Seulgi (Present)
 

The days had gone by, and by now the official reconstruction of the house had begun. By now they had journeyed back to Jeju to check out the progress, and would be staying there for a while. They both had to be there for obvious reasons with Joohyun being the architect and Seulgi the client; she had to make sure everything was okay. “Is it always so loud?” Seulgi had to ask through the constant buzzing and roaring of the machines that were tearing down and ripping apart bits of the house she once lived in.

Joohyun only nodded, seemingly unaffected by the noise. She must have been used to it by now, as she was walking beside Seulgi as they were checking out the progression. She sounded so okay with it that it made sense. They walked around the outside a little longer, the workers either carrying something or working on something. Seulgi had no idea on what they were doing, but then again she didn’t really understand anything about architecture. When they had gotten inside, Seulgi took a moment to look around the mess that was inside the empty house. “I really hope that this is not how it’s going to be,” Seulgi commented, only for Joohyun to roll her eyes.

“We’ve only begun, you can’t expect the house to be done in a day,” Joohyun retorted, and then she handed her a small case with the blueprints. “Now see, I’ve told you many times, but this is how it’s going to be. We’ll extend the…”

Seulgi zoned out then, mostly because she already knew, but while Joohyun was sounding so professional and calm, she couldn’t keep her gaze of the way she spoke. Her sharp yet delicate features were still mostly the same, although a bit aged and more mature. Her pink lips were parted every so lightly as she spoke and explained word for word, giving her those fleeting memories of her lips on other places. “Seulgi?” she heard Joohyun call out, and awkwardly she tried to avoid appearing as if she zoned out and only gave her a look. “You there?”

Rolling her eyes, the said woman only nodded before taking a few steps ahead to look around the house that was getting torn down in front of her eyes. It looked like the inside of a war almost, but it appeared to be something alike each memory made and done was being replaced with something new. At least it would be when the house would be done. “I believe in you, Joohyun,” she said then while her hand absentmindedly touched the last remains of the wooden walls. In a moment they would be gone forever, anyway. “I just hope it’ll look as good as you say it will.”

Her eyes then travelled to some random doodle, with a black sharpie, that made her stop on her track to look at it clearly. A smile appeared on her face then, as she remembered what that drawing really was. “Hey, remember when you said we’d meet again when the leaves would fall in autumn?” Seulgi turned her gaze to look at Joohyun, who was only giving her a slightly bewildered yet flustered expression. She was quick to hide it again, however. She denied it, but Seulgi only chuckled. She had no idea how she could forget that moment, one of their last. “You did, that’s why you drew those leaves on the wall,” Seulgi said as she got up from her position.

Joohyun was still denying it. “I wouldn’t have done anything that childish,” she defended herself then, crossing her arms before turning towards the opposite direction.

“Idiot, had I known you’d be like this I would have recorded it,” Seulgi said as she caught up with her, and they found themselves sitting by the grass which viewed the entire ocean and the waves. The same place as before, always the same as before. “You know, I’m really curious about something,” Seulgi began the conversation again.

Wondering for a moment why Joohyun didn’t really say much, she looked over at her, but let it slide when she eventually replied. “You’ve been curious ever since we stepped out of the plane,” she retorted, pulling her long hair in a loose bun, with her working sheets and stuff on the grass, lightly fluttering with the coming autumn air.

“Ha, very funny,” Seulgi began before her gaze ended up on the horizon, the ocean as vast as she remembered it to be. “Did you really mean it?” Seulgi didn’t know why she brought it up; that question about the past, all of the things she should have stopped asking herself way earlier.

She did for a while, for all it was worth, but she couldn’t deny that recently it had all gotten back to her again. “Mean what? That the house was going to end up just fine?” Joohyun asked her, but Seulgi wanted to shout out that she knew what she was asking her about, but she didn’t. It wouldn’t really be necessary anyway to cause a scene, with all the noise disturbing what used to be the silent haven of their childhood.

