I Can't Even Sleep

 

Sehun literally spent the whole day in his old house whilst texting Luhan's number anonymously after what he'd accidentally heard at the restaurant. When he dropped his phone right after Hongki mentioned something about Luhan being pregnant five years ago, Sehun could only wish that he'd misheard and he ran as far away as he could. Thankfully, his phone was still working when he checked it. Then, he hurriedly climbed back into his car and zoomed as fast as the heat engine could handle without checking the damage he and the floor created on his precious phone case. He only noticed it after hours of sitting at the balcony.

Sehun had no idea if Hongki was serious or not. What if it was really a joke and he believed it? What if it was true and Luhan hid it from him? What if Luhan hated him so much because of that? Sehun could have pumped Hongki to spill everything that Luhan had been hiding from him if only he was shameless enough.

But what if? Sehun thought. What if Hongki knew he was there the entire time and purposed it so he could break into his mind as revenge for Luhan? Hongki laughed it off as if it was just a lame joke, though. Plus, Luhan didn't say anything to confirm whatever was stated. There, Luhan's attention was at the door where the latter almost caught Sehun eavesdropping on them. As if by luck, Sehun was fast enough to dash out of the scene and find refuge at his old house.

The curious man sat out in the patio of his old house, toking and texting thoughtful messages for Luhan without actually clicking send. Little did he know that his grandmother was there watching him in his agonizing state. Him being lost in the clouds with thoughts of Luhan and the words 'male pregnancy' swamping in his brain wasn't helping improve his awareness at all.

Knowing that Sehun had stopped toking regularly but still toked when something was wrong, Grandma fretted about his health as she flopped down into the armchair next to the grown-up man to show him she cared. Sehun suddenly jumped when he saw her, but the elder woman just smiled at him and then lifted her gaze up above the night sky. "You're gonna make your son worry, young man." Grandma's faint smile and voice were somehow soothing in Sehun's ears that he felt his mood lightened up a bit. "Did you tell your girlfriend to pick him up?"

"Yeah," Sehun replied as he pressed his forehead with his palm, indicating that he was regretting his previous decision. "He already called through the telephone saying that he's home. Airin was the one who drove him home, but I could tell that he was disappointed. I guess I'm not only a bad employee but also a bad father. Even so, right now I just - I just really feel like being alone." 

"Do you want me to leave, then?"

Sehun shook his head. Anyhow, he kind of needed someone to listen to him and someone to listen to at the moment. His grandma was his hero indeed. "I don't want you to leave, grandma." 

"Then would you like to tell me what's bothering you, dear? What makes you want to be alone?" 

Sehun gulped, not quite sure how to begin it but started talking anyway. Every single word that slipped out of his lips made him feel agitated. As soon as he finished letting out his emotions without carelessly mentioning about what he heard at the restaurant, Sehun went back to his son's side.

At home, Zhiyu had been patiently waiting for him to arrive, to open his arms for his daddy, and for his daddy to tuck him into bed. Now, with Zhiyu's small arms clasped around his bosom, Sehun felt reassured despite everything that happened on that day. "I'm sorry I'm late again," Sehun mumbled.

Pulling away, Zhiyu stared at his father for a long time, wondering how it went with Luhan, expecting some good news. "Daddy...?" Zhiyu decided to speak when Sehun tried to avoid creating any further conversation. Zhiyu had a feeling that maybe his father failed to convince the other adult to accept their apology. However, he thought that maybe Luhan was mad not only at his father but to him. So he asked out of curiosity, "Daddy, how did it go? Does Mister hate me?" 

Without meeting the child's eyes filled with worry and wonder, Sehun said truthfully, "I didn't talk to him yet. This father of yours was too chicken to face him, but don't worry, Mister doesn't hate you. I know that one at least." 

Although Zhiyu didn't want to think of his daddy as the bad person because he trusts Sehun more than anyone in the world, he still ended up questioning the elder. "Daddy, did you do something terribly wrong to him for you to be scared?" 

Even though Sehun hesitated, the latter remained honest in answering his son's question. "Yes, I did something wrong to him and it makes me doubt he'll ever forgive me." 

Zhiyu's eyes widened in disbelief, then he grabbed his father's hands and squeezed them tight. Needless to say, he was thrilled with an irreprissible emotion that he, himself, could not understand. It must be the case that he just didn't want his father to end it like that.

"Please don't give up, daddy." Zhiyu asked and compelled his father to look into his eyes effectively. "I want mister to be happy, not to cry. That's why, we should do it together. Haohao said that whenever big brother Yeol gets mad at him, his mother would help him apologize. They'd do it together. Because Yeollie is very important to him no matter how many times he denies it. Mister is very important to me just like how Yeollie is very important to Haohao. I don't know a lot about Mister handsome, but I know that I really really like him. And I think you really like him too, Daddy."

Sehun was instantly flustered at the last sentence he heard.

Zhiyu sensed that the elder was going to deny it, but he didn't want to lose. Although he didn't know nor heard anything about the past between Sehun and Luhan, Zhiyu had this weird feeling and personal observation that the two were very close in the past. Like maybe, they were childhood friends? His idea was almost, but not close enough to the truth. Regardless, he still said as loud as his tiny sweet voice could make, "You better not deny it!" It sounded almost like a threatening remark, but in a harmless and an adorable way.

Upon receiving nothing but silence from the elder, Zhiyu pinched the elder's cheeks, yet Sehun's straight and unresponsive face lasted for quite a long time. Zhiyu insanely thought that the man in front of him was his father's impostor or something. Zhiyu wanted to ask, "Daddy, are you-" but he immediately stopped when Sehun smiled and looked at him rather apologetically. 

