Seulgi (Summer, 1991)

Seulgi never really liked the idea of school.

No, she wasn’t dumb; on the contrary she was told she was pretty intelligent for her age. She was only seven, so her knowledge wasn’t wide, but she at least knew how to read and write advanced literature without help, and many other skills most hadn’t fully grasped yet at her age. However, she couldn’t really say she was looking forward to it. In kindergarten she didn’t really have any friends, because no one liked playing with her, so she felt a bit lonely. Sure, sometimes she’d join in on playing with dolls or a round of catch, but that was only when the adults more like forced the kids to let her join. The grownups didn’t say it, but Seulgi understood that if they didn’t the kids would be scolded.

She was walking down the street to school, alone as always, because her mother had to go to work early so she couldn’t walk with her. Seulgi didn’t mind because she was used to her mother’s busy schedule; she had walked alone to kindergarten as long as she could remember, and school wouldn’t be anything new. Her parents valued independency more than anything else, which meant that she had learned to do things alone. She knew how to use the phone in case there was an emergency, to make her own lunch and to travel around the neighborhood without any adults.

Many kids found that a bit weird, and Seulgi did too for a while as she jealously used to look at the happy smiles on her classmates faces when their parents came to pick them up. She even felt a bit jealous when she saw the others walk with their parents to school too. “Singing in the field of reeds, you sad little cuckoo bird,” she sang to herself as she walked on the asphalt with her new shoes. They were white sandals, and they were a bit glossy which made them pretty to look at underneath the sun. Her eyes were focused on them as she stepped down the familiar path while singing. “My pure, strawberry love…”

“What are you singing?” The voice made Seulgi jump a bit, as she turned around to see a slightly taller girl. She was about to freak out, but then she noticed the familiar smile of their new neighbor Joohyun, so she let out a relieved sigh. “Can you teach it to me?” Joohyun asked without waiting for a reply, and Seulgi wondered why she wanted to learn it because it wasn’t really anything special, but she didn’t want to ask. Her parents always said that it was better to act than ask, but maybe that was for more serious things?

Seulgi taught it to her anyway, as they had a good while before they would reach school anyway. It was right beside the kindergarten, but it was still a good while before school would begin so they did have the time to take it slow in Seulgi’s opinion. “Singing in the field of reeds, you sad little cuckoo bird,” they both sang after going through it two times. Joohyun started to get the hang of it, her easy-going and slightly airy voice ringing through the air very much softer than Seulgi’s loud one. “My pure strawberry love…”

“What is pure love?” Joohyun had asked after a while, her wide eyes looking over at her, soft sunlight landing on her face. She moved a pale hand to cover herself from the bright light, a curious look on her face that didn’t seem to disappear. 

Seulgi could only think about what her father told her when she asked the same question to him. “My father said that it’s when you love one person for a very long time,” she remembered after a moment, her eyes slightly squinting as well by the unforgiving sun. She had a feeling that if they were to walk barefoot, their feet would burn.

It took a moment and another calming breeze to soothe their burning skin, for the other girl to reply with a question that left Seulgi clueless. “Love as in the way parents are in love?” Joohyun asked, and she didn’t know, but it left a bitter taste in her tongue. She wasn’t so sure about if that was real anymore; love between the way parents love each other.

“Maybe,” she replied instead with a shrug, she didn’t really know, she was just repeating what her father told her.

Joohyun didn’t seem to be finished with asking, even if it left Seulgi in a mood that she couldn’t describe, suddenly all worn out. “But what does that have to do with strawberries?” Joohyun continued to ask as they walked underneath a huge tree. The shade was cool and gave them a small while of relief from the harsh sun.

“… It’s a song, how am I supposed to know?” Seulgi retorted, mostly because she didn’t have anything to say to that. She didn’t really understand love because it seemed so complicated. She would rather read about the stars and the sky above them, than about a boy and a girl kissing and having feelings. Anyway, what if the girl got cooties?

“If you deny my love, what will I do?” Joohyun continued to sing on the way after Seulgi stayed silent. “I will miss you so, it will break my heart.”

Seulgi turned around then to look over at Joohyun, mostly to say that she was two lines too early. She didn’t however, because the smile on Joohyun’s face was very pretty, like that one princess she saw in a movie. That smile was so powerful that the prince promised to protect her forever, and they lived happily ever after. Joohyun continued on singing with a smile, her small feet tapping to its own beat as she was skipping along. Seulgi felt a bit dumb because she could only stare, sort of lost by the sudden sight. There were leaves falling around them, slowly, and some ended up in Joohyun’s hair, but she didn’t seem to notice or care.

“How did you fall in love with mother?” Seulgi remembered asking her father a couple of months ago, her eyes looking up at the man who was sitting on the recliner chair with a newspaper in his hands. “Father?” Seulgi called out, but he didn’t really seem to react as he kept his eyes on the paper. He did, however, straighten up his glasses.

“When she used to smile,” he replied shortly after a while, flipping the page of the news as Seulgi only looked at him with many questions unanswered. Mother always smiles, at least to Seulgi. “Don’t ask kid, your father is tired.”

Seulgi didn’t think there was anything special with the way Joohyun greeted the class later that day; everyone was sort of new anyway. Joohyun was only unfamiliar with the neighbors because they moved in recently, but other than that everyone knew everyone. “Hi, my name is Bae Joohyun,” the said girl introduced herself as she stood by the teacher’s desk. She looked quite small compared to the tall, gangly figure of their teacher. “I’m new in the neighborhood, so please take care of me!”

