However, before I could say anything he stormed off, shutting the doors of the prison behind him. Finally, away from his eyes, I allowed myself to collapse on the floor, the sorrow of my predicament revealing itself as tears. I curled into a ball and wept into my knees.

“Cut!”

Lights slammed on and I sat up. Wheein quickly brought a blanket to cover my shoulders. The set was freezing in the midst of winter. There would be multiple takes of the scene, the director determined to capture to sheer tension of the imprisonment scene.

“How you doing?” Wheein asked.

“Not bad. How did I look?”

“Amazing.” she smiled.

“Positions.” called the director.

Wheein quickly took my blanket and we got into positions. With the camera in a new angle, I and the actor repeated our lines. I felt the lens zoom onto my face, but I kept my hate focussed on him. Soon, the director called for another break.

“How you feeling?” Wheein asked again.

“I’m okay.” I laughed. “You seem more on edge than I am today. Is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I just want to make sure you’re doing alright.”

“I’m fine. Believe me.”

Wheein’s shoulders dropped considerably. Was she always this tense?

Well, she didn’t need to be because the scene wrapped up smoothly, with everyone content. Soon after, Wheein was driving me back to my home.

“It feels good to be on set again.” I said.

“It was enjoyable to watch.” Wheein stated. “It seems like you won’t have to keep your cast on for much longer.”

I touched the white cast that secured my wrist. Once I take the cast off, would it mean I would no longer be able to see Moonbyul? I didn’t want to think about it.

I stared out of the window, watching as the street lamps flashed by the window. Suddenly, I felt a familiar twinge at the back of my eyes. My fingers automatically push into my scrunched eyes, but I still saw the flashing lights.

“You okay?” Wheein asked, noticing my actions.

“It must have been the cold. Or the lights. My head is hurting.”

“Another headache? You have your painkillers?”

“I do but they’re in my handbag. I think I can reach it.”

Just as I turned behind me, I out again.

*

AHJUSSI

I grabbed the bag of weapons and hastily turned to the front of the car.

“Quick, we need to get this back to the safe house. I know they’re coming and we need to protect ourselves.”

The driver stared at me, her eyes wide with shock. However, she knew exactly what to do. She sped through the night, down the familiar roads, towards the safe house.

“How is she?” I asked.

“Who?”

“The girl. She hasn’t come to any harm yet?”

“…No.”

“She’s still at the safe house?”

“What?”

“That’s where I last left her. Don’t tell me she’s not there?”

My raised voice must have frightened her because she flinched. I immediately felt apologetic. However, I didn’t say anything more. I just had to make sure she was protected. She was top priority.

*

MOONBYUL

Eunha lied on the couch. This was our fifth session now. It’s been over just a month; three months of Eunha having insomnia. We talked about mundane things – school, work, her boyfriend. Only certain moments I would catch snippets of her insecurities, clues as to why she may be suffering from insomnia at such a young age. Slowly, but ever so surely, she was opening up to me.

“My boyfriend broke up with me.” Eunha finally stated.

I was surprised. Most of the time, Eunha had an exhausted expression, with almost a grey complexion. Only when she spoke about him, did Eunha seem to awaken. She always had a warm glow in her eyes. This time, they were dark with obvious disdain.

“Why do you think that happened?” I asked.

She scoffed. “Maybe he got tired of me. Maybe he was just using me. Maybe I was just convenient. Maybe he didn’t even love me to begin with… He was a jerk any way.”

Eunha had become slowly becoming quiet but the last part was spat out, like she was trying the rid the last remaining taste of his last kiss.

“If he knew, I’m sure he wouldn’t have left me.”

“What doesn’t he know?”

Eunha looked at me, her eyes wide, realising what she allowed to slip out. However, her expression soon looked defeated, tired of keeping her secret in.

“I’ve done something horrible. I can’t tell my parents, my friend, him, or anyone.”

I allowed her to continue. She drew in a shaky breath, letting her lungs fill with air before she exhaled all her dark secrets.

“I got pregnant.”

She quickly wiped her eyes, even now, trying to appear strong. I carefully handed her a box of tissues, a small act to show her that she didn’t have to always be brave, especially here where everyone can reveal their weaknesses. Everyone, but me.

