“Would you get angry if I tell something to you honestly?” He asked while splitting his chopsticks into two.

 

We are at a convenience store again. It became like our place when having lunch. It wasn’t that far from Sonic, and no one really enters here at noon, so Seunghyun-ssi is free to take off his cap and no one would notice aside from the cashier on-duty, who is a man and became friends with him.

 

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “Depends.”

He breathed and split another chopsticks and gave it to me. “I hope you won’t.”

“What is it, anyways?” I asked and turned sideways to look at him, but then he's looking at the floor.

“Maybe you'd get angry.” He shook his head and tried to laugh mirthlessly. It is my first time I’ve seen him laughing without reaching his eyes. Sure, he isn’t as gullible as Taehyung or Daesung oppa, but I’ve come to know that he expresses feelings – mostly joy – through his eyes.

“I though you get it already, but then again, I'm not the kind of person who easily gets angry.” I said matter-of-factly, and that caught his attention. He looked at me, kind of hesitant, as if he really believes that I’ll get angry any moment now.

“Even if someone will say 'I like you'?”

“Yeah.” I said, although I didn’t know where this conversation would go. The fact that Seunghyun-ssi hesitates when he only wanted to be honest – not that good. “So, what is it?”

“That's it, Sunhee-ssi. I think I like you.” It seemed like the time has stopped.

 

I’m very sure I heard it wrong, but it’s like an echo repeating to the depths of my stupid brain. I think I like you. I stared at him, telling my mind that what he said is an imagination, or maybe better that his whole existence now is an imagination, but he seemed real. I think I like you.

I mentally shook my head. I know he really has that talent for fans, but I didn't know that I'd be affected by that too. This is a joke. Seunghyun-ssi cannot like me. I’m not one of them.

When I'm convinced it's just the beer that's talking, I laughed it off.

 

“Sorry, but did you just say you like me? Like honestly?” He nodded solemnly. I chuckled. “Well that will be the biggest lie even Daesung oppa can't say.”

“But I'm not Daesung.” He said quietly yet exasperatedly. I looked at him again, now I don’t know if he’s really joking.

 

It is as if I was soaked in cold water. My skin tingled, and the hair on the back of neck rose. If he’s not joking, then maybe he is really, really drunk.

 

“I think you're drunk.” I said still, gulping. Now I said it, I began doubting it. I know him enough to say that he can hold his alcohol. He stared at me, his eyes wanting me to stop, but I continued panicking.

“No. I'm not.” He denied, but then I ignored him and rummage my phone.

“Can you go home alone? Or shall I call a cab?”

“Sunhee-ssi—”

“I need to go back.”

“But—”

“Bye, Seunghyun-ssi. I'll just call a cab for you and head home.”

 

I don't know why my heart palpitated or why I decided to escape, but I did.

I walked out of the store. I was busy escaping his stare, his words, him, that I didn’t feel him behind me. He grabbed my hand, and I was forced to turn around, facing him and looking at his determined face.

 

“Sunhee.-ssi.” He started and I took my hand back. He let me off his grasp but he still looked at me like he wanted all the air in me escape.

“Why?” I managed to say. His lips formed a grim line, and he breathed, before speaking again.

“What happened...” He started, and from panicky I felt a sudden jolt of embarrassment. Is this really a joke???

 

But then I started to relax. Joke is better than anything else.

 

“I know that you'll say 'Forget it, Sunhee-ssi. It was a mistake.' right?” I crossed my arms and imagined myself to be looking at him irritably. I hope it worked out; I don’t want him to look at me like he got me.

“No. It wasn't. I don't how — or when —I just do.”

“Stop joking.”

“I’m not.” He breathed exasperatedly and looked me in the eye. “Please Sunhee, I’m not joking.”

 

It was the first time he looked at me with that sincerity. I always thought his eyes were dark and a bit secretive and will only dance with delight when he’s amused with something but now it seemed so bold...

 

Silence came. When I can't take it anymore, I spoke. “Fine.” I said with finality in my voice. “It's okay. You like me, and I won't get angry because you said you like me. But that's it. You like me, and that's it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can't take it, and I can't give back, because right now I have so many things to run and —” I stopped to rally my thoughts again. Why can't I try and date him?

 

Because of Sonic.

Because I can't take the risk of taking him for granted because of Sonic.

Because I don't want to see him getting hurt because I've taken him for granted.
I don't want to see him get hurt... Because I care for him.

I care for him?

