AHJUSSI

We quickly made it to my safe house without any incidence but thoughtout the journey, I constantly checked over my shoulder. It was like I had a tic. I was so cautious, I even took the precaution of using different routes to reach the apartment. However, it needed to be done. They might have been on our tail for all we knew. Thankfully she complied. Yet, she was a bit too complying. When she entered my home, I witnessed no sense of urgency. 

“Are you okay?” I asked. I had to keep her safe, physically and mentally.

“I’m fine.” she cooly replied. She obviously didn't know the current state of danger we were in.

“Is this your safe house?” she asked. 

“Yes it is. We should be safe here. No one knows of this place.”

She nodded. It was a mild response, considering the situation. Whereas for me, the stress must have burrowed into my bones because once I rested on my sofa, I suddenly felt exhausted. She must have noticed.

“If you’re tired, you should sleep.” she said.

“It’s fine. I need to stay awake to protect you. I've been looking for you for so long.”

She sat next to me and gently touched my hand. My heart quickened ever so slightly. My gut told me I definitely couldn’t lose her.

“You should rest. You can’t stay up forever.”

She must have sensed my reluctance because she goes on.

“Don’t worry; I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Hearing the reassurance in her voice and the steady warmth from her hand, I knew she was right. If I was to be alert, especially if I planned to stay up all night on guard, I needed to rest for a bit.

“Okay.” I finally surrendered. “Just five minutes.”

The first minute came quickly because as soon as my body relaxed and I closed my eyes, my body became heavy with slumber. However, it was fine. As long as she was there when I woke up, everything would be okay.

*

SOLAR

When I woke up, it was still bright. I thought I had slept for hours, as evident from my creaky muscles. I checked my phone and couldn’t help but gasp out loud. It was the 6:22 am. The next day. I had basically slept for nearly 18 hours. No wonder my neck felt crooked. Perhaps the hectic days from shooting were finally catching up to me. I actually couldn’t believe it. A whole day had passed and I didn’t even notice. It's like when you're so involved in a book, into this new world, that you don't even know time is still passing normally. However, I don't remember the new world. I didin't even remember if I had dreamt. It was a like black hole. It was terrifying because it was like I was lost. I couldn't find where I was, I had no foothold, no memory of when I was. 

I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I also had a missed call from Wheein. I immediately called her because I was also starving and I needed someone to have breakfast with.  

“Solar?” Wheein’s groggy voice answered. I instantly remembered the time and felt guilty for waking her. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I just got your miss call. Go back to sleep.”

“Oh that. I just wanted to say that Moonbyul wants to see you again today at around the same time as yesterday. She said she forgot to ask you to fill in some forms. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is!”

I cringed at my own eagerness. It was unsightly.

“Thanks for telling me Wheein. Go back to sleep.”

Wheein sleepily hummed in agreement and goodbye. I hung up and allowed the younger woman to sleep. She had been working so hard, for my sake. She deserved a good break, even if it was because of my injury.

Rummaging through my kitchen, I ate the last of my kimchi stew, microwave rice and eggs. After a decent time, I went shopping and bought some supplies. I didn’t have to hide my identity. No one knew me, especially when I didn’t wear make-up. It was a good and bad thing. I retained my anonymity but it also reflected my lack of success. I had to work harder.

Again time seemed to slip through my fingers because it was soon 11:43am. I booked a taxi and soon ended up at the physiotherapist building, nearly at noon on the dot. The receptionist happily welcomed me again and I already felt myself getting used to the surroundings. It really was unlike any other medical building. It was inviting, as if wanting more injured to arrive. Why not be appealing because injured people need to get fixed too.

Nevertheless, I noticed I was yet agian the only one in the waiting room. It occured to me that maybe she saved this slot, for my sake. Even though I wasn't well known, I was still an actress. However, considering that Moonbyul didn't even know that, I didn't think it was the reason. Perhaps, it was just how the appointments were organised, especially as it seemed only Moonbyul worked here. 

As I thought about the circumstances, the office door opened and Moonbyul appeared. My heart just jumped and I didn’t even know why. Although, I did notice how lean she was, and how great she looked in just trousers and shirt. I bet she looked great in a suit. I wished that I looked as good.

“Good afternoon Solar. Please come in.”

When I walked past her, I smelled her sweet perfume again. It smelt delicious. When I sat down at her desk, I finally took the time to properly look around the office. It was a lot different than I imagined. On the walls were high black shelves, decorated with a number of ornaments. The walls were clean and white, but the ceiling was blue. It reminded me of the sky which I used to wish I could fly through, like Superwoman. Away from this cruel world.

