A/N; Mild descrpition of ual activities below, but not full on so I won't mark this M!

I would be lying if I didn’t understand their conversation, because despite the part that I couldn’t hear Kai I knew enough that something must have happened for Krystal to react like that. And although the day went by and she didn’t mention it, as she tried to go back to normal, it felt a bit odd in the air.

However I couldn’t deny the butterflies inside when I came home that day, despite how wrong it felt thinking like that about someone who was already taken. It went to the point that it took me hours to fall asleep because I couldn’t calm down the rising feelings inside as if I felt something too grand.

As if I was in love.

Krystal and I started to talk more and hang out although she couldn’t stay for long; she confessed to lying about ending her classes the other day. However, the little time we had together went for me to start on her portrait, now as we were basically done with school and the only thing left was prom and graduation.

When I learned she didn’t have a cellphone, I thought it was a bit odd until she gave me her number to her house phone.

“My parents don’t want me to have one, but I have my private phone in my room, so you can call me there if you want,” she explained as she wrote it down on my arm because we didn’t have a sheet of paper. I had to ignore the slightly electrifying feeling of her soft touch as she held on my arm to steady it.

The only thing that bothered me was that I hadn’t spoken to Kai for such a long time, and as prom was coming up I began to think of the fact that graduation was soon and we would be parted by then.

And I had never gone so long without talking to him; no matter the distance or situation. However, he seemed to suddenly avoid me when I was around and I felt so hurt by his actions. I love that idiot because he is my one and only best friend; basically my brother and I didn’t like how things became like this.

When the night to prom rolled in I was sitting at home, obviously not having a date as I rather opted to eat a bowl of ice cream while watching some TV. Prom would officially start in an hour, and I wanted to care less because I hadn’t gone to prom my entire life…

Mostly because no one ever asked me to be their date, although Kai offered to go as friends, but I didn’t want those relationship rumors to fire up so I always declined.

No, I didn’t care about prom; I cared more about the fact that he wasn’t here beside me watching badly made dramas we would always mock together. It was our tradition because he honestly didn’t like prom either, and instead of buying a new tux he would buy loads of junk food with me.

He had Krystal now, so things this year was obviously different as I just wallowed in my own self-pity chanting over and over again that I was not allowed to cry… I would not cry. I would not cry.

When my melting ice creamed tasted salty I knew I had broken my own promise as more tears fell and I felt a bit hopeless.

If I was getting closer to Krystal, I was losing Kai.

But if I hung out with Kai, Krystal would be there and I would only think about how I should have been the one holding her hand despite how wrong it was.

Everything was just a huge ing mess, and sometimes I almost wanted Krystal to just disappear despite the good time we had together… But then I’d be lying because I felt too much for her now.

I was torn between my best friend and a scarlet haired girl whom I felt so much towards.

I thought my ears were deceiving me when I suddenly heard the doorbell ring, and for a moment my heart beat faster because could it be Kai after all? Did he change his mind? I almost stumbled on the blanket around me as I ran towards the door, excited by the thought of him possibly being there before I could feel my heart almost deflate.

“Oh, it’s you,” I didn’t even try to mask my disappointment as Jessica stood there. She was wearing a sheer, white sweater which hung loosely around her shoulders that showed the straps of her black bra, a pair of equally as dark pants as she just stood there.

“Can I come in?” she asked, and I didn’t feel like being mean to her for once as I just let her walk past me to remove her shoes.

“Why are you here?” I was about to ask, but before I could properly finish the sentence a pair of lips I hadn’t felt in a very, very long time met mine with such a force. It was to the point where I had to grasp her sweater to hold on to her, the sudden kiss knocking me off guard as her heat radiated through me.

I didn’t understand how or why, but as I closed my eyes I couldn’t stop as I just let her kiss me with such desperation. It was the type of hard, breathless kiss that used to make my knees feel weak just by the thought.

My back was leaning against the door now, and I was glad my parents weren’t home or this would be extremely awkward, as she pushed herself closer to me and I wasn’t sure what to feel about it. It felt good; I had missed her touch and her in general… But it didn’t feel the same.

My knees were in fact quite sturdy as we kissed, even when our tongues were involved and her hands went under my t-shirt. Yes, there was some bubbling feelings and goose bumps on my skin as she touched me, but it was more by the fact that her hands were cold than anything else.

It didn’t feel as mind blowing as it once used to be, when I was that sixteen year old innocent girl who hadn’t felt anything like that before. When I was so inexperienced that even the simplest touch made me shiver.

I knew things weren’t the same and that maybe, maybe I had changed since then.