Yeah, Sunhee, I chided myself. You care for him, as a friend.

 

But in the end I just said, “And I'm too busy for love.” It seems he didn't get it.

“Right. I know you are. But Sunhee-ssi—”

“And besides, you'd do this too. Not now, but you will.” He looked at me like I hit him hard, so I pushed it a little harder. “Just... Let go and move on.” I said. “Consider me as a stranger next time, if that's easier.” Then I walked away and never looked back.

 

I know I was being a , but I have no choice. The least I can offer him is friendship. I’ve gone too far for Sonic. I’ve gone too far to forget what loving another person feels. I don’t want anyone reminding me of the feeling when Namjoon oppa left me. Seunghyun-ssi will leave me too, any time in the future. I’m sure of it. I’m always on the sidelines watching idols and actors and other rich people break up with their men or women because their worlds do not belong to each other. I’ve seen enough to know that my world and Seunghyun-ssi’s world will never collide.

I ran away and sat on one of the benches on the nearby park and tried to collect myself. After some minutes I called Taehyung to say I badly need to go home because I'm not feeling well. After that I went home by myself.

 

I spent the remaining afternoon in my room, until Yoongi oppa opened the door. “Sunhee, get up. Get your friend outta here.”

“Who?” I asked, but Yoongi oppa's out of my room already.

 

I got up and followed him. When I went downstairs, I realized that it's night already (maybe 8pm). I saw Yoongi oppa going out of the house. I followed him.

 

“Oppa,” I tried to start but stopped when I saw Seunghyun-ssi pointing somewhere, everywhere, while leaning against Jimin.

“Crap he's heavy!” Jimin shouted, which Seunghyun-ssi ignored until he saw us.

“You!” He pointed me and went off of Jimin. He walked to me before shouting again, “You're so so soooo bad! You—” He then put his hands in his ears and jumped like a retard. “I like her, but she dumped me! Nobody dumps me! Everybody likes me!” He stopped jumping and looked acidly at me and started jumping again.

“Well, Sunhee don't. Get on with it.” Yoongi oppa murmured. I tried to look at his slightly satisfied expression.

 

I wondered if Seunghyun-ssi heard it so I got ready for his cry. But then I felt his hug the moment I looked at his direction. It's tight and I can’t barely breathe, all I breathe in was his smell of soju and his scent of perfume and lemon and mint.

 

“I like you, so don't say I have to let go of you.” He whispered groggily onto my ear.

 

I'm about to say something when he collapsed. Jimin and Yoongi oppa helped me in half-carrying, half-dragging him away from me.

 

“Did he drive while he's drunk?” I asked as I scrambled away of Seunghyun-ssi’s embrace.

“Ready to die for you.” Jimin joked, and I saw Yoongi oppa glared at him.

“Yah, Sunhee, where do you want to dump this man?” Yoongi oppa asked. I nearly winced by his choice of words.

“Can we take him inside?”

“No we can’t.” He looked at me frustratingly, like what I’ve requested will cause the world to fall. I’m about to say something in reply, but it was Jimin who spoke.

“Hyung, please!” He said in an exasperated tone, and then started grimacing. “Crap crap crap he’s starting to get annoying!”

“Okay, fine!”

 

And so the two staggered while half-carrying, half-dragging Seunghyun-ssi to the house, while I helped them by pushing the gates, opening the door and taking Seunghyun-ssi’s shoes.

They settled him on the sofa rather rudely. Jin oppa is already waiting there, carrying a basin of water and face towel. He kneeled in front of Seunghyun-ssi and started to work, while Jimin held my shoulders from the back and led me to the dining room. I sat on my usual seat, the one nearest the head on the left side, and Jimin sat on the head of the table, looking at me carefully.

 

“Thank me now, Sunhee.”

“What are you saying?” I asked him, but he grinned.

“As you can see, I saved your friend’s here.”

I scoffed. “Save his ? Jimin-ah, I could’ve do it without you.”

“Na-uh.” He waved his index, motioning a no-no. “Without me acting like I was hurt, Yoongi hyung would not agree to bring Seunghyun-ssi here.”

“I thought you were really hurt back then. Your face looks as if you’ve been carrying two sacks of rice.”

“Ha! He’s not even heavy. I just acted. I’m a good actor, you know.” He said, still showing his wolfish grin. “So, thank me now, Lee Sunhee.”

