I place my palms on my head as a reaction to the burning sensation that’s now radiating through my body. Delilah tries to get another one in, but this time I roll to the side just in time to avoid her shoe.

I stumble onto my feet, trying to back away from her, but the other girls push me from the edge straight into the face of danger.

My fight or flight response is kicking in, these girls aren’t going to let me out. I have to defend myself.

My memory flashes back to the few self defence tips Seungcheol taught me when we were playing around during a break. I’m sure neither of us expected I’d rely on them so soon.

“Always be mobile, don’t make yourself a sitting target.”

I walk around in circles, keeping my distance from Delilah the best I can. 

“What are you trying to do? You really think that’ll work?” She scoffs at my skittish movements and makes a few swipes with her cat-like claws, scraping past me a few times. The scratches she leaves hurt less than the bump on my head.

Unfortunately, she manages to grab hold of my clothing, using this as a chance to slam me to the ground and get on top of me, pummelling me with hard slaps and punches.

“Cover yourself, no matter what.”

I hold my arms over my face to stop her damaging that region any more. She compensates for this by directing her hits to my torso.

“Take any chance you get to hit your enemy when their guard is down.”

My knee flies up into Delilah’s stomach. When she keels over, cradling it with her hands, I shove her hard off of me and make a run towards a gap in the surrounding girls, hoping to break through.

No such luck, as two of them just push me onto the floor again. Delilah struts over to look down on me once more.

“Nice try.” Her hand grabs hold of my collar and pulls me up by it. “Now I’m angry.” 

How dare she.

After choking me for what she deems a sufficient amount of time, Delilah passes me over to a member of her gang, who holds me back. Then walks over to deliver what she thinks will be the final blow.

“Angry?” Surprised by the fact I can still talk, I take the chance to lift up my legs and boot Delilah with full force.  The sudden action causes the girl holding me lose her balance and hit the ground as Delilah topples into her sidekicks. 

I rush over and lift her up by her charcoal black hair. “You’re angry?” Then drop her on the ground again.

The remaining girls try to subdue me, but with my rage now at its maximum they end up falling back from dozens of punches, elbows and kicks. Delilah tries to rush at me, but I instinctively slap her down.

“You pompous, manipulative, egotistic !” I scream, delivering a kick with each word.

“You’ve had everything given to you since the day you were born, you’ve never worked or suffered a day in your life and you think you have the right to be angry?” 

The roles are reversed as I lay multiple punches into Delilah now that I’m on top.

“I’ve had to put up with you most of my life, never saying a thing. But that wasn’t enough for you, was it? You had the nerve to come after the closest thing I have to a brother?”

She only pleads while I scratch and hit, mercy being the last thing on my mind.

“Come after me all you want but don’t you EVER come after anyone close to me."

I pull her up by her collar, close to my enraged face and gritted teeth. “And if you ever even so much as look at Seungkwan, I’ll show you what angry really looks like."

I’m suddenly jerked up by my shoulders. 

“Get off her right this instant!” A teacher reprimands. 

Delilah wails in heavy tears and her friends comfort her too, some of them also crying.

What have I done? 

-

My breathing is broken and my head feels fuzzy as I sit in the middle of the trio of chairs outside the head master’s office. Students walk past every so often, whispering or gossiping about what I did to Delilah. I never look up though, only imagining their judging gazes.

Delilah is rushed to the nurse, while I’m met with a barrage of disappointment and shock from various faculty members, all in the same vain about there being no room for this sort of behaviour.

I never try to defend myself. With what it looks like, it’s her word against mine and who’s going to believe me? Mostly, I’m fearful of myself. Until now, I couldn’t imagine myself being capable of harming someone like that. Have I always secretly been this violent?

Selfish. Selfish. I’ve not even thought about what this means for everyone else. A scandal like this can ruin a rookie group, my friends’ careers could be on the line because of my reckless actions.

I’ve ruined everything.