“I missed you,” I heard Jessica utter between our heavy breathing after that make out session, her hands still on my waist as mine were simply gripping the front of her sweater, close to her chest. I wanted to say the same, but not in the way she intended because I wasn’t sure if I would mean that then.

My lips couldn’t say another word as she kissed me again; telling me about how much she regretted everything and I just let her although nothing big went through my head. I almost felt empty in a way, because I was thinking about trivial things almost rather than the fact that my ex was kissing me senseless.

We ended up on the floor, the temperature a bit hot as her hands were under my shorts, the fact that I wasn’t wearing underwear not helping as she continued to pleasure me. Her skilled fingers did make me quiver in many ways, and when I finally reached my I couldn’t help but let out a very soft moan.

Even that wasn’t what it felt like before.

It was great, that wasn’t the biggest problem here I found out.

It was then I realized as we lied on the narrow path of the hallway, our breathing echoing through the walls after what just happened settled in, that I wasn’t the same anymore.

My eyes looked over the dim light of the hall that illuminated her flushed face, her pants undone and bra somewhere on the floor that my heart wasn’t beating rapidly. Even with her slightly lost expression that I usually adored, with her messy hair and both of our fingers stained.

“Why did you come back?” I asked, as none of us bothered to fix ourselves up as we just lied there. I was now staring up at the white ceiling as time ticked by. The silence wasn’t tense or awkward… it was just there.

“Because I made a huge mistake, and it took me nearly two years to realize it,” Jessica answered what I thought she would, because she wanted me back, she wanted things to be like before. It didn’t make me feel as excited as I believed it would at first, because since she came back I had imagined her begging on her knees for me to forgive her. In those fantasies I seemed to hesitate, but I took her back.

Now that it was sort of a reality, although not as I thought, it just didn’t satisfy me at all. Not because of the way she did it, because it was definitely original, but because I couldn’t accept her back into my life because I felt nothing.

I knew in that moment that I didn’t love her anymore.

“You want me back?” I asked then, the clock on the wall ticking slightly as a whole hour had passed us by. “Despite the fact that your mother would do anything in her nature to harm both of us? That I am still five years younger? That we have two totally different dreams? Despite what you said”

The air had grown colder by now, making me slightly shiver on the cool floor as we just lied there. Jessica didn’t take her time in answering like I thought she would though, her voice softly echoing through these four walls.

“I said it more to convince myself, to be honest,” Jessica admitted then, probably because she knew she had to let go some way or another. “Even through that though; it doesn’t make up for the fact that I still missed you every single day.”

Things were still quiet then, before her face came into my view as her eyes were looking down at me. Her eyes still held that same spark, the one that made me fall for her when I first met her as a naïve girl, but it didn’t work anymore.

My hands went on the back of her neck, and I pushed her head down to kiss her one last time as I got my confirmation that my heart just wasn’t the same. Now I understood what Jessica meant that I would understand when I got older, although it was quicker than what I thought as our lips parted.

“Jessica, I loved you,” I said honestly, looking straight into her eyes as she seemed to slowly understand what I was about to say. “But you were right; I wasn’t meant for you and you weren’t for me.”

Wordlessly, she nodded as if she finally understood that it was really the end between us. Then she silently got dressed properly, before taking on her shoes as I could only sit up look straight at her. After a while her eyes looked over at me again, and I could only sigh because things ended like this. The woman, whom I loved with all my heart, didn’t have it anymore, and I knew very well who it belonged to now.

 “You’ll find someone who will make you very, very happy and who can challenge you to become the best you can be,” I said without comprehension, but I wanted her to know that for some odd reason as a slightly bitter smile came through her features.

“I’m supposed to be the mature one, but you have really grown, Lee Ara,” Jessica said then and I could only lightly smile back, knowing that she meant that with all her heart. “I’m proud of you, although I still wish I hadn’t let go of you like I did back then.”

I could only look at her, who tried to hold in her tears and now I finally understood that being the one ending things wasn’t painless. It hurt a lot to do this to her, to reject her for a second chance, and I finally understood how she felt when she left for another life that time.

If what we had was real, she must have been hurting too when she left me, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

“I have no regrets Jessica, you were and will always be my first love,” I admitted then, not having the tears to cry, although if I could I would.

“But I won’t be your last, I know,” she then continued for me as I could only nod in reply. “And I won’t be your last,” I ended it there for her, knowing this was it. As she closed the door for me to hear her retreating footsteps, we finally ended the chapter of our story together as I could feel the bitterness dissolve from my entire being.

Another chapter would begin, and one day I would find that great love again that I once shared with Jessica; I would just have to wait.