There was two. Then, there was one.

Alone.

She had to get used to that word.

She wasn’t used to it, sitting in her new room. Even though she had been here so many times, almost all her life, she felt out of place. It didn’t belong to her. Even if there was a mixture of things that was hers, there were also things that belonged to her sister. She had forgotten who was whose. Her sister was no longer here to tell her what was hers. She was no longer there to guide the way, to give her advice, to look over her. She was a sibling, now she was an only child.  

From the inside of her ‘new’ room, she heard the noises she had grown accustomed to. Still, she peeked out from the bedroom. There, in the living room, sat her mother. Her mother’s body was bent forward as she cupped her face. Her body juddered as she sobbed deeply. She couldn’t even remember what her mother’s face looked like without the tear stains.

It’s strange how we can’t help but look on at other’s tragedy. It might have been because it reminded how lucky you were not having to go through the same pain.

She couldn’t tear her eyes away. Even if the same tragedy was happening to her. 

SOLAR

I couldn’t sleep a wink that night. I just laid on my bed, looking at my ceiling as it changed colour from black to white. Night had gone and morning came and my mind was still reeling. I thought about nothing and everything.

Moonbyul and I kissed.

Just thinking about it made me squeal. I touched my lips that had dried but I could still picture the way her soft lips felt pressed onto my own. The way her firm hands imprinted themselves onto my back made my heart flutter. The weight of Moonbyul pressed on top of me took my breath away.

Sadly, it had ended (though at the same time, it might have been a good thing because I don’t think my heart would have been able to endure more). She had to leave because of work, and I had to prepare for my shoot in the afternoon. However, when I walked Moonbyul to the door, I wanted to grab her and ask her not to leave. Yet, I knew I would see her again. Now that I knew she liked me, I wasn’t about to let her get away that easily.

Suddenly, I heard banging at my door. Surely, it couldn’t have been her. However, I still jumped to my feet and practically ran to the door. I frantically ran my hands through my hair and hoped that my face didn’t look as tired as I felt.

Yet, when I opened the door, it wasn’t the woman who I wanted to see.

“What happened?” demanded Wheein, storming into my apartment.

I felt my insides freeze. Did Wheein find out about me and Moonbyul? How? It’s impossible. I’m sure Moonbyul wouldn’t tell anyone. Would she?  My brain almost short-circuited as I panicked.

Wheein shoved her phone in my face. It took a few moments for my eyes to focus on the screen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was definitely not what I expected to see and it definitely made me think about something other than Moonbyul.

It was a photo of me, yesterday. I was in Eric’s car, with my arms around him, my hand frozen, mid- his hair. If anyone didn’t know any better, it looked like a passionate embrace, rather than me freaking out trying to calm down his panic attack. The article didn’t help either.

The leading actors of Director Joon Hwang’s upcoming film adaptation of the classic tale Chunhyang and Mongryong have been caught in a love affair of their own.

Leading actor Eric Nam and rookie actress Kim Solar are seen in Mr Nam’s car after an evening shoot. Deep in each other’s embrace, have the on-scene romance sparked into a new budding real couple? Click on the link below to find out more

“What is this?” Wheein questioned. I’ve never seen her so angry.

“I didn’t know the paparazzi were there that night.”

“Is that even a good reason? Can I not even trust you to go home alone? Is there something actually going on with you two?”

All her questions were bombarding me and it was starting to get irritating. I didn’t like the pressure. My head started to hurt.

“Eric was having a panic attack. I was trying to calm him down.”

I collapsed onto my sofa, gripping the side of my head. Wheein’s expression softened but she still stared at me, as if she didn’t believe me.

“I called Moonbyul for help.” I offered.

I knew I shouldn’t have used her as my alibi, dragging her into my scandal, but it was the truth. Finally, Wheein sighed. She was silent for a moment, thinking.

“We’ll just leave a responding article that you two are simply good friends. Not sure if anyone is going to believe it though.” Wheein said.

“But it’s the truth.”

“It’s only the truth if other people believe it.”

*

WHEEIN

Damage control. I felt like that was my main job role as Solar’s manager.

“You were having worries because this is your first major acting role and after he gave you some sound private advice. Then, you reciprocated with a grateful embrace.” I said.

It was a solid story.

“But we need to expect them to ask questions during next week’s press conference.”

I saw the wash of realisation on Solar’s face. She had forgotten. I could only shake my head.

“What would you do without me?”

Solar smiled at me. “I really don’t know. You’re the best Wheein.”

With her praise, my spirit felt light again. However, I looked at Solar and the shallow bags under her eyes didn’t go unnoticed by me. I contemplated whether to ask, but I decided not to. I didn’t want to trigger anything. Solar has stopped clutching her head.

Even though I noticed that her episodes were becoming less, I wondered the reason. Perhaps the therapy sessions have truly been working. Though, the way she also addressed Moonbyul didn’t go unnoticed, and I don’t think Solar even realised. I wondered when Moonbyul and Solar became so casual. Although, now that Solar’s wrist has been healed, there wouldn’t be a legitimate reason why Solar should go see Moonbyul. I would have to work it in some way. That was my job. Taking care of Solar. I was going to keep a close eye on her during the upcoming shoots and especially during the press conference.

“Get ready, we need to go to today’s shoot. Most likely Eric and everyone on set would have seen the article. Try to act as normal as possible.”

I said that, but what was normal anyway. Solar nodded and began to get ready.

As Solar was in her bathroom, I checked my phone. No messages or any calls. I inhaled my pride and called Hwasa. As expected, there was no answer. I left my message.

I don’t know if she’ll hear my message, but I’ll leave it. Maybe my words will get to her someway.