Moonbyul shut the door moved to the chair opposite me, across the desk. I felt myself become nervous as she silently rummaged through a folder. I saw a small paper weight on the table. It was a metal star, and I couldn’t help but examine it. Lifting it up, I felt its surprising heaviness. Suddenly, Moonbyul glanced at me and I blushed. I immediately put it back down and realised how heavy Moonbyul’s gaze was.

“Here are the forms if you don’t mind filling them in.”

Moonbyul handed over the papers and my fingers grazed hers. Again, my heart skipped. I wished my heart was as heavy as Moonbyul’s gaze. Then, it wouldn’t be moved as much.   

I filled in the forms pretty easily. It was just my filling in my details, as well as signing a consent form. I didn’t even bother reading all the words. As much as I shouldn’t skip over details, I trusted Moonbyul. After all, she was a medical professional. And as much as I didn’t like doctors, she was different. I sensed it.

When I glanced up, I saw Moonbyul had moved the ornament back to the same exact spot it was before. However, I didn’t pay much attention to it and returned the completed forms. Moonbyul said her thanks and her voice was smooth, like melted chocolate. She patted the paper on the stable until the stack was completely straight, and she placed it into her folder again. Then Moonbyul looked at me and I felt myself swallow.

“Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?” Moonbyul asked.

I searched my mind. My mind must have still been tired from the long sleep because it took me a moment to reply.

“I needed more rest.” I finally replied. “And that I should come back the same time next week.”

Moonbyul stared at me for a moment, as if examining me. I felt self-conscious. It was a very familiar feeling, one that sparked something like fear. It was a feeling I always felt when I visited the doctors. Maybe she wasn’t so different after all. But then, she softly smiled and I changed my mind instantly. My heart and mind were swaying far too much because of this woman. She was unlike them. She was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. 

“That’s right.” Moonbyul answered. “If it’s okay Solar, I would like you to take my number. I want to closely monitor your progress. It’s nothing to worry about but Wheein told me about your schedule and I’m sure you want to get back to filming as soon as possible.”

My mouth must have dropped open without me knowing because when I came to my senses, I closed it. Mindlessly I nodded. She handed me her card and I took note how slender her fingers were.

“If anything happens, please feel free to give me a call. And it doesn’t have to be about your wrist. I’m here to help.”

Her words were professional so I shouldn't have put much weight on them. However, her smile made me want to believe they meant something more. At least, that’s what my delusional mind desired. I wanted to be special to her, as much as she was to me. It was crazy. I only met Moonbyul yesterday and she had already shaken me. However, I knew I was just a patient to her. After my wrist recovered, in a couple months’ time, she would forget all about me. That was her lifestyle. She saw countless of people each day, but I had the audacity to think I was something more, after only two meetings. Like an eager teenager, I was getting ahead of myself. It was careless of me. I shouldn't have been acting like that. 

However, once I got home, the first thing I did was save Moonbyul’s number in my phone and wondered if it would be inappropriate to call her straight away.   

*

MOONBYUL

I sat at the table, watching Mrs Kim shuffle around in her kitchen. She meticulously brewed a pot of tea, happily humming to herself. She was blissfully indulged in her simple task. Mrs Kim moved with such elegant fluidity and purpose that you wouldn’t know that she had early onset dementia.

“How is your mother?” I addressed Nari, Mrs Kim’s daughter.

 “Her episodes have reduced.” the 22 year-old replied. “But it’s scaring me.”

“How so?”

“There are moments, when it’s just so good. She has clearance and she remembers me, who I am now, and she’s my mother again. But then it goes before I realise, before I can hold on, and I’m back to reminding her every day of who I am, telling the woman that gave birth to me and raised me for over twenty years that I'm her daughter. She’s the one person that should know me the best, but she knows me the least. Then, I get scared if she hurts herself because she doesn’t remember if she leaves the cooker on. It’s like I’m taking care of my mother, even though she’s only 48 years old. Then, I'm terrified because I realise I'm being spiteful, blaming my mother for something she couldn't control. Most of all, I'm scared in about 20 years, I'm going to be the same. I'm going to lose the memories of who I am and I won't be able to recognise the people who I love.”

Suddenly, Mrs Kim brought the tea over and places the pot and two cups between us. Nari quickly sniffed back her tears and forced a thankful smile. 

“Here you go girls.” Mrs Kim says. “Nari has never brought you round before. Are you a friend from school?”