“I would help you in buying Yohee’s gift on her birthday, I promise.”  I said, and he scowled. He almost said as if I don’t know how to buy her a gift based on his expression.

“No need. Just make your guy best friend stay away from Yohee.” He’s still scowling, although when I nodded, he started smiling again.

“Fine, agreed.” I said, even though I’ve always known those two are just good friends. Sure Yohee had a crush on Daesung oppa, but after a couple of times they spent together (maybe some behind my back), Yohee decided Daesung oppa is not really her type. Daesung oppa is just like the older guys in the house, and Yohee do not want another guy who acts like the guys in this house.

 

Well, Jimin is another story though. He just lets Yohee be her (I think aside from their latest conflict).

After a while Jin oppa and Yoongi oppa came to the dining area too. Yoongi oppa sat across me, and Seokjin oppa sat beside him.

 

“I let him burrow my clothes.” Jin oppa said. I nodded.

“Thanks, oppa.”

Yoongi oppa sighed. “If it’s me, I won’t let him inside this house.”

“Yoongi oppa—”

“You have to understand me, Sunhee. Everybody knows I hate the guy.”

He said so bluntly like he didn’t care if Seunghyun-ssi will hear him from here. “Yeah, I know. But he needs our help.”

“It’s his fault he can’t control his alcohol.” He replied, but then sighed when he saw my expression. I just wanted him to stop. “This will be the last time I will welcome him inside this house.”

“Okay.” I murmured, though for me what he did isn’t really welcoming.

 

We had our dinner and after that Yoongi oppa told me go upstairs and sleep. I don’t know why I feel he just don’t want me to see Seunghyun-ssi, although I still obeyed him and went to my room. I have a feeling that if I don’t obey him, Seunghyun-ssi will end up sleeping outside, rolled in one of the dirty mattresses.

Sometime after midnight, Taehee went upstairs, followed by Yohee. They looked at me, wide-eyed, after each of them went inside our room.

 

“Yah, Sunhee, why is Seunghyun-ssi down there?” Taehee started.

“Yeah,” Yohee added, almost breathless. “I thought I was just hallucinating a while ago.”

“He was drunk when he came here and had some tantrum. You see…” I started fiddling with my fingers, suddenly unable to look into their eyes. “He just confessed he likes me, and I dumped him.” I recalled some of the details of our meeting earlier the day.

“Oh my God, I’m shocked.” Taehee said after I finished telling my story. I looked at them. Both Taehee’s and Yohee’s expressions were excited more than shocked, and so I rolled my eyes.

“Sunhee, you could’ve just grabbed the opportunity!” Yohee exclaimed, having her fist in the air like she was grabbing an imaginary thing there. Maybe mosquito.

“You don’t understand…”

“Yeah, we don’t understand.” They sneered almost in chorus.

 

Maybe at 3 am I decided I can't sleep. I don't know why, but I can't, so I got up. I checked on Yohee and Taehee first if they’re already asleep (they already were), which I unusually do. I feel like I’m going to sneak or something. Then I walked very quietly, almost tiptoeing down to the kitchen.

I rummaged the fridge for milk while thinking about Seunghyun-ssi. What was he thinking that he got drunk and went here? He’s nuts. Totally.

But then I’ll be making a fool of myself if I don’t agree that he staying here made me happy. It’s cold outside and he might get sick if Yoongi oppa didn’t allow him to stay here. Besides, what will the others think if they see their beloved TOP in a hangover first thing in the morning, on news?

As my thoughts floated away I went back to the scene a while ago, with Seunghyun-ssi lying on the couch. Well, it’s a bad replacement for be, but still I thought that maybe it would be great if our worn-out couch would be his bed if he lives here…

I stopped and decided for water.

What did I just think?!

I heard a scream from the living room on my way to second glass so I ran to him. I saw Seunghyun shouting groggy words, punching the air like he got some enemies there, our little Cloud was wide awake again and looking at Seunghyun-ssi alarmingly, her tail wagging slowy.

I sighed and went to Seunghyun, slowly, to calm him, who, by the looks of it, was just sleep-talking (or rather, sleep-screaming). He was wearing one of Seokjin oppa’s plain white shirt and pajamas. I smiled. He’s so cute sleeping there, his head and calves propped on the armrests on either side. I started to walk, and midway he stopped punching the air. I continued and sat cross-legged in front of him. The towel and basin of water that Jin oppa left at the foot of the sofa caught my attention, and for a crazy moment I decided to freshen his skin again.

