Twirling my bracelet, I stand next to Chan on a basketball court. The organiser's vague explanation of sports with some friends is 50% clearer, it's clear what sport we're playing but the friends part's still a mystery.

Then they arrive, as soon as faces can be seen our two groups collide with cheers and hugs. Cool, It's Monsta X! They did debut around the same time as Seventeen so it makes sense that they're both close. Its best I just stand aside, wouldn't want to intrude.

"So this is your new member? It's nice to meet you." Shownu holds his hand out for me and I shake it with a friendly smile.

"You're covers are cool!" Minhyuk remarks and I thank him. Is this a thing that'll happen often? How many groups seen my covers of their songs?

"Yeah, nice abs." Wonho's comment sends me into panic and I pat down my shirt thinking its ridden up. Oh wait. The part in Hero where you lift your shirt up. I stumble over my words trying to say thank you before I give up, covering my face.

"Aww, she's so cute when she's nervous." Kihyun coos.

Now where's that giant hole for me to swan dive down?

We're playing basic 3V3 and first up is Mingyu, Coups and I versus Jooheon, Hyungwon and I.M. 

"Don't worry Cami, we'll go easy on you." I'm sure Jooheon is just trying to be nice.

"Doesn't mean I'll do the same for you." I quip back, earning some 'ooo's from the rest of his team.

The game starts and Seungcheol captains Mingyu and I to lead us to victory. Although I'm not big enough to block 3 bulky boys, I'm fast enough to weave through them quickly, either taking the shot or passing to someone. This is my one advantage and it works well.

The opposition converses with me when I'm off court, I'm surprised they'd even want to talk to me to be honest. This means I don't spend much time with my own members but I'm sure they don't mind.

"Really? You lift that much everyday?"

"Yup."

"Some mornings I do sit-ups but most of my exercise is from dancing, I think I have more stamina than strength though. But you must be really strong!"

"Yeah, wanna feel?" I laugh at the offer but still place my hand lightly on his arm. Wow, his firm biceps aren't a joke.

"Cami~, come sit with us." DK whines from the other bench.

"I'm talking to Wonho, later~"

Gradually we play against bigger teams until we end up doing 8 v 8. Monsta X doesn't have enough members so they get to choose one of us on their team.

"We want Cami!"

"But she's one of our best players!"

"Exactly why we want her!"

I'm being pulled between two sides, literally. Minhyuk is on my left arm and Jun is on my right. 

"Jun be nice! I've played with you guys all this time it's only fair." He gives in, letting go of me.

We're in the lead until an unfortunate accident. I think Hoshi was trying to pass to Jihoon, but somehow hit Wonho square in the face.

"Be more careful Soonyoung!" I caution him, placing the staff given ice pack on Wonho's head. 

"It was an accident I'm sorry!" He says to Wonho.

"Sure it was." Jooheon laughs while Wonho glares at him.

After the athletics,the music show starts. Backstage it's so weird to see so many people I've only seen on screens and posters, just going about. They're actually real, wow.

Just as I get used to the concept of celebrities casually walking past, the only people who could make me lose my composure walk by.

My reaction is to squeak, then hide behind Seungkwan.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Aww, look at you trying to sound British."

"Seriously what's up?" I point in the general direction of the 7 guys I've admired since 2013.

"Ohhh, why don't you go say hi?"

I scoff. "Say hi? And risk instant death when I eventually mess up?"

"Well if you're so scared I'll do it for you."

He moves so quickly that before I can even say no, he's already there.

My whole body shakes as I watch Seungkwan talk with them, then point in my direction so they all look at me. AT ME.

Taehyung calls me over and I almost die. I come over, saying hello and bowing so many times I think my spine will never be the same.

"Hey! It's nice to meet you." Jimin says.

"N-N-nice to m-meet you too." And I'm stuttering.

I shake hands with all of them, like actual physical contact. 

"You're a really good dancer by the way, we've seen your Dope cover it's great." The rap master, king of badassery, cypher legend Min Yoongi compliments me.

"T-thank you." Say more damn it! Where are my words?

And as some staff call them, the platonic loves of my life are gone, leaving only the memory of those few precious minutes. 

