A/N: I'm sorry this took longer than it was supposed to. I was caught up with school work. And I wanted to really work on getting just the right emotions into the chapter. So I hope you will like it. - Bluekimchi

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Only two days remain before Seulgi's birthday. Chorong and Bomi seem to have reconciled just in time to give way for the preparations since they're both so insistent on throwing her a party even after what happened. Chorong insists that this gives them more cause for a celebration but at this rate, they might as well be preparing for a funeral instead of a birthday bash with all the gloom in the air.

Since the news, Seulgi hasn't been herself. She’s not the happy and positive bear anymore. She has been unreachable, always locked up in her studio, not answering her phone, and not showing up for therapy. When anyone drops by to visit her, she doesn't respond to anything they say or ask.

Seungwan's presence is the only thing she acknowledges which comes as a relief to them all. But maybe not Seungwan, because even though Seulgi talks to her, she can't shake off the feeling that she might be losing her just as quickly as she found her. This could be what she's so afraid of the whole time. (Why didn't they talk about this things sooner?)

Seungwan's therapist tells her that Seulgi is in a state of shock after receiving such news. She tells her that it will pass and the only thing she should do is to stick by Seulgi's side. She also says that Seulgi might be in denial right now but she will come to accept things eventually. Seungwan just needs to wait. She thinks that it's weird to be talking about Seulgi with her therapist but what can she do? She was worried for her. Well, that and she's also scared of what's going to happen next.

"It's going to be all right, Seungwan." Taeyeon says to her when they're on the ride home after dinner. Today's session took longer than usual. "Like what doctor Kim said, Seulgi's just in shock. She'll come out of it eventually."

Seungwan nods slowly, wants so much for Taeyeon to drop the subject even though she knows the older girl means well. Talking about it makes her even more nervous. Maybe that's why she never brought herself to talk to Seulgi about anything or to ask her anything.

But Taeyeon  can't take a hint and pushes the subject.

"You shouldn't worry about anything. We're doing everything we can to help. In fact, Bomi's going to talk to Seulgi tonight-"

"What?!" Seungwan suddenly screams, making Taeyeon floor the brake pedal in surprise.

Seungwan glares at her but she only looks back innocently.

"Weren't you listening to what I just said, unnie? We can't force Seulgi to face the truth! She has to do it on her own." Seungwan says, outraged.

"Erm, it's too late for that. Bomi's probably with her now." Taeyeon scratches the back of her head, smiles sheepishly.

Seungwan inhales deeply, closes her eyes, and calms herself down.

"Take me to see Seulgi now." She says.

"But Seungwan-"

"Now!" Taeyeon winces, takes a U-turn gingerly.

"Sometimes I wonder if you and Fany are blood-related." She mutters under her breath, sighs.

--

Nothing has changed. Seulgi tells herself this over and over again. She's not going back to Bomi and Chorong's. She's not even going to talk to Bomi until she hears from Chorong herself that she apologized to her so good luck with them throwing her a party. She's just going to stay here in her studio and paint and wait for Soojung-

Wait. Soojung? No, not Soojung.

Seungwan. She's going to wait for Seungwan to turn up because she had a therapy session this afternoon and is having dinner with Taeyeon. She's going to wait for her like she always does because nothing has changed.

Seulgi frowns. Now the mood is ruined. Why is Soojung suddenly coming into her thoughts like this? No one gave her the right to leave and then come back just as she pleased after Seulgi's decided to move on and- She thinks of Soojung and her head hurts. She feels stuffy and she has to go out. There's no way she'll be staying here alone. At least not without Seungwan.

A car pulls up in her driveway just as she heads out the door. Seulgi mutters profanities under her breath as Bomi gets off the said car. Why couldn't it just be Taeyeon or Tiffany dropping off Seungwan?

"Let's go for a ride." Her cousin calls to her.

"No." Seulgi replies firmly with a frown but Bomi doesn't look the least bit shaken by her disapproval.

"Yes." Bomi says calmly. "And you will get in the car now."

Seulgi scoffs. "Why should I?"

"Because the name Kim Yerim will leave you with no choice." Bomi holds up a sealed, legal size envelope in her hand, beams with satisfaction at the look on Seulgi's face.

"Yeah, I figured I could use the leverage." Bomi says, proud. "Get in."

Seulgi narrows her eyes at her but does what she is told.

--

They drive around the city once and circle back to the Han river. Bomi parks the car and they both get off to settle on the car hood as the older girl hands out drinks.

"Is this-"

"Just soda. Can't drink alcohol. I have to drive." Bomi assures her.

Seulgi opens her drink and takes a sip, uses the time to think because she knows going out for a ride doesn't mean just that. Especially if Bomi is resorting to dirty tricks. She looks at her watch and predicts that in 60 seconds, Bomi will start to blabber, beat around the bush. So she figures that it's best to just cut to the chase.

"What is it that you want to say to me?" She says, voice demanding for a quick answer. Bomi doesn't seem to mind. In fact, she looks relieved to see Seulgi taking the initiative.

