Chapter 4

            Standing in front of Hanbin’s door this time around brings a different feeling than the other times I’ve been here. There’s a sense of sorrow and nostalgia for the old happy memories that are associated with this place, like the first time Hanbin invited me over. All the members of iKon and myself had dinner together and spent the night just joking around and playing various games. Good times very good times. I take a deep breath and type in the passcode for the dorm to go in. I have finally made up my mind on what I’m going to.

“Hanbinie! I’m here” I call out as I take off my wedges to change into slippers.

“Ah, jagiya. You’re here! Hanbin says with a smile. However, I can tell it’s forced. What’s this? Does he feel bad for what he did? “You look beautiful” he compliments me.

“Thanks babe” I respond kissing him on the cheek. Well, I should thank Nana for dolling me up. She picked out my white summer dress with light purple butterflies on it from my closet and lightly curled my hair.

            I plop down on the couch, pat the spot next to me, and say “Are you going to join me?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m coming” He says snapping out of his train of thoughts making his way over to the spot next to me. “Why didn’t you answer my calls yesterday? I was worried something had happened to you?” Really? What a liar.

“Mian love. I fell asleep while I was studying for my exam” I lie.

“Oh. But it said your phone was turned off.”

“I turned it off while I was studying and since I fell asleep while I was studying I didn’t turn it back on until this morning.”

“Well, I’m glad to know that you’re okay” Hanbin says hugging me and then proceeding to kiss me. This kiss unlike others doesn’t feel right. It feels dirty. And I’m not just talking about how rough Hanbin is treating my lips with his. It feels dirty because some other girl has touched these lips. Those lips are no longer just mine. He has claimed another girl as his with these lips that I love so much. In this kiss I can detect a sense of desperation and urgency. Not being able to take this feeling any more I pull away.

“Let’s a watch movie” I suggest.

“Sure.”

>After the movie<

“Are you hungry?” Hanbin asks me as the end credits are rolling.

“Yes!”

“I made spaghetti since I know it’s your favorite.”

“Daebak! I can’t wait to eat!”

“Sit down and I’ll serve you.”

“Gomawo.”

            The sound of chewing and forks clanking the glass plate fill the dorm.

“Babe, is everything okay?” I ask Hanbin in between bites suspicious of why he’s acting this way.

“Yeah… Why?”

“Well, you seem very out of it today. You are not being very engaging and continue to space out.”

“Oh, sorry… Um, I’m just very tired. Our comeback is only a few weeks away and there is just so much to do.”

Yeah right. “It’s okay. I understand but don’t tire yourself out. I always worry about you.”

“You don’t have to worry yeobo. I’m fine” he says resting his hand on top of mine. “Anyways, how is your studying going?”

“It’s going well. I have my last final tomorrow afternoon.”

“You’ll do great. I’m sure of it.”

“Thanks, I’m very nervous since I actually have to teach a class and my performance dictates whether or not I get my teaching license.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re great with kids and they love you. So, I don’t have a doubt in my mind you’ll pass.”

“You think so?”

“Of course! I know my girl better than anybody else. She’s beautiful, smart, and a great person. It’s obvious you’ll pass.” My girl… Hearing that really hurts. It feels like getting soccer kicked in the gut.

            I look at him in the face and force a smile. Hanbin smiles back and reaches over to give me a quick peck on the lips.

“I’ll miss you when you leave Korea.”

“I’ll miss you too.” I honestly will, despite what you did to me. “But I need to return since I’m graduating.”

“Can’t you just stay here and receive your diploma in the mail?”

“I could but my family is going to want pictures of me receiving my diploma and they have already made arrangements to celebrate.”

“You could wait until next year when you get your master’s degree diploma.”

“Aw, that’s cute! My Hanbinie doesn’t want me to leave” I tease while pinching his cheek.

“Noona!” He whines.

“Wae?”

“I’m not a kid!”

“You’re cute!” I continue to tease and pat his head. “Well, I think it’s time for me to go.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah. I have to prepare for my huge final tomorrow” I say standing up from the chair to tuck it back in.

“Let me walk you back to your dorm.”

“It’s okay. I can just take a cab back” I reject his offer grabbing my purse.

“Alright but call me when you get home.”

“Why would I call you?” I question him.

“… To make sure you get home safely??” Hanbin says confused by your sudden change in attitude.

“You’re not my boyfriend, so why do you care?”

“Wha what??”