I tried to imagine it.

Imagine something, anything that would awake me and move my hand from my lap and onto the blank canvas.

Before I was frustrated, but now I felt on going to the brink of insane as I still couldn’t find a single thing to add. I didn’t even have the slightest idea of what to do, as everything I could think of at first only seemed too mainstream or too plain.

I wanted something simple that was easy to look at, but still to have that mind-blowing effect which would make one remember the image they saw, almost hauntingly so.

Yes, I knew this was just a high school project and that the worst thing that could happen was that I wouldn’t get a good grade. However, that grade did have a lot to say when it came to my future, if I ever wanted to get into the university I dreamed of; Seoul University of Fine Arts.

Although intricate and a career that could either make or break you, I have always wanted to be an artist. I have always dreamt of opening up my own gallery, having rich millionaires bid endlessly on my pieces and own my own studio in the top of a New York apartment complex.

But more than that, I actually enjoyed the idea of using my creative side to its fullest, just so I could create something that one would see beauty and promise. I wanted something I could turn into whatever the eye of the beholder wanted to see, to feel, when they saw the colors illustrated in front of them.

These were dreams I had, and that could be really damaged since I still had no idea what to do with this blank space in front of me. Miss Kim had already scolded me, saying that I really had to get going if I wanted to maintain my grade in the subject. But no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed good enough, and that’s one of the worst thoughts an artist can have, but I couldn’t hide it anymore.

“Miss Lee?” she called out when the bell rang, indicating that class was over. I looked up from the floor and to the tall figure of our teacher, who stood by her desk as some of the students seemed to watch us curiously. “I need to talk to you,” she said sternly.

We didn’t say anything until the last student exited the door and Miss Kim was quick enough to close it to lower down the volume in the hallways. Then, with long and elegant strides, she walked to her desk and sat down on the chair behind it. Her desk was worn out, filled with paint spots of all colors from previous projects that she must have done with students of earlier generations.

“You know, I don’t usually do this,” she began slowly after she ushered me to take a seat in front of her. “But I am seriously worried for you now,” her words stopped there briefly as she removed some specks of dust from her clothes. Miss Kim didn’t play favorites, and although I wasn’t an exception she did somehow act a bit nicer to me from time to time.

“Ara, it has been two weeks and you still haven’t done anything with your final project here. You haven’t even drawn an outline or attempted to make something,” she said and I was momentarily surprised by her using my first name, something I found quite odd, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t help mentioning it.

I could only sigh before speaking. “To be honest miss Kim, I really have painter’s block…” I began uncertainly as she only looked at me silently for a little while. One would think that being free to paint whatever we wanted with no restrictions would make it easier, but for some reason, it only made it harder.

“But you have always been one of the fastest to complete a project, no matter what theme I gave you guys. Why is it so difficult now?” she asked and I couldn’t help but sigh again.

“Maybe one is only allowed certain ideas for a certain time, then the art police comes and arrests you,” I said after a while, but Miss Kim didn’t’ seem too impressed by my joke as she only shook her head.

“You know what?” she asked after a while as time kept ticking, before ripping out a piece of paper from her sketchbook to scribble something down on it. I tried to sneak a peek, but she wouldn’t let me and I soon gave up.

“I’ll give you some tips that I think you would master, and if you want to you can work outside of the classroom, if it’s too distracting to concentrate here,” she said. “However, you cannot tell anybody I did this, and I still expect you to document your progress if you decide to work outside the classroom.”

Then she handed me the small piece of paper, eyes turning serious as she looked at me. “No extensions; are we clear?” she says and I can only nod, although I felt very grateful for the fact that she helped me in some kind of way, though I knew that if I wanted to succeed I’d have to work harder.

“Remember though Ara, the real world out there, isn’t as helping,” she said, almost as if she was warning me about something, but I couldn’t think too much about it.

I bowed politely and thanked her before quickly exiting the room, walking down to the girl’s restroom to lock myself in a stall. One would think I got to know the world’s biggest secret, although in reality I just finally found a guideline that could possibly help me.

“Red,” was the first thing it said. Puzzled, I think about why she chose that specific color before reading further.

“Vulnerability,” was the second word on the list, something I really couldn’t comprehend as to why I would get. Especially, I couldn’t understand how red and vulnerability could be linked together. I always thought of red as passionate and fiery, not calmed and exposure.

