Approximately one year and eight months ago

I remember driving with Cherrie that day, past all the places were Jessica and I used to hang out and meet up for secret dates. Moments in secluded areas of cozy coffee shops, holding hands underneath the table as no one could see us or times when we simply walked around with nothing but each other on our minds.

She told me to meet me by the park, the one that wasn’t too far away from my school and I wondered why.

Sometimes, she’d wait for me there after classes so we could catch up and hang out together, sometimes we kissed beneath the trees when we knew no one was there, staying close to each other as my heart always did those funny things when I was near her.

It was sudden, that call she gave me as I was about to go to bed, darkness seeping through the city. However, it sounded so urgent that I didn’t have much choice than to get dressed, wearing the jacket she gave me on our anniversary before I went. I had to ignore my parents scolding, as I lied that I forgot something at Kai’s place and I had to ask him about something.

When I finally parked my motorcycle and spotted her standing by the fountain, her back facing towards me as she looked away.

Her thin frame was wearing a white, loose summer dress that seemed a bit too cold to wear in the changing season. It only reached to just above her knees, a pair of sandals on her feet as she just stood there. It was about to rain, I could feel it in the air, so I wanted to ask her why she dressed like that, but I figured it wasn’t important because I finally saw her again after a while.

With a smile I was quick to run up to her, although quietly before I found myself hugging her from behind, twirling her slightly in the air as I could hear her make a sound in surprise.

I could only laugh, although I felt confused as why she didn’t do the same. She never said it, but she liked it when I greeted her like that, so as I let go to have her face me I knew something was off.

Our entire relationship had actually been a bit tense after that day where I unexpectedly met her parents, and I couldn’t even deny that it had a huge impact on us because Jessica didn’t contact me at all after that.

“What’s up?” I asked her as she only stood there, seemingly in thought before sighing slightly. “I’m leaving,” she said then, nothing more and nothing less, as I could only look at her weirdly. Where was she going?

When I asked her that question, she only fiddled with the hem of her dress, something she usually did when she was nervous as I tried to look into her eyes again. We both ignored the falling raindrops at the time, because I was too immersed in trying to figure out what was going on.

“I’m going to Europe, most likely,” Jessica replied quietly, and I could only have my eyes widen in shock by that. Why so far away?

“I’ll be traveling through a lot of countries, and I don’t know when I’ll be back,” she then added as I could only sit down in shock, trying to understand what was happening. She was just going to leave like that? With no precaution? With no warning?

“Do you expect me to wait for you until then?” I asked, wondering how long she would be gone and I even wondered why she would go in the first place. Of course she was legally allowed to do what she wanted, she was twenty one, but it still felt so odd for her to do that out of the blue.

“That’s the thