“Hyung.”

“Hyung, wake up.”

I could hear Seungri trying to wake me up and I wanted to, but my body wasn’t letting me.

“Hyung, are these the Red Velvet girls?”

I swear I’ve never woken up faster in my life.

“Seungri what do you want so early in the morning?” I said as I took my phone from him.

“Its late hyung, we need to get to the airport for our Australia shows.”

“I hope you have everything ready. We have to leave in 30 minutes.” He said as he walked out.

I groaned getting out of bed. I shouldn’t have drunk like that last night. Luckily, I did have everything ready. All I needed to do was shower, drink coffee, and smoke maybe two cigarettes.

On our way to the airport Seungri didn’t say anything about the picture. I know he saw it though and it made me a bit nervous that he was the one to find out first. Thinking about last night though, I’m really glad they messaged me. I would’ve made a huge mistake without Joohyuns’ smile to calm me down.

“Thank you for last night, there was things that were going on and your group picture cheered me up.” – Jiyong

“I’m happy it wasn’t an inconvenience. I felt so embarrassed all day.” – Joohyun                                                           

“Is that why you’re still awake?” – Jiyong

“Heh, yes, I didn’t want you to feel awkward about it.” – Joohyun                                                                                   

“Not awkward at all. Send me more pictures of you smiling soon.” – Jiyong

I didn’t notice I was smiling like a fool until I saw Seungri eying me from the corner of my eye. I had my earphones on so I pretended I didn’t hear him calling me.

Beep

I heard the new message notification through the music I was listening to. I immediately smiled when I saw it was Joohyun.

Voice Message

“Sooyoung what’re you doing with my phone?”

“I heard it beep and then I saw it was from oppa! Unnie look at this he’s asking you for pictures!” A lot of loud squeals followed. To what I assumed was Sooyoung, Yerim, and maybe Wendy.

“Sooyoung! You’re holding down the recording button!”

“Oh my god, how do I cancel it!!!?” followed by a loud thud on the floor.

At this point I couldn’t help but laugh, this was so new to me. The squealing I understood, I’ve heard it often when fans meet me for the first time, but this squealing made me nervous. Nervous because I kind of got excited over the fact that they were excited about what I said to her. It felt like they approved of me and it just all felt like an innocent crush. Did I have a crush on her? No I couldn’t. We’re both from different companies, she’s a rookie, and we’d never be able to live in peace. This definitely wasn’t a crush, I just appreciate her friendship. Keep your distance, I told myself over and over throughout most of the plane ride to Australia.

The air here was different, more humid and hot. As soon as I got off the plane I got Joohyuns’ messages, apologizing profusely about Sooyoung again, I told her that it was okay and that I really did expect pictures of her smiling more often. I immediately regretted it; I’m supposed to be keeping a distance. Seungri didn’t interrogate me but by the way he was looking at me I felt that it was going to come pretty soon.

“I’m going to go to an art gallery; I’ll see you guys later.” Seunghyun hyung announced when we settled in our hotel rooms.

“I’ll come with you hyung.” I told him.

When we got to the gallery we split up. He likes the classical and modern mix, while I just simply enjoy the more modern art. I was going to send Joohyun pictures of me with the art I enjoyed but I remembered that I’m supposed to keep a distance when I was about to send them,  so I posted them on Instagram instead. I wouldn’t get a reply from her but maybe she’d be able to see them somehow. This was my G-Dragon side hoping that Joohyun was a big fan that had a secret Instagram account and followed me. 

Beep

I reached for my phone confused; did she really have a secret Instagram account and saw them that quickly?

“You’re in Australia already? I thought I was going to be able to catch up to you in NYC.” – K

I gritted my teeth in anger.

“Why would we meet? We’re not together.” 

“We’re friends aren’t we?”

“No. I never agreed to that.”

“Come on. I miss you..”

Through it all she still wasn’t able to understand my feelings or what I needed. Why couldn’t she be done with the parties like I was, why couldn’t she choose me over that? I threw my phone at the ground in frustration and anger. Seunghyun hyung came to me before I was able to kneel on the floor in defeat.

