"You're just a coward Jongin," Seulgi said before completely letting go of him. "I thought you would have matured but you're still the same. Exactly the same."

Seulgi took a few steps toward the door but felt a strong grip on her wrist.

"Let go," she said harshly before being pulled back by Jongin.

"You can't just possibly leave like that after doing that, Seulgi," he said surprised by her behavior.

"Why? It was just a kiss," Seulgi repeated.

"That's not what I am talking about although we'll have to discuss this matter later too," Jongin said as calm as ever.

"You mean the coward? That's really the only thing that got a reaction from you?" she said disappointed.

He must really not care about kissing me after all.

"I don't know about you but if someone insulted me I would at least like to know why."

"I wasn't insulting you, I was stating facts," she let him know on the same calm tone, feeling more composed than a few seconds ago. "You're a coward and that's why I called you so," she said before taking back her hand.

"That's debatable," Jongin retorted before pushing her away from the door as he was scared to see her leave at any moment.

"I am not trying to make you less of… of a good man," Seulgi pondered on her words. She wanted to choose wisely. "But I've had enough of this double personality you keep giving me."

"Double personality? Me?" he asked while widening his eyes. "That's harsh."

"Yes of course you, who else Jongin?" she answered beginning to feel her initial anger rise again. "How do you call someone who takes care of someone else like you do, calls them for hours on the phone, holds their hand for no reason, says they miss them and even goes all the way to kiss them but refuses to call it for what it is? A coward."

"What is the way I should call it?" he asked cautiously.

Seulgi blushed and kind of found it hard to say it out loud now although it was clear in her mind. It had been clear from the moment he stepped on the rooftop and wanted a hug from her as soon as he landed. It was clear when he was so worried about her after staying in the cold for too long to the point of being mad. It became crystal clear when he returned her kiss. But how could she gather the courage to tell him now ?

"I don't understand," he confessed as he ruffled his soft hair. "What do all these things you mentioned mean for them to make me a coward? Does making all these things with you make me a coward? Is that it?" he asked again after only obtaining a long silence from her. "I can't miss you? I can't hold your hand? Should I stop calling you too?"

"No…" she let out suddenly feeling foolish. Oh why did she even say that? It's not like she could take it back.

"Call it for what it is? What do you mean? What is it that I should be able to say but that I can't because I'm a coward?"

Jongin had an unreadable expression but she was sure she could read confusion in his eyes.

"That… you love… me?"

She knew she answered with too much uncertainty. She didn't look like she believed in what she was saying at all and it was indeed the case.

What if he doesn't love me in the slightest bit and I just imagined things on my own? It's totally over for me if he doesn't. I'm seriously never showing up in front of him again.

Jongin lightly ruffled his head avoiding her eyes and then again and again. He took his head in both of his hands and grunted. He took a few seconds to think and then said:

"I think we'll need to talk things out first," he said before grabbing Seulgi by the wrist.

Jongin brought her to the couch and made her sit before sitting not too far from her.

"You should take off your coat," Jongin advised after a long awkward silence.

Seulgi wondered how does one start a conversion like that? What was a conversion when she couldn't look at in the eyes after saying something stupid? He hadn't even answered her and now he wanted to talk? Jongin should have just rejected her right away and let her go home to cry her heart out. Now he was just making the dreadful moment purposelessly last.

She eyed him once but was surprised to see him looking back so she completely turned around, fully aware of her flushed cheeks from seeing her reflection in the mirror.

"Okay," Jongin said after taking a deep breath. "What do you mean by I was and still am a coward?"

Seulgi gulped. Did she say that? She couldn't remember.

She looked at her feet and avoided his eyes at all costs.

"That's because you are," she mumbled.

"How? Why? When?" he ironically pressured her with his soothing voice.

"Remember when we were younger and you used to tease me about my nonexistent crush on Sehun?" she clumsily started. "You knew I didn't like him, didn't you?"

Jongin remained quiet which confirmed her doubts.

"You said you would introduce me to him but you never actually did until we bumped into him at the ice cream parlor," Seulgi reminisced.

"I missed the chance."

"No you didn't. He practiced with us, I mean you can find a better excuse Jongin, Seulgi scoffed. "You hung out with him during our dance practice and then you would go home with me or him, but never making us meet. He was in the same room as us almost every day but you never said anything."

"Honestly, Seulgi I didn't even know I did all that," Jongin confessed puzzled by her statement.

"Okay let's say you didn't try to make me stay away from Sehun even if you said that you would make us become friends, which is already contradictory in a sense." Jongin nodded. "Why did you continue to tell me to ask him out without doing anything to actually help me? Wasn't it just because it was easier for you?"

"Easier to do what?"

"Making me fall in love with someone else although you knew how I felt about you. That's being a coward."

Telling me to do something with another guy but never forcing me to actually do it because you knew more than you let it show.

Jongin pursed his lips and thought a bit before sighing.

"Okay, I admit that wasn't very cool of me, I'm sorry," he sincerely apologized. "Not that I can excuse myself or anything but I did think at some point that you really liked him."

Seulgi rolled her eyes.

"There was this time too at school when your friends started to call us a couple because you used to leave them to eat lunch with me instead."

"What about that?"

"You never corrected them, even when they teased you to death on Valentine's day and acted like it was just some kind of misunderstanding. But the only time I brought up the subject you said I was being delusional and called me your long time best friend. I seriously cried all night."

Jongin tried to contain a laugh at first because he couldn't forget how her face took such a drastic change from a smile to a frown when he said they would be friends forever. At the time, he was only teasing her but he didn't know he had hurt her feelings to this point.

"And there's more, Coward-gin," she ranted. "Remember that time where you made a scene because our coach wouldn't let me be your dance partner as I wasn't on your level and you took my defense in front of everyone.?Don't you think it totally looked like one of those unrealistic fairytales with a princess and her prince to me?"

Jongin chuckled. That was totally something the Seulgi from his trainee days would have thought as innocent and full of imagination as she was.

"But then you said you did it because you didn't want to dance alone when we both knew it was to protect my pride. Inconsistent double faced prick," she spat.

Jongin looked at her with surprise. He didn't know she had noticed all these things since she always kept quiet about them and just smiled at him although she was hurt.

In all honesty, Seulgi was right about Jongin being aware of her affection for him but he always thought she just had a silly crush on him as he was the only male friend she had. He always thought on the back of his head: "the day she befriends other guys is the day she'll stop looking at me like that." Which is why he never considered her feelings seriously.

Jongin thought it was the kind of temporary crush you have on someone because you mistake some feelings for what they aren't. She felt good with him because they had many similarities and got along extremely well, but then she would realize with time that she only saw him as a friend and then he would get hurt. It wasn't worth it to give in to her unstable and volatile feelings and reciprocate her love.

"You should have told me that I was hurting you," he said now feeling more sorry than ever.

"I was about to! But then you started to ask to spend even more time with me so I was more than happy a-and you just kept giving me all these troubled signs, telling me things and then doing something else," Seulgi stuttered out of anger. "I didn't confess just by waking up a morning and telling myself: yes! Let's go ruin our friendship!"

Seulgi continued after seeing he wouldn't say anything, fully listening to her.

"There were so many signs that I misunderstood because you refused to face me and my feelings Jongin!" she suddenly burst out. "I thought you made me stay away from Sehun because you liked me! I was certain that you let your friends think we were dating because you were going to confess to me!"

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