"Rongie and I talked. I apologized for what I said to her and for not talking to her for the past few weeks. You were right. I should be more serious with our marriage. We're married. We should fight for things to work out not fight among ourselves." Bomi actually sounds regretful and sincere so it must be real.

Bomi looks at her like she's waiting for her approval. She seems nervous. Why is she nervous if she's brought good news? Something doesn't quite add up.

"That's good to hear. Is that all?" Seulgi looks at her, eyebrows furrowed.

"No, of course not. I just wanted to get it out of the way first." Bomi says.

"So-"

"Soojung." Bomi cuts her off, looks closely at her as she puts on a straight face. Bomi sighs. "You can't pretend forever, Seulgi."

She waits for her to say something. When she doesn't, only then does she press on.

"Maybe it's my fault for not telling you. I was really worried about how you would react but seeing you like this now... I know should have told you sooner. I'm sorry, Seul."

"Soojung... she rejected your proposal. She broke up with you because she had fallen in love with your friend, Jongin."

Silent tears stream down Seulgi's face as she listens to Bomi talk.

"She said she was meaning to break up with you for some time already and even you had some idea but you really loved her and-"

"It's okay, unnie. You can stop now." Seulgi interrupts. "I must have made myself forget but I remember it all now. I remember everything."

"Y-you do?" Bomi's at a loss of words.

Seulgi nods.

She knows. This should make things easier right? But neither of them say anything and just take sips of their drinks. Bomi nervously grips her soda can, making dents all over it, watches Seulgi wipe away her tears through the corner of her eye.

"So, I guess I understand now why you were pushing me to make things right with Rongie." Bomi looks at her apologetically like she had personally offended her.

"I think you know now too. You needed to learn to appreciate what you have. A wife who loves you very much. Not everyone gets that. Some of us have to make ourselves believe that what we had is love." Seulgi clears .

Bomi flinches. So Seulgi does remember.

For a few minutes, they stay silent.

When Seulgi tips her soda can upside down to let last few drops fall on the concrete, she says "Soojung... what she did was heartless, wasn't it?" She laughs a little, finally realizing how foolish she has been.

"Everything she did was heartless." Bomi pauses, wonders if it would be all right to divulge in the topic or end it there. She picks the former, still. "That girl... she never loved you."

Seulgi nods again and the tears start on their second wave.

"She was flattered to have someone like you fall for her. You're kind, you're talented, and pretty much amazing."  Bomi pauses. "And you were just being the good person that you were. You loved her and gave her everything you could give but she just used you.”

Seulgi cries silently. Who are they kidding? There's no easier way to say any of this and both of them know it. The truth hurts but she's been hurting all this time anyway. What more can this do to her?

"She had the choice to break your heart." Bomi looks at her, as if measuring how much more Seulgi can take, as if pondering if she can take the next words.

"And she did." Seulgi beats her to it, smiles bitterly.

In those three words, she finally comes to accept it all. The woman of her dreams was the one who turned her life into a nightmare. Soojung who she followed blindly and protected foolishly. Seulgi gave everything up, her mother's affection, her reputation, and her life, just so she can have her and in the end, Soojung just hurt her. In the end, she's just a bad dream that isn't even worth crying for anymore.

So Seulgi wipes away her tears and takes a deep breath.

"She never loved me." She says, feeling freer and freer with each passing second.

"Yeah, she never did." Bomi agrees, crushes the empty soda can in her hand with an angry passion. Then calms herself down to say "But Seungwan... Seungwan does. She sure as hell does."

Bomi stands, holds Seulgi by the shoulder, and looks her in the eye, hoping to get the message across as strongly as she can.

"So don't ever let her get away, Seulgi." Bomi produces the envelope and hands it out for Seulgi to take.

"I won't." She replies, taking hold of the document and smiles. "And you, don't let Chorong unnie down." She looks back at her with that determined look in her eyes.

Bomi nods. "I'm gonna ask you to kill me if I ever do it again." And Seulgi knows that she's being serious but she still laughs.

"I think you're gonna do that yourself before I get to you. So, I think you're good now." She pats Bomi on the head and they both laugh.

When their laughter die down, Bomi clears . "So, about that party?"

Seulgi could only groan.

--

Seungwan hugs her legs tighter, rocks back and forth on the top porch step, hoping that doing so would produce some warmth. She checks the time on her watch. Eight minutes past twelve. That means it's already the eve of Seulgi's birthday.

But where could she be right now? She's been waiting for her for since 9 o'clock. Where did Bomi take her? Is she really with Bomi? Does she have a coat with her? It's a cold night and she might get the flu. But she can't! In less than 24 hours it will be her birthday.

A car pulls up in front that mercifully ends Seungwan's agony. She stands up immediately as Seulgi gets off. She watches her walk past the gate and towards her and it all feels so dream-like. Seulgi stops one step lower where Seungwan’s standing to keep their faces level. And without a word, she takes her hand.

"You should've waited for me inside." Seulgi frowns, feeling just how cold Seungwan's hand is.

"I tried to but I couldn't sit still without knowing where you were." Seungwan replies, searching Seulgi's face for something, anything to give her a hint of what she's feeling because she's still scared of asking.