Someone takes a seat on the chair to my right. “Did you use what I taught you?” It wasn’t the first thing I expected Seungcheol to ask about the situation, but it makes me feel better.

I was told to contact a parent or guardian since there wasn’t one on my record. Calling Mum or Dad wouldn’t do much other than get them worried, and I’m sure I couldn’t tell any staff, so my leader was my only option.

“Why aren’t you mad?” 

“I know we haven’t known each other that long, but you don’t seem like the kind of person who gets in or starts a fight for no reason.”

“I didn’t start it. It was her. She’s the one who’s been bullying Seungkwan.” Seungcheol raises his eyebrows in astoundment. "When I realised, it just made me lose it. I was never going to hurt her, I just wanted to know the truth.”

I begin to fall apart.

“It just happened so quickly. She dragged me in and started on me, beating me senseless. I was just so tired of feeling weak and useless because of her. I wanted to stand up for myself, stand up for Seungkwan, not just lay there and be abused.” My eyes well up. 

“She took out her frustrations on someone close to me and I couldn’t take it. But as much as I hate her, I hate myself more, because I did this to Seungkwan. She’d never have laid a finger on him if not for me.”

Seungcheol lays a hand on my shoulder as I try pointlessly to hold back my sobs, wiping my face with my sleeve.

“You can’t think like that, none of this is your fault. Given the circumstances, you did the right thing. Not many people could hold back in the first place, so any blows you dealt after that girl dragged you into a fight are completely justified. I’m not going to lie, she’s most likely going to spin this around in a way that makes her the victim. But I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make sure whatever the school decides is based on the truth.”

The headmaster’s assistant asks for us to come into his office. Seungcheol walks in and I follow behind him.

As expected, Delilah’s already spilt her poison and twisted everything. Turning it into a story of revenge, but revenge started by the wrong people. I tried to explain what actually happened, what she did to Seungkwan. But with what the teachers saw, me beating Delilah up, it’s no good. 

Seungcheol gets in frequent arguments with Delilah’s businessman stepdad over who’s lying and it probably doesn’t help that my guardian is only a few years older than me. Worst of all, she brings up Seungkwan ‘threatening’ her in an attempt to get him in trouble too.

The headmaster surprisingly listens to both sides, but doesn’t come to a final decision. For the time being, both Seungkwan and I are suspended for the week.

I couldn’t feel worse than I do now. I trail behind Seungcheol, defeated, as he picks up Seungkwan from his class and takes us back to the dorm. The silence has returned as neither of us say a word.

“I’ll be opening up a hospital at this rate.” Jeonghan disinfects and bandages my wounds in the living room, since I never got a chance to go to the nurse. They forgot that I had injuries too.

I thank him and pick up my backpack. 

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“To the studio to get some practice, I should make myself useful.”

“You should rest, the last thing your body needs is any more strain.”

I shake my head. “I just want to get away.”

When I’m dancing, I don’t think about anything except just that. All my complicated thoughts and feeling are cast away and replaced with simple formulas on how to move my body. The music tells me how to think and feel. 

It’s not so much as a high as a safe place. I can do the same thing over and over for hours, my body can ache and cry all it wants, but because I’m here and not somewhere worse, I keep on going. I can look in the mirror and not see a failure or a waste of space. I’m not me, I’m a character, I’m a feeling, I’m someone on stage doing a dance.

“Thought you could use some company.” Soonyoung comes in with two piping hot bowls of ramen, the smell making me realise how many hours I’ve been here and I last ate half a school lunch.

He places both bowls on the floor and backs away. I look at him, confused, until Seungkwan sheepishly saunters into the room to sit by the second bowl. 

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry, okay? What else do you want me to say?” I vent in defeat.

“To be honest, I’m not even mad. It was awesome the way you gave Delilah what she deserved, I just wish you didn’t get yourself into trouble in the process.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have done something, you wouldn’t have had to suffer by yourself."

