Warning: 9/30 bitter (trashy) content. 

-----------------------------

"Are you still mad?"

The room is quiet and Seulgi's eating breakfast in the dining room instead of eating it at her room. Bomi's running late to work but she's still hanging around.

Seulgi looks up from her cereal bowl, plays with her spoon for a bit before replying, contemplating if she should forgive them for deceiving her. Maybe 'deceiving' is too strong to put it. She didn't appreciate being set up like that but they were still looking out for her well being, she thinks. 

She takes a deep breath. Grudges are evil things. Soojung would be disappointed if she holds one.

"No, I think I know now why you all wanted me to meet her so much. It's so I could help her, right?" She says. "I mean, she's a really sad soul. She's probably been lonely for so long. Do you happen to know what happened with her wife?" Seulgi says.

"Umm... I don't know. Do you?" Bomi turns to her wife, feeling very relieved to hear Seulgi's answer.

"It's not my story to tell. You should probably ask her yourself. You're sure that you want to be friends with her, aren't you?" Chorong says, looks at her expectantly.

"I want to help her, yes." Seulgi replies. "But I don't have her number. Should I ask Taeyeon unnie for it?" She asks more to herself than to her unnies.

"You can. Or you can ask her yourself." Bomi says, wipes with a napkin.

"I don't know when we'll be meeting again though." Seulgi pouts.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I just get the feeling that you'll be meeting her again soon." She looks up and she knows that there's more to that smile Chorong is giving her.

Seulgi finishes her breakfast and showers. When she walks out to the living room, Bomi is gone and Chorong is waiting for her on the couch. She doesn't say much and just follows her out the door and into the car park. What else is there to be said when you're about to be dropped off to your therapist's?

--

"Are you sure you don't want me to wait for you?" Chorong says when she gets off in front of the multiplex where her doctor is.

"You have to go to work, unnie. I'll be fine. I know how to go to Myeongdong from here." Seulgi says.

"Myeongdong again?" She gives her a smile. "Okay. Call us if anything comes up. I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Go safely. Bye!" She waves goodbye and Chorong drives away. 

She waits for the car to disappear on the corner before she walks inside her therapist's office. Her eyes light up at the refreshing color of the walls in the lobby and the friendly woman on the counter. She already has a good feeling about today. She is told to sit and wait for her name to be called. 

Seulgi does just that. She picks a magazine from the rack and sits on one of the plastic chairs against the wall. She's just reading the header of an article about Girls' Generation when her name is called but that's not what causes her to look up in surprise - it's the name that was called right after hers was.

"Miss Kang Seulgi,"

"Miss Son Seungwan,"

Seulgi stands, unable to process what's happening. She finds Seungwan looking at her blankly from across the room. She could practically hear her mind whirring with questions. In all of the clinics in Seoul, she and Seungwan happen to go to the same one (with different therapists but still)! Could this be what Chorong meant this morning? Her hands ball into fists and she crumples the magazine in her hands.

"Miss Kang, room 4. Miss Son, room 5, please." She hears the woman behind the desk say.

She drags her feet to move towards the mentioned room, pauses at the doorway, reluctant to come in as she continues to eye the shorter girl. Seungwan only spares her a few seconds of returning her stare before sighing and then disappearing into her assigned room. 

Seulgi's still out of it that her therapist has to tell her twice to sit down before she actually does.

"Are you having a bad day, Seulgi?" 

"N-no, doctor Choi!" Seulgi says, waves her hands in front of her, still holding the magazine. "That's not it. I was just taken aback."

"By what? And don't call me doctor Choi. It's too formal. Call me Sooyoung unnie." Her therapist says, eyes the magazine in her hands.

"Okay, unnie." Seulgi mutters. She slowly puts the reading down on the coffee table between them, still open on the Girls' Generation article.

"Go on." Her therapist gives her an encouraging smile. 

"Son Seungwan. She goes to this clinic too!" She exclaims, hands clutching her head.

"Who?" Sooyoung asks.

"She's the girl my cousin and her wife set me up on a date with!" She continues. "I saw her in the waiting room! And she's right next door!"

"What about her?" The tall woman asks, calmly, leaning towards her in earnest interest.

"She's the saddest and most pessimistic person I have ever met, doc." Seulgi's hands run through her hair. She realizes that she's getting worked up about this but it doesn't seem like her therapist minds.

"You don't like her?"

"I don't know! I mean, sure, she's pretty but, man, she the life out of me with the things she said! I almost had an episode!" Seulgi bounces in her seat, wants so hard for her to understand.

"Almost?" Sooyoung asks.

"I did the humming thing you told me about." She replies, calmly this time.

"It worked?" Even she sounds surprised. 

"Yeah."

"Good job, Seulgi. So what did she say to almost give you an episode?" 

"She said that I should stop being hopeful because the world will crush my heart and leave me in an even worse state than I am in now."

The room is overtaken by silence.

"Why do you think she said that?"

"Because she's a sad, sad person!" Seulgi takes a deep breath. "She told me she has depression. But I don't get why she's like that. I mean, I'm sick too! But I don't think that way."

"Think that way?"

"Yeah. I don't talk like a cynic. I believe in happy endings and silver linings. I believe that if I try hard enough to be a better person, Soojung will come back to me."