But wanting to know gets too suffocating and she finally asks "Are you... are you okay?" She holds her breath in anticipation of the answers.

"I am, I think." Seulgi gives her a small smile.

"That's a relief." Seungwan breathes in deeply. "I was afraid that-" She stops, sees Seulgi's forehead crinkling.

"I'm sorry, Seungwan." Seulgi looks her in the eye and she can tell that there's more to that answer than she thought. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way.” She grips her hand tighter in what is supposed to be a gesture of assurance but it only makes Seungwan feel more worried.

"Seulgi..." She doesn't know exactly what to say. Hearing Seulgi apologize like this makes her want to ask why but she can't think of the words to say so she lets Seulgi continue.

"There's something I want to say to you, Seungwan-ah." Seulgi draws closer to her.

She takes a deep breath as she prepares to talk and Seungwan prepares to listen. Something they should've done days ago before overthinking blew things out of proportion.

"You know what? I think it'll be better if I show you first." Seulgi says.

She brings  her hands up to  cup Seungwan's face in a slow manner. She leans in and closes her eyes, sees Seungwan's eyelids flutter to a close, too, just before hers completely does. And then her lips press against Seungwan's and she kisses her like it's the first time - careful as Seungwan is fragile but sure as Seungwan needs to know just how sure she is about her.

 Seulgi kisses Seungwan in a way that makes her feel like Seulgi is trying to kiss all of her fears and worries away. And with that, she can tell that Seulgi really does need her as much as she does, that Seulgi's falling, that they're both falling in love.

When Seulgi pulls back, she is met with the most beautiful pair of eyes she's ever seen, b with tears and full of questions that she feels like she could be drowning but she finds that drowning is so much better than holding her breath in preparation of the jump she told herself she was never going to make.

"I should have told you how I felt but I didn't want to confuse you because I was confused too but not in the way you think I was. I've been sure about you since that day on the mountain.”  Her eyes gaze into hers and it's like she could be seeing through her soul, like she knows Seungwan inside out.

“Then what is it you were confused about?” So Seungwan does not bother hiding her desperation and her vulnerability. She lays all of it out in the open for Seulgi to take, to trample on, to do whatever the hell she wants with it because, at this point, she doesn't care about those things anymore. All that matters is Seulgi and getting her to stay because she’s so damn scared of losing her.

“Joohyun unnie.” Seulgi suddenly says, throwing her completely off guard. “You and Joohyun unnie were really in love.”

So it was about that? But Seungwan had already gotten her closure. It's not something they should be worrying about.

 “Joohyun unnie wanted for me to be happy. I'm sure she-“

“Would want you to find someone who can love you like she did, I know.” Seulgi interrupts.

“So what are you saying?” Seungwan frowns, honestly still not catching on.

“That I was confused because maybe that someone is not me.” Seulgi says. “Seungwan, I spent the best years of my life chasing after a girl who couldn't love me and maybe she had a reason not to! Didn't you ever think of it that way? I was never good enough for her. What makes me good enough for you?”

“Seulgi, you have to stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control.” Seungwan cuts her off. “You have to realize that you're a really great person and-“

“Seungwan, I was played and dumped and I still ignorantly called it love while you and Joohyun unnie had it real. She gave you a fairytale and what do I have? How do you expect someone like me to be able to love and to protect you when I have nothing?” Seulgi looks at Seungwan helplessly.

Seungwan doesn't get it. She doesn't understand why everything that made her want to live again, to love again, couldn't see just what she is and what she is capable of. It hurt to think that she's become like this because of Soojung. How can anyone treat Seulgi like she was trash when she means the world to Seungwan now? She doesn't understand.

“But you do, Seulgi. You do.” But she's going to make Seulgi see.

“So what is it? Tell me what I can do because I'm so afraid of wanting you for myself when I don't know what I can do to deserve you! Tell me so I can stop being so confused!”

“Stay, Seulgi! You can stay. All you have to do is stay.” Seungwan could feel herself break. Not because of Seulgi but for Seulgi. Seulgi who blamed herself for Soojung's selfishness and heartlessness. Seulgi who took the blame for so long that she lost sight of herself.

For a moment, they just look at each other.  Seulgi looks at Seungwan and Seungwan looks back at Seulgi. But  Seungwan has had enough so she pulls her in and holds her in her arms, lets her tears fall silently on the crook of Seulgi's neck.

“You're such an idiot.” Seungwan hits her back, once, twice until she couldn't because she's crying too hard. “Did you think I was not going to want you anymore just because some girl didn't?”

As Seulgi wraps her arms around Seungwan too, she finally understands what she’s been missing all this time, real love. Love that doesn't ask for much. And that's the love that Seungwan has for her.

She might have failed to see that sooner because the realization of what Soojung did to her was still so fresh. Soojung didn't love her so she didn't know what it was really like to be loved. That girl didn't love her. But this one, Seungwan, this one does.

So Seulgi brings her lips close to Seungwan's ear to soothe her and say “I'm sorry. Stop crying now. I'll do more than stay.”