I'm Loving You Today

Luhan momentarily thought he saw his baby when he fluttered his eyes open and flickered his unclear gaze towards the edge of his bed where he thought he spotted a nurse perched on the side, arms wrapped around his baby. He thought he heard his baby crying before he drifted back into unconsciousness. After a long time, he opened his eyes again, but he was encircled in a dreadful silence instead. His eyesight was a faint haze, nonetheless he could tell he was alone. He longed for his baby's tiny little mewls and for his baby's little fingers to be entwined with his own. He wished for that at least, since he already knew that Sehun or his parents wouldn't come to visit him. He wished for his baby beside him, but he was alone again, too weak to move. 

Once he managed, he turned his head a bit to the side and caught someone standing by the doorway. He didn't have to rub his eyes though he was uncertain with what he saw, he simply fancied that it was a nurse holding on to his baby. So Luhan's lips curled upward, forming a gentle smile as he outstretched his arm, as if it could reach such distance.

His baby was just right before eyes, but he was a failure and just as helpless as he earnestly stretched an arm in order to touch his baby. No matter what, they weren't coming closer. The nurse turned around without even a second thought of turning her footsteps back. She didn't even pause for a second. Luhan wanted to stop them. But he couldn't move. He wanted to run towards them, but he couldn't even get out of that bed. Luhan just wanted to see his baby, but his tears were blurring his vision. All he could grasp at that moment was the fact that his baby was getting farther away from him. 

Too far...

"My angel, don't go," were the tormenting words he heard himself say before the door closed and he was all alone once again...

But not long after that, he was told about his baby and Luhan wished he should've died instead.

"He's dead. Your baby is gone. I'm so sorry. You must have been dreaming when you thought you saw your child. I am sorry for your loss, Mr. Xi." 

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As he entered the underground bar, recollections of five years ago came flashing back to him. Back in those days when he was in College, he wrongly fell in love at first sight with the man whose hair was as bright as the sun before setting down.

Before long, he looked towards the stage at the corner and saw the band's instruments positioned on it. He remembered the first time he heard the band singing an English song called 'I Wanna See You', and how Sehun seemed to be so emotive about it.

This is why he didn't wanna go, because he knew this would happen. He'd remember all those things over and over again. Then it would hurt him. He'd start dreaming, assuming, and expecting again. Then it would hurt even more. Yet at the end of the day, he found himself in the underground bar, both hoping and coping. 

Luhan went up on the stage and touched the musical instruments one by one, loving the way they still gleamed like newly-bought items. Then he grazed his fingers over the piano keys, and smiled to himself when he recalled Sehun telling him how much he wanted to play the piano with the Eaglesire band. Even though Luhan knew he wasn't supposed to be thinking about him...

'Just today,' he concluded, 'I'm loving you again today even if I can't see you anymore.'

Then he took a deep breath as he stood in the middle of the keyboard and rested his fingers on the white keys, playing a music that he once created five years ago. He planned to perform it in front of his Sehun to celebrate their first monthsary, but in the end he was unable to play since he was abandoned by the said man.

Oh, how Luhan wished Sehun hadn't left him. How he wished he got impregnated someone else. How he wished Sehun was addicted to him as much he was for him, and he is somewhat still addicted to him. 

If life wasn't too bitter and cruel, maybe he'd still be in Sehun's arms with their little angel in his arms. He hoped that perhaps, in another life, he'd be able to experience a complete and happy family. If that were to happen, he wanted to spend the rest of his life there with Sehun and their angel. If that were to happen, he wanted to create new memories with the latter and let the horrible month in the past fade away in a blink of an eye. 

In another life, a thousand years from now, he would see Sehun's priceless smile when he meets their baby for the first time. Sehun would carry their baby and show it him. Sehun would nuzzle his nose against the little one's. He would flash a ridiculously goofy grin and make funny sounds for their baby to remember how happy his father was when he was born by. Then he'd hand the baby to his wife, Luhan, who was eager to hold his baby in his arms, to kiss his baby with love, and to thank God for it will be the best of his life, his little angel's birth. 

However Luhan remembered how reality treated him, and it was far too different from his imaginations. He remembered waking up one day and hearing the bad news about his baby's death. He lost his voice as he shut everyone else out. He forced every noise to remain unheard, hence he thought he was gonna be deaf for the rest of his life.