“I don’t know. I guess I got this idea in my head that when she was taking it out on me, she wouldn’t take it out on you. It was stupid of me to get mad and blank you, but I just wanted to keep you from finding the truth. It felt like the only way I could be a good friend.”

“You should never think like that! You’re such a good friend, in so many ways. You’re kind and funny and supportive and you don’t need to get yourself hurt to do any of that. You’re one of the best friends anyone could ask for.”

Soonyoung has been happily nodding along and expressing his approval of this emotional exchange, like a psychiatrist observing a session of therapy. He moves his hands from far apart to close, signalling for us to hug.

Seungkwan and I comply and get in close.

“Don’t get yourself beat up because of me.”

We both look at each other puzzled, before breaking into laughter over us saying the same thing.

Our feud is resolved and it’s just a nice, friendly dinner for three from there on out. Yes, for three. Soonyoung thought he could get away with only bringing two bowls for Seungkwan and I, but I happily share a large portion of my bowl with him, practically force feeding him noodles with chopsticks.

When we return to the dorm, Pinky is waiting for me outside the door.

“Oh, Cami, I’m so sorry!” She rushes to console me. “It’s all my fault! You were just gone for so long and I thought the worst, so I called a teacher to go there. If it wasn’t for me, you and Seungkwan wouldn’t be suspended.” She wails.

“But that was the right thing to do. I’m honestly glad a teacher came, who knows how far I would have taken my violence against Delilah? Or, if she was beating me badly, that teacher would have been there to help. Don’t blame yourself Pinky, I’m the one who went up to her.”

“Sorry, I just felt like I needed to say something. Just know we’re all supporting you at school, you’re not alone.” I thank her and we say goodnight, Pinky returning to her dorm.

The next few days are chill. Seungkwan came into school the day after to tell his side, but couldn’t predict if the headmaster was in his favour. We mostly follow around the older members who are out of school, do some odd jobs around the dorm and catch up on notes when Vernon and Chan come back.

But, on Friday, the two come in exhilarated and full of energy, throwing their bags and hurrying towards us. Seungkwan and I assume it’s just Friday fever.

“Look! Look!” Chan gestures excitedly to Vernon’s phone. The four of us watch the video he starts to play.

The camera is shaky at first, but after a few seconds pass, the meaning of this video becomes clear.

With the scene I made at lunch on that day drawing more attention to myself, someone must have decided to follow me. As creepy as that is, they managed to record the whole encounter with Delilah. Most importantly, how she admitted to harming Seungkwan and showing that she started the fight.

“The best part is everyone’s seen it, including the headmaster. This totally proves you guys are innocent!” Vernon proclaims with joy.

“It that the person only recorded you getting beat up and didn’t help.” Seungkwan huffs disgruntled. 

“Yeah, but what if they were just scared? There was lots of people, it wouldn’t help if another person just got hurt too. In the long run, them recording it helped more than them trying to stand up to Delilah.” I explain.

On Monday, Seungkwan, Seungcheol and I return to the school for another meeting with the headmaster. Once again, Delilah’s parents are there, but the headmaster plays the video in question on his laptop for them, they have nothing to say. 

“Now this footage tells a very different story from what you claimed Delilah, were you telling the truth?”

Knowing she’s been caught out, Delilah starts crying and begging, claiming she’s the victim. Her parents are so shocked they say nothing while she pleads. Even they don’t believe her.

“Cami and Seungkwan, you two are free to return to school. This situation will not affect your permanent records. But, in future, please seek assistance if you are struggling with bullying or harassment.” 

We’re free to go and leave, keeping calm civilised faces until we’re far enough not to be heard and we start to celebrate.

By some strange sort of luck (most likely bribery), Delilah is not expelled. She is, however, suspended for two weeks, going to move registration class and having an hour’s detention for the rest of the year, so she isn’t let off completely.

I think this has made Seungkwan and I bond, knowing what lengths we’re willing to go for each other. A friend like him comes once in a lifetime.