Chapter 6

I Wanna See You
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Every Moment With You

 

Sehun was averting his thoughts during the band rehearsal a day after the performance at the hospital. However, no matter what he did to avoid the boy standing on the stage with him, he'd always end up looking at him, contemplating the latter's undiminished beauty and mentally slapping himself for thinking so.

This all began at the hospital, when he had to witness someone else holding on tightly to that person - to Luhan. That was when his stoned heart started raining blows against his chest for a very long time. Part of Sehun just wanted to walk up there and take Luhan away from the drummer who squeezed the latter in a bear hug. But still, he didn't do anything at all. He endured the moment and survived all throughout. He managed to keep a calm, stoic face. That day, that face was also the last thing that Luhan noticed from him before bypassing each other. It almost - if not distinctly - felt like they were as invisible as the wind to one another.

Now Sehun was casually strumming his guitar on the stage, and thus creating this rather boring tune. It's only been a day since that awkward moment at the hospital, but it already felt like a week for the two of them. A week of upsurging guilt for Sehun, and a week of torture for Luhan. Obviously none of it was a good thing. Sehun wanted to keep a lot of things from his former lover while Luhan speculated about Sehun's life during the last five years. Luhan was curious if Sehun was still the same as five years ago or if Sehun had completely changed for his girlfriend and son - something Luhan wished he could have done before.

Luhan wanted to know if Sehun ever turned around before leaving him. If Luhan had only known what he was thinking, he could have stopped himself from falling too hard and saved himself from such heartbreak. Sehun didn't warn him though. It made Luhan constantly wonder if he really did it on purpose. In the end, he answered to himself silently, 'Of course it was his intention. If it wasn't, then how can Sehun act so calm being in the same room with me? Why is avoiding me like this?'

Keeping that in mind, Luhan decided to immerse himself in practicing the song that Yixing composed for the contest in which he promised to join. Since his mother encouraged him to do so, Luhan realized that there really is nothing wrong with doing what you love. The only problem was that he had to endure having Sehun around and he had to be as good as Sehun was at it. Luhan could have evaded this from happening, but he allowed it to happen instead. He thought maybe it was the best and last thing he could do for himself. That the only way to move on was to actually learn how to tolerate and accept the reality in front of his eyes - by not running away from it. 

"Here. Have some coffee," Chanyeol said while placing the Starbucks coffee on top of the speaker beside Luhan's chair. Luhan looked up at him for a moment, seemingly surprised and somewhat iffy at the sudden kindness the drummer was showing him since the hospital event. 

"I'm fine, thanks-" Luhan wasn't going to take it when he noticed that there was only one coffee. He thought it would be embarrasingly rude to take something for free while the others don't get anything. Chanyeol insisted either way. 

This made Sehun's mouth agape and Yixing's eyebrow raised in wonder. When Chanyeol caught them staring, he shrugged in the most innocent way possible. "What? He hadn't been eating well since his mother was admitted in the hospital," Chanyeol said, so as to defend himself, then he took his seat casually. "Come on, don't be jealous."

Luhan smiled slightly and later took a sip of the coffee. "Thanks a lot," he said appreciatively. "I promise I'll buy you guys something when I get my next paycheck," he promised, hoping it didn't sound too pathetic. 

"You don't have to, Luhan," Yixing uttered. "You're one of us now. We're a team. That's all that matters." 

"Yes but still..." 

"If you insist then let's make a deal. If we win the contest, you can buy us something using the money we'll share. If not, just save your money for yourself and your mother." 

Sehun narrowed his eyes at Yixing, most probably because he was against that idea or just because he didn't like the fact that everyone was being nice to his former lover and there he was being all quiet and distant. Sehun thought Luhan was gonna go with Yixing's suggestion.

"Thank you but you don't have to worry. I can afford at least three Starbucks coffee and Ice Cream for you guys," Luhan said.

To everyone's surprise the next day, Luhan really bought a pack of Ice Cream and three Starbucks Coffee for them. Since Chanyeol brought his cousin, Haowen, the drummer had to serve the boy a cup of vanilla ice cream too.

Haowen was very happy, not only because of the ice cream but also because he didn't have to go school at all. After finishing his ice cream, he went over to Luhan's skateboard and tried riding it on the rather slippery tiles. Luhan couldn't take his eyes off of that kid. Not only because that kid reminded him of when Sehun taught him how to balance himself on the skateboard or because it seemed dangerous playing with a skateboard for a kid, but also because Haowen's face reminded him of Sehun's younger days. 

Noticing where Luhan was looking, Chanyeol cleared his throat to ask coolly, "He looks like Sehun, am I right?"

Upon hearing this, Luhan blushed and avoided the penetrating gazes casted towards him.

"I used to think maybe Sehun was my cousin's father," Chanyeol stated further. "Come to think of it, Sehun was a famous playboy and rebel in college. Girls - and even the beautiful ladies went crazy over him. Next, when there's a pretty girl he likes, he'd bring them to his car and make out. Sometimes they'd visit the bar just to see a glimpse of Sehun who comes here often even before he asked to join the band."

Sehun wanted to speak up - maybe to react with the first sentence- but he caught a lump in his throat right before Yixing joined. Sehun just wanted to rewind everything - and prevent these people from talking about him or about the things he did when he was younger.

