Darth Vader In Yellow

All You Have To Do Is Stay

A/N: I don't care if it's weird. Star Wars is still cool. - Bluekimchi

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Han river, with its picturesque view, crystal clear waters, clean air, and nostaglic feel. Seulgi has so many beautiful memories here. Biking with Soojung, watching the sunsets with Soojung, picnics with Soojung, sketching Soojung. She did those here and so much more. She thinks that all of the happy things she's done here has involved Soojung but she remembers that one time that she went here with her father to see the fireworks.

 

"Seriously? You went here to see the fireworks with your dad? Your dad agreed to go here and like socialize with a bunch of people so you could see the fireworks?" Seungwan raises an eyebrow at her. Seulgi returns the gesture.

 

"What's wrong with that?"

 

"Nothing. I just didn't peg him to be all down to earth and ." Seulgi no longer cringes when Seungwan swears. She's not sure if that's a good thing. 

 

"I mean, he could just buy a whole crate for his dear daughter and have some people light it up for her on their 100-acre backyard for a private show. He could do that, right? Isn't he something like the third richest man in Korea?"

 

"Fourth. Bomi unnie's dad is the third richest man in Korea." Seulgi says. She leans back on the bench and purses her lips, eyes looking over to where Bomi and the others were.

 

"You miss him, don't you?" She hears Seungwan ask.

 

"Of course, I do. What kind of person would I be if I don't?" Seungwan shrugs but Seulgi continues. "I was really close to my dad. He always had time for me. He loves me."

 

"But he disowned you after he found out about you and Soojung?" There she goes again with her tact, or lack thereof.

 

"No. That wasn't him. That was my mother." Seulgi replies, shrugs off the ache from Seungwan's comment.

 

"Some ice queen she must be. Most mothers can't even stomach seeing their kids with scraped knees." Seungwan mutters. "But I guess it makes sense for you to have mommy issues. You're really close with Chorong unnie."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Seulgi asks. 

 

Her tone rises a little and she notices it a tad too late. She hopes Seungwan doesn't think that she's picking a fight because she really isn't.

 

"I can see you projecting the mom figure you always wanted from her. Am I wrong?" Seungwan says, voice neutral.

 

Seulgi breathes a sigh of relief before considering Seungwan's observations. She's never really looked at it that way but as Doctor Choi would say, there may be some truth to that. She should tell her about Seungwan's theory the next time they meet.

 

Seungwan leans forward and bends to tie a loose shoelace.

 

"What about you? Any stories about your parents?" Seulgi crosses her fingers behind her, silently prays that Seungwan would answer.

 

"Nothing complicated like yours. The whole family lived in Canada. I flew here to study when I was seventeen and came back four years later to tell them that I was getting married." She replies.

 

"Didn't they try to take you back when-"

 

"They did. I didn't want to so we found a compromise. That's why I'm living with Taeyeon unnie and Tiffany unnie." 

 

She straightens out and shifts uncomfortably in her seat, something Seulgi noticed she does when the conversation is getting too personal and potentially emotional for her liking.

 

"Right. Umm... do you want to go get ice cream?"

 

Seungwan jumps to her feet and Seulgi takes that as a yes. She pushes herself off the bench and lets Seungwan take the lead. They keep silent as they walk to the convenience store, thinking of what they should talk about next or if they should even talk at all. They decide on the latter. 

 

Seulgi's still not sure what kind of friendship she has with Seungwan right now. They're finally talking, that's good. Although some things are still a bit tricky with Seungwan, like talking about Joohyun, at least she no longer makes her cry with painful and snide remarks. And Seulgi also tries her best to steer away from saying anything remotely related to happy endings and forevers because she figured that Seungwan still won't like hearing about those. She thinks she's lucky enough that Seungwan listens to her talk about her life or that she lets her talk about anything at all. This is fine with her. After all, it's just the beginning.

 

Seulgi barely pays any attention to what flavor she's buying and she ends up getting one of those old-fashioned red bean-flavored iced popsicles. She's not a big fan of the flavor, thinks that it's a bit ancient because her grandparents liked it, but she eats it on their way back to their spot nonetheless. For some reason unknown to her, Seungwan seems to find her choice of flavor interesting because she wouldn't stop looking at her.

 

"Would you like some?" She offers out of politeness. Seungwan shakes her head vigorously. After that, she stares off into the distance. 

 

They arrive at their spot, sit with the older ones on the laid out blanket instead of by themselves. Seulgi listens to the older ones talk, ocassionally catching Seungwan looking at her. But she looks away everytime she's caught, pretends that nothing happened. It's weird, Seulgi thinks.

