Baekhyun felt like he was going to die. He wanted to thrash and kick to release the pain, but he so, so tired, and he was hurting, and he wanted Yixing by his side, but he knew he was miles and miles away…

He could smell Chanyeol’s clothes as he lay in his lap. He remembered all the times they messed around and annoyed everyone else together, remembered how he would ruffle his hair whenever they stood together, remembered Chanyeol holding him all those nights he woke up from nightmares and found tear tracks along his cheeks and his throat sore from crying, how he always stayed up with him when he missed Yixing so much he couldn't sleep.

He knew Chanyeol was only half joking all the times at their concerts, when he went down on one knee with a rose between his teeth, and tilted his head upwards at Baekhyun and his eyes were shining with a whole galaxy of stars. He would laugh at the gushing fans, pluck the rose from his mouth, and smack him on the arm.

He knew Chanyeol loved him, but his heart already belonged to the boy that was never there. He felt his tears escape and soak into Chanyeol’s pants.

I’m sorry, you deserve someone better, I’m so sorry.

He felt like a monster was living in his chest, tearing his body apart from inside out, but his cells were so tired from fighting back, and it wasn’t long before he out from the pain and weariness.