“That you believed we would meet again?” she couldn’t help but continue to ask, although it almost made her feel depressed inside by the thought and the most possible answer. After all, she had this heavy feeling of knowing that things wouldn’t turn out positively, but she didn’t want to believe it at the same time.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Joohyun sounded so casual again, almost as if they were talking about the weather or anything else. It almost fooled Seulgi for a second, but when she turned to look over at the other woman; she saw something buried in her distant gaze that meant something way more. “We met again either way, and it’s soon fall,” she shrugged it off, almost as if it was nothing. It was something a bit unlike her, because she always seemed to showcase her emotions out there. She was the typical girl with her heart on her sleeve.

Seulgi tried to figure out that look, that distantness in her eyes that made Seulgi ask herself a million questions. For a moment, it almost appeared as if Joohyun was thinking about something deeper, something further away when… “But it doesn’t matter, now does it?” she asked then, and although Seulgi almost wanted to agree, she couldn’t. Not really, not genuinely at least. “We’re adults now, and adults shouldn’t dwell on the past.”

Seulgi wanted to know why Joohyun suddenly sounded so angered, although she should have known. But if they weren’t going to dwell on the past, then why did she sound so emotional thinking about it? “You make it sound like I’ve killed your dog,” Seulgi said after a while, not having a better way to phrase it. A short breeze wandered between them then, the silence stretching on for a moment before Joohyun suddenly spoke, or rather muttered something Seulgi wished she didn’t hear.

“Not exactly my dog, but you killed something.”

Seulgi didn’t really like what was going on, and sometimes she cursed herself for bringing up the wrong things at the wrong time. With all the stress she went through anyway, she should have let everything go and tried to focus, but that seemed too tough with Joohyun around. “I’ve been curious about one thing too, though,” Joohyun began asking after a while of awkward silence. “Why do you have such an urge to sell this house?” she ended the sentence, making Seulgi almost want to shiver by the reasons.

“It’s a long story, Joohyun,” Seulgi said after a while, knowing that the truth had to come out someday. “But I need all the money I can get, and since I’ve inherited this house, I have the right to sell it.” Joohyun seemed a bit confused then, her eyes a bit squinted as if she was either trying to figure out something or the sun was blinding her. Seulgi honestly didn’t know what alternative was true. “Ugly divorce,” she had nothing more to say to that. It was the only thing she could say without getting a headache. To put it mildly it had been a tiring process just to get separated and move on with their lives. She didn’t want anything to do with her ex-husbands life or riches, and legally let him keep everything as long as he stayed away from her, because she didn’t even want to be reminded of him. “I could forgive the first affair, but the second one and then the third one with my then best friend wasn’t what I would call forgivable.”

Joohyun nodded then, as if she understood without even having to know any more details. That was all Seulgi honestly could say without wanting to lie down and just stop breathing. She honestly never really romantically loved him, not the way she thought she did, but even then she still felt so betrayed that she couldn’t bear it. “Just so you know,” Joohyun said then, a soft pressure on Seulgi’s shoulder. She must have placed her hand there, with a lingering, almost melancholy feeling to it. “I would have never done anything to hurt you that bad.”

Seulgi knew she meant it in a good way, and the worst part was that she honestly believed it. Joohyun didn’t have it in her bones to do something like that, especially not to Seulgi no matter how much pain she caused her. When she thought about it, it wasn’t fair, and it never was. However, all the thoughts of her saying that made it so much clearer for her that Seulgi made a mistake, that she should have done things differently. Because, as cliché and stupid as it sounded, when she looked over at Joohyun she couldn’t deny that no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t really hide it. She couldn’t hide the reoccurring memories, or the feelings linked to it, about the times they used to share and her utter denial about it all.

It was in that moment, with Joohyun so close and the faint scent of her perfume, which made Seulgi almost, want to lean in again. Maybe to check if the same, strong emotion that once swallowed her whole would still be there, and although she doubt it wouldn’t appear, she was still curious. So, so curious… Or did she really, really miss Joohyun more than she wanted to admit?

But she didn’t do it, and nothing would change, as they were sitting there by the ocean with nothing but the buzz of the work behind them, and all the questions about what-ifs.