"You are getting late back home recently, aren't you?" He stood behind the door and crossed arms when I opened the door, which gave me a shock.

"You scared me. Why are you standing behind the door?"

"Why are you being late recently? Are you having a date with Baro or something?"

"No. I am not dating him." He sighed and walked back to his room. I didn't know why he acted awkwardly these few weeks. I didn't know if it was something to do with me and Baro or just simply because he had a bad result in his mid-term exam or even some reasons that were hidden.

-

I could feel his arms were around me as usual when I woke up, but what's more was his gaze. "What's wrong?" I asked in my sleepy voice.

"I have something to say…"

"What?" Still struggled to wake up and pay attention.

"We have been living together for a few months already right?" I nodded, wondering what he was trying to say. "There was something that I have been hiding from you.. I know it is quite weird to say but I know we have the same feeling. So I decided to tell you today…" Same feeling? Was he trying to… to con… confess?! "Time is really difficult for me lately since you are coming home late. I don't know what you are doing outside and I am worried… I don't know if you and Baro are having date… which is the thing I desperately don't want it to happen… I know you may think that I am just your roommate and I have no right to judge who you should be with… But then I know where my worries are from… Whenever I think of the possibility of you and Baro, my heart sinks… And it is because of the thing I was trying to hide from you. But now… I want to tell you… Because I know if I don't tell you now, I will miss it. A matter of now or never… I want to say… I see you more than a roommate… I see you as the girl I lov…." He was interrupted by the ringtone  of his phone. WTF WHAT A PERFECT TIMING!!

He picked his cell phone up from his table. I could see the caller ID was Jiyong and a picture of she and Sandeul hugging as the caller's icon. He answered the call without hesitation. "Jiyong ah~~~~" He called her name as bright as he could. "What's happened?!" He asked in a worried voice. "Okay I am coming now, keep calm and wait for me alasseo?" He hanged up and jumped off the bed to get change.

"Where are you going?" I still can't get the whole picture of what was happening from the time I opened my eyes.

"I have to go to my friend's place."

"So.. h-how about our 'talk'?"

"We'll finish when I am back." He went out after he had changed.

He seemed to be very urgent just like he was going for a rescue. I didn't know this Jiyong girl. But I could be sure for few things. One, this girl was very important to him so he needed to rush to her when he heard she was crying. Two, they were close, looked at the caller's icon that he had chosen for her, a photo that showed how close they were. Three, our conversation would be just ended here, I didn't know why, but I always have a correct prediction.

-

When I was back from my work, I took off my shoes at the entrance and was almost tripped over by a pair of high heels. I never owned any high heels so it definitely belonged to someone else. I walked in silently, trying to see where was our 'guest'. I stopped at Sandeul's room and just want to disbelieve what I was looking at was not real. A girl was on top of him on the bed and they were kissing with all their passion. I dropped my bag on the floor and my tears were welling up. The noise created by the dropping stopped them and they were looking at me. I recognized the girl was the one who called him this morning, Jiyong. "Iris-ah…."He muttered with shocks all written on his face. Of course he was shocked, because he didn't want to stop what they were doing, right?

"S-sorry for disturbing…" I broke the silence and went outside the street. I walked on the street with my blurred vision. I pressed on my chest, trying to ease the pain of my heart, even though I knew it was useless.  Tears just rolling down and couldn't stop. At that moment I really wanted to isolate myself from all my senses, shut down myself, or even end my life, either one would do. I knew I couldn't get back home early, at least not an hour, or even a night. I sat on the swings and put on my headphones. The street was cold, the street lamp seemed lonely just like me.

"Loser, loner. A coward who pretends to be tough

A mean delinquent. In the mirror, you're

Just a loser. A loner, a jackass covered in scars

Dirty trash. In the mirror, I'm a…" (Loser - Bigbang)

A perfect song to describe my situation. Maybe I didn't have the right to even call myself a loser since we didn't start anything yet… Things just went worse when my phone rang. It was from Sandeul. But I rejected it automatically. I didn't want to answer if he was a ert who was trying to let me listen to their moans.  Then, I switched it to mute, no ringtones, no vibration, and no notification to pull me back to the reality so that I could enjoy my mental breakdown with all the sad songs.

I sat there for almost three hours and went back until I could not stand for the cold of a Spring night. Nothing like Hong Kong, the temperature could be below 0 at Spring nights in Korea. It was almost 3am and I hoped they had finished all the things they wanted to do. I saw no high heels at the entrance which meant Jiyong had gone. I was hugged tightly when I stepped in the living room. I could feel my knees were trembling because of the cold I just experienced and the hug. "You are back… Thanks God… I was so worried about you..." He mumbled.

It took me a long time for stop crying but he just ruined it. Tears dropped on his hands on my wrist.  I tried so hard to get rid of him. "There's nothing for you to worry about me. I can take care of myself." I tried to speak as calmly as I could, hiding all my feeling to him.

He gripped my wrist, looking at me. "No.. Iris-ah.. I'm sorry…" I looked at other place to avoid any eye contact with him. I didn't want him to see I was crying for him.

"I should be the one to be sorry for disturbing your romantic moment." I said it in a sarcastic tone and  shook his hand off. He followed me when I walked to my room. "What do you want?!" I just felt really really pissed off and annoyed, couldn't he see I was hurt and not in any mood to talk to him anymore?

"I just want to tell you the rest that I haven't finished this morning. I see you more than a roommate, I see you as the girl I love..."

"The girl you love to talk to. You see me more than a roommate as a friend or even like your own sister. I knew that already." I helped him finished off his sentence.

"No! I love..."

"You love Jiyong-ssi I know. Cut if off, I am not interested in your personal life. And goodnight." I slammed the door and sat on my bed as my shaky knees could not support me anymore. I sobbed as much as I could and couldn't stop even I was panting. And soon I couldn't remember anything as I cried to sleep...