Luhan sat in front of a cool looking Junmyeon; the other male didn’t even seem to be bothered by his presence. Heck, he wasn’t fazed in any way, just looking at him, in a nonchalant way, while sipping on his fresh cup of iced tea, with a straw and Luhan wasn’t going to lie, denying that the sight wasn’t kind of arousing, because…well, Luhan wasn’t dwelling on it since it was most definitely not the time for it.

Junmyeon on his part was actually extremely nervous but he didn’t feel like Luhan should know about it. So he just blankly stared at the male in front of him, expecting him to say something and growing slightly angry at the fact that around ten minutes had pass without him saying a word.

“Are you going to say whatever you wanted to say or are we just going to stare at each other for the day? Because if so, then I am going to get out of here; I have far more interesting things to do.” Declared Junmyeon with a quirk of his eyebrows.

“I am going to talk…”

“Than do so.”                                               

Luhan inhaled loudly, trying to find the words to begin and tell Junmyeon about what he came here for. He had thought long and hard about it and only had come after a talk with Yixing and Jongin. The older male, Yixing had been more soft that Jongin that offered him brutal honesty, in his calm, drawled voice, stating that he would either man up or lose Junmyeon, adding that it was a choice that he had to made. More softly, Jongin also told him that being afraid was normal but he could not be stuck to it all his life.

“Well…you asked me many, many times, about my past and I have always been a little reluctant to talk about it…”

“A little? Define a little!” interrupted Junmyeon with a scowl on his pretty features.

“Okay, I have been thoroughly reluctant to talk about it. It wasn’t a walk in the park and some things happened that I am not exactly proud, which is the main reason why I didn’t tell you anything in the first place, I think; I was ashamed of myself and I was afraid you would look at me differently.”

“That is a really narrow minded think for you to do and say. You sound like me!” commented Junmyeon very calmly.

“Will you let me say what I have to say? Or are you constantly going to interrupting me?” exploded Luhan, a little irritated at Junmyeon blatant sarcasm.

Junmyeon shrugged a little before muttering a ‘go to the point then’ before resuming his sipping on his drink, reclining himself in the chair, a slouching posture that Luhan found odd for the man.

“As you know,” began Luhan “I am the son of an important CEO down in China. I had the same upbringing as you had, I frequented country clubs, I had tennis lessons, a small amount of snobby little friends that were more interested in my money than me. All that stuff. However, the one thing I also did have was a temper and my future objectives, especially after my mother’s death were far different than those my father outlined for me. I didn’t want to take his business, I wasn’t remotely interested so, instead, I dabbed at Psychology, despite the fact that my father almost cut me off entirely out of the family. I think my grandmother had a part in that and, of course, a little of perspective about future business on my side. I didn’t lie when I said that I worked for my father for a little while.”

Luhan stopped talking for a while, he too reclining in the chair, assuming a position much like the one Junmyeon had.

“When I worked there, a very young man, maybe twenty two years old, I fell in love with someone who worked for my father: Zhoumi. He was tall, gorgeous and had the most amazing smile you’ll ever see in your life. I loved him.” Stated Luhan absent mindedly, his eyes a little unfocused, lost in some memory that was swimming around on his mind. “And, despite that my father actually fired him for dating me, we were extremely happy to be dating and it did not take us very long to live together. It felt natural although I couldn’t support us financially as well as he did, he was older than me.”

Junmyeon looked carefully at Luhan, noting the little flickers of emotion pass through the man’s eyes, from longing, to rage, to sadness. It was very much like a kaleidoscope and, for the first time since Luhan had entered the coffee shop, Junmyeon felt the need to give the man a break and let him get of his chest whatever he had to.

“We bought a little house in the suburbs, he found a job in another are while I found another job at a place that wasn’t my father’s company. We were happy. I even propose to him…but then, one day, I had picked out from work and we were returning home when one of the tires in our car blew up. I was driving and couldn’t control the car, we hit the divider and the car completely flipped; I actually made this scar on that accident.” pointed Luhan while his finger ran across the scar he had beneath his bottom lip. “The thing is that I was badly injured and Zhoumi died, his neck broke and he died on the spot. He didn’t suffer much thank heavens.”