“I didn’t know what to do. I was careless and stupid. It was my mistake for allowing him to…”

Eunha took the tissues and roughly dabbed her face.

“I got an abortion. They told me it wouldn’t hurt, which it didn’t. But I still feel the coldness of the instrument and then, it felt like part of me was plucked from me. Taken away before I could say no.”

I stared at the young highschool that had to make the toughest decision of her life, all on her own, with no support other than from strangers at the sterile clinic.

“I know thinking about it over and over again won't make it come true. but I can't help thinking about it. What it would be like if I hadn’t done it, if I chose to let it become a person, to hear its heartbeat in my chest. I keep recalling the day over and over again. That's why I can't sleep.”

Eunha quietly sobbed, finally breaking down all her walls. I waited, before giving a push.

“Did you feel ready to have a child?” I asked.

She looked at me, her eyes quivering as she tried to decide what she had wanted. Finally, she looked down, as if ashamed.

“No.” Eunha answered. “But how could I have chosen to destroy the life of an innocent baby?”

“We all make decisions, some of which are good, but some that we regret. If we look back at it now, we might think it was a bad choice, the wrong choice. But at that moment, at that time, we believed it was the right one. The choice best for us.”

Life is all about paths and our lives depend on which we take. The paths shape the road we take, some bumpier than others. However, we grow as people by overcoming them, quickly or slowly. Sometimes, we might wish to turn back to retake our route, but it won’t be the same road we first encountered. The scenery is different on the way back. We just have the ride, or choose again, to pull the emergency brake.

“If you were back then, would you have made the same choice?”

Eunha drew in another breath.

“Yes.”

“Then for you, that was the right choice.”

We all make choices, some for others, some for ourselves. However, when you make a decision yourself, you need someone to validate it. Otherwise, how else would you know if it was right or wrong.

After the day was finished, I tidied my office, making sure everything was in its rightful place. I had to leave it pristine, otherwise it just didn’t feel right starting off the day. I didn’t even hire a cleaner, in case they placed items in a disorderly fashion. I would waste time having to resort everything to my liking and I didn’t have that time to waste.

Suddenly, my phone rang, unusual after my office hours. I instantly recognised the number and answered. This was going to be a longer day than I expected.

*

AHJUSSI

We quickly headed up to the safe house. I was on the lookout the entire way. I could breathe easy once we were finally inside the comfort of the walls of the safe house. As soon as we entered the room, I immediately locked the door behind us. I rushed into the home and I felt immediate relief.

I saw her. She was sitting soundly on the sofa, unknown of the dangers of the outside world. She was blissfully safe and sound.

I collapsed on the seat next to her.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

Even from the corner of my eyes, I could see how beautiful her angled features were. The desire to touch her was great, but I resisted. My only duty is to protect her. Nothing more.

“Me too.” she softly said.

Being on high alert must have fatigued me more than I realised. As soon as I could relax, my entire body drooped. My eyelids became heavy.

“Rest.” she said. “I’ll be here.”

With those words, I dozed off.

*

WHEEIN

“So, you got the message then.”

It was more than a statement than a question.  

“I did.” Moonbyul answered. “I assumed it was an emergency with all the misspellings.”

“Well I could only type at the red lights, which was pretty difficult to do while trying to hide my phone from her. The first time I tried to text openly she thought I was texting our position to the ‘enemy’. It took me ages to calm her down again.” 

We stared at Solar, asleep on the couch.

“It’s getting worse.” I said. “The episodes are becoming more frequent.”

Moonbyul nodded.

“I think when she’s emotionally wired. Then, with the combination of bright lights, it seems to trigger an episode.”

“How is she doing during your sessions?” I asked.

“She’s doing okay.” Moonbyul coolly answered. “Her wrist is definitely healing. However, it’s difficult to ask private questions when I’m feigning as a general physician. Was she always like this?”

“No. It only started a year ago. She was doing so well, her career building. Then, it just started happening suddenly. The episode happened at the wrap-up party at one of her drama series.”