 

--

 

The color yellow. So bright and so warm. So hopeful. Seulgi thinks that if there's a color for hope, it should be yellow. She has taken this philosophy with her throughout all the stages of life, from pre-school to elementary school, middle school to high school, and from high school to college. Even until now, she believes this is still true.

 

She remembers Soojung telling her that maybe she should switch to a lighter, more neutral shade some time before. She remembers how she felt insulted by that and how they didn't talk for nearly a week because of what Soojung said. She thinks that maybe she should have listened to her because if she had, maybe she'll have Soojung to hold on nights like these, nights when she can't sleep.

 

Soojung didn't like the color yellow because she said it was too attention-grabbing. Soojung didn't like things that would catch people's eye even if she was so eye-catching herself (that's just how pretty she is). She didn't like the attention. She liked staying invisible. Invisible.

 

Seulgi bolts upright in bed. It's dark in her room but the digital alarm clock on her nightstand tells her it's 2:06AM in red flashing numbers. She jumps off the bed and heads out to the living room. Her heartbeat speeds up and she becomes restless, paces back and forth on the living room. She must have been a bit loud because Chorong and Bomi's bedroom door open and Bomi sticks her head out, hair messy in weird angles and eyes barely able to stay open.

 

"Seul? What are you doing?" She asks, voice low and words hardly audible.

 

"Bomi unnie!" Seulgi runs towards her and pulls her out of the room. Bomi stumbles a little, looks over her shoulder to check if she woke up her wife, looks back at Seulgi when she sees her still asleep.

 

"Do you still remember how to go to my studio?" 

 

"Your what?"

 

"My studio! Where I used to paint and... and sleep when we were in college." Seulgi explains. Bomi yawns, rubs her eyes to keep awake.

 

"Seulgi, listen. I'm not sure if your studio is still well... yours. I don't know what your mom or your dad did to it-"

 

"But they can't sell that! All of my life works are there!" She says, starts to panic at the thought. Bomi sighs.

 

"Okay, okay. We'll go in the morning to check. Go back to sleep." She says, makes to go inside her room but Seulgi catches her by the elbow.

 

"I can't! We have to go now!" She says with an urgency that rivals that of a pregnant woman going into labor. "I have to know if my studio still exists. Unnie, please!"

 

Bomi looks at her for a long time and she stares back with her best puppy eyes though she isn't sure if Bomi can see it in the dark but whatever. Bomi sighs again.

 

"Fine. Get your coat and we'll go. But it's going to be really brief, okay? I have work in the morning." Seulgi smiles widely at that, ignores Bomi's groans.

 

Some twenty minutes later, Seulgi finds herself standing on the porch steps of her loft x studio x apartment. Can she still call it hers? It still looks the same since she was last here.

 

It's actually not that far from Chorong and Bomi's place that they only took six minutes to get here. It's just that she's too scared of what she would find if she were to enter. 

 

Bomi's already asleep with her head on the steering wheel, having grown tired of waiting for Seulgi to go in. Which should probably tell her to get a move on but she's too scared. What if she finds it empty? What if she finds that some people she doesn't know already occupies the place? She's trying to decide which of the two possibilites she would rather deal with when she hears a cough behind her.

 

She swallows hard before she turns around.

 

"Miss Seulgi, it really is you." The voice is slow, gentle.

 

"Mr. Song!" Seulgi exclaims. Her eyes form crescents at the sight of the man who practically raised her. She never realized how much she missed their butler.

 

The old man smiles at her and gives a bow. 

 

"Chairman Kang has instructed me to meet you since he can't go on his own." He straightens up and looks her in the eye.

 

All the happiness Seulgi felt vaporized at the mere mention of the name.

 

"How did you know I was here?" Her voice starts to shake. Her eyes dart to and fro, looking for a possible escape. Could he be watching him from afar? Is he going to take him back to the mental institute? She sees a black sedan parked a few meters away from Bomi's SUV. Will she make it if she runs? Or will they finally know where she's hiding?

 

Butler Song points to the security camera on the ceiling to answer her question.

 

"Please don't be scared. Your father means well." Seulgi shakes her head. That can't be it. She steps back for space to breathe but only feels the door behind her. "I mean it, Miss. If you don't believe me, open that door."

 

"I can't." She says, frowning at the ground. 

 

"Please just try." He says almost pleading.

 

It's not like she has any other choice. So with shaking hands, Seulgi punches in the code she remembers (Soojung's birthday) to the security panel on the side. The old man watches her with a smile as the door clicks open.

 

"H-he didn't change it?" Seulgi is so surprised she forgets to be afraid. The old man shakes his head. "Why?"

 

"Because he respects your decisions, Miss Seulgi." He says, takes a deep breath. "He wants you to know that he misses you and that you can always come to him for whatever it is that you need. But he also thinks it's best if you keep this a secret from the madam." 