There's a long pause. Sooyoung leans back on her chair, thinks carefully.

"Don't you think that there's some truth to what she said?"

"Nope. I think she's been lonely for so long and that she should be helped. That's why I'm going to befriend her."

Sooyoung nods, a smile on her lips.

"That's a good idea. She can learn from you and you can learn from her too. Maybe you'll find out why she projects herself in that way. There's always more to people beneath their hard exteriors."

It's Seulgi's turn to nod. Sooyoung glances at her watch and she knows it's almost time for her to leave.

"Okay. Last question. How are the meds for you? Any hallucinations?"

"Nothing of the sort, Sooyoung unnie. I've been sleeping well, too."

"Good, good. So, I'll see you next week? Keep me updated about your friend." She stands, shakes Seulgi's hand.

"Alright." Seulgi gets up, heads for the door, feeling really good about today's session.

"Do you like Girls' Generation?" Sooyoung suddenly asks when she's by the door. She points at the magazine she left on the table.

"Yeah! I do! I went to their first concert with my cousin and my Soojung when we were in high school. Do you like them too?" Seulgi says, excited at the thought of finding a fellow fan.

"I did at one point. Not so much now." She pauses, shoves her hands in her pocket. "You know, after Jessica left."

"Sorry?" Seulgi looks at her with a confused look.

"Jessica's departure from the group was a sad day for me. Anyway, goodbye, Seulgi." She dismisses her, unaware of how she just turned Seulgi's day upside down.

--

"Seulgi, are you sure you're okay?" 

Seulgi has no idea why or how she is now sitting on a park bench next to Tiffany and Seungwan, holding an ice cream cone that is melting in her hand.

Her eyes flicker to look at the older girl's face, laced with worry. Seungwan, on the other hand, ignores her and eats her ice cream in peace.

Seulgi blinks at Tiffany.

"Did something happen during your therapy? You barely said a word since I picked you both up. I was happy to see you there because I had no idea that you go there too but I'm starting to worry now." 

"Unnie," Seulgi finally speaks. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Jessica... did she really leave Girls' Generation?" There's a confused look on Tiffany's face for a brief moment but she catches herself.

"Yeah. It was just last year. Something about her fashion business. Seulgi?"

Her cone drops flat on the ground with a splat and she's shaking, trying to hold her emotions in as she processes this information. But her whole being is going numb. 

Forever. Forever 9. Forever together.

"The point of the whole thing is-"

"Seungwan-"

"-people leave all the time. There's no telling when or how or why. But if I were you-"

"Stop it, Seungwan!"

"No, unnie. Seulgi needs to hear this-"

"I said stop it!"

That's the last straw as Seulgi wails loudly. Tiffany's ice cream joins Seulgi's on the ground as she drops it in her haste to console the poor girl. Again, Seungwan ignores her, eats her ice cream.

Tiffany's attempts to comfort the girl are in vain. Seulgi's cries only seem to become louder and louder because she feels bad, really bad. How could something like this happen? That group has been a pillar of comfort for Seulgi, a perfect figure for the so-called forever she and Soojung were running after. In fact, she and Soojung enjoyed their music together. They were a big part of her and Soojung's relationship. Is Soojung feeling sad about this too? Or maybe she's known about it a long time ago. But still, did she have someone to cry with when she found out?

"I'm calling Chorong." She hears Tiffany say. 

Within fifteen minutes, Chorong's black mini cooper makes an appearance and out jumps Taeyeon and Chorong, running to where they were sitting.

Seulgi's enveloped in a warm hug which reminds her of her mother, effectively calming her down. She stops crying and sees that her tears are being wiped by Chorong with her shirtsleeves and it catches her off guard.

"There you go. Why is your hand all sticky?" Someone produces wipes and Chorong takes her hand to clean it.

"U-unnie, aren't you supposed to be at work?" She asks.

"It's okay. I can come back later. Have you eaten?" Chorong replies, voice gentle. "Bbomi's at a business meeting so I'm not sure if she can join us but... wanna go to Myeongdong?"

Seulgi thinks for a bit before slowly shaking her head.

"No?" Chorong looks at her, surprised. "Wanna go home?" Seulgi shakes her head again.

"Wanna go to where Chorong and I work?" Taeyeon cuts in, smiling widely. "It can be a fieldtrip or something."

Seulgi freezes. Like a dog that just heard its master's footsteps on the front porch, her ears perk up and she sits straighter in her chair.

"Do you want to?" Chorong asks even though she already knows the answer. 

"Can I?" 

The three older girls smile at the cute look on her face. Chorong nods and Taeyeon pulls Seulgi up to her feet.

"Let's go eat lunch first." Tiffany says, getting up from the bench. She turns to Seungwan. "You're coming with us, right?"

Seungwan rolls her eyes.

----------------------------

A/N: It's been over a year now but there is no moving on from 9/30. I'm trash. I miss Jessica.

Anyway, incoming angst for the next two updates. Prepare for that. I'm not sure if I'll be able to update next week because not much is left of the semester and that means tons of exams and papers for me. But I'll update in December for sure. So yeah. Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think of the story so far. - Bluekimchi