It was sudden and abrupt. She reverted to Doremi. She was a sobbing mess, not able to recognise where she was or who was with her. People thought she it was drunk behaviour, but I knew better. For some reason, she recognised me, maybe in her subconscious. I immediately took her home. She passed out in my car before I could question her. Then, when she awoke, she had no recollection of what she said or did. It happened again, but this time she turned it was during a film premiere. Solar complained of a headache. She said she couldn’t take the pain, the lights making it worse. Having an ominous feeling, I followed her out. In the female toilets, she became Decal. She was a high-school student who thought we were at the cinema, enjoying a weekend away from school. She returned to the premiere and thoroughly enjoyed the film. Before anyone could question her, Solar passed out. I feigned she had stayed up all night, being nervous from the premiere of the film. Her colleagues understood, emphasising and finding it endearing. Again, when Solar woke up, she could not recall what happened, but her brain seemed to fill in the blanks with believable memories.

We had to do something about it.

“You should observe her on set once.” I suggested. “See if my suspicions are correct and if there’s any other stressors that might trigger a reaction.”

“Wouldn’t that appear strange? Why would a doctor be at a drama shoot?”

“Just tell her you want to tell the director directly that Solar is not to carry out any heavy duties. You’ll be there just the observe to ensure proper treatment of your patient.”

“That’s going far and beyond.”

“That’s why I recommended you. You’re the best doctor.”

I flashed my best smile.

Moonbyul sighed. “I’ll try to work it in.”

We watched as Solar smiled in her dreams. At least she was happy, somewhere.

“Do you think she can get better?”

“It’s up to her.” Moonbyul replied.

If that was true, it would mean Solar herself would have to break down her own coping system. And if we helped her do that, would it do more harm than good? It’s never easy revealing something we decided to hide.

*

HWASA

I observed as Moonbyul lined the shot glasses in a perfectly straight line, stacking them completely symmetrically.

“Are you sure you don’t want to moonlight as a bartender here? I pay well.”

Moonbyul laughed. “I can’t help it. It just looks… neater.”

“Something has you troubled?”

She sighed as she ran her finger of the rim of the shot glass. “I guess so.”

“It’s not often I’ve seen you like this. Normally the great Dr Moon has the answers.”

“I’m only human.” Moonbyul merely answered. “Some cases are harder than others.”

Then, she focussed on me. I recognised that gaze.

“It was their anniversary last week.” she said.

My mood instantly sobered. I poured myself a drink.

“Yeah.” I responded, before taking a shot.

“Were you alone?”

“No, Wheein was with me.”

She gave me a knowing glance. I poured myself another drink.

“Don’t go analysing me.” I ordered.

“If Wheein were to leave you alone, would you let her go?”

The thought of Wheein not being there made me anxious. However, did I have the right to hold her back?  

“If that was what made her happy.” I found myself replying. “But Wheein isn’t going anywhere.”

At least, not at that moment. Please, don’t let it be sooner than later.

“It’s your decision.”  

I knew it was my decision. I had two options, one harder than the other. Even though the ending could be everything I wished for, it meant risking everything. Sometimes the path of less resistance is the best option, especially for someone like me.

*

MOONBYUL

The locked door buzzed and I was guided into the room. I nodded towards the guard and he understood, closing and also locking the door behind us. Alone, with just her, we immediately hold each other.

“I missed you.” I whispered into her soft hair.

“Me too.” she muttered into my shirt.

After a moment of making sure we were really in each other’s presence, we looked at each other.

“Any word?” she asked.

I forced myself to shake my head. It tore my heart when I saw her gaze fall.

“But I’m working on it.” I promised, as I held her hand.

She weakly smiled, her thumb my skin.

“I know you are. But it’s hard to change a decision that’s already been made.”

I’ve always had moments where I wished I could turn back time.

However, there are moments when I wished to never turn back time.

I knew that decision made me a terrible person. When I don’t want something to change, when something happens just the way I had wanted it, even though it hurt those around me - it makes me realise just how much of a monstrosity I am.

A/N: Finally an update on the story! Slowly getting through the story while slowly catching up with K-Dramas haha. Thank you for the lovely comments and hello to the new subscribers. Hope everyone enjoys the holidays! Enjoy and please comment :D