The funeral home was filled with people. Young and old as they mourned. They spoke how amazing she was, how great she was, how no one could compare. It was drilled over and over again how she would be missed and no one could replace her.

Even though her parents tried their best.

Her mother wept and wept.

Her father stood stoically, even though his heart had broken into a million pieces.

Her sister stared and stared until her dry eyes finally watered. She had run out of tears days ago when she first heard of the accident.

One day she was a sister, then the day she wasn’t. It’s strange how it can be good, until it isn’t.

MOONBYUL

It’s strange how you can spend almost a lifetime building up a reputation, relationship or putting up a wall, but in a split second it can be ruined.

“I love you.”

Solar’s words hung in the air. In an instant, she had managed to tear down my wall and truly shock. I’ve always knew she had been unpredictable but I didn’t expect that. I stared into Solar’s eyes, which showed an intensity I have not seen so simply concentrated on me. They felt invasive and I felt vulnerable. I didn’t know what to do.  Especially when it was more surprising about how I felt as Solar’s words rung in my head.

How much I wanted to say those words back.

However, I couldn’t.

*

SOLAR

I knew I shouldn’t have expected to hear her reciprocate my words, but Moonbyul’s hesitation still hurt. I had laid bare my entire feelings in front of someone who might not feel the same way. I felt . Yet, at the same time, I didn’t mind. I wanted to fill Moonbyul’s entire gaze. To encompass all of her thoughts and her heart. If being this vulnerable meant having a chance to be Moonbyul’s, then I would do it all over again. I want her to see me the way I saw her.

However, Moonbyul was the first to look away and I made note of that.  I knew she couldn’t bear to look at me. How can you look clearly at the source of all your troubles? She wanted to form her response without any distractions. I waited for her to say something, anything. However, Moonbyul was a very private person and if no one asked, she wouldn’t tell.

It seemed like the whole session continued without a single person saying another word. Finally, Moonbyul looked at me and I felt the resolve behind her gaze. I braced myself.

“You don’t want me.” she said. “You want the person you told yourself I was. I’m not that person.”

After waiting all that time, I didn’t understand her answer. I knew who I wanted. Nothing could change the past. I couldn’t forget how Moonbyul treated me. The immense amount of kindness and patience she had shown me, and how much she had helped me. How could such a good person believe that they are not that kind-hearted person, with so much evidence against them. I didn’t know if that was her polite way of declining my confession, but I wasn’t buying it.

“And what type of person are you?” I asked.

“Not the type of person you want in your life.”

Her reply was still cryptic. I decided to push her.

“And what if I wanted to know this person you’re describing?”

“I would like to keep our relationship professional.”

“And If we can’t?”

Moonbyul’s gaze in unfaltering, but I saw a flicker. That light I hold onto.

“Do you like me?” I asked. “Or am I wasting my time?”

“I like you, but just not in that way.”

“You’re lying.”

Moonbyul couldn’t hide the way her eyes widen at my sudden retort. She doesn’t know how to answer, but I do.

“I thought I was meant to be the actor.”

She doesn’t laugh at my pathetic joke but I found the whole situation humorous. Here I was, confessing my love for a doctor I barely knew. However, I have never withheld my feelings and I wouldn’t be starting then.

“Even though I’m an actor, I can’t act like I don’t feel anything for you.” I said.  

Moonbyul shook her head and refuses to say anything more. Her silence was enough for me. I had enough.

*

MOONBYUL

Solar left my office.

I didn’t stop her.

*

SOLAR

I left Moonbyul’s office.

She didn’t stop me.

*

WHEEIN

I popped the white pills into my mouth and prayed it helps. I woke up that morning with a raging headache. It was even worse when I found out it wasn’t even my own bed that I woke up in. Thankfully it was Hyejin’s room and she had been a super host, even though I barely remembered the night before. At least, according to her accounts, I didn’t make a fool out of myself. And I trust Hyejin’s judgement, especially when she told me she was going sober. I had never been happier for my friend. I know first hand the consequences of alcohol and what it does to people, especially to people like us, so it’s for the better.

I wish I could have said that I was getting better.

When I glanced at the mirror, I saw my bloated face, thanks to the late-night snacks and over indulgent drinking. I lightly pinched at the small amount fat underneath my chin. The disgust I feel is immediate and I looked away. I hated feeling that way. Even after years of therapy, it’s upsetting to see so little progress. There was progress but it was so, so, slow.

That day itself I knew was going to be slow. Without a schedule, other than the radio show tonight, I had to create something for Solar. I needed to generate revenue, so that meant sending business cards, writing emails and making calls to see if I could get Solar an audition or an appearance in a show. However, with the current climate and with the rumours still circling, I didn’t want to be too optimistic. Perhaps it would have been a good idea for both of us to take a break.

However, taking a break meant pausing. Pausing gave time for my head to be filled with useless thoughts that I didn’t want. I didn’t want to give myself time to think.

Though, that morning I had time to think. I barely remembered that night. Yet I did remember what Hyejin said to me. I didn’t know how to feel about her words. I was confused, then happy, then overwhelmed. I wondered, if she knew the real me, would she be happy.

I didn’t want her to know the me that I wanted to desperately forget. The past self that haunted me everywhere I went.

*

MOONBYUL

I looked at the middle-aged woman in my office. Her hands nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She was unusually nervous, even with her skittish personality, formed after years of abuse.