“Jiyong, let’s go.” He whispered. We were mostly alone in the gallery but people still stared from the corners. He picked up my phone and all I could do was stare at the floor as I followed him into the car. He didn't question me but he knew the only reason I would ever get this angry would be because of her. Everyone in my close circle of friends knew how much she affected me. She could make me happy in seconds but at the same time it didn't take her long to ruin me again. 

I laid in bed that night drinking and crying. Why did she make me so weak? She said she missed me but instead of feeling happy I felt angry. My chest felt bruised and damaged, I could barely breathe and the tears just made it harder. Thinking about our memories together, how we were happy in the beginning, but she grew up. She changed into a woman I couldn’t recognize now. Her innocent dreams disappeared. It hurt so much that while she was clubbing until six in the morning while I was working towards the dreams we said we’d accomplish together. I don’t think she remembers them anymore and when she left me her excuse was that she couldn’t wait any longer, it feels like I’ve been the one waiting, waiting for her to tell me she was ready for the next step in our relationship.

As I sunk lower into my thoughts, while pain overcame me, I heard a soft knock on my door.

“Go away. I’m fine.” I said with a voice I didn’t recognize as mine. The door opened and I could see Seungri from the corner of my eye. He slowly walked towards me and got into bed with me, he hugged me and at that point I lost myself into another round of tears.

“Hyung, you need to leave her behind for good. She’s nice but I don’t like that she hurts you this way.” He whispered after I calmed down.

“I don't think I can.” I replied with a cracked voice. I really thought I couldn’t. I’ve loved her for so long, I don’t think I’d be able to be saved from this unless I gave up on my dreams and follow her down the path she wants.

“She treats her fake friends that backstab her all the time better than you. She has abused you and damaged you emotionally for the past three years. How can you not forget about her hyung?” He said. Although he was right, I don’t think my heart could waver anymore. It’s been set on her for too long.

I woke up the next day with the worst headache I’ve had in awhile. I looked at the clock on the nightstand but instead of paying attention to what time it was I was distracted by a white package. Seungri had bought me a new phone. I knew it was Seungri because he did something the other members would never do. I unlocked the phone and again there was a picture of Joohyun smiling at me. I forgot all about my headache as I stared at her but I knew I still had to keep my distance, I also knew that I had to change the pictures and scold Seungri for it later.

Beep

I froze. I was afraid to look at the message. I didn’t want it to be her again. I was still emotionally drained from last night and I didn’t want to risk another break down, but it was better to get it over with, even though she affected me more when I was alone.

“I ate before the stage today. I felt more energized!” Joohyun sent, with a picture of her eating.

“You’re so cute.” I sent back without thinking. I mentally beat myself up, and then I stared at the picture she sent again. She did look really cute, her face was beautiful but the way she was pouting while eating overwhelmed the sadness I was feeling.

I took a long shower to relax and gather my thoughts. I was definitely not going to give into her games anymore, I told myself. I looked at the sadness in my eyes at how much it drained me to think about her. Was it all really worth it? I got back into bed to sleep more before the show tonight. I messaged the members before falling asleep, telling them that I was fine.

In my dream I was dressed in all white. I walked down a path with white rose bushes on the sides; the sun was shining so bright I was blinded by the almost white rays. I couldn’t see directly forward but when I got to the middle of the maze there was a woman sitting on a white bench. I couldn’t see her face just her long brown hair. I sat down next to her and she held me. I took in her scent, fresh and sweet, while her soft voice whispered my name.

Jiyong, Jiyong..

I woke up startled. The dream felt real and I could still feel her warmth, her scent still lingered.

“Finally you wake up. Let’s go get something to eat then you can come relax some more.” Youngbae said.

After lunch with my members I watched the Weekly Idol episode of Red Velvet later that afternoon; I couldn’t stop laughing when it came to the random play dance. I didn’t like that Hyung Don hyung was teasing Joohyun about her age. She did look like a mother taking care of her children but her face and height made her more lively and youthful. Watching her I wondered what it would feel like to touch her hand, how it would feel to hold her, or kiss her. I felt the change inside me but I still didn’t know what it was or what it meant.

A/N:

Hello! I didn't beta again and I probably won't until the story is finished >.<

It's starting out kinda slowly, maybe, but I feel like I need to explain all his feelings and turmoil?

Please comment and tell me what you think so far <3

Thank you for reading!