Seungkwan turns around with a smug smile, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek.

"That's for helping make one of the best moments of my life!"

Then I slap him semi-hard on the same cheek.

"And that's for almost killing me!"

-

"Don't we all look cute?" My unit nods, agreeing with the pleasing aesthetic of our matching jumpers. 

After featuring in many music shows and doing performances for our comeback, we're about to star on a variety show.

The hosts announce to the future audience, that one of the biggest groups has come to Weekly Idol. They start waving their arms up and down and chanting mansae, our time to come in. "They don't stop!" Both of the hosts count us in one by one until the empty room is 16 full.

We give our greeting to the audience and the two hosts clap.

"Ah... this is a nice group you have here." It looks like they're going to Seungcheol, he even holds his hand out. So it's surprising that why walk past him without a glance to embrace Seungkwan. 

"What a fine leader!" Doni praises him with a hearty laugh. 

"Uh, no he's not." Jeonghan states.

"Really? He told us he was the leader."

"No"

"Nada"

"Nope." 

Seungcheol starts laughing and the hosts rightfully go to him, but we all know Seungkwan is toast when we get home.

Individual introductions start from the top of our line of blue, black and pink. Performance, Hip Hop and Vocal. The most notable things before my turn were Vernon's small freestyle, Seungkwan managing to embarass himself even more (his 'y' look almost made me cry), Minghao showing off his b-boying skills and Chan's MJ moves.

"So what do you do?"

"Sing and dance?"

"But so can everyone else here, what's something special to you?"

"I'm flexible??" That can sound real bad out of context, too late now.

I lie straight on the floor to perform a contortionist's simple party trick. I can feel my teammates giggling behind me as yes, it looks like I'm just lying on the floor.

"Stop, I'm not ready yet!"

I shake about, probably looking like a worm having a seizure before going still again. Looks bizarre but it helps. Quickly I bring my feet over my body to my shoulders, securing them under my arms to steady myself. This earns a few oohs and ahhs but the real show stopping moment is when I manage to get up from this position, whipping my upper body round to stand up to cheers and screams.

"If I were a few years younger and a few kilograms less I could do that and much more." Coni pats me on the back.

The best part of this is the games we're playing are for toiletries! I thought Mum was crazy when she shoved 5 packs of toilet roll in my suitcase but my first week here proved she had a point:

Supplies are low, we've rationed everything we can. Joshua used the last of the toothpaste and Jeonghan used all of the shampoo. It'll be days till Mum's next rescue package so we damn well better win some stuff.

Doni and Coni make it look like we're competing against each other but when Hip Hop win some soap or Vocal get some mouthwash we all benefit. 

The next challenge we're doing is a mouth-paper-pass game. When it's our unit's turn I assume I'll be the one left out in this activity since Hip Hop and Vocal only played with four. But Doni leads me by the shoulders and swaps me out with Chan in between Jun and Hoshi. 

"Trust me, I'm doing you a favour." Is he really? This particular game could lead to some questionable edits, but that toilet paper isn't going to win itself.

Minghao starts passing to Jun when we're told to go. Jun's rapidly passing to me and I'm struggling to keep up. Lucky Hoshi is at the end of the line and can take his time. 

Woah, this card is really thin, I can feel... everything. His lips look soft when they pull away from the paper. Why do we keep on getting in situations like this? I should remember the bigger picture: the toilet paper.

Our unit's efforts win us that sweet sweet paper, at the cost us swapping spit through slimy pieces of paper. But it was worth it? Being on Weekly Idol was fun though, we played some games, got some good promo and have supplies to take home.

Hours pass and we have takeout back at the dorm for dinner. Everyone else tucks in but I stir my food aimlessly, it swirls around like the thoughts that refuse to leave me. 

If we took the paper away... we'd be kissing. Would it would feel just the same without the paper as it was with it? I obviously don't want to kiss Hoshi, but I can't stop thinking about it. This is stupid, they're thoughts, they don't mean anything. Probably just an influx of hormones messing with my brain. Puberty does as much as it blesses some. It's fine, it was just a game. I need to remember that.