Author’s Note: I don’t own anything.
 

/own thoughts/
italics – past lives
 

I miss you. I love you. I would go anywhere, do anything for you. But sometimes it seems as if I've used up all my chances. Made too many mistakes.

There is no going back.

Hyun Suk's smile didn't dim as he looked at the resigned teen.

"What the hell are you doing in my driveway?" he asked pleasantly. Jiyong seemed to attempt to shrink away. When that failed to occur the boy offered a small, sheepish smile.

"Homework?"

Hyun Suk raised an eyebrow and drew deeply on a glowing cigarette. "Idiot." He turned away to climb the stairs of his home, calling briefly over his shoulder, "If I were you, G-Dragon, I would leave and regroup. You do not want to be home when my son comes back. Dara happens to be his favorite."

"Stop calling me that. That's not my name." Jiyong gave up and gunned the engine of his car, turning away to spare one last glance at the house. "Could you tell her that I..."

Love her, would spend the rest of my life doing so if only she'd let me.

A flash of her pained face flashed in front of his eyes. Stay away from me, she had told him, desperation in her eyes. Just stay away.

How could I, Dara, when everything in me protests at the thought?

Seeing Hyun Suk's raised eyebrow and skeptical glare, Jiyong banished all unsettling thoughts from his mind.

So close. You're so close. Why must you turn away from me? What are you afraid of?

/Everything./

"G-Dragon."

Jiyong snapped out of his daze and glanced up, his eyes somber. "Ne."

Hyun Suk sighed in disgust. /So you're not ready yet, are you? Idiot./

"Tell her what," the wolf prompted, his eyes uncharacteristically gentle. "Tell Dara what?"

"Tell Dara...that I said Hello."

Hyun Suk watched from the steps as the Jeep pulled out of his driveway, his face thoughtful. He was still there as a BMW purred to a stop and ejected his son.

His brown gaze warmed to a look few were treated to. "Youngbae." Embracing the boy with eyes so much like Dara's, his smile sharpened as he opened the door. "Come in. Dinner's almost ready."

"Where's Dara?" Youngbae smiled and shouldered his book bag. "I brought her something from work."

Hyun Suk merely shrugged and called for his wife. Eun-ju appeared, wiping her hands with a dishrag. Her face brightened upon the sight of her son. Briefly. Then her eyes lit in rage.

"Whoa...mama?" Youngbae backed up cautiously, raising his hands as to ward off her chill of disapproval. Then he saw it.

His father had placed the cigarette, still glowing, in his hand.

"No! Mama! It isn't what--"

"PARK YOUNGBAE, HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT FILTHY THING INTO THIS HOUSE--"

Hyun Suk quietly, cleverly made his escape.

Dara looked up from her desk startled out of her daydream as her mother's furious voice and her twin brother's panicked one vibrated through the house.

"YOUNGBAEAAAAAAAA! COME BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!"

Dara barely blinked as her brother's disheveled form burst frantically through her bedroom door. Her brow began to twitch, however, as Youngbae began to shove random large pieces of her furniture in front of the opening.

"Youngbae."

Her dresser joined the pile.

"Youngbae."                                                                                                  

Next to go was her bookcase.

"YOUNGBAE!"

His grin flashed, highlighting his disarmingly handsome features as he flopped on her bed. "That's Youngbae-oppa to you, Dara."

She twirled in her chair, a small chuckle escaping. "You're only two minutes older, oppa. And don't bother worrying. She's going to realize that you aren't old enough to buy cigarettes yet."

As if on cue, their mother erupted on what they suspected was their father. They laughed in unison.

"Where's Chae and Bom?"

Dara shrugged absently, inserting the end of her pen between her teeth. "Chaerin went to a study group..."

"So she went to Seungri's house." The disapproving tone was typical of a brother.

"...And Bom went out for a walk," she slurred. Youngbae raised an eyebrow, reminding her of their father.

"Bom? Walking? Hope people don't mind getting crashed into."

Insulted for her sister, Dara straightened primly. "I seem to recall a certain incident where you knocked a hapless female..."

"Shut up," Youngbae protested, covering with a large hand. "Anyways, I brought you something, so be nice to your oppa."

Laughing freely -- Youngbae had always had the ability to cheer her up – Dara accepted the bag and peeked inside.

"I was on my way out when it caught my eye. Startled me, I must admit, but I thought it was pretty cool, ne? Dara?" In his ramblings, he had failed to notice that her laughter had stopped abruptly, her face alarmingly white.

"Dara?" Youngbae jumped to take his twin by her shoulders. "Dara! What is it?"

It was a picture of her.

"May...may I...that is to say...may I please paint you? You're perfect..."

She was taken aback, but flattered. The man's eyes were so earnest, his face so endearingly bashful. Glancing over her shoulder, her gaze came to rest on her Jiyong. His face was so astonished at the man's request that Dara could feel tears burn the back of her eyes.

"Thank you," she managed. "I...I..."

Jiyong, she realized, would never be able to see her the way she wanted.

She turned away from Jiyong, tears gathering on her lashes. She swore that none would fall until she was alone. She smiled sadly at the artist, who silently promised himself that her face would be his masterpiece. The sorrow that lurked on her features turned them into something that was heartbreakingly beautiful.

"You flatter me."

"Dara! Dara, answer me," Youngbae cried. Her breath flew out with a whoosh as she was jerked back to reality. "Dara...I knew the postcard was a bad idea..."

She managed a small smile as her mind whirled. But she could never keep anything from the boy who knew her better than she knew herself.

"I...I've been having hallucinations, Youngbae."

Youngbae's gaze gave nothing away as he recalled waking up from dreams in a sweat, visions of blood and racking pain running through his mind. "What kind of hallucinations?"