Junmyeon was a little horrified and feelings of solidarity flew from his eyes to the blonde man in front of him. Minho had broken with him after many years together but to have someone you love so dearly die like that? Junmyeon couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain that Luhan felt.

“Anyways, afterward, I mean, after spending some time in the hospital, mending myself but, well, I couldn’t really cope that well with the fact that he had died. So I did a lot of things that I am not proud of. I think the first thing I did was to drink; I drunk a lot, I mean really a lot; to the point where I spent too many nights on hospital, the same hospital that, not so long ago, I had been laying, getting my stomach pumped. But alcohol could only numb you for so long, when the buzz of alcohol goes away, when you throw up everything but your soul, there is just a bitter feeling left in your mouth and everything that you feared to feel comes back.” Revealed Luhan to a shocked Junmyeon who finally had quieted down and looked at the other with at attentiveness that it was characteristic of him.

“I quit the alcohol but I found something worse, I found drugs. All kind of drugs: meth, heroin, LSD… everything and anything; if I was high all the time I didn’t need to feel. Everything was peaceful and calm. No problems, no stress at all. I snorted drugs, injected them and having money was all the more easy, I got the drugs so easily from dealers all around the places I frequented. I was uncontrollable; I was a danger to myself and for others because I enticed people doing the same. The sheer amount of drugs that I consumed was ridiculous and me, being who I was, didn’t even bothered to stop and look at everything around me, to try and just see things differently. In retrospective, I think my pain wouldn’t allow me to do that, I wanted everything and nothing at the same: I wanted to forget and at the same time I wanted him again. I just knew I needed it. One day I just overdosed too much heroin; when I woke up I was at the hospital with a psychiatrist by my side. Rehab of course, plus counseling; and let me tell you it was painful to feel, syndrome of abstinence. I relapsed three times before I came out clean and it took me more than a year and a half to finally get out of the clinic. It was a long process and I still have appointments with my psychologist from time to time, which is rather ironic since I, myself, am a psychologist.”

Luhan paused a little, looking at Junmyeon to try to access his thoughts but other from a vaguely shocked expression; he couldn’t really tell what the other was thinking about. In a way, this had just been a weight out of his shoulders: while he didn’t dare to tell other people yet, aside from Yixing and Jongin, which had been his friends for far longer than anyone else he cares to refer, he hadn’t tell a soul and Junmyeon was now being the exception.

“After therapy, I moved around, travel a little and came here a year ago. Psychology didn’t made me happy anymore so, obviously, I decided to do something else, try new things, hence why I was dancing when you first met me. I like to dance; it is fun and something that makes me feel alive. And the rest is history!”

He finished his story with a flourish from his hand, looking expectantly at Junmyeon wondering what the raven haired man would say. This was his secret, this had been the thing he didn’t what to divulge with anyone, the thing he had been scared. He had been an alcoholic and a drug addict after the death of his fiancé; a true Hollywood-esque story that would make the skies cry.

“Explain me” began Junmyeon very quietly “why were you so afraid of telling me this?”

“Because I know you would look at me differently just because I did so many life choices: I was a drug addict…”

“Which was your way to cope with your fiancé’s death! I am not approving your actions, not at all, stupid for being so dumb about it but, your loss was unimaginable, you suffered a great loss and, knowing you, you were probably blaming yourself you were allowed to make stupid decisions.” Replied Junmyeon softly “I know that I am a little about many things but contrary to popular belief I do have the capacity to understand things and emote.”

“I am not saying that…”

“Yes, you actually are. You criticize me so much for being so, well, critic about everything and for living in the past ages and not being open enough to things, in general, and yet, you are the one who judges me the most. You didn’t tell me because, in your mind, I would shun you and be horrified at your actions. There was never any other possibility, any other option. And frankly Luhan, why now, of all moments, to tell me this?”

