Seulgi continued to count out loud to destabilize him as she kept up a peaceful motion of shifting from one leg to another, unbothered and merciless.

"Wait, you're really counting?"

"27… 26… 25…"

"Wow, wow, wow wait a second, um," Jongin panicked.

"You're wasting time."

Jongin turned around and tried to think of something to say but there where so many things he wanted to talk about and 30 seconds would never be enough. Should he say he was sorry first? Tell her how much he missed her? Confess his loneliness? Ask for her number? Explain the misunderstanding of the festival? He didn't know what to say and she wouldn't stop counting.

Seulgi's whole body continued to waver from left to right as she was waiting for him to say something. Although she looked completely in control, she was doing this because she couldn't stand still: his silence was stressing her. She was completely unaware that he was looking at her so intently from the back as she started playing with her feet. Is he really gonna stand there and say nothing? she wondered when her chronometer hit the 10s.

"Whenever you want, wall," she anxiously said, still facing the white and void space in front of her.

"I-I, no um," he failed to start a proper sentence.

Seulgi stopped counting to hear what he had to say but he remained silent.

"6… 5…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'm sorry," he quickly said.

"2… 1…" Seulgi continued slowly.

She was still waiting for one last word from him but she couldn't get it.

"And zero. Time's up," she announced while turning back to face him although he was already looking her way.

"You won't ask me why I'm sorry?" he hopefully asked.

Seulgi put her hands into her jeans pocket and simply kept looking back at him. Her expression was unreadable as she kept silent and Jongin took that for a yes.

"I'm sorry for the past, for everything that has happened when we were trainees," he started. "I'm also sorry for making you cry at the cafe last time."

"You already apologized for that—"

"It doesn't matter, I'll never be sorry enough," he told her. "I'm sorry for ignoring you at the festival too. I would explain myself if you gave me more time but…" he stopped when he saw her expression become colder at the mention of this incident. "It doesn't matter, I shouldn't have done it in the first place."

Seulgi let out a subtle sigh.

"What is the fourth one for?" she asked.

He almost smiled. Almost, because he wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do under her distant and vague stare. Was she mad? Was she accepting his apologies? Heck, was she even listening? Seulgi somehow looked so out of it.

"Lastly, I'm sorry for calling you 234 times."

"Wasn't it around 270?" she asked dubiously.

"No, I counted."

"It felt like 300, in all honesty."

"I'm really sorry," Jongin apologized again.

She nodded. Now that was something definitely deserving an apology.

"You don't have anything to say?" he cautiously asked.

Jongin was always on edge with Seulgi as everything could go wrong in a split second. No matter how much he tried, something, anything, a small detail, a misplaced comment, a missing word, a sudden silence, really anything could make him fail at this game. A land mine would be safer than their relationship he realized too many times. He felt like it was game over before he even started talking half the time. Just like in this moment.

"I don't." She affirmed, but there was so much hesitation in her voice that it felt like she was asking herself a question. Did she really have nothing to say or did she prefer to stay quiet and keep her feelings for herself? But would it really make a difference? Would Jongin react differently whether she told him she was tired of all this and that she couldn't decide between trying endlessly without any hope of results or letting go and just taking in everything he said and not do anything with it? Seulgi unconsciously sighed.

"What's wrong?" he asked with much concern.

Seulgi diverted her gaze from the floor and gave him one last look.

It wasn't aggressive like the first she landed on him when he appeared in front of her a few minutes earlier. It wasn't cold like the one she had chosen to give to him when he reminded her of the unfair treatment he gave her at the festival nor was it distant and vague like the look she had just before. This one was sad.

How was she supposed to tell him that everything felt wrong? She didn't want to give up but it just felt like their relationship was giving up on her. No matter how hard she tried to make it work, she felt like she would never be able to keep up with the mental strength it took to be around him. She couldn't explain why it was so easy for everyone else to be accepted by Jongin but her. Why could he talk casually to Soojung but had to fight with her all the time? Why was he so nice to Irene but always found a way to ignore her and ruin her day? Why did he have no problem with talking to every damn female celebrity in this company but couldn't bring himself to say hi to her even when his fans weren't around?

Seulgi seriously didn't understand and couldn't explain Jongin's behaviour. Maybe she made a mistake and confessed when she should have kept her feelings for herself but that was in the past and she swore she would rather let a thousand rats destroy her room before doing it again. So much time passed, he should have guessed that she moved on so she didn't have to directly say it: it's common sense that you stop loving someone who has rejected and cut all ties with you. Especially in their case where they had many opportunities to become friends again but didn't because of the hostility they had for each other. He didn't avoid her because he thought she still loved him so why? Seulgi was clueless and pondered way too many times about it.

Years later and she still couldn't find an answer.

It was maybe the time to finally let go of the last hope she had after all.

"Seulgi?" he asked again a lot more stressed than before.

She couldn't bring herself to answer, she felt like she would cry at the first word and breakdown like a crybaby. She found it so weird that Jongin always got her at her worst when love was supposed to give you butterflies and make you happy. What did she do wrong for her love to constantly make her feel this way?

Seulgi would do the impossible for him, she would use all the energy she had left to be able to be around him but what to do when he didn't want her around? There was so much pain a heart could endure and a limit to the deception a person could take. She was so tired. How was she supposed to tell him their whole relationship made no sense to her anymore?

She patted her cheeks to cool them down and whispered inaudible words