The last point however was probably the toughest one I could think of, knowing that it would be tough to complete that in a way that didn’t require force or an endless search for the right one.

“Find a muse, a human muse. And if you can, paint that person.”

My mind was everywhere after I tried to understand the guidelines my teacher just gave me, wondering how I could make it work. The toughest part would probably be finding a muse, considering the fact that I had no idea who could even come close to fulfill that role.

Kai was my only friend in school, but honestly when I looked at him, nothing came to mind. Not a single image of him in a painting actually seemed to form inside my brain, as I could only sit there in confusion by the note.

“Still have no clue?” the said person asked after a while, and I could only shake my head as an answer. I could hear him sigh a bit, something I hated because if one of us felt something the other would follow, and I really didn’t need him to feel frustrated as well in that moment.

I honestly had no idea on what to do, until the outline of a girl entered my vision, her gaze practically screaming for attention as she gazed around the room, almost searchingly. My eyes stopped at the slim figure, who stood there tall and proud as she entered the run-down cafeteria.

For a moment I almost held my breath when she turned around to look at me, her gaze still cold and piercing, yet now with added mystery which made my fingers itch to grab a pencil for a reason I could barely comprehend.

It was then I realized that maybe I had already found my muse.

“I think I have an idea,” I said as I could only look at the said girl, until she turned away and sat down to focus on someone else talking to her. “And it might benefit both you and me.”

Kai looked over at me curiously, as I faced him with a smile, before nodding my head towards Krystal and whispering my plan.

But how could I get Krystal, of all people, to model for me?

**

The bell echoed loudly through my ears as the last period of the day ended, and I stood up only to be greeted by the excited look of my best friend. It almost appeared as if he was a kid who woke up on Christmas Day, ready to open his presents, and I could only roll my eyes by the sight.

“So have you asked her yet?” was the first thing that came out of his mouth, and I simply hit his head before walking ahead. “I didn’t have class with her right now moron,” I responded and I could only sigh as Kai quickly followed.

“Guess I’ll have to right now,” I replied before we approached the entrance to the soccer field, Kai having already changed as he got dismissed earlier today. I looked over to the said person, to see him smiling slightly, as I could only roll my eyes yet again.

“But if she says yes, you are coming over when I ask you to; no and, if’s or buts,” I said seriously as he opened the door and I passed through as we got closer to the bleachers. “And you are buying me food wherever I want, whenever I want for the entire summer,” I said and although he opened his mouth to protest, I simply hit him in the stomach and he kept quiet then.

When he placed his bag next to my spot on the bleachers, he quickly went away to start practicing, although not without wishing me luck first. I wanted to yell at him, although I really needed it. This could quickly become a train wreck if I didn’t word myself correctly.

I watched the cheerleading squad getting ready for practice as they warmed up, doing something I didn’t even know what was as I tried to think of exactly how to ask her.

Now that I had kind of found my muse, the tough part was actually asking her to model for me because that must seem extremely awkward for a total stranger to ask about that. However, if I wanted to get her and Kai to know each other better I’d have to see her more often than just during school hours. Plus I’d actually have to talk to her just so I could gradually “move her over” to Kai and voila things would be perfect. I’d get my project done, hopefully, and he’d get the girl.

But it would only be perfect if I knew how to ask, but that was a different story.

My mind was everywhere as the minutes ticked by, and finally when I noticed that the cheerleaders were taking a break, I knew that I had my chance as I got up slowly to walk towards Krystal’s direction.

I could feel my nerves tingle just a tiny bit, the awkwardness probably seeping through my entire body the closer I got. The only thing I could do was sigh and hope for the love of everything spicy that she’d say yes.

Sooner than I thought I stood in front of her again, as she slowly turned away from the crowd she was talking to. Her eyes were on me again, that same gaze that gave me odd chills, as I felt my throat go dry.

“Could I…” I start hesitatingly slow, feeling more stupid as time goes by and the rest of the girls keep on staring at me. “Could I talk to you for a minute?”

Krystal only looked at me for a moment, before softly nodding and guiding the way herself. I could only follow as the looks from the other girls grew more and more suspicious, although I didn’t know why.