“How has the family been?” I asked Jin-su.

The last time we spoke, our conversation circled around the idea of her leaving her sometimes violent husband. Her abusive husband was still allowing her to attend these sessions, much to my relief. However, he obviously still had control over Jin-su. Her constant darting looks to the clock tells me so.

“It’s been fine. Yoon-do took me out for lunch the other day.”

“That must have been nice.”

“Yes. He even gave me some allowance money. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a good son.”

“He must have had a good mother to be good himself.”

Jin-su softly smiled at my comment.

“Did your husband go?”

Her smile instantly dropped from her face, as if it didn’t exist in the first place.

“I didn’t tell my husband. Yoon-do asked but I told him his father was busy.”

“Why did you lie?”

“My son has always been gentle. He’s so forgiving. I’m afraid that kindness will get him hurt. I’m protecting him.”

“What are you protecting him from?”

I could see Jin-su about to answer but she stopped. We both know what she was about to say.

“If you believe your son deserves protection, don’t you think he would want to the same for you?”

Jin-su sniffled and I passed over the box of tissues. It always ended this way. It’s easier to believe that you’re sacrificing yourself to protect the people you love, rather than accepting that you’re the one that wants to rely on someone.

“Please come back Miss Jin-su. Until you’re ready to take care of yourself. And remember, call me any time.”

On my drive home, I didn’t know why, but uncharacteristically, I wanted to listen to the radio. A lot had happened over the last couple of days and I wanted to hear some mindless chatter to take my mind off those matters.

A song that I didn’t know comes to the end and the radio DJ’s voice comes onto air.

“And that was MAGO by GFRIEND. A brilliant song by lovely young ladies. I heard that you’re quite a fan yourself Solar.”

I almost swerved in the road when I heard that name. The unique laugh blasted through my speakers and I knew it was truly Solar I was hearing. She was haunting me.

“I really love them. I even have Eunha’s voice as my morning alarm.”

The DJ and Solar laughs chorus, making my heart continue to pummel against my chest. I should turn off the radio, change the channel. Yet I don’t. My hands remain on the steering wheel and my eyes focussed forward.

“So, after discussing your new film that will be released next week, we need to talk about the recent rumours.”

“Yes.” Solar answered, her tone professional. “I think the plan Eric and I devised went a bit far and I’m sorry to all the fans that we worried.”

“Have you read any bad comments?” asked the DJ. “How do you feel about them?”

“Of course, I don’t feel good reading them. However, they don’t ruin my day. Bad comments are better than no comments. At least it means they’ve thought of me.”

“Well, I think it was a good marketing ploy though. I heard there have been a record number of presale tickets. Although I heard that people have made comments about your attitude in one of your showcases. Some say your reactions to Eric can be read as cold.”

“Don’t mistake my attitude for my personality. My personality is how I act because it’s who I am. My attitude is how I act because of other people.”

“So, are you saying you acted cold because of Eric?”

“That’s correct. However, like we have addressed, it was all an act. In reality, we get on very well. We both have bright personalities that complement each other well.”

“Are you sure you two really aren’t dating?”

Solar laughs. “No, no. As handsome and nice as Eric is, he isn’t my type.”

“And what is your type?”

I didn’t turn up the volume but it seems I could hear her words more clearly. I was listening, hard.

Solar takes a moment to answer, before her softs penetrates my ears, and my heart.

“Someone who cares but doesn’t realise they are caring. A person that can look past flaws and sees the real good underneath.”

“That’s wonderful. I hope you find someone like that.”

“I would like to think I have already.”

*

HWASA

Wheein left my apartment after she said she had to go pick up Solar. She didn’t address what I said last night. I don’t think she remembered. However, I couldn’t stop replaying it over and over in my brain. I ruined everything. Why did I do it? I should have just kept my big mouth shut. I’m completely fine with being Wheein’s best friend.

Except, I knew I wasn’t. I want Wheein. However, I didn’t think she was ready for my feelings. I’ve seen how stressed she has been recently. When Wheein didn’t want to talk about her feelings, she wouldn’t say a word. She only spoke when she was ready. She knew I would be waiting for her to speak. I would be the first person to listen. I’m patient. I will wait until we’re both mentally and physically ready and confess to Wheein again. I just hope she will remember my words this time.

*

MOONBYUL

I sat in the hospital canteen and soon Hani appears. She waved at me and sat across from me.

“So, what brings Miss Moon hear this evening?”

“Hani, I think I’m in trouble.”

When I explained to Hani what Solar said and the current situation was, Hani listened without any obvious judgement. After I finished, I asked;

“Hani, what do I do?”

After a moment, Hani asked in return, “Can you risk your career for her?”

I thought about Seulgi, about my practice, about my reputation. Everything was on the line. Far too much in danger.

“No.”

“Then, don’t act on it. Don’t act on your feelings.”

“My feelings?”

Hani gave me a knowing look and the blush rushed to my cheeks.

“How do you perfectly understand me?”

“I’m a doctor too Moonbyul.”

A/N: 

This was a very MoonSun-centric chapter but with the development, I hope you guys will like the chapter. Sorry for the very late update but honestly, my updates will not be very often. However, I am forever grateful for the continuous support of this story with all the subscriptions and comments. Hope you all have a good day and hope I’ll update soon!