CHAPTER 8

"I don't think we can be friends."

Moonbyul did not know what to do, what to feel, how to feel. Emotions hit her like a bullet train running at a quite high speed with no intention of stopping. To say that she was overwhelmed was an understatement.

"I don't think we can be friends."

The statement kept repeating in her head like a broken record.

"I don't think we can be friends."

What does that even mean?

"I don't think we can be friends."

But why not?

"I don't think we can be friends."

Has she done anything wrong?

"I don't think we can be friends."

Unacceptable.

"I don't think we can be friends."

No. Moonbyul shook her head in disbelief.

"I don't think we can be friends."

But Solar's her ultimate best friend in the whole universe- amongst hundreds of galaxies, thousands of systems, and gazillions of stars.

"I don't think we can be friends."

This can't be happening.

"I don't think we can be friends anymore, Moonbyul-yi", Solar repeated.

But it was.

She didn't know how long she had been silent for but Moonbyul just couldn't get any words out of , let alone process the whole situation. Solar changed her position on the bed which brings them face-to-face with each other. Moonbyul felt even more vulnerable than before.

"Byul, did you hear me? I said..."

"I heard you the first time", Moonbyul said, finally finding her ability to speak. "Why?", she asked, her voice cracking by the second.

Solar looked down.. "You know why."

"I don't."

"Byul, please", Solar said softly.

Moonbyul's frustration and confusion was starting to build up as her patience ran thin. She sat up abruptly, making her feel a bit dizzy. She held her head with one of her hands while she used the other to push herself out of bed. "I don't understand."

Solar looked up. She also stood up so then they are standing on the opposite sides of the bed, facing each other. Solar had her arms crossed in front of her chest making her look tiny and fragile; ironic because it was the other girl's heart that got broken- not hers.

"Why can't we be friends?", Moonbyul questioned. "B-because... Because... I like girls?", Moonbyul said, whispering the last bit.

Solar nodded and looked down at her feet. She seemed to have difficulties looking at the rapper straight in the eye. "I just can't do it."

Moonbyul raised a hand over her chest as she felt it tighten even further not believing what she was hearing. felt like it was closing up to a point where she had trouble breathing as a lone tear fell down her cheek. Solar looked up and saw this. Something flashed across her eyes for a millisecond, and although Moonbyul couldn't pinpoint what it was, she was sure she saw it despite the darkness surrounding them. The leader started walking towards her, but Moonbyul took tentative steps backward, not wanting the older girl to be in close proximity in fear of the hurt intensifying even further if skin touched skin.

"Don't", Moonbyul said, effectively stopping the leader from her tracks. Both of her eyes were beginning to be filled with water.

The sky rumbled as a flash of lightning briefly illuminated the room. Solar flinched at the boom of thunder, which was loud enough to rattle the windows, and Moonbyul, who knew how easily her unnie could get scared, almost ran to hug her for comfort. ALMOST.

A thunderstorm. That's what's happening. To Moonbyul, it could be taken both literally and figuratively. The air outside, grew just as heavy as her heart. The dark clouds, often ominous, even though unseen during the night, only brought foreboding. The lightning that occured in quick and random fashion brought the feeling of danger; Although Moonbyul felt just as unsafe inside the four walls of the room she was in. As the wind picked up and whistled, trees swayed back and forth relentlessly while dried leaves and light objects lying on the ground get thrown in every direction; Much like Moonbyul's emotions that created a whirlwind of their own. Moonbyul took a glance outside, through the window behind Solar, accidentally looking directly at a flash of lightning which created an afterburn image behind her eyelids. Normally she'd budge and whine about it but at that moment, she couldn't care any less. She even wondered whether the pain she was feeling was worse than the searing pain of electrical burns from a lightning strike. She was beginning to lose herself. Her emotions, much like the thunderstorm, made her feel uneasy knowing that she was experiencing something powerful and uncontrollable.

"Was that why you would always refuse to hold my hand, but it was easy for you to grab Whee In's?", Moonbyul asked before she could even stop herself.

No answer.

"Was that why you would push me away everytime I hug you?"

Solar looked anywhere but the girl in front of her.

"Was that why you would always say I'm weird everytime I try to say something nice about you? Was that why you felt embarassed everytime I tell you you're pretty?"

Solar still didn't seem that she was going to speak anytime soon so Moonbyul started to get frustrated yet again. "Answer me!"

