C H A P T E R 7

(Seungcheol's POV)

Dear Yooi,

            I’m writing this with all my heart, though I know you wouldn’t believe me because you know I don’t have a heart. You would presume that I don’t have a heart. I know you’re mad at me but I can’t blame you, you have all the rights to be. I left you, I broke your heart, and I shattered it into millions of pieces that no one could ever fix. You made a mistake; you made the biggest mistake in your life when you decided to love me back. You made the biggest mistake in your life when you decided to love me more than to love yourself. I am sorry, I’m sorry for all the tears. I’m sorry for all the heartaches. My sorrys won’t be enough; my sorrys won’t fix what was broken, what was shattered.

            When I saw you on our fanmeet, God knows how much I wanted to hug you, how much I wanted to kiss you. I was missing you, still missing you. Your existence drove me crazy that I couldn’t even control myself that day. I am sorry for pretending not to know you, I had to, have to. I saw the anger in your eyes, saw the hatred. I am sorry for making you the person you don’t wanted to be. You’re my angel, were my angel, until I decided to leave our world to be in a bigger world. I was selfish; I didn’t mind you getting hurt. I didn’t mind your heart being broken every time you think of me. I wish to turn back the time, to never have left you, to never leave your side, to always be there whenever you feel cold, to make you feel better whenever you feel sick. I want to turn back the time and to be with just you and only you.

            I lied when I said you were suffocating me, I lied when I said I couldn’t breathe with you around. I lied. You are my air, without you I’m lifeless. I wish to turn back the time and cherished the moments we were together. I should’ve appreciated you more. I should’ve appreciated how much you had to stay all night up just to make sure I would pass my exams, I should’ve loved how you concentrated while taking your beautiful photographs, I should’ve taken care of you when you fell on the staircase. I should’ve loved you more and made you know that you’re all of me. You make me complete. My heart is a jigsaw puzzle, incomplete and ugly. You have the missing pieces in my heart; you have the pieces that would complete me. But sadly, I know, you’re not going to give those pieces back to me… because you already threw them away.

I sighed after writing my 200th letter to Yooi. Yes, I have written over 200 letters and never had the chance to give them to her. There’s no way in hell she would forgive me. I miss her so badly that it already frustrates me, and this frustration isn’t good because I vent it all out to my members. They say they’re afraid of me most of the times because I always leash out my stress to them, which I know isn’t fair. Our maknae doesn’t even talk to me anymore because he’s too afraid. I wish I could tell them the reason why I’m like this, but if I tell them, they would think low of me. I’m the leader and they respect me, I love the respect I get from them. If I ever told them that I have left a girl all broken because I was too greedy and self-centered, they would be disappointed, and that is the last thing I want them to feel.

“Writing again, I see” someone said from behind. I sighed. “You know, you could give them to her. What’s the point of you writing all those letters when she won’t even read it” Woozi said. Though I prefer to call him Jihoon. He’s my closest member, I think. He’s the member I could share my problems with because he’s mature enough and he’s the only person who knows my love story. My selfish love story.

“It’s not easy. I’m pretty sure she would just burn it along with all our memories” I said.

“How would you know when you didn’t even try handing her even one single letter” Jihoon said.

“I don’t have the guts to face her. She … changed. She’s not the same naïve girl anymore. She knows how the world works now”

“Then mail it to her” He suggested.

“Can’t. If her brother sees all these letters, he would burn it as well” I wonder if Yooi is aware that Yoongi hyung punched me in the face. Our paths crossed backstage