“I wanted you to understand!”

“Yes, and I do understand. However, I am inclined to think this sudden revelation was to ease up some of your guilt after I exploded the last time we talked.”

“First, you berate me for not talking now you do it because I did? Make up your mind Junmyeon.”

“Let’s clear something up because I think otherwise we will continuingly head-butting each other: when I said I wanted to know you, as I stated many, many times, I wished to know whatever you felt comfortable with telling me, I did not ask you to tell me all the great dark secrets you have and are so embarrassed about; which by the way, there are a normal occurrence of events after a tragic moment in your life, which wasn’t that great by what you just told me. You are forcing yourself to tell me this and, while I do appreciate the effort, I can see that you are not comfortable and that you are doing it because you might have feelings for me. I do wish you to understand that what you told me, something I will keep a secret until you come clean to everyone else, is sad. It’s sad and you didn’t deserve it. I am shocked at the attitudes that you had but lord knows what would have I done in your position. I need you to understand that I condone your actions but I do not blame you for them, if that makes sense. But ultimately, what I have to say is that I wished that you would tell me this because you wanted to, not because you felt pressured, which was the case.”

“It wasn’t…” tried Luhan to tell the other, trying to shut that little voice at the back of his mind telling him that it was exactly what he had done: he had fell victim to the pressure that himself and everyone else had been putting on him to solve things with Junmyeon.

“It was Luhan!” interrupted Junmyeon “And if you are trying to convince yourself of that you are a fool!”

“Maybe it was but, at least, my conscious is at peace.” Rebutted Luhan quickly. “Believe whatever you wish Junmyeon but I did share something with you that I was very afraid, that I did not want to share. Maybe it was because I was pressured, maybe it was to ease up my guilt… but the truth is, I trusted you with something that I shared with no one else, I trusted you, whatever might be your opinion behind it. And if you still believe that I did this only by pure pressure, I’ll have you know that I did it because I like you.”

Junmyeon choked on his drink, not really prepared for the turn the conversation had taken. He had been hurt and fully intended to make Luhan suffer a little, or a lot, during their meeting but Luhan had just thrown in what everything already knew about the two that he had to pause in his own words, his thinking process all messed up and his heart intruding on the carefully plain that he had written, in his mind, when he other approached him.

“Junmyeon” began Luhan softly “I know that it wasn’t right from me to hide so much for you, not when we both were so invested in each other, which I know you are and I know that I am. I am so tired of playing it like this, for us be at each other’s throat every other second because I have issues and so do you. We both lost when it came to love, he abandoned you and mine … departed. And it feels like we are picking all the goddamn reasons to not be together. It’s kind of frustrating. We are frustrating! Why are we frustrating. Is it too soon? It this some kind of karmic message that we shouldn’t be together? Do you even want to be together?”

It had been a lot of questions and a lot of things to ponder. He was unsure how to reply to them, not because he didn’t feel something for Luhan, he did and he had already admitted to that but Luhan certainly had a point. What if they weren’t, in fact, as made up for each other as he previously thought about?

“It’s not a question if I want to be with you because we made a pretty strong case about liking each other.” Began Junmyeon pensively “We both like each other, it’s clear as you have stated; it began from physical attraction and developed to more than that. I am comfortable with the fact that Minho left me for another, I made my peace with it and damn him for making me go through what I went and damn me for subjecting myself to so much pain on his account. I wallow in misery for nothing. I can’t talk about how things are for you, in regards to the past…”

“I can assure that I, myself, am aware that I cannot bring Zhoumi back and I am perfectly aware that you aren’t him, just in case you go cliché and ask me about it, you’re different but similar and I don’t want another Zhoumi, there was only one for me and I had already my time with him. It’s time to try new people and let myself be taken care of someone instead of hiding in all that I put out there for people to see.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort or even going to comment on it. Also, if you say you don’t, I prefer to believe in you; at least, I choose too. It’s confusing, at least now, since you put things in perspective for both of us. I think the question here is: we like each other but are we good for each other? We keep on riling each other day in and day out and we keep missing each other halfway.”

