New Year’s Eve rolled by, and the members agreed they’d stay up the whole night. This rarely happened anymore – they were always flying from city to city, country to country, performing for fans everywhere, for Christmas, New Years, birthdays, everything. All ten of them were splayed on the couch, hands and legs over each other, as they shouted the numbers and heard the fireworks explode in the sky outside.

Jongin was kissing Kyungsoo, Junmyeon’s hands were exploring Sehun’s body, Luhan and Minseok were lost in their own world of tongue, and Baekhyun – Chanyeol was in his face. Yixing swallowed and looked away. He saw Jongdae give him an eye roll and forced a small chuckle in return.

He stayed for a while, playing games, drinking, watching Chanyeol drink Baekhyun’s beer for him, and just…watching Baekhyun. Memorising the way his fingers twirled around each other, how he ran his hands through his hair, how his lips stretched into a rectangle when he smiled, even though he knew every movement by heart.

And then there came a point of time in the night that he couldn’t stand it any longer, so he told the others he was going out to get some drinks for everyone, took his things and left. He could still hear the laughter and yells behind him as the door clicked closed and he stepped into the freezing Seoul night.

The cold seeped through the layers of his hoodie and he contemplated going back for another jacket. The temperature was definitely negative tonight. He could feel it biting into his bones. Then he sighed, embracing the pain, and started his way to the convenience shop along Hangang.

He watched his breath turn into puffs of mist in the air and let his mind wander. He missed loving him, and he missed being loved back. He missed sitting with Baekhyun by his side in front of the piano, four hands dancing across the white and black keys. When he played his compositions to Baekhyun he would sing along without words, and it was one of those moments that made him feel whole and complete. He missed coming home after long flights to see Baekhyun huddled up in the couch, always intending to stay up for him, but always falling asleep instead. He missed the way the corners of his droopy eyes crinkled in his favourite smile. He missed the way Baekhyun would make him laugh, then poke at his dimples when he did.

He missed gently rubbing the eyeliner away from the beautiful eyes whenever they came back from schedules. Sometimes Baekhyun would get so tired he would flop onto the bed after stripping off his clothes. Yixing didn’t have the heart to drag him to the shower, so he carried a towel and a basin of warm water over and gave Baekhyun a thorough wipe down. He would remove the makeup on his face, pressing light kisses after he was done with each eyelid, and Baekhyun would sleepily attack his lips with his. Swallow his oxygen for his own.

He remembered a day when he brought Baekhyun and Junmyeon out for hot chocolate, and it was colder than tonight, so when they laid their feet on the snow Baekhyun commented, “it smells cold.” Junmyeon looked at him strangely and said, “The cold doesn’t have a smell, you pabo.” But Yixing knew what he was talking about, the clear, crisp, characteristic smell of cold, and he gave Baekhyun’s hand a tight squeeze to show he understood.

He remembered the first time he left Baekhyun for China, and when he was leaving the house Baekhyun had the look of a small, sad puppy and, he swore, if Baekhyun opened his mouth and told him to stay, Yixing would’ve. But Baekhyun was a good puppy, and he stayed silent, holding onto Yixing’s index finger while he gathered his keys and passport. As Yixing pulled him into an embrace he sang softly into his ear, “Take a piece of my heart, and make it all your own, so when we are apart, you’ll never be alone, you’ll never be alone.” Baekhyun made a noise that sounded like a whimpering puppy and pulled away to kiss Yixing on the lips.