*sigh* Where do I even begin?

Hey, my rays...it's been a really long time. I'm so sorry that my stories aren't being updated anymore. The fact that I'm writing this now is also a miracle, considering of the I've been through.

The reason I wrote this is because I came across my stagnant, yes, STAGNANT drafts for my stories in my laptop that I haven't touched for almost a YEAR now. Second, I also noticed that my friend posted a letter like this as well so it pushed me to finally say something after my long silence.

I lost my motivation for such a LONG time. Why you ask? Well, here's how I explain it. Have you ever felt that you wanted to do something and later on, you just felt as if you don't have any sort of interest anymore? That's what I felt. It's not that I don't want to continue my stories, but something in them felt so...lacking. Like there are some stories that I need to reread, some stories that I want to rewrite, and some I'm beginning to think whether to just delete them.

I had a LOT of plans for my stories, believe me and the last thing I'd want to do is disappoint my readers, but here I am, disappointing you all by being quiet because I was going through and I didn't even bother leaving some letter or note of my absence.

I don't want to be unfair to you all because in all honesty, I love my stories and I'd be happy to finish them. However, the problem here is...my lack of motivation and most of all, my depression.

I changed schools last year. Went to a new place and basically left everything behind. My hometown, friends, family, all of them. I had to because I wasn't happy with the course I am taking and I wasted two ing years trying to figure out if I really am worthy to be alive. Everything got settled as the months went by and I slowly gained back my motivation.

Now the real happened.

Something happened just some months ago, and I don't even want to elaborate that too much but I feel like once I get this out, I can finally breathe again. I have been through hell that time and I have been judged because of something I did. I have been called a pathological liar because I chose to keep the truth from some people rather than telling them. I admit, I had my faults on that because I didn't tell them due to my fear of being judged. However, calling me a pathological liar AGAIN and AGAIN as if that person wants to embed it, engrave it even, in my brain was the final straw and I had to stay away from social media for awhile.

I talked to a friend about it and she told me that those people weren't worth my time. Also, that particular person is just in the same situation as I am, but she was the one who called me a pathological liar. Now here's what's problematic. I, a person who self-diagnosed herself with dissociative identity disorder because I always hear these voices in my head, have always BELIEVED that I have it even if I didn't go to the doctor. Of course, going to a psychologist means that your diagnosis will serve as your proof, BUT I chose not to. I don't want my parents to get worried about me even more so I kept it. Yes, maybe I should have really told them that case because that's the WHOLE truth, but that girl was literally the same case as I am and she has the audacity to tell me that I am the liar. Here's what my friend, who is officially diagnosed with depression and is also bipolar, told me: "If she has the same situation as you, and she believes she has DID as well, then she should've been able to understand. But the fact that she didn't means that she's also lying. People with the same type of disorders would sympathize, not judge. She's lying to everyone."

Two weeks after that incident, I went back to twitter because of course, I can't just leave my account that I have worked hard for 2 years just because. Everything was a spiral. Just going in circles. Never knowing when this feeling's gonna end. I want to write so bad, but this feeling of drowning in never ending sorrow doesn't go away. I don't want to disappoint anyone, but I'm doing such a job at it.

...All I want is to be happy and to find my will to write again.

So I ask of you my readers...please give me more time. Just a little bit more patience. I know it's a lot to ask already considering on how long I was gone, but I beg of you, please give me just a little bit more recovery time. I know I promised a lot, but this time, I'm going to make sure that I keep this promise. I won't be gone for too long. Probably give me a month at most. I just needed to get these feelings out.

Please pray for me...if you guys want to dm me, go ahead, my dms are always open. I hope that after all of this, I'll be able to make it up to you all. 

I'm really sorry for my absence.

Love, Sunnie xoxo