Luhan was silent. He knew the point Junmyeon was trying to make and, as much as he didn’t really like it, the other man was right. Everything was going okay until it wasn’t, until they realized there was more to their relationship than plain friendship. As soon as romantic feelings were vocalized everything went down and still was like that. Luhan vocalized just that to Junmyeon who sighed before agreeing.

“This is leading us nowhere.” Commented Junmyeon, a little bit of frustration on his voice. "

“It isn’t.” replied Luhan thickly.

“Maybe…maybe it’s better to go on our own ways.” Suggested Junmyeon in a quiet tone of voice. “We keep on going around the same subject and we still cannot get past it, no matter how hard we try. I think that maybe it is karma telling us that we are not meant to be.”

“What if karma is screwing with our heads? Are we, in fact, are meant to be together?”

“Then karma will let us know.” Replied Junmyeon, looking at the street, not being able to look at Luhan anymore.

Neither one said anything after that; both understanding that this was probably it and they were both going on with separate lives, only seeing each other once in a while, at events where their small common group of friends invite them to.

Junmyeon finished his drink and stood up from the table and dumped his Styrofoam cup on the garbage, on the proper recycling bin, as Luhan noted with a sad smile. The raven haired man approached the table again and stared Luhan with a soft look.

“I’ll see you around.” He spoke quietly, as if speaking any louder would make his voice break.

“Yeah…I’ll see you around.” Replied Luhan just as softly.

Junmyeon smiled at him. It was a gorgeous smile despite the fact the fact that he was sad and he watched as the said male walked out of the coffee shop and, possibly from his life.

“Turns out to be…” muttered Luhan to himself, his gaze on Junmyeon’s back, as the man moved further on the street, further from his field vision and further from him. “Karma is a b**tch.”

Karma was many things; however, unfair it was not.

It was a fine, fine day, when Yixing, Jongin and Luhan, sat together at a restaurant, the three of them eating quietly, not even bothering with small talk as they ate. It had roughly been a week after he and Junmyeon had departed and his friends already knew about what happened, on how they have both agree, albeit reluctantly, to go separated ways and neither of them knew what to say, not when Luhan looked as dejected as he did.

Yixing was the first to breach the subject, with as much as tact as he could.

“I’ve heard that you and Junmyeon decided to cut yourselves from each other…”

“We did.” Replied Luhan simply. “It was better this way since we would always end up arguing and that is not healthy.”

“Just because you argue all of the time doesn’t necessarily mean that it is not healthy, maybe it is just the way your relationship is; if it doesn’t blow out of proportions maybe it keeps your relationship quite healthy.” Commented Jongin.

“You and Yixing never fight.”

“Of course we do, not often I can state that but we do argue from time to time. It is not in our nature to fight, it never was.”

“It was our decision, regardless; I don’t really want to talk about it.” Said Luhan before looking at both of his friends. “Have you seen him though? Is he okay?”

“He is okay.” Answered Jongin “He looks tired and he is probably just so down about you as you are about him but other than that, he is doing okay. He actually quit his job as an editor for his company, deciding to go on writing himself. He had always wanted to write and, well, I guess he felt like this was the moment, which is quite something since he always liked to leave to other’s expectations of him. And he is after his dream which is nice.”

“That’s nice…”

Jongin said nothing more as he heard Luhan’s answer and a look from Yixing actually told him to not push the subject further.

It was the shrill sound of Jongin’s cellphone that actually brought everyone out of their pensive reveries and actually relieved a little bit of the tension that still remained in the air, especially after talking about Junmyeon’s life, which was kind of a sore topic for Luhan right now.

“Hello?” answered Jongin in a light tone, clearly knowing who it was calling, if it would have been a stranger, Jongin would’ve been more reserved, as Luhan knew very well from knowing the man. “How are you? Woah, woah, slow down, I can’t understand you like this, what is going on? Jongdae, slow down!”