 

Seulgi swallows again. It's all too surreal for her to wrap her mind around just yet. Her father isn't angry? Her father misses her? He misses her like she misses him? Seulgi's dad doesn't think she's a freak for falling in love with Soojung, for spending months and months in a mental hospital. He still loves her!

 

Mr. Song's voice cuts her off her thoughts again.

 

"Now, if you would excuse me, it's far too late to be out at night. Especially at my age. You should get some sleep too, Miss Seulgi. The sheets in your bed have been recently changed." He gestures for her to go inside instead of just standing by the door.

 

"May I suggest that you let Miss Bomi inside too? That position will cause her stiffness in the morning." He smiles warmly once more. "It's good to see you again, Miss. Good night."

 

--

 

Seulgi finds the place just as she left it. Everything is in place. The shoes on the rack. The untouched canvasses stacked on her work table. The fruit bowl with the tangerines on the counter. It feels like she was only gone for a day and not years. 

 

She wonders if she's dreaming or hallucinating. Maybe those side-effects Dr. Choi keeps on asking her about is finally kicking in (if that was even possible, Seulgi isn't sure). It feels like she's travelled back through time, feels like Soojung would bound down the stairs any minute and leap into her arms to ask her why she was out so late, to say that she stayed up to wait for her. 

 

Her feet leads her to the corner where she knows she will find that thing she's looking for, the thing that has caused her to wake Bomi up and convince her to drive her here at two in the morning. It's hanged up on the wall and just looking at it brings her back to the day she painted it for Soojung.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"You don't like it?"

 

"It's... Darth Vader from Star Wars. In yellow."

 

"I'm trying to prove a point here, Soojung-ah."

 

"What might that be?"

 

"That yellow is the color of hope." Soojung scoffs. "Just consider my theory for a moment! Look at that! Had Darth Vader only been dressed in yellow, Luke would have believed him to be his father!"

 

Soojung raises an eyebrow at her, challenging her to continue.

 

"Luke Skywalker believed his father was a good man and he was. If only Darth Vader had worn yellow, Luke wouldn't question him about anything. He would question Obi Wan. Just look at him!" Seulgi points at the painting she had worked hard to finish hours ago, just so she could make Soojung see sense.

 

"He's funny-looking. That's not the same as trustworthy or hopeful." Soojung says, crosses her arms over her chest.

 

"With black, he looks scary and evil. But with this color, he looks approachable and caring." Seulgi tries again, smiles sheepishly.

 

"He's an eyesore. I can't believe you actually wasted time on that." She turns on her heel and marches away.

 

"Soojung, wait!"

 

It's funny how some things can mean one thing at this point in time and then mean something else in another. The memory of this painting had Seulgi wanting to burn it to ashes just hours ago, thinking that if she could change the details to fit Soojung's taste, it would make her feel better. But now, she looks at this painting and she feels so at peace. Yellow is still the color of hope. And her father, well, he might just be Darth Vader in Yellow.

 

She can't wait to tell Seungwan.

 

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matchasnow
Expect a double update by the end of the week! 8/15

Comments

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bluejin #1
Chapter 25: author-nim, i dont know if you’re gonna read this or not considering u uploaded this a long time ago, but im obsessed with your writings 🤩 i’ve been binge reading your stories for a few days now and im now out of stories to read haha well, thank you for writing this. it’s an amazing story
bluejin #2
Chapter 23: its almost 3 am and im way too deep to stop here
bluejin #3
Chapter 21: i sense trouble goodness
bluejin #4
Chapter 20: god the feeling of finally seeing both of them happy after seeing them go through depression is exhilarating
bluejin #5
Chapter 19: ugh the insecurity that she has is so real.. sometimes when people hurt you, you are bound to think that maybe there is something wrong with you. its amazing that seulgi has seungwan to remind her that she’s an amazing person
justforamin
#6
Chapter 25: Yeah, what a great story. I was in search of quality Seuldy/Wenseul ff, and as I found this I was very happy. I would say that everything was amazing. The emotions, the development, the pace of the story and most importantly how Seungwan dealt with all of her thoughts and made closure were all perfectly written. But, I would say that writing style in the story and manner of speech of Seulgi at the beginning were a little childish. P.S. Sorry for my English.
oncepandasone214 #7
love this story😍😭😍 the developments..felt the emotions....the storyline..just wow *chefs kiss* i love it all😍😭❤❤ the ride was amazing,thank you👏☺️😄
totapulchraes #8
Chapter 25: sis, i loved this story ♡ i loved the growth of the characters ♡ thank you
totapulchraes #9
Chapter 3: that's such a wholesome story ♡
totapulchraes #10
Chapter 1: this looks so promising ❤️ will read on