Nari continued to smile. It was soft but sad. However, she had a patient kindness, a characteristic she must have inherited from her mother.

“Yes she’s from school Mum.”

Mrs Kim nodded, her nonchalant grin never fading.

“Then I’ll leave you girls to gossip. I’m going to do some gardening.”

Mrs Kim headed to their back yard, decorated with beds of beautiful flowers. The species of flower was completely different from each other, but they were stunning, individually and together. Just like people.

Nari’s eyes remained on her mother, until she was sure she wasn’t doing anything dangerous. Then the cloud returned, hovering over Nari's head. I heard the front door open.

 “I’m home.” a deep voice announced.

In stepped a young man, probably around eighteen, with his high school uniform on. He froze when he saw me, a stranger, sitting at his table.

“Ji-sung.” carefully started Nari. “This is Dr Moon. She’s here to see mum.”

“Good afternoon.” I greeted.

He was cautious but he gave me a curt nod and looked to his mother. They were both good kids.

“I’m home Mum.” he called.

Mrs Kim glanced up from the flowers and I saw the glaze of confusion changing her expression. I was not the only person who witnessed it because a deep frown appeared on Ji-sung’s young, but mature, face. He rushed upstairs before Nari could call his name.

His sister winced when we heard the door slam.

“I’m sorry about Ji-sung.”

I shook my head. “There’s no need.”

We both turned our attention back to Mrs Kim, but she didn’t seem fazed. She had quickly returned to tending her plants. I could see the disappointment in Nari.

“How are you two coping?” I asked.

Nari sighed. It was deep and heavy, like an anchor falling into the deep sea.

“Honestly, not very well.”

“Have you tried support groups?”

“We have but it didn’t help. The youngest people there were already around my mum’s age. It’s isolating enough to know that your mother doesn’t know your name. I’m only 22 and Ji-sung is 18, how are we supposed to offer advice when we don’t even know how to do anything ourselves. You’re not supposed to associate dementia with people like my mum. She’s still so young, so lively. It’s supposed to be an old person disease. It shouldn’t be happening to us.”

“And when these older people, when they talk about their issues, it’s like, it doesn’t even compare to ours, as horrible as that sounds. They don’t have to think about if they can support themselves because they already have their families and their jobs. I only graduated from university last year and I have to work part-time at two jobs so I can pay the bills because my mum can no longer work. I don’t even know what we’re going to do when Ji-sung has to go university. I just wish… I want to forget this ever happened.”

Nari held her head in her heads, her palms pressed against her temple as if she was trying to push the memories deep inside. A lost memory is different from a repressed memory. One you wish with all your might to come back, the other you use all your might to keep it away. 

*

WHEEIN

Moonbyul’s call was unexpected but when she said she wanted to meet me I couldn’t say no. I drove to Moonbyul’s office, reminiscing the times I would visit her. I would never forget the route, as well as that time in my life, as much as I wanted to. Just because it was in the past, doesn’t mean I would forget.

Soo-ji greeted me when I entered and when I went to Moonbyul’s office, she was sat at her desk, waiting for me. Moonbyul stared at me, her eyes just as deep and penetrating as the first time I met her. Then, she asked me the question that I knew she would eventually ask.

“When did it start?”

*

MOONBYUL 

I always arrived on time, right when they opened. The door buzzed, allowing me to enter the isolated room. The padded floor felt good under my feet, spongy, like the play mats in children adventure play-centres. She sat at the table, silently reading her book. She ignored me while I sat next to her. All throughout my time there, we sat in silence. She read and I watched. I was waiting. She knew what I was waiting for. 

FInally, her small lips opened. 

"Hi Moonbyul."

My heart felt like it exploded. It happened each time she said my name, that's how much happiness I felt just hearing her soft voice mutter my name. I instantly embraced her, smelling the coconut shampoo in her hair, the same brand I used. 

Then, I held her until visiting time was over. I held her and she waited. She waited until I would forget that we were here. Forget that we were in this forsaken place. Forget that we were in this psychiatric hospital. 

Another chapter done! As I'm writing, I'm realising that this might actually really be quite a long story XD I might have to make the chapters longer so I don't go over the deadline I set for myself too much haha 

But hopefully I'm not boring people. I know some people are a bit taken aback by the introduction of the Ahjussi character, but it will all be revealed ;D 

Don't know when my next update will be because I'm starting to get quite unexpectedly busy but hopefully will be soon! 

Again, thanks to everyone's comments and hi to the new subscribers! And a special thank you to amazing TixaFofi for making yet another story cover for me. It's so lovely ^^