"Baby it's alright, I'll call you mine." Ending my last line with a bit of rap, Hoshi then sings the chorus for the last time to wrap the song up. Although this will be the first song in our showcase, it's the last one we practice a few hours before.

"I still can't believe you've been hiding this from us." Mingyu is referring to the fact that I'm wearing a crop top, revealing my slightly toned stomach. "You wore all those baggy sweatshirts when you've had rock hard abs under there all this time!"

"What's your secret?" Wonwoo pries. I make everyone come in before whispering "Healthy food and exercise." After which they all scatter in laughter.

"I was just pushing myself a lot with more intense activities and wanted to make sure my body was up for it. No biggie."

"Just make sure you take care of yourself and don't overdo it." Seungcheol reminds me.

Later backstage, we wait in our stylish school uniforms.

"Do you think my skirt is too short?" While tracing the tailored end with my fingertips, I ask Seungkwan.

"It looks okay to me." He shrugs.

"Oh well, guess I'll just have to do this!" I flash my skirt up.

"WHAT ARE YOU DO- Oh, haha, very funny. You're wearing legging shorts." Seungkwan only just avoids cardiac arrest.

"Your face!" I hold onto his shoulder while laughing.

Then, I peek my head from behind the thick black curtain to look at the growing audience.

All of them seem upbeat and happy waiting for the performance, chatting with friends while holding signs with member's names.

I don't expect much attention until I see a girl holding a sign with my name! She spots me and is shocked, covering before waving at me eagerly. I wave back, grinning happily. Thinking of the small interaction afterwards brings me more smiles.

The hall is filled and it's time to begin. We're lead out on stage to the sound of cheering supporters and then we get into our positions.

The music starts and Seungcheol takes the first lines. From a circle of members, Vernon and I bounce up with his arm around my shoulder. I poke him in the cheek just as he goes "I'm so stupid!"

I thought I'd be more nervous with more people, but knowing they came to spend their time watching us makes me determined to do my best.  We run smoothly, like a well oiled machine, everyone doing the right moves in the right place at the right time. Our reward for performing to perfection is the hundreds of smiling faces cheering us on.

With their support, the rest of the night is amazing. Although I've seen each performance several times, the excitement of the crowd makes me anticipate enjoying them once again.

At the end, we thank the audience for their time before retiring backstage to celebrate a job well done.

Jumping up and down and holding and complimenting each other is how we leave the venue to get the bus so we can rest before the fansign tomorrow.

When that day rolls around, I wonder what to expect on the other side of the table (well I haven't been on the first side either, but fancams do wonders). 

A much smaller group of people are present for this event, fansigns tend to be more intimate than showcases, so it makes sense. After doing our title track, we also have the chance to do little dance routines. Hoshi and I smile at each other before standing side by side on the smaller stage. 

I remember when he approached me while I was putting in some practice at the dance studio, suggesting we could do something for the fansign. Cycling through my playlist, we found that a French song called Papaoutai that caught my interest a few months ago. It was a good candidate with its strong beat and powerful chorus.

The song starts at the pre-chorus and, like it, our movements slowly go up in intensity until the chorus where we go full out. One of us can reflect the other as our actions are equal no matter how complicated, but somehow our individual personalities can still be seen. I've never seen a dancer quite as dynamic as him. He was so creative when we put the routine together, and performs powerfully with precise moves and actions.

After the applause, all of us answer a few questions. No one has any for me, but it's a good chance to get into the minds of our fans.

The actual fan sign part of the fansign starts now. All of us sit at a long table on the stage and one by one people start to come up.

Minghao and I are sat at the furthest end, with me at the very corner.

"Sometimes our fans want to spend more time with their favourites, so they might not come to the others." Minghao tells me.

"Does that happen to you?" I ask.

"Sometimes, but it's fine."

And it does happen to both of us. I guess with us being near the end it's easier for people to walk away, content with having met their faves, not needing any more.

But it's fine because we have each other. We talk and play with some of the other members' toys and trinkets while everyone else is busy.

