MOONBYUL

The woman froze at the door and she stared at me. It confused me but I’ve had odder appearances.

“Please take a seat.” I said, welcoming her.

It’s like she snapped out of a trance because she blinked and quickly came inside and sat on the chair opposite me. It came across that maybe Wheein was right, maybe her pretty friend did need help.

I checked my notes “Miss Solar?”

Her wide eyes were like those of a deer caught in headlights. It made her youthful face even more innocent. Scared, but innocent.

“Yes.” she squeezed out.

I could tell she was nervous from her darting eyes and fidgeting hands. Her whole body screamed uncomfortable. She glanced at the black shelves decorated with text books and ornaments I’ve received over the years from patients. She considered the white walls and glanced up at the sky blue ceiling. Solar was admiring the view, as well as looking for a way to escape. She seemed to want to skitter away. A part of me couldn’t believe that she was 25 years old, only a year older than me. Then again, everyone was surprised when they discovered that I was a qualified psychiatrist at only 24.

“Please relax.” I said, as a formality, even though I knew those words rarely helped anyone actually relax. “I’m Dr Moon. I’m your…”

I paused like something bit my tongue. Guilt, sharp as teeth, snagged my voice. I didn’t want to lie.

“How are you feeling today?” I asked instead, hoping she didn’t notice the change of direction.   

She didn’t. “I’m okay, just ready to get out of this cast really.”  

“I heard from Wheein that it was broken?”

“Wheein is exaggerating. It’s just a fracture.”

“Which still required surgery.”

Solar stopped, hesitated. I caught her. Most people hated appearing weak. I brushed over it. I didn’t want to make her more anxious than she already was.

“May I examine it?”

“Of course.”

I gestured to the sofa and she clumsily moved onto it. On my chair, I sat in front of her. It was the closest I’ve actually ever sat by the couch. Usually I kept a professional distance away, enough space for the patient to comfortably talk and for me to listen. Sitting this close, I could see the small mole under her eyebrow, matching mine. I could smell the flowery perfume, which complimented my sweet scent. I could see the way her black choker fitted around her neck, her collar bones prominent and delicate. I wondered what other details I would be able to pick up in that session.

Solar held out her casted arm and I held it in my own hands. I can’t help but notice how slender her arm was as I silently gazed at the limp limb.

“How did you injure yourself?”

“I fell off my horse during a film shooting.”

“You’re an actress?”

“Yes I am.”

I picked up on her hesitation. I must have offended her when I couldn’t recognise her.

“Sorry, I don’t watch much TV or films.”

“No, no.” she quickly replied. “It’s fine. I only debuted two years ago, so I’m still a rookie.”

“But it seems like you enjoy acting?”

“Yes, I really do.”

“That’s good.” It was always pleasant to hear when people chased their dreams and succeed. I could relate.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

“Not really. Just a bit irritating.”

“Does it itch?”

“It does actually.”

“Have you heard of the spoon trick?”

“No I haven’t.”

“It’s where you put a spoon inside the cast and use it to scratch that itch. It works wonders.”

I should know. Last year I broke my arm and that was literally the worst. I couldn’t do anything, especially as I broke my dominant arm. I never felt so helpless. All because I took part in a charity run for bipolar. I didn’t even fall during the race; it was after everything was done. I was jogging down some building stairs but my legs were so weak from the marathon that they gave way under my weight. Thankfully my mother was there and quickly called an ambulance. I shook my head at the memory.

Solar laughed and I heard the way the laugh caught in , squeaking out like a dolphin’s. I smiled at the sound. It was unique and rather cute. Examining Solar’s cast; I could tell it was done well, encasing the badly fractured wrist. I saw the chicken scratch on the cast, mentally reading each one. The number of hearts was extraordinary. She really was loved.

‘Get well Solar!’

‘It’s Solar’s year, 2016.’

‘Wheein was here.’

‘Take care of yourself Yongddonie!’

“Yongddonie?” I said out-loud.

I glanced at Solar whose pale skin had turned a light pink.

“It’s a nickname.”

I nodded my head in understanding. I had a list of those. “How did that start?”

“I’m not sure where it came from but I feel attached to it.”

Again I nodded because sometimes memories get lost after many more memories are made and piled on top. That’s one of the consequences of getting older.

“Do you have a nickname?”

I looked at her, surprised by the sudden question. I felt myself resist, close up. As a conditioned reaction, my first instinct was to divert the question. I didn’t share anything about myself during my therapy sessions. It was all about them, not me. However, officially, this wasn’t a session. And for some reason, I felt easy around Solar. Maybe it was her bright personality. I was the dark moth, attracted to the light, not knowing that it would shock me.

“I have a few.” I admitted. “There’s Moonbyul, Moon-Star, Star, Eager-Beaver… Byul-Fart.”

Solar suddenly giggled. I must have looked surprised because she quickly apologised, trying to muffle her laughter, although failing.

“I’m sorry. But Byul-Fart? Why that?”

“I’m not sure myself. My full name is Moon Byul-yi. Just some kids made it up. You know how kindergarteners can be.”