*

MOONBYUL

The quiet man sat across from me, still wearing the same type of baggy clothes that covered his body. If he wasn’t a man, I would have thought he was a turtle, ready to withdraw into his shell. However, Jinsoo wasn’t crouched over like our first session. His neck was up, his back straight, ready to tell me something.

“I’m gay.”

His declaration resounded in my quiet room, his low voice seemingly loud.

“Okay.”

My response must not have been what he expected.

“You don’t have anything else to say? You’re not surprised? Is it that obvious?” Jinsoo’s questions were spit-firing at me. He became so scared so quickly that even I looked up. He was ready to hide again.

 
“No, it’s not obvious. Homouality isn’t something that can be stereotyped. Love itself is undefinable. You don’t fit a measure. There is no standard.”

Jinsoo hesitated. He was cautious but he wasn’t concealing himself.

“You don’t think it’s wrong for a man to like other men?” Jinsoo questioned, as if not believing me. I don’t know if I’m the first he has told, but my mild response is probably not one he has received.

“I don’t believe it is. Do you think it is?”

“Everyone does.”

“Who is everyone?”

“Everyone.” Jinsoo asserted.

“I don’t think it’s strange.” I told him levelly. “Do your parents know?”

“There’s no way I could tell them.” he replied, his eyes wide with horror. “They would disown me.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because, that’s how society is. Queer people don’t belong in this world. That’s what everyone says.”

I remembered that age where everyone else’s opinion shaped who you were, until you decided to make your own shape. It’s hard to be comfortable until you find who fits you. The only thing I can do is help Jinsoo decide who he wants to be.

“I think, if you were born into the world, then you belong here. Your parents were gifted with a precious son. They value your life above all else. Isn’t that why they’ve booked these appointments for you?”

Jinsoo didn’t say anything, but I saw his hand grasp his sleeved wrist nervously.

“You don’t have to tell them anything. You shouldn’t feel pressured to.  You should only tell them what you want them to how. That’s the same with anyone else. I feel honoured that you felt safe enough to tell me who you are. However, I can’t tell you how other’s will react, especially your parents. But I know one thing. A proud father doesn’t cry for their child or throw away their pride to seek help for them, if they don’t love them.”

I met Jinsoo’s wide eyes, that were amazingly deep and brown, and realised that it was probably the first time he had properly looked at me.

“My dad cried?”

I smiled.

“Don’t tell him I told you, but he cried more than your mum.”

I saw the ghost of a smile on Jinsoo’s lips. He was slowly getting there, overcoming his self-deprecation and figuring his own self-worth. However, there was still some ways to go.

“It's not your fault. And your parents won't think like that. Instead, this whole time, seeing you living well on your own and you working hard, they'll know.”

Hopefully, I’ll be able to get Jinsoo out of his shell. Sometimes you just need to hear someone’s voice tell you everything is going to be okay.

Even if it was a lie.

*

SOLAR

I jumped when my phone rang. It was rare for anyone other than Wheein to call me. My heart rate soared when I saw the caller ID. I scrambled to answer it. My hand pressed against my chest, willing my heart to calm down, just enough for me to at least listen and talk.

“Hi.” the smooth voice said.

“Hi.” I repeated. I could feel the smile on my cheeks but I didn’t mind. I don’t think I had ever felt that happy.

“How are you?” Moonbyul quietly asked. “I’m sorry I had to leave suddenly.”

I didn’t think that Moonbyul had read the article otherwise I think her tone would have been different. If she were to read it, I wondered how she would react. Would she be hateful, angry, relieved? Of course, Moonbyul knew the truth already, but would she feel some sort of way with the dating rumours. A part of me hoped it would invoke jealousy, as bad as it was. That part of me wanted reassurance that she still wanted to me for her own. Even if we haven’t actually said the words.

“I’m okay, and it’s fine. How are you?”

That was a loaded question. How are you? How do you feel? Do you regret yesterday? Do you actually like me?

“I’m fine.” Moonbyul returned.

There was a pause, a moment of awkwardness. Neither of us knew what to say.

“Can I see you later?” Moonbyul suddenly asked.

“Yes.” I answered, trying not to be too quick or too excited. I shouldn’t be too keen, not just yet, even if my heart was pummelling against my chest.

“I’ll come over to your office once the shoot is over.” I said.

“I look forward to it.”

My face hurt from smiling so much.

“Who was that?” Wheein asked, returning to the room just as I hung up.

I didn’t even notice she had come back into the room. I wondered if she spotted my wide grin. She must have desperately wanted to ask that question.

“No one.”

Wheein’s squinting eyes told me she was suspicious. Nevertheless, she didn’t pry. Wheein was never the one to pester. Although, she would make it known that she wanted to know more, usually with her open questions. But she didn’t ask. Perhaps she had other things on her mind.

*

HWASA

I listened to the message over and over again.

“I’m coming over later. We need to talk about yesterday…. I’m worried.”

I didn’t realise my sadness and my habits were making the only person I cared about feel that way. I knew I was worthless and a burden, but I never wanted to make others to be affected by my negativity. The bottles lined up behind me, in the fridge, on the counter. They held so much in them, solid with the weight of their insides, but they were just as fragile as I was. If someone looked passed my exterior, cracked the glass, they would see my contents spill out. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want someone else cleaning up after my mess.

Yet, my lips became dry and my throat parched.

I had become the person that I wanted to avoid. I had become the type of person I despised the most.

A/N: 

Hi everyone! Sorry it's been awhile but I finally time to update! The story is progressing steadily along - think I'm about half way through. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter too :D 

P.S.

Happy Pride month!