"Sehun changed. If not, Airin would have probably killed Sehun already." Yixing chuckled

"Yeah. Well, with Future Mrs. Oh spying him, no one would even dream to get impregnated by Sehun, right?" Chanyeol asked sarcastically. "Ironically, his fiance is the top in their relationship because Sehun is always under her rules and regulations, and whatnots. Anyone else who tries to mess up their relationship is seriously dead. Nobody underestimates the innocent looking girlfriend because when one turn into a jealous woman, it's world war for sure." Chanyeol finished, snapping his fingers within the air in total agreement with himself. 

"You have no idea," Sehun stated in an undertone, they could still hear him though. Basically, Sehun hadn't spoken in that room for like a day since Luhan's arrival, hence he found it uncomfortable to let out his voice now.

"I'm assuming you agree with me," Chanyeol said as he raised an eyebrow and puzzled himself over the question: "Hey Sehun, you love her, right?" When that question came up, Chanyeol was only given a strange silence from the only father in the group. It was a long silence. It was deafening in mysterious ways. Deafening for Luhan, for Sehun, and perhaps for the other two who spotted the former lovers eyeing each other in that moment of truth.

What if Sehun really loves that woman? What if he really is a one woman man? What if he really changed for that woman? What if he, Luhan, was nothing but a game and a toy for him? What if Sehun says that? What if he hurts him again? Would he be able to keep it to himself and pretend that it was sweet or funny and laugh it off with the band as if he had no history with Sehun? What if he won't be able to take it when Sehun answers with a 'Yes, I love her'?

Seconds passed and eventually, Sehun mouthed the words that he thought everyone would want to hear.

"Of course..." 

As expected.

Luhan thought it wasn't that much of a surprise as he gradually lapped the ice cream on his silver-plated wide cup designed spoon, putting on an unresponsive face.   

"That's good. A jealous woman deserves a man's loyalty after all she'd been through," Yixing commented.

"According to my sister, jealous women actually feel more pain when they discover their man's cheating behind than when they give birth," Chanyeol mentioned.

"Giving birth without the man you love holding your hand and still loving this man who chose someone else over you hurt altogether," Luhan suddenly expressed, his modestly downcast eyes was on his melting ice cream. Then there was a void inside him, expanding rapidly, yet forcing him to remember that one day. When he was giving birth, kicking and screaming until he out and lost his mindfulness. Waking up without anyone by his side - not even his parents, not his baby, nor Sehun. When he was breaking down and yet no one cared. When he was powerless to find the hope to live. When he was stupid enough to still care for them.

Everyone seemed surprised when Luhan voiced out his opinion - or experience. Luhan carried on albeit the man he was mostly afraid of for so many reasons was listening very intently and curiously. "Technically, giving birth should hurt more. It just hurt even more because you know you've been abandoned by that person, yet you're still...expecting some encouraging words, a miracle, and his hand to hold yours. But then that's it. In the end, I was all alone and I was still in pain because I knew no one really cared. I realized that even if I failed to regain consciousness after giving birth, nothing would change and dreams won't come true." It was as though he was in an open forum and he was surrounded by strangers who didn't know anything about him but his purpose on sharing. Luhan completely forgot the actual fact that he was in the same room with the Eaglesire band. More importantly, with the man he was talking about. "And then -" a flash of red rose up on Luhan's face once he lifted his head only to meet everyone's eyes on him.

"What...are you talking about, Luhan?" Yixing asked first, uncertain whether Luhan was announcing an own opinion or sharing a personal episode in his life.

"So you are saying..." Chanyeol's heart practically descended from its place after hearing Luhan's revelation to everyone and he said, "You were pregnant... Jesus Christ, you've got to be kidding me." 

"I'm sure that's not what Luhan meant. Besides, he is a man," was Yixing's supposition.

Meanwhile, Sehun's eyes were doubled in size, his heart's rate tripled the speed limit, and his volume became lower than mute... There were no words that could describe how he felt.

To tear such self-humiliation off of his mind, Luhan shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, and thus hurt his sensitive teeth with the cold and even choked himself by accident. "It's a joke," Luhan said in between his coughs. "Ha-happy April fools. It's just a joke guys," he laughed nervously at the end, though no one probably noticed his nervosity. 

The tension in the air was indeed uncomfortable. Just when Luhan thought his life was over because his secret was literally revealed by his absentminded self - Yixing and Chanyeol started laughing boisterously - allowing the worry to fade away from him completely. The men guffawing broke off only for a few seconds when Haowen suddenly declared he was getting better in skating. Chanyeol laughed harder when his young cousin actually ended up tumbling over the floor.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Later that day, instead of coming home straight after picking up Zhiyu from school, Sehun stopped by at the bus stop where Luhan used to go. He nearly assumed that Luhan won't be there when he gets there, but he was. Luhan was surprisingly there. 

Standing right at the corner of the bus stop was his ex-lover, Luhan, who was supposedly waiting for his bus with the skateboard on his side. Luhan looked almost the same. The last time he saw him at a bus stop was probably on their last date outside. They were in college. They were in love. Now, they weren't.

Sehun stayed in his car to watch that man. Meanwhile, Zhiyu had fallen asleep at the back seat with his legs stretched out over the seat. They should be heading home, but

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misslulufats
I WANNA SEE YOU / HunHan. Officially ended!

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kekeha
#1
subscribed and bookmarked.....
gonna read soon