“It’s cute.”

I find myself smiling at the ridiculousness of it. Even though I used to find it horrible. It was strange how I was the one being comforted, even though I was meant to the comforter. I reminded myself though, this wasn’t a session. At the moment, I wasn’t a psychiatrist.

Carefully, I touched Solar’s fingers. They were cold, starkly contrasting against my always warm body temperature. Her nails were short, neat, much like my own. Unusual for a young actress. What reason did she have keeping her nails short? It definitely wasn’t like my reason. I cautiously stretched and bent her fingers, checking her reaction. I caught her eye twitch. It must have still been uncomfortable for her to move her fingers.

“Can you wiggle your fingers for me?”

Solar did as she was told, slowly making her fingers wave, but I saw the wince.

“Thank you.” I said, and Solar placed her hand onto her lap. “It seems like its healing fine, but it will be some time before it is fully healed. More rest.”

Solar nodded but it seemed like she didn’t like that analysis.

“Do you have any questions?” I asked. “Anything you would like to know?”

“When should I come back next?”

I thought for a moment. I had told Wheein only one session. Did I want to see Solar again? Did I need to see her again? Was it appropriate? But I couldn’t find anything that was worth me attending to. Solar seemed like a properly functioning member of society. She didn’t seem to have any hidden problems or thoughts that she wished to voice or behaviours she subconsciously projected that was a cause of concern. If anything, the only thing that may have required some attention was her apparent fear of medical settings and medical professionals. Except from that, I couldn’t find anything wrong.

Even so, I found myself saying, “Next week, same time?”

Solar agreed before I could retract my words. Solar began to stand before I could officially end the appointment. I took note that she was also, unexpectedly, impatient.  

“Thanks a lot Dr Moon.”

“It’s fine. And please, no need to be so formal. Call me Moonbyul.”

It seemed like I was having word diarrhoea because words were tumbling out of my mouth without me having time to pause and digest them.

“Then, I’ll see you next week... Moonbyul.”

Before I knew it, I was staring at a closed door and I’m left alone in my office, which seemed a lot larger than what I remembered.

*

SOLAR

My heart was still pounding in my chest when I sat in Wheein’s car. Even as she drove me home, I was still thinking of our exchange.

‘Do you have a nickname?’ What type of question was that? And I practically ran out of her office. I must have seemed like a complete weirdo. However, I thought if I stayed longer, I knew I would have had a heart attack. She was just too close. It made me feel weird. It made me weird. 

Dr Moon’s – Moonbyul’s - touch on my skin was like fire. Every time I felt her skin, I felt myself jumping back. And her voice. Her voice was slightly deep for someone who looked so feminine, yet it mysteriously charming, especially the way she drawled out her words. Every word she spoke, she drew me in. However, most of all, her eyes. Even though she was wearing contact lenses, her eyes were so intense; they seemed to see straight through me. It was unsettling and yet appealing. I’d never met a doctor who was so attentive. 

“How did the session go?” Wheein asked.

Even before I realised, I was smiling.

“It went well. The doctor was nice. How come you’ve never introduced me before?”

“Well, you haven’t had the need to visit a physiotherapist before.” Wheein light-heartedly replied.

“That is true.” I laughed, admitting to that.

“But Moonbyul, she’s a rather private person.”

I could imagine that, especially with the way she carried herself. Steadily and purposely, and slightly withdrawn, like a lion, king of its a pride. A quiet protector. However, I was like that too, not exactly the most expressive type. Even at social gatherings, I made polite conversation but I was a bit of a loner – subtly but persistently out of place. Maybe I was just weird to begin with.   

“Did you make another appointment?” Wheein inquired.

“I did. The same time next week.”

Wheein made an expression of surprise. “That’s good to hear.”

“Do you think I don’t need it?”

“No, no. If Moonbyul says she wants to see you again, then I think that’s for best. After all, doctors are supposed to know best.”

That was true, but it doesn’t help the fact that I still felt nervous around them. However, with Moonbyul, it seemed different. She was inexplicably calming; she quickly eased my worries. It was like finding out you passed a test and she was the bringer of that good news. Yet, at the same time, she made my fingertips tremble and there was a new feeling in my chest. I didn't know it was but it made me notice Moonbyul's presence, scrutinising it. That feeling, I wanted to hold onto it.  

Wheein dropped me off at my apartment and as soon as I entered my bedroom, I collapsed on my queen sized bed. I sank into the fluffy duvet and suddenly I felt so tired. It must have been all that adrenaline pumping around my body.

My phone buzzed. It was a message from Eric. I smiled. He was so soft-hearted. He was probably on set and yet he still had time to check up on me.   

‘How did the appointment go?’ his message asked.

‘It went fine. I’m back at home now.’ I replied.

‘That’s good. Make sure you rest. We’re missing you on set.’ He always had sweet words.

‘Don’t worry, I will. I’ll see you all on set soon.’

I hoped it was soon. However, taking Eric’s words, I decided to allow myself a nap. A small award for a mentally exhausting day.