"Yes", the older girl mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I said yes."

"You're talking to me, not to the floor, and please speak louder."

Solar looked up, looking as if she was offended by the tone Moonbyul used to speak to her. "I said yes, geez! You like being hurt don't you?!"

Moonbyul scoffed. She didn't know why but she was getting angry. "You know what, maybe I do."

Solar squinted her eyes at the attitude that the younger girl was giving off.

"It'd hurt when you would deliberately take my hands off you but I still do it anyway. I mean, I just couldn't help it.", Moonbyul said with her voice sounding softer as she continued. "When I see you smile, even though oftentimes not directed at me, it never failed to make me feel lighter. When you would reach out to hold my back, even though only it was 'cause you wanted me to move, it would send tingles down my spine. When you would put your hands on my shoulder, even though I know it was only to push me away, it felt good to me. When you would hit me every time I tease you, even though it honestly hurts, I still do it just to see your cute pout, and 'cause it would be one of the very few times you would initiate skinship, even though it ain't really in a good way." Moonbyul scoffed at herself. "I'm cheap like that."

The main dancer looked up to see a confused Solar- obviously not knowing where she was heading with her little monologue. The poor girl could only sigh. "You're so oblivious sometimes you know that?"

At this, Solar's eyebrows raised. "Excuse me?"

"I said you're oblivious sometimes. Well, in this case, most of the time."

"What are you trying to say?"

It's now or never, Moonbyul thought. Their friendship had been broken, might as well get it all out while she still had the courage to do so before her feelings start to eat her up.

"I meant", she started as she breathed in a huge amount of air. "I meant that you haven't even realised yet how important you are to me; Much more important than anything else. You still haven't realised how much I would do just to please you, or how much I would do just to have your attention. You still haven't realised that all those touches, hugs, sickeningly sweet words directed at you were supposed to tell you something my mouth couldn't find the courage to say."

Solar's face contorted in confusion and Moonbyul knew there was no other way to say it.

"I love you Kim Yong-sun. In a way I know you wouldn't."

One.

Moonbyul felt like a large thorn had just been plucked out of her chest the moment she finally exposed herself, yet a huge sword struck the same spot at the same time knowing how true it was that Solar would never reciprocate her feelings.

Two.

She sighed and closed her eyes, waiting for the words she never wanted to hear.

Three.

Rain started to pour from the sky, pounding on the roof and slashing against the window.

Four.

Yet, there was only silence from the older girl.

Five.

Five excruciating seconds before Solar finally blurted, "You disgust me."

Tears from Moonbyul's eyes ran down her cheeks as soon as Solar finished her sentence. She gripped a fistful of her shirt at chest level with one hand, in hopes that it would stop the unbearable pain she was feeling, while the other hand was pressed to her lips, trying not to let out a whimper as she choke a sob down. When she thought it couldn't get any worse, Solar said, "Get out."

She felt her insides crumple as she took uneven and hasty steps towards the door. She fumbled with the doorknob, sent Solar a long and pained look, before bolting out of the room. She tried her hardest not to wake the sleeping maknaes, and as soon as she got out of the apartment, she sobbed so hard she felt her lungs constricted. Despite this, she started to run to the exit, using the stairs instead of the elevator. She'd rather not be in the same building as the person who broke her heart.

Her body was hunched almost to the brink of collapsing, as she stood outside the apartment building. She heard footsteps behind her so she turned around only to find Solar standing at about 10 feet away from her.

"Don't."

"Byul."

"No", she said as she shook her head.

Solar took a step towards her but Moonbyul didn't want to take any of it. She started to run away from the other girl and away from all the pain. Her clothes got soaked and another clap of thunder resonated everywhere but Moonbyul didn't care. Her vision was blurry from both the tears and the rain but she didn't miss the blinding light coming from her right, followed by a sharp pain in her torso, feeling every single one of her ribs crack on the impact. She felt herself getting tossed in the air and then down on the ground, rolling a few times. Moonbyul slowly opened her eyes but she could only see red. She was in so much pain, inside and out, that she couldn't move a single muscle of her body. At that moment, Moonbyul just wanted to rest and so she closed her eyes.

"BYUL-AH!!!!!!!!!!!" was the last thing she heard, and even though muffled, she knew who it was, and she couldn't help but give out just one last smile.