Finally, Sehun uttered softly, "I'm not gonna deny, Zhiyu. I like him too."

Zhiyu smiled broadly, greatly cheered by his father's simple expression of fact. "R-Really?" 

 "You wouldn't believe if I tell you how much," Sehun only whispered and subsequently placed his hand on the pillow, motioning his child to lay down and not caring if he'd heard him or not.

Zhiyu was about to lay down as commanded, but sat back to tell his father one more thing. "We're going to apologize together, okay? We won't give up until he forgives us, we'll make him happy and we'll hug him in the end, right? You two can be friends again, right? And then, I - I can keep Mister by my side too, right? I... I really wanna eat his homemade food."

"He likes overcooking food, are you sure you still wanna try them?" Sehun asked, laughing quietly. As far as he could remember, Luhan often overcooked and burned food accidentally when cooking for him back when they were still dating though it wasn't for a long period of time.

"I don't really care because I really really really really like him!" Zhiyu declared, and Sehun couldn't be more amazed by his declaration. It was as if Zhiyu also felt the strong connection that Luhan felt with him the first time they met. 

Meanwhile, Airin peeked through the slightly opened door and watched as the great bond between the love of her life and the child who isn't hers growing stronger and out of her reach. Stepping back in terror, she leaned against the wall and continued listening to the haunting voices of the people she loved and hated. Everything was just too painful to bear and seemed extremely frightening to accept. She didn't realized her tears had already spilled over until she saw her own reflection in the wall mirror before her. She looked terrible. She was doomed and she couldn't accept it. She shouldn't be weak. She didn't wanna lose. She wanted to win over and over again. So she wiped her tears away, and swore that she'd never give up until she gets everything that she wants. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

A weird day; that was how Luhan described his waking hours. Imagine receiving almost fifty texts from an unknown number which contain freaky repetitious messages about his stomach and other outrageous comments like:

 

Are you asleep? Please tell me when you're asleep.

I wanna see your stomach. 

I wanna touch it. Please show me. 

I'm not being erted, I just wanna know!

Why do I wanna know? I don't know either. Why won't you reply?!

Hey! I'm not a wacko! I really wanna see your stomach. 

What's so special about your stomach? Show me! 

Am I scaring you?

Hey, this isn't a wrong number right, Luhan?

Your stomach, Luhan. I beg you. 

 

Luhan was walking across the kindergarten school with his work backpack and a lunchbox of bibimbap for Zhiyu. He really hoped that the child would give it a try. He made sure it wasn't overcooked. If not, then he'd have no choice but come near Sehun again and he didn't really want that to happen. He just wanted to erase everything about Sehun. How many times did he have to repeat that to himself? Unfortunately, meeting Sehun was unavoidable. He didn't even have the slightest clue that Sehun was the wacko who had been texting him since that morning! He wasn't even suspicious. Luhan assumed it was just a prank and that pranks are meant to be ignored.

"But why my stomach though?" He pondered and subsequently touched his stomach in wonder. The question emerging in his head was so sudden and just thinking about it seriously sent shivers down his spine, making him feel giddy. "If this person sends one more stupid text, I swear I'm gonna-" throw his phone on the street and never have anyone contact him again. It only took Chanyeol to jump in front of him to prevent him from damaging his own phone. Luhan should be thankful, and besides, he couldn't afford another one at that time anyway. 

As expected from Chanyeol who felt like he hadn't seen Luhan since forever when it had only been a few days or so, he screamed and startled Luhan with his loud greetings. Neither Luhan or himself knew that he also possessed a high-pitched tone of voice when he suddenly exclaimed at the smaller boy's face, "Luhan?! Is this you?!"

Chanyeol's young cousin, Haowen, was just behind him. Haowen was making a disgusted look as if he opposed to such public display of affection shown by his cousin, but Chanyeol simply dismissed that look and focused on Luhan's gentle features that he truly missed. 

On the other hand, Luhan felt uncomfortable. Chanyeol's eyes seemed to bore into his and Chanyeol's smile looked a little too friendly to be considered pleasant. Luhan blinked his eyes and eventually shifted his eyes from Chanyeol to the little boy standing impatiently behind Chanyeol, "Chanyeol? Haowen?"

"Luhan, answer me, is this really you?" Luhan wasn't sure who he was kidding, but really? Why did Chanyeol have to act like they haven't seen each other for months? Did he perhaps miss giving him coffee? 

Haowen looked extremely annoyed, his fists were even shaking. He thought it wasn't fair. Earlier that morning, Haowen was arguing with Chanyeol about feeding him the same breakfast everyday and now Chanyeol had totally forgotten about him. Well, kids can get jealous sometimes.

"Well, of course it's him!" Haowen yelled. "Who else could it be? His twin?" 

Chanyeol's eyes widened with glee, and then suddenly, he enveloped Luhan's petite body in his arms. God, he really missed the blonde and he wished he would see him everyday so that his Starbucks Coffee won't come to a waste. Reading fanfics and often playing in the underground bar were his only escape from forsaken thoughts. Thinking that he might still be dreaming, he skimmed the back of Luhan with his hands as if that would tell him Luhan was real. Surprisingly, he gasped. "Luhan, it really is you..." 

Luhan immediately pulled away and tried to laugh at Chanyeol's craziness. His hair honestly stood up when he sensed Chanyeol's fingers brushing his back and remembered the strangest text he received about his stomach. "Uh, Chanyeol, why do you sound so excited? I just came to drop by," Luhan said as he pointed towards the school gate. He tried to relax his muscles but he couldn't even stop blinking his eyes repeatedly.

Haowen didn't like it one bit so he said as he turned around, "I'm leaving first." Luhan couldn't just let him leave though. He was yanked and spun around to face the eld