Their class was quite small; there were about twenty-one pupils. Still, it felt as if there were too many people at one place. Seulgi never liked big crowds, so she was glad she wasn’t the one presenting her name to a bunch of people even if she knew them. The other kids seemed to like Joohyun, but it didn’t come as a surprise. She was very nice and pretty, so it did make sense. Seulgi was a bit sad that during recess, Joohyun walked out with some other girls in their class and not with her.

Seulgi decided that she wanted to stay inside, even if they had to play outside since the weather was so nice. She wanted to continue to read the book her grandmother gave her about the constellations and planets, but she couldn’t even get to finding the book before Joohyun suddenly appeared. “We’re missing one person to play hide and seek with us,” Joohyun said shortly before reaching out her hand, a couple of faces she knew well behind her. “Come on, we need someone to seek.”

Seulgi wasn’t quite sure what to say because she thought the other kids wouldn’t agree to that, but they didn’t really seem to care. She didn’t really want to, but she joined anyway because she didn’t want to be rude. Her parents always said that she could make friends and be nice, but never depend on them. She wanted to be nice, not mean, so she agreed.

Seulgi was told to count to fifty, and she was supposed to wait by the tree just on the outskirts of the school playground. They agreed that they could only hide outside, and since the playground itself wasn’t so big, it wouldn’t be too tough. The little girl let out a smile as she closed her eyes to start counting, because she was happy to be included even if she didn’t really want to at the same time. It was nice being asked to join, not because a teacher told them to, but because they wanted to… sort of.

When Seulgi got to fifty, she opened up her tightly shut eyes to look around the playground. Many of the other kids who weren’t in the game were playing on the swings or playing castle, so that meant that the other kids couldn’t hide there. She walked around the school yard, and she easily found the other kids. Sehun was easy to find because of his height, Suji, Jinri, Sohyun and Soojung argued about where to hide so they were just standing by a corner, and lastly Taehyun fell asleep underneath a bench.

Seulgi had found Minji and Jiyeon easily too, even if they at least tried to hide without getting caught, but no one had any idea of where Joohyun went. It was a bit strange because recess was soon over, so they had to find her quickly before the bell rang. Everyone, except for Taehyun who was still sleeping, went looking for her. Seulgi didn’t know why, but she felt a bit worried, so she walked as fast as she could around the school even though she sort of knew something bad couldn’t have happened to her.

“Seulgi!” she suddenly heard her name being whispered a bit hastily. The little girl turned around, only to see the faint outline of long, light brown hair falling down over a pale skinned girl. Before she could react or reply with something, however, she felt a hand grab her wrist and tug her towards the hiding place. Joohyun had hidden herself beside the wall that was separated from the playground, where a short and narrow staircase leads down to the girls’ restroom. “Did you find everyone yet?” she asked, dumbly enough giving her hiding spot to the girl who was actually seeking.

“We were all looking for you because recess is soon over,” Seulgi said then, implying that she did find everyone. She thought it was a bit stupid how no one had looked down there because it was an obvious hiding spot, and even she should have seen there when she thought of it later.

“It is?” she asked before looking down at her wrist to check the time, the small ticks humming from her pink clock. “Wow, you guys aren’t good at finding people!” Seulgi gave her a slightly confused look, but didn’t ask because she had nothing to say to the smiling girl. The bell rang anyway, so there wasn’t any time for asking questions. “I don’t want to go inside just yet,” she began, almost seeming to whine out the answer like all kids did.

Seulgi didn’t want to get scolded for arriving late. It was their first day of school after all, and her mother wouldn’t appreciate it if she got a bad scolding on the first day. “But recess is over,” Seulgi began softly, but Joohyun only shrugged. She didn’t really seem to care, and there was a playful look in her eye as she stood one step below Seulgi. Seulgi may have been taller than her in that moment, but she still felt a bit small standing in front of Joohyun.

“That doesn’t matter, we’re only children and we didn’t see the time,” Joohyun said before suddenly removing her watch to place it in the pocket of her jacket. “Besides, we didn’t hear the bell,” she continued. That was a couple of lies Seulgi wasn’t too sure with that they could get away with, but in that moment Joohyun had a type of aura that was so strong, it was hard to resist. She was only smiling a bit, and Seulgi thought that maybe things couldn’t get so bad after all. “I’ll give you a lollipop if you manage to catch me,” she said then, and Seulgi always liked lollipops and candy; especially if they were lemon flavored.

However, she wasn’t really a fast runner, so she didn’t know what to do. “That’s not fair, you run probably run faster than me,” Seulgi began, looking down at Joohyun who was standing there with her long hair. She was looking up at her for a while in deep thought, but when Seulgi thought she was going to say something, she stepped closer instead. They were now on the same step, Seulgi pushing herself behind to give Joohyun more space, as she felt her face come closer to hers.

Then, out of the blue, she felt something tug her hair. Seulgi wanted to scream in surprise, but when she felt the small clip that held some of her bangs away disappear, she knew that the hand didn’t belong to a stranger. Joohyun held the yellow pin in her small hand, a mischievous smile on her face before clasping her fingers together. “Too bad, you have to if you want your pin back,” she began and suddenly, before Seulgi could even phantom the fact that the girl was so close, she ran off in the distance.

“If you deny my love, what will I do? I will miss you so, it will break my heart.”