*

MOONBYUL

That morning I woke up as I usually do. I brewed my cup of black coffee, read the newspaper, and dressed as I needed to, to be the person I had to be as soon as I left the comfort of my home. However, I didn’t think that afternoon, in that short thirty minute break, my routine would change. I couldn't even comprehend that I would be continuously thinking about the same person over and over again.

It had been two hours since Solar left, but since then, I had been distracted. Very distracted. I couldn’t believe I allowed her to address me so informally. I never permitted that to any of my patients. Even though she wasn’t technically a patient, I got caught in the moment. It was inappropriate, but I couldn’t take back my words. Plus, despite myself, I couldn’t help but notice she was attractive, especially when I saw that unpredicted smile.

“Dr Moon?”

I snapped out of my thoughts. I looked up from my notepad, at Eun-ha who lied on the couch and stared blankly up at the ceiling. Only a high school student, but she was suffering from insomnia. However, it was not an odd case. I’ve had countless of student coming in and expressing their woes about studying, how stress makes them lose sleep, lose hair, lose sight of everything else important in their lives. Yet, for Eun-ha, it wasn’t because of school. The reason was buried deep within her heart and I was trying to pry it free. 

“Sorry Eun-ha, please go on.”

“I tried to have a nap today.”

“How did it go?”

“Just when I was about to fall asleep, my body jumped. Then, I was wide awake.”

“How much sleep have to been getting each night, when you do manage to sleep?”

“About 3 hours.”

“And how has that affected your daily living? Has school been harder?”

“My body constantly feels heavy, like my legs can’t even carry my weight. It’s tiring just lifting my arms. I’ve lost my appetite. I can’t concentrate. I can’t focus. It’s like the world is going so slow, but when I blink, the time has disappeared. It’s like I’m drunk.”

“You know what feeling drunk feels like?”

She laughed, but it was short and sounded like it took her a tremendous effort to make the noise.

“It’s been two months since I’ve been able to sleep. I’ve tried a lot of different methods, if you know what I mean.”

I frowned, my obvious disapproval showing. However, before I can reprimand the minor, Eun-ha continued.

“I’m just joking Dr Moon.”

I shook my head. Only young people can joke without consequences.

“Have you tried my relaxing methods?”

“I have.”

“Did they work?”

“They did.”

“So why don’t you continue?”

“I’m not used to sleeping. It feels strange. And every time I close my eyes, I find myself scared. It’s too dark. When I sleep, I feel lost. And when I dream, I see nothing, but hear the same noise over and over again. That baby crying, wailing, screaming. I want to go to it, but when I try to move, I’m stuck. I’m stuck and can’t do anything but let that baby cry. Then, when I finally wake up, I feel even worse than before. So I guess this insomnia is a blessing in disguise.”

I stared at Eun-ha. The deep bags under her eyes was just about hidden under her makeup. They probably reached her knees. However, no make-up in the world could hide the bloodshot eyes and dry skin. She was around the same age as my younger sister. If my sister was like Eun-ha, would I have felt the same amount of pity? Would my heart pain for my sister as it did for Eun-ha?

“You said it started two months ago? Do you know of an incident that might have triggered the insomnia?”

Eun-ha’s already pale face turned a shade whiter. Her sunken eyes instantly welled with tears. Immediately, she sat up, staring at the floor.

“I should go. My mum is expecting me.”

She hurriedly gathered her things and I didn’t stop her. She wasn’t ready for me to hear her story.

“Okay, I’ll see you next week.”

She nodded and rushed out of the office, leaving me with her words and my thoughts. It worried me. She was so young and innocent. I was her age once. I remembered the countless thoughts and pressures I faced. Nevertheless, as an adult, I was guilty for forgetting those troubles.

Eun-ha was my last appointment of the day, and she left early. I called for Soo-ji and told her she could go home early. Tidying my desk, my thoughts drifted again and they landed on Solar. A seed was planting, and it was growing as I fed it with memories. Snippets of her wide smile, her high laughter, and her bright eyes. It was strange. I had never wanted to see someone sooner than their appointment. It was slightly disquieting.

Just as I was thinking about Solar, as I am about to leave, someone threw open my door.  

*

AHJUSSI

I stared at her, standing there frozen. She was the one. I had to save her.

“Quick you have to come with me!” I demanded.

She was simply standing there, paralyzed, most likely with fear. She must have known they were coming too. Impatiently, I grabbed her wrist - they were so thin that I thought I was going to break them by just holding them - and I dragged her out. My feet stormed forward as she speedily followed. My heart was pummelling against my chest, pumping hot blood around my body. It was so loud that I just about caught her question.

“Where are we going?”

Her voice didn’t even quiver. How could she stay calm like that, even in that dire situation?

“To my safe house.” I quickly replied.

It was urgent we got there quick, before the others discovered we were missing. I had to keep her safe. I just had to.

And that's that chapter! MoonSun finally have their first appointment haha. Thanks for the comments everyone and I hope to be back with another update soon :D