That's how the first half of the fansign goes. After our break, someone actually wants to see me. Minghao and I are talking when someone kneels in front of me. He's a very notable character, a small scrawny frame with thick rimmed glasses and a constant grin plastered on his face.

We talk for a bit while I sign their photo card with a picture of me. I giggle about how it was my first photoshoot and I was worried how the pictures would come out but he says I look great and I shyly thank him.

He also has a present for me. In a little gift bag are some cat ears and a collar with a little bell. I wear the items and say goodbye as the guy leaves, passing by Minghao to exit.

It only takes a second of me ringing the bell on my neck for another visitor to come in front of me. The quiet setting of before is thrown out the window.

Lots of people want me to sign things for them and give me gifts and I oblige and act kindly, grateful for the time they want to spend with. They do all seem like nice enough people but they all have two things in common; none of them see any other members and they're all male.

My theory is that since I'm the only girl there might not be as much variety of female members like in a girl group but with only one of me there's no need to worry about choice? I really don't know. I feel bad leaving Minghao on his own again, but he understands that I don't really have a choice.

As I continue to be swept off my feet with fans, yet another man comes to me. He looks older than my dad, but obviously I won't say anything. We talk and I sign his paper and then he hands me a large gift bag.

"Look inside." He urges with a grin on his face. I obey and am quite shocked to see it's all lace thongs. 

"Thank you?" I don't want to be rude but that's weird right? You don't give stuff like that as a gift, do you?

"Think of me when you wear them." He whispers and walks away. Um... that's not happening.

Before speaking to the next person, I call for a member of staff and show them what's inside the bag. They nod and take it off me.  "Don't worry, we'll sort it." I sigh in relief.

"That guy just gave me a giant bag full of ." I whisper to Minghao. He looks shocked at first but can't help but giggle at the absurd situation. "Don't, it was kind of scary." I pout. 

"Well, the guy clearly wasn't right in the head but he's probably just some harmless , don't worry." I agree with him.

This time I'm met with a familiar face, it's the girl from yesterday! "Hi! Do you remember me?"

"Yeah we waved at each other, it's nice to see you again."

Although I do the same things I did for others, I can talk easier to this girl, like meeting an old friend again.

"I really admire what you're doing. It must be so hard to have your life changed so  quickly."

"It is sometimes, but I know it's for the best. I'm glad I was given the chance."

"I just wish some people wouldn't give you such a hard time, the fandom is really torn up over you but there's no need. You're a member and you deserve as much respect as any of the boys. But, in some people's minds, you're just here to steal 'their' boys, so they say mean things or ignore you."

"Well, I promise I'm not here for that. I don't think I have in in me, to be honest." We both laugh. "But they've all been very good to me, I'm glad to have them as my friends and band mates."

She takes out a little jewellery box and puts it on the table. Inside is a bracelet. "I know it's not much, but I hope it'll help you remember that there's people who have your back." She lifts up her sleeve to show an identical bracelet. 

I smile as she puts it on my wrist for me, happy to know I'll be connected to such a kind person.

When the fansign ends and we go home, I still remember what happened with Minghao. It was fine being unnoticed together but if tomorrow is a repeat of today then, I don't want to leave him behind. I have to do something.

On the bus back, I whisper my idea to Seungkwan, who gives me a funny look. I bet he thought I was joking until I handed him a permanent marker back at the dorm.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you're sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you're sure you-"

"YES, JUST DO IT."

Hesitantly, he begins to write the script on my forehead.

"You're going to be in so much trouble, but it's your funeral."

"I'm sure it'll be worth it."

He was right, our stylist had a fit. She gave me a huge lecture and tried to hide my new feature, but after I explained why I did what I did, she let me off the hook... this time.

I'd been keeping out of Minghao's way for the whole day, so when we sat together again he burst out laughing at my surprise.

Let's just say no one walked past him after seeing "STAN XU MINGHAO" in big letters across my forehead.