Luhan remembered how happy he was that moment when he found Sehun at the same hospital. The taller man was cuddling a baby in his strong arms as he sang his child a short lullaby. Luhan truthfully loved the way Sehun smiled and embraced the baby, but knowing that it wasn't his baby utterly busted him down. A beautiful woman then wheeled herself towards Sehun, Luhan saw, assuming it was Sehun's girlfriend. The woman asked Sehun to let her hold the baby, and thus they both looked like a happilly married couple. Luhan wanted to turn around, he didn't need to see them, he didn't want to suffer anymore. But something was stopping him, making himself get tortured over again.

Luhan suddenly stopped playing with the keyboards, then he placed his hand over his mouth to hold back his little whimper of anguish. After all those years, he thought he had managed on his own, but actually his wounded heart was never really healed. 

Shortly, he heard the door opened and random footsteps paced forward. Wiping his tears off with his palms, Luhan crouched down behind a tall and wide loudspeaker on the floor. He closed his eyes and tried not to make some noise. Whoever entered the bar, Luhan didn't want anyone to see him crying, or trespassing on the stage. What are they going to say if they find him? Luhan wondered, pulling his knees closer to his chest, and lowering his head a little bit more.

"What did you say his name was?" A man in black tee and black jeans spoke, he was carrying a pair of drum stick in his hands, so anyone could tell that he is obviously a drummer. He jumped on the stage effortlessly and drummed his quick opening music which was less than three seconds. Yixing was following behind him, but the latter used the ladder at the other side of the stage instead of using the fastest way. 

"Xi Luhan," Yixing replied. His brow creased when he noticed his piano was already open. "Hey Chanyeol," Yixing called the drummer, curiosity was written on his face when he asked, "Who opened the bar today?" 

The drummer, or Chanyeol, thought for a second before shrugging his shoulders cluelessly. "Why?" 

Yixing sighed and decided to let it off. "Nothing. I was just wondering," he said before picking up the musical notes from his shoulder bag. He started playing the notes on the last page, unaware of Luhan's presence in the room. 

However Chanyeol sensed it, and saw Luhan's foot sticking out from behind the loud speaker. Not wanting to intervene in his friend's moment with the piano, Chanyeol got up and approached the loud speaker himself, his clenching fists were ready to bang the unwelcomed visitor's face. 

Without warning, the drummer caught Luhan's frail arm and pulled forcefully on the smaller boy's collar before raising his right fist in an attempt to blow the said boy's front. When Yixing witnessed the scene and recognized those blonde locks , he practically broke the keys of his dear white piano. And soon, Yixing found himself shouting Chanyeol's name to stop, "Chanyeol, put him down!"

Chanyeol instantly halted his throw, hence his gaze remained focused on the blonde and within a few seconds his tensed fists loosened involuntarily. His eyes were quickly doubled in size, and so were Luhan's as they looked into each other's eyes with incredulity and fear. 

Was it Yixing's voice that stopped him? Or was he silenced right after seeing Luhan's face that shone with his freshly shed tears? Time seemed to have slowed down as Luhan's chest raised up and down and Chanyeol became aware of the lump in his throat, both were unable to find the words to say. 

"Chanyeol, I said put Luhan down now!" Yixing was now on his feet, and upon noticing how Chanyeol didn't budge at his warning, he resolved the situation himself by pushing his way in between the two and forcing Chanyeol to release the frightened boy from his somewhat choking grip. 

Seemingly surprised, Chanyeol's eyes remained wide as if he had seen a ghost. This probably lasted for about three minutes or so, and then he came back to his senses when Yixing eagerly introduced the blonde boy to him, breaking the awkward silence. 

"Chanyeol, this is Xi Luhan, the person I was talking to you about," Yixing ushered in, grabbing Luhan's hand and pulling him next to him. "Luhan, I'd like you to meet Park Chanyeol, the drummer of Eaglesire," Yixing added in, giving Chanyeol a knowing look as if he was telling him to kindly shake Luhan's hand but Chanyeol stubbornly refused to do so. 

"Him? You want him to be our new vocalist? Why him of all people?" Chanyeol's voice was loud and growly, hence he was accusingly pointing his finger towards Luhan as if the boy was a criminal - unless he had something else in mind - and neither Yixing nor Luhan had the slightest clue about what was running in the anxious drummer's mind.

Yixing didn't like Chanyeol's rudeness at all. If Chanyeol wasn't his best friend for years, he would've punched the hell out of him and abandoned the band for good. But that would also mean giving up on his dream and his promise to show an old friend, the ex-main vocalist of Eaglesire who quitted the band to step in Hollywood, that Eaglesire can be more than just an old-fashioned unde