She crossed her legs and twirled absently in her chair, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. "Sad ones."

He raised an eyebrow again, frowning. "Sad ones? Nightmares?"

"No." How could she explain? "Hallucinations. It's me. Or at least I think it's me, she has my name, but they can't be my memories. And the predominant thing is a feeling of sorrow, of despair and hurt." She took a breath, feeling a slight guilt for sharing a sisters' secret with a brother. "Bom's been having them too."

"Bom's been having dreams? Of what?"

Dara dropped her pen abruptly, her eyes going bleak. "Death."

The only thing I fear is that I would die alone.

I'll protect you, Dara. Always.

But how could you have known that you would have to protect me from yourself?

Chaerin huffed impatiently and swatted away her boyfriend's hand. "I'm trying to study," she snapped. But she couldn't quite prevent the smile that blossomed when he resumed playing with her hair.

"Cat," Seungri grumbled. "You don't have to fulfill the lie when you come over. Then it isn't a lie anymore."

Chaerin scowled lightly. "I feel bad enough lying to my mother as it is." Although the daugther of the Park family knew better. Her mother might look like she spent all of her time in a beauty salon, but she had a calculating and clever mind hidden behind those dark eyes. One that rarely missed anything.

Like her daughter.

"You should be trying to study too, Seungri. We both have a test tomorrow, in case you've forgotten."

The boy groaned, rolling onto his back. "It's on reincarnation, for God’s sake. What idiot has a course in philosophy?"

Chaerin rolled her eyes. "What idiot would sign up for a course in philosophy?"

"Man, Cat, you know I only signed up for it because you nagged."

Wanting to prolong another argument, Chaerin shrugged delicately before turning back to her book. Squashing the instinct to inform him that she wasn't a nagging person, she began to primly recite from the dusty text.

"Reincarnation is believed by many religions to be the way for a soul that is not at rest to find peace. Like the western belief that ghosts are spiritual beings that cannot move on until their spirit has been appeased, reincarnation is the soul's attempt to achieve contentment by coming back to life. Equipped with another body, the soul has another life to live– and another chance to do things right.

Reincarnation has many variations. The most popular and most romantic is the idea that the soul, when the time is right, will eventually take on the form of the being that it first was. Thus, if the soul first lived in a girl with blue eyes and black hair, then when the time is near for it to be at peace it will be born again into a woman's body with blue eyes and black hair. This is usually believed to be a method if the discontentment or unfinished business is romantic in nature."

"Hey, Chae, like we're ever going to need this."

Chaerin shushed him with a jab in the ribs and continued reading. Her eyes grew wider with each word.

"The most radical idea of reincarnation is possession. That is to say that one's past life– usually the original self– is aware and conscious in one's subconscious. It is simply another romantic idea– the discontent original self is 'helping' the floundering present self. This theory is unpopular, as the main outcome is for the present self to regain memories of its past self or selves, and then proceed to 'join' with the original self, who is finally at peace. Because of its radical nature, most researchers agree that..."

"Jiyong." She searched for a word, any word to make the intense betrayal she felt fade. "Jiyong."

The man continued to sit, large, blank eyes staring at the walls. He didn't move.

"Jiyong," She bravely fought back tears as chills raced up her spine. It didn't feel right, to be in Dara's room without her presence. Daesung had taken to attacking the floors daily, rubbing until his fingers were raw and his breaths had hitched and unsteadied. His eyes were wet and impossibly young as he sobbed in her arms.

The blood would never wash off, he had cried. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, the blood was still there. It wasn't fair that all he had left of Dara was a smear of blood on her floor. It just wasn't fair.

She felt her own breathing hitch as her eyes filled. Dara was gone. They had cremated her body and flung her ashes to the sea just the other day. And with her went the spirit of all of the studio’s inhabitants. Daesung cleaned and practiced but barely spoke. Jiyong washed and sat, golden eyes dark with misery and God knew what else. And Seungri...

"It doesn't make sense." Seungri's eyes were dull as he pleaded with her for answers. "Why? Why, Chaerin?" He couldn't bring himself to believe that his little Dara had taken her own life.

Why indeed?

"Jiyong."

The man stirred, turning dead eyes to her gaze. "Hai, Chaerin?"

"How could you?" She couldn't stop the words, not even when she saw him flinch. It was as if something was being ripped out of her. Something that had lain dormant, just under the surface. "She loved you so much that it hurt. I thought I was right. I thought that you loved her. God, I told her to wait for you." Her sobs grew louder. "How could I have told her to wait for something that wasn't there? I gave her false hope! But I thought...I was so sure..."

Her sobs overtook her, shaking her form as she fell to the ground. She didn't have to look up to know that Jiyong had resumed staring at the smooth wood of her walls.

"I...thought..." he had to swallow, had to start over. "I thought I could protect her."

She hauled herself up, narrowing brown eyes that were bright with tears and anger. She stalked over to the door, pausing to fling at him."She never wanted you to protect her, damn you. She just wanted you to care."

As the door snapped shut, she almost missed his words. But instead of appeasing her, they just succeeded in sharpening the pain in her heart.

"I did care. I lied. I'm sorry..." Her heart broke when she heard his sobs. The control the Dragon was famous for had shattered. His husky voice pleaded with someone who wasn't there. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me...please come back...I'll do anything...just please come back. You can't just leave me..."

You can't just leave me here alone...

Chaerin could feel Seungri's hands on her shoulders, shaking her, calling her name. She forced herself to look into his concerned gaze, formed a shaky smile.

"I don't know, Seungri." she murmured, gaze distant. "This reincarnation stuff doesn't seem that farfetched all of a sudden."

If I lied to you, would you forgive me?

Double update! Please leave comments or upvote. Do you still like me to continue the story?