“What am I to you Moon Byulyi?”

The question hung in Moonbyul’s mind – too much that she could no longer just leave it unanswered.

They found themselves were they first met, seated on either side of the same bench, except neither was keen to enjoy the view this time. It was late in the afternoon and the sun’s hue visibly dimming from bright yellow to a deeper shade of gold, threatening to sink below the horizon.

“So…” Krystal said with as much nonchalance as she could muster yet it didn’t go unnoticed by the older girl but the latter isn’t any better and just stayed silent.

Krystal heaved a sigh. She hadn’t done anything all day but she felt exhausted.

“I want to know what’s on your damn mind unnie,” she started. “I’m not here to play games, and I’m trying my best to understand you here. You said you-“ she faltered and had to clear before continuing, “You told me you like me. But actions speak louder than words. I hate to even use the most cliché thing in the world but it’s true!”

Krystal was getting worked up but she knew she had to get it out, “Every time I would ask you to hang out-“

“I was there,” Moonbyul spat back. She didn’t like being told off, like as if she was being lectured.

“Yeah, except all the times that Yongsun-unnie needed her knight in shining armour,” Krystal said as she held back tears. She does not let anyone see her cry, see the fault lines through her perfect landscape.

“This has got nothing to do with her,” Moonbyul said as she looked at Krystal’s direction the first time, her eyes carrying subtle anger.

The younger of the two scoffed. “This has everything to do with her!”

Moonbyul shook her head in frustration. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said as she looked down at her feet.

“Well, you better pull yourself together because it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out that you’re either still in denial about your own feelings or you just used me to get over them – or maybe a little bit of both. Either way, you.”

At this, Krystal stood up to leave but Moonbyul grabbed her hand to stop her. The former pulled her hand away but had a small gasp escape her lips when she saw that the latter had tears running down her cheeks.

“Krystal I – I’m s..sorry,” Moonbyul said in between sobs.

“I do like you. I like you as a person and a friend and someone close to me. I like making you happy and smile that smile you never show to others. I like giving affection without asking for it in return, but you… you gave it anyway.”

“But you didn’t want it from me,” Krystal said with a much calmer voice, as if finally accepting defeat in an intangible battle.

“It’s not that. I-“

“Unnie… It’s okay. Please, tell me. You need to let out what’s on your mind – even if it doesn’t make sense. We both deserve the truth.”

Moonbyul wiped her tears and took a deep breath. “Yongsun-unnie. I don’t know what she has but I feel like she’s got this good grip on me that I couldn’t just shake off, yet she’s completely unaware of it. She makes me feel things, like summer in the middle of winter, without even really doing anything.”

“You love her.”

“I do. I know that. But I have this constant fear that it would ruin us.”

“You’re jumping into assumptions.”

“She tells me I’m weird everytime I try to act upon my feelings.”

“Maybe she’s scared too,” Krystal proposed.

“You don’t know that,” Moonbyul answered.

“Neither do you.”

“Exactly.”

There was a short silence before Krystal pulled Moonbyul so the latter got up from the bench to fall into the former’s embrace.

“I’m sorry, unnie.”

Moonbyul’s heart broke at this as she returned the hug. “No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had to drag you into my own mess and had to let you weave your way through it. You deserved better and don’t think for one second that I didn’t want to give that to you because if I could, I would.”

“It’s okay,” Krystal whispered and broke the skinship. “But unnie, maybe you should tell her. I don’t personally know her but I believe you should give Yongsun-unnie more credit. She’s not a bad person. And you’re her best friend. She could never hate on you.”

-

Night time fell and Moonbyul had only been home for half an hour but she already had an empty can of beer on her living room table. The sound of the can hitting the table as she put it down was in perfect sync to her message notifications. It was Solar telling her that she’s on her way to visit Moonbyul’s apartment.

Moonbyul groaned. Why can’t I have a break?

The main rapper sat on the couch with her face buried on her knees, her arms wrapped around them to keep them together.

She’s always admired girls more than the opposite . At first, she thought it was just a simple crush and that it was absolutely normal. Until Yongsun came trudging along to kick off every bit of sanity left in her. All her emotions and feelings came undone but it was always hard to accept and acknowledge. She knows that growing in an old-fashioned country that is very stringent of changes in their culture is a huge obstacle that she doesn’t believe she could take on. She has always been taught that homouality is a flaw that’s why she started trying to constantly do better in other ways to make up for her imperfection. She felt like she always had to prove her worth so it would be easy to accept her as a person – to accept herself as a person worthy of being loved. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

All her underlying fears are constantly screaming at her. People. The fans. Her parents. Her members. Yongsun. Acceptance. It was hard to put all those in one sentence.

*DING DONG*

She was pulled out of her internal monologue by the sound of the doorbell. She took a deep breath and put her mask on. She’s close to perfecting the art of hiding her emotions around the leader.

“Took you forever,” Solar said when Moonbyul opened the door for her. She didn’t wait for Moonbyul to answer and let herself in. The empty can of beer didn’t go unnoticed.

“You’ve been drinking?” she asked.

Moonyul scratched the back of her neck. “Just a little. I was bored.”

“Ah,” Solar said, convinced of the younger girl’s excuse. “I’ll make us dinner.”

“How did you know I haven’t eaten?” Moonbyul asked.

“I just do,” Solar answered with a smirk, showing off one of her dimples.

Moonbyul just watched as Solar naturally moved around her kitchen, knowing exactly where every condiment and utensils are kept. Moonbyul had her chin on her palms as she propped her elbows on the kitchen table.

I could watch her all day. She thought.

“Take a picture it will last longer,” Solar said without looking back at Moonbyul. The latter was startled and blushed from being caught staring.

Moments of comfortable silence had passed and Solar finally finished whatever she’s cooking. Moonbyul on the other hand, had fallen into another trance. Her earlier thoughts came back to bug her again.

“Byul-ah? Are you okay?” Solar inquired with a worried look on her face.

“Y-Yeah.”

“You’re a bad liar,” Solar said. She squinted her eyes as a silent urge for Moonbyul to tell her the truth.

“I-“ Moonbyul started as she internally argued with herself whether or not to tell the pink-haired girl.

Solar who was growing more concerned said, “Byul-ah, whatever it is, you know you can tell me. You drank earlier and you kept zoning out too, so I know something’s up. Don’t try to tell me otherwise.”

Moonbyul stayed silent for a few seconds and took a quick a glance at her and saw her grabbing some plates from the cupboards.

“That person that messaged me the other day when we were having lunch…”

Solar was now walking towards her, plates and cutleries in hand, ready to set their dinner table, curiosity clearly plastered on her face.

“It was Krystal. I - I kinda started talking to her.”

The room was filled with the sound of glass shattering as it hits the floor.

-

A/N: I know this isn't the best but I'm trying to catch up. I will try harder and make the next ones better. I promise! :( Let me know what you think though? Cheers!