I squeezed the towel out of the basin as Cloud sat beside me, watching my every move with interest and keeping a wary eye at Seunghyun-ssi at the same time. I looked at her before damping the cloth on Seunghyun-ssi’s skin.

 

“I thought you like him?” I asked her, raising a brow. The dog did not answer.  I continued my work.

“Sunhee... Lee Sunhee...” I stopped when I heard him calling my name. I leaned nearer, but I can’t understand the words he continued murmuring.

“I'm here.” I replied when he finished.

“Is this a dream?” Suddenly his eyes are open and looking at me. “If this is a dream, then it is good, right?”

I sighed. “Yes it is.”

“I won't let go. I promise.” He whispered, almost pleadingly. “I'll wait for you even if you walk away from me again and again.”

“Say that when you're sober, okay?” He nodded, his eyes closed again.

 

The next day, I checked Seunghyun-ssi first thing in the morning to see him sleeping. Then I went to the kitchen and hunted for food to make breakfast since I thought one of Seunghyun-ssi’s morning routine is eating breakfast (he made breakfast for us when I slept in his house), and I also made some coffee for all of us, since I know that the others do not eat breakfast and would just settle for a hot drink.

When I’m done I decided to wake Seunghyun-ssi up but before I reached the living room, someone screamed. I ran to the living room and saw Seunghyun awake, his face full of horror.

 

“Seunghyun-ssi?” I tried to catch his attention, and he did.

“You—” He said, his eyes are still wide because of something I didn't know.

“I made breakfast.” I continued calmly, waiting him to recover from shock. He took his time, breathing hard many times, and then he glared at me.

“Why did you even brought me here?” He stood up and put his hands on his waist.

“You were drunk, see. And then you went here, to our house and make a scene. I felt responsible since...” He knew it, and he looked somewhere else. “You drove to our house, drunk. What, you want to die?” I tried to scold him, but failed. He looked at me acidly.

“It's none of your business.” He snapped back. I was taken aback. Is he saying that he and his safety are none of my business?

 

I don’t know, but it hurt me.

 

“I should go home.” He started collecting his clothes from last night that Jin oppa neatly folded and placed in the sofa and I just stood there, watching him as he put his things between his chest and wrist.

“But I made breakfast…”

“I’m already overstaying, Sunhee-ssi.” He said and looked at me coldly for the last time before he stormed out of the house.

 

What’s with the attitude? I let him stay here because I thought it would be dangerous for a drunk idol to roam outside and now this is what I get for making sure he’s safe?

Now the hurt I felt was replaced with anger. I followed him and saw him walking to the gate.

 

“Oh yeah, you should, without even saying ‘thank you’!” I screamed.

“Jesus— fine, thanks very much!” He waved his hand angrily while walking. I sighed as he pushed the gates with so much force (and what did the gates ever do to him?!) that I thought the hinges would fall off. Thankfully it didn’t, or else Yoongi oppa would add that to my expenses.

“Yah, what’s with the commotion?” I suddenly turn around and saw Seokjin oppa, looking at the deserted living room. “I was trying to sleep.”

“Sorry oppa. It was that ungrateful jerk.” I complained. “Ugh, I wasted my time cooking for him!”

“What?” He looked at me unbelievingly. “You cooked for him?”

“Why, do you think I don’t know how to cook?”

“I know girls in this house know how to cook Sunhee-ah. But seriously, just for him?”

“Actually I was planning to wake you or Taehee, but you guys seemed to be peacefully asleep. And besides I didn’t cook just for him. So if you want, you can eat too. I also made coffee.”

Actually the last part was lie. I just made coffee for them and the food was not supposed to be for them, but nevertheless that made Jin oppa smile. He walked to me and put my head on his armpit and pushed me closer to him so my cheek is on his chest. I tried to break free, but his strong arms are locking my head tightly enough. “You’re the best, dongsaeng-ah! I have exams later so I should eat up, you know! Thanks for the food!!!”

“Yah, oppa! Let me go! I have to get dressed too, you know!”

“Oh yeah.” He let go of me, and he’s still all-grins. “You should go.” I pouted before making my way upstairs to the ladies’ bathroom. “Sunhee-ah.”

“Why?” I stopped walking almost irritably and turned to Seokjin oppa. Now he looks serious.

“Don’t worry, I think he means what he said.” He said like he was possessed by another spirit, and he suddenly walked to the kitchen. I blinked, wondering what he’s talking about.

 

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