Both Luhan and Yixing’s turned alert at the name of their friend being called, especially Luhan since the man was Junmyeon’s brother.

“No, I haven’t; I’m with Yixing and Luhan right…what? Are you serious? That’s not funny, if you’re joking. I don’t know, I don’t know anything about them. Just…just keep calling them, we will be right there.”

As soon as Jongin disconnected the call, he immediately stood up on his chair and made a move to leave.

“Jongin, is everything alright?” asked Yixing, worried about his lover.

“No, it’s not! Pick your things up and go to the car, I’m going to pay.”

“But we haven’t eaten yet!” complained Luhan.

“Please, Luhan. This is serious, I’ll explain in the car.” Interjected Jongin making his way through the restaurant to actually pay.

Yixing and Luhan, understanding that someone must’ve been really bad to put Jongin in such mood: tense, anxious and a little scared, so they both stood up, leaving food uneaten on their plates as they scurried outside in the direction which Yixing had parked his car.

As soon as Jongin approach them, entering in the car hastily, out of breath he told Yixing to drive.

“What’s the matter, Jongin? Where am I going?”

“To Sehun’s college, Jongdae just called me, apparently two armed students entered the precinct and they just start shooting everywhere.”

From the corner of his eyes, Jongin could see how Yixing grew stiff at the implication and the foot on the gas pedal stronger. Luhan didn’t waste time with shock, choosing instead to ask questions.

“Wasn’t it final’s week? Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Sehun had their finals this week didn’t they?”

“Yes, yes they had. Jongdae just called me, he said he heard it on the news on the radio. There are already confirmed dead students and he managed to contact Chanyeol. He couldn’t talk much but he and his colleagues were doing some exam when they heard the shooting. They barricaded themselves into the room. He doesn’t know much about anyone else.” Hearing that Yixing pressed even more on the gas pedal, almost exceeding the speed limit. “But Jongdae is at the scene; outside the lines drew by the police.”

The journey to the boy’s college was quick and quiet, everyone worried far too much about their friends to actually talk, except for the quiet expletives that Yixing, who usually didn’t swear, let out when traffic didn’t allow him to go any faster.

Reaching the surrounding of college, they searched in the crowd, looking with panicked away to the far away building, since the police didn’t allow anyone in a four hundred meter radius to approach the scene, but they could see snipers advancing along with other special forces moving inside the established perimeters.

They found Jongdae facing the entrance of the college, nearly hyperventilating as he held on to his cellphone very tightly, a photograph of him and Chanyeol on the display on the gadget.

“Jongdae!” called Jongin, the distress man immediately spinning around on his heels to look at them. He fell quickly inside the arms of Yixing who hugged him tightly.

“What do you know, Jongdae?”

“I don’t know much, I only know that Chanyeol had an exam today, he spent all day yesterday studying for it. I don’t really know anything else, I asked the police but they told me to wait. I saw some of the students running outside, they talked to the police and one girl said that there were bodies on the hallways and that she had managed to escape from one of the windows in the ground floor. She said it was two guys, both students from the school, who simply just entered the school and started shooting.”

“Jongin! Jongdae!

Everyone turned at the voices that they heard, finding Minseok and Sehun running in their direction, confusion in their faces as they approached them.

“What on Earth is going on?” asked Sehun.

“Yeah, we just arrived to pick up Baekhyun and everything is just packed and there is police!” added Minseok “Nobody told us a thing!”

“Two guys opened fire inside the school.” Told them Yixing, feeling bad for them as their faces became paler and paler by the second.”Chanyeol’s inside and I am guessing that Baekhyun is too.”

“He is! He had a lab exam today!” cried Sehun distressed. “We just came to pick him! And..oh, oh God!”

“What? What is it? Did you remind yourself of something?”

“Junmyeon is inside!”

“What? How is my brother inside?”

“He told us that he had come to college to check on Baekhyun and Chanyeol and bring them snack for them to eat after the exams. He had been worried over them and I guess he wanted to see them!”