When we reached a more secluded area, where there weren’t many people as we were hiding behind a wall that separated the bleachers and the open space next to it, I had a hard time figuring how to say what I was going to say as I looked up at her. Krystal wasn’t really that much taller than I, only a few centimeters (I curse my mother for being so short), but it still feels a bit intimidating as we stand there. Her seemingly constant glare doesn’t help one bit.

“What is the matter?” she ends up asking, almost sounding formal while doing so, and for a moment I wondered if she always was this polite when she talked to people, but I couldn’t really think of it in that moment.

“This may sound a bit awkward to ask,” was the first thing that popped out of my mouth, and albeit true, very unnecessary to say. I could only look into her eyes for a split moment, before I drifted my gaze away to think properly again. I took a deep breath, and decided that it was better to get this over with.

“But I’m in art and I need a model for my final project and…” I started rambling and I wasn’t even sure if Krystal could keep up with what I was trying to say, but she didn’t interrupt. “I, uh, I wondered if you could be interested to model for my project?”

The silence stretched on awkwardly after that, painfully so, as I couldn’t even try to figure out what the silence even meant.  “I’ll pay you if you want!” I blurted out and that was definitely not the right thing to say; that just reeked desperation and made everything even worse. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut and just wait for her to answer?

She stayed still during the whole time, and even if I didn’t give her any direct eye contact, I could still feel her gaze on me. It felt awfully cold to, as it usually does, but I just hoped that at least I’d be rejected kindly? My mind was everywhere, wondering what to do if she said –

“Okay,” she replied simply, and I felt my head snap up in surprise by her response. “If you give me 40 % of your earnings.”

Confused I looked at her again, trying to understand what she was talking about. It took me a while to respond. “I’m not getting paid to do this,” I said after a while, her eyes not changing one bit. “It’s just a school project, but I could negotiate on a price?” I asked further and realized that this sounded terribly wrong on so many levels, but I couldn’t exactly voice out my opinion right now.

“You’re not planning on selling it?” Krystal asked, almost as if she was something alike to being shocked, although it wasn’t too evident on her features. “Then where are you getting the money from?” she continued and that must have been the most she had spoken to me thus far.

I shrugged a little by that, knowing that I would have to fix that… or maybe I could get Kai to pay? That wasn’t such a bad idea at all.

“Well guess the money would have to come from my own pocket,” I replied simply, erasing my previous idea as that would not happen, and she only looked at me before parting her lips to speak.  

“Then I’ll take a hundred dollars an hour,” she said and I tried not to gawk at her in shock. A hundred what? I couldn’t give her that much money? She must be insane! Who knows how much time I will need to complete this project and it may take more than just a couple of hours!

“Okay I don’t have that much money on me,” I replied and then she only shrugged. “Well, find another model,” she replied coolly and turned to leave, but I couldn’t give up so quickly because I really, really needed her to make this work.

“What about fifty then?” I almost cursed myself for giving in so easily, because although my family wasn’t exactly poor we didn’t have huge sums of money to use either. I could afford it with my paycheck from my part-time job, but that would mean I couldn’t afford much else if I didn’t rush through the whole project.

She stopped on her tracks, almost seemingly in thought as her tied up hair fluttered slightly with the wind, before turning her head around. “Sixty,” she replied curtly, and I only gave her a look of disbelief before sighing.

“Fifty five,” I offered and it would really be the highest I would go, best friend and good grades or not, as she stood there silently for another moment.

“Fine, I’ll talk to you later to discuss the details. Wait for me here, okay?” Krystal finally said and I could only nod before she turned her back and jogged over to the rest of the squad. They all had curious looks on their faces, probably asking her about what we were talking about, but if she replied or not I didn’t know as I could only walk in somewhat of a daze to the bleachers again, wondering how on earth I’m going to survive this.

I sat down, only to see Kai giving me a look from the field, asking how it went with his eyes. The sun was blazing and I could see his slight exhaustion, the tips of his awfully bleached hair turning a bit damp as he did some kind of practice with the ball. My eyes flickered from him, and over to Krystal who was now stretching and working on some trick, her cold eyes focused as she continues to master the movements with as much grace as she could, something that for a moment almost struck me as elegant.

Returning my gaze over to Kai, who was still awaiting a response as he continuously darted his eyes from the ball and to me. I sat there for a moment, and the only thing I could do was fake a smile and show him the middle finger.