“Where does it hurt?” Hyunseung asked worried.

“Here..” Seungri mumbled, lifting his hand until it rested on his chest right over his heart.

“What’s going on Seungri?” Hyunseung asked, really getting impatient and worried.

“They don’t care hyung.. They don’t care any more..” Seungri mumbled, clearly a bit out of it thanks to the fever. “I can’t do this any more.. I can’t pretend any longer.. I’m not.. I just want to be happy again.. i want them to see me.. i’m working but.. I can’t.. It’s never enough for them.. they think i’m useless.. i.. they think i should just quit..” Seungri turned to look at Hyunseung and his eyes looked so fragile it looked like they would break any moment. “I don’t want to quit.. I don’t want to give up but.. they would be happy if i did.. I want to make them happy but.. but i don’t want to leav..” Seungri blinked a couple of times before he once again set his eyes on Hyunseung. “Am.. Am i selfish hyung?”

Hyunseung was left speechless and even more confused than before. He knew Seungri had been badly hurt by someone but he had no idea who ‘they’ were.

“Your not selfish Seungri.” Hyunseung said in an attempt to calm the boy down. “I’m going to call hyung’s and tell them what’s happening.”

“N..No..” Once again Seungri grabbed his hand. “D.. Don’t call them please..”

“Don’t worry Seungri, i’m just calling Jiyong okay.” Hyunseung tried to smile reassuring.

“Don’t.. They would not care.. They would get annoyed with me.. they.. They would be angry with me..” Seungri started breathing hard. “I.. I don’t want to make them mad.. It’s.. It’s scary.. I.. I don’t want them to.. I want them to love me again..”

“Seungri who are you-”

Hyunseung froze as a sudden realisation hit him, he felt his stomach turn upside down. It couldn’t be right? The people Seungri was talking about couldn’t be them.

“Who.. Who are you talking about?” Hyunseung asked carefully, hoping for a different answer than the one he had thought of.

“I don’t want to upset them.. I’m not.. I want them to be happy..” Seungri continued, clearly too far gone to actually listen to what Hyunseung was telling him. “I don’t want them to hate me.. I just want to see them smile at me.. just once more.. They don’t smile at me any more.. They don’t care about me anymore.. I just want to go back.. They said i was special.. they said they needed me but..” Seungri’s eyes started closing. “It was all lies.. they don’t need me.. I’m.. I’m just in there way.. I’m not good enough.. I never were.. I’m never going to be.. enough..” Seungri’s eyes finally closed. “I’m a disappointment to them.. I’m a disappointment to Bigbang.. They were right.. Hyunseung should take my place just as they said.. They like him better.. They said he’s better them me and there right.. he should be in bigbang.. i’m not worthy.. not wo