it’s scary to see love slowly trickle out of someone whom you still feel just as intensely for as before, you don’t really notice it at the start, and usually, by the time you do, it’s too late.

wheein didn’t know when it started, but dread has come to fill her whenever she had to meet her girlfriend. she didn’t know how it started, but she had come to pay close attention to how her girlfriend texts her, and how void of emotion they were.

wheein couldn’t bear to think that she no longer held the ability to put a smile on her loved one’s face, or see that her hugs and kisses no longer made the girl feel the same butterflies from before anymore. she felt trapped and suffocated, constantly wondering where everything went wrong, where she started not being enough, and if there was anything she could do to change it.

there were nights she sobbed to herself, asking for anyone above to fix her relationship, or her, if she was the problem, being too afraid to confront the elephant in the room in case that her worst fears were confirmed by the person she loved most, the person who had her entire heart. nights where she laid in bed, a loud voice screaming repeatedly that she wasn’t enough, that she never was, and that it was only a matter of time before everything would crumble, and time was up.

~.~

it was in the tiniest of actions that led wheein to this conclusion, how her girlfriend would flinch when wheein tried to hold her hand, before relaxing and grasping back onto her hand, pretending as if nothing had happened, or how wheein no longer saw her initiating any physical contact, or simply putting in any effort, anymore. the time it took for wheein to get a reply increased, more and more, and wheein grew more and more desperate.

she didn’t like doubting her girlfriend, didn’t want to question the amount of emotions that were behind every ‘i love you’ and ‘i miss you’, but it was hard when her brain was telling her that the perfect relationship she thought they held was disintegrating right before her eyes, and how her confidence in herself was just dipping with every passing day. wheein felt selfish for wanting the girl to spend more time with her, for wanting the same amount of effort back from what she was putting in, for wanting the girl to just try and salvage their relationship before it was too late... but maybe, it already was.

wheein never said any of these things aloud, much less to her girlfriend, because she was afraid it would push her away, and she didn’t dare to be overly clingy out of fear that it wouldn’t be well-received. she felt like she could have been the only one seeing or feeling that this relationship was going downhill, and fear kept her from voicing it out.

something inside the girl was in a constant state of panic, day in day out, and she didn’t know how to stop it, but she knew that she was getting tired. tired of herself constantly being in doubt. she wished that she never existed sometimes, not so to end her misery, but so that she would stop being a burden to others.

she felt stupid too, for thinking about a possible future, for letting her hopes up when wheein knew deep down, that good things never lasted, at least not for her, and that was a fact that she had accepted a long time ago. this time though, she wanted to let herself be selfish, she let herself think ahead, but here she is, letting herself down once again.

~.~

“are you happy with me?”

wheein could not stand the suffocating feeling anymore, it was eating her up from the inside, she found herself unable to sleep, eat, function, anymore, and she was so, so tired. so there they were, sitting at the dining table during dinner