Joohyun POV

I woke up to a comfortable rain today but as the hours passed by comfortable was the last thing I was feeling. When I finally got home and was able to lie in my bed I could finally breathe, when this happened I could honestly say I didn’t mind the schedules much. It was a good feeling to lay down after a hard day’s work, to me at least, my members thought otherwise. Especially the ones still going to school, they didn’t enjoy doing school work and work on the same day and as the person in charge of taking care of them I tried to help as much as possible. Luckily today the dorm was clean, we ate before coming home, and there was no homework to help with so I could just lie in bed. I thought about him, a person I recently started seeing with new eyes. When I first met him I thought it was admiration but as I watched him work and spent more time with him I knew that my admiration was a crush and that my crush would develop if I didn’t stay away from him. To make my life a bit more difficult I wasn’t able to stay away from him and now he was all I thought about when I had free time. I was scared of getting caught, but with the encouragement of my members I decided to put my fears behind me and open my heart.

“Did you get enough rest for tomorrow’s concert? Don’t forget to eat.” – Joohyun

I waited for his reply but it didn’t come. He was probably out celebrating with friends.

“Unnie did you have a good night’s sleep?” Yerim asked me.

“Yeah.” I said trying to smile.

“You look upset unnie, or do you feel sick?”

“I’m fine don’t worry. Have a good day at school okay?” I said as I gave her lunch money.

“Rest today okay?” She told me as she headed out the door.

I didn’t receive a message from him this morning and I was confused because I know he’s busy but I can’t help but feel upset. I shouldn’t feel upset. I admit I’m a bit insecure but that’s only because he’s this famous idol and I’m just a rookie, I feel like I have nothing to offer him since he already probably has it all. I wasn’t going to let this get the best of me on my day off though.

“Has he called you?” Seulgi asked.

“No.” I replied as I cleaned the living room.

“Since when?”

“We haven’t talked since he left.” I replied nonchalantly.

“How can you say it so casually? What if he meets with his ex girlfriend? Wendy told me there was a lot of history there.” She told me in a scolding manner.

“Are you the unnie here? If he meets her then he meets her. I just hope he has the guts to tell me if he did.”

“Sorry I just don’t see how you can casually handle this situation.”

“It’s been a week since we started this, how else am I supposed to handle it? Like a crazy jealous girlfriend of two years? You know that’s not something I would do.”

“Yes I know unnie but if you handle it so passively while dealing with it internally he might think you don’t care.”

“There might be some truth to that but I’m not going to crush on him like a high schooler and worry about who he talks or goes out with.” I told her with full confidence. It was the truth though, I couldn’t be chasing after him when I was busy making a name for the group we worked so hard to debut in. My priorities are set, one because I’m the leader, two because I’m the oldest, if I was neither of those things then I’d probably have more time to worry about him possibly meeting with his ex girlfriend.

“I’m not going to fail as his girlfriend. I’ll support him and give him the love and affection he needs all the time.” I told her quietly.

“That’s all I was trying to understand unnie.” She told me while smiling lightly.

“He hasn’t texted me today.” Wendy came in to the living room pouting.

“There’s someone who can’t hide her feelings.” Seulgi said with a smirk.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to date until you were 24?” I asked Wendy.

“Unnie you can’t choose this, it just happens!” She said dejectedly. “Besides we’re not dating. I miss him like a friend.” She said sheepishly.

As the days went by I still didn’t hear from him. I was worried but I didn’t want to bother him, if he didn’t reply to my last message it probably meant he was busy, I know I didn’t do anything wrong so I didn’t worry about him not calling or texting. Following my schedule and doing work around the dorm kept my mind clear and I was able to keep myself sane during the moments when I missed him the most. I couldn’t resist late at night though when the quietness of the dorm over filled my mind and I just had to look him up and look over his pictures. I would save my favorite pictures and look through them until sleep overcame me. I really loved it when he smiled showing his gums he looked genuinely happy in those pictures, I saved a lot of those.

“I’m back in Korea. Do you have time today?” – Jiyong

“I have time after 3pm.” – Joohyun

“I’ll pick you up at your dorm.” – Jiyong

“Okay.” – Joohyun

When we arrived back at our dorm from our schedule I saw his car parked across the street. I waited until the manager left and headed towards his car. I noticed he was upset as soon as I got in and I waited for the reality, for him to tell me it was a mistake, I would be okay but I dreaded the feeling I would get once he told me.

“I have something to tell you.” He said.

Here it comes, I told myself.

“I met with Kiko while I was in Japan.” He told me quietly.

My mind started racing, I knew he would meet with her. How could he not? After so many years together there was bound to be a bond, a bond no one could mess with. She’s been there for him and supported him of course he would seek her. He only saw me as an inspiration to his music he thought it was love but I was just a muse he was enthralled with. I was a fool to think someone like him could fall for someone like me.

“You don’t need to explain yourself.” I told him as I got out of the car. I ran to the dorm like if my life depended on it.

“Joohyun! Joohyun wait let me explain!” He yelled from the car. Of course he couldn’t get off the car it would just complicate things if someone saw him.

I quietly walked to my room and closed the door, hoping the girls took this as ‘I don’t want to talk.’ I laid in bed and thought about the situation I was stuck in. I couldn’t fight for him when he didn’t love me, at the end he would choose the person he loves and I would just be left hurting like a fool.

“Joohyun please let’s talk.” – Jiyong

As soon as I received the first message I turned off my phone. I didn’t want him to pity me, my emotions or make up things to make me feel better.  

I ignored all his calls and text messaged for the next few days. I needed time for it to sink in before I let him go. Wendy tried talking to me about it but for the first time I was thankful my schedule was busy, I was at work all day and got home to sleep. Seulgi wouldn’t let her wake me up.

“Unnie I really need to tell her something.”

“Can’t you see how hard she’s been working? She needs to sleep.”

“But unnie you don’t understand. The reason she’s working so hard is becau-“

“I don’t want to hear it Wendy, just let her sleep and when she has time talk to her.” Seulgi told her each time she would try to walk into my room.

I was waiting for my manager at the underground parking lot of KBS after the Music Bank filming ended I was about to call him when the van finally pulled up. I was looking at my cue cards as I got in the back seat.

“I was about to call you oppa. I thought you forgot you had to pick me up.” I said while reading the cards. After I was done I looked through the internet, I was reading an article in GQ Korea when I felt the van stop and the engine cut off. I gathered my stuff and looked outside the window before opening the door. I immediately panicked.

“Oppa this isn’t the dorm.” I said as calmly as I could. When I didn’t hear a reply I turned to look at the driver’s seat and I was met by someone who was not my manager. Actually, I was met by four strangers and none of them were my manager. 

A/N: 

I wanted to update since I've been busy with exams, even if it was a short one.

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