“You mean my brother and my fiancé are in there?” yelled Jongdae and thank god for Yixing’s fast reflexes that were able to caught the man by the waist before he could launch himself across the closed perimeter to enter the school.

“Let me go! Let me go! Yeol and Myeon are in there! Goddammit, Yixing, let me go!” cried the man, desperate, fat tears escaping from his eyes and rolling on his cheeks.

Sehun wasn’t much better the younger was in absolute shock, mumbling about how he was supposed to be studying at the school’s library but then he didn’t feel like going and how he should’ve stopped Baekhyun from going this morning since the man complained from a headache. Minseok wasn’t any better, clearly anxious, squatting beside a car, with his hands on his head.

“We need to call Kyungsoo and Yifan.” Whispered Yixing to Jongin while still in a wrestle with still struggling Jongdae.

“They are on vacations! They are going to grow worried!” replied the younger male, eyebrows furrowed at the thought.

“Yes, but let’s not forget that if this go wrong, one of the three people inside that we care may never return.”

Jongin, a little paler than usual, and rather shaky, unusual behavior for the man, quickly picked his phone, distancing from them a couple of meters to talk to Junmyeon’s best friend.

Kyungsoo had been distressed, of course, stating that he would immediately come back in the first plane he could get himself into. Jongin didn’t really want him to stop his vacations, since the man worked a lot, but he understood the decision and he wanted the older to be there.

He approached his lover who was now supporting Jongdae, preventing a sobbing Jongdae from crashing into the ground.

“I talked with Kyungsoo. He’s coming.”

“Good!” replied the older man. “I never thought that this could remotely happen.”

“I know, I know!”

“I didn’t even ask Luhan how he was feeling…Junmyeon is inside after all. Luhan, how are…Luhan? Luhan? Where is Luhan?” asked Yixing confused looking around trying to find the blonde male.

“And where is Minseok for the matter?” asked Jongin now noting the absence of the said male as well.

Everyone looked around, scanning the area for the two missing men: they were nowhere to be found. Jongin just looked at Yixing with worries eyes; they just hope neither of the men would do something stupid.

Baekhyun was crouched on a corner, between two cabinets, on the lab material room contiguous to the one he was previously using to do his exams.

Everyone had heard the shots that were fired and when people, in panic, tried to get out he saw, horrified, some of them fell to the ground some of them injured, other dead. Chaos erupted after that, if it was possible for things to worsen, he and a small classmate of his, Amber, a Canadian student, had managed to simply drop to the floor and scurry through the open door to the material room, closing it gently and hiding in the small corner he found with Amber, since neither of the two was very tall.

He didn’t quite understand why this was happening, he was terrified and scared. He was worried since he could hear yells and he knew that Chanyeol was somewhere in the building, he had come with his best friend to college and he wanted to badly to look for him but it was not safe and he could endanger Amber’s life if he decided to leave abruptly, as well as his own.

He didn’t know what to do and he just wished, with all his might for this nightmare to be over with or for somebody to help them.

“Please, please!” he whispered to himself “Help us! Somebody help us!”

A/N: Hello everyone. I am really sorry for the dealy, especially considering that I had stated to a few of you that I would be updating this until last weekend but life can give you some nasty surprises and this happened. Some of you have been very kind wishing and praying for my friend but, unfortunately, he passed away on the previous week and it is being very hard...very hard indeed, he was one of my best friends and I was shocked...I believed with all my might that he was going to be okay that everything was going to be alright but it wasn't what happened. He fought a cruel battle, which he didn't deserve to surpass in the first place, not after the trials that he has passed through already but now he is at peace.
This was the reason I delayed the chapter so much, I hope you understand.
I hope you liked the chapter, that ends in a very dramatic way, of sorts, and I hope that you can tell me everything you thought about in a comment or in a private message, to which I promise to reply.
Be safe, be healthy, love, be love and be forever HAPPY!
Have a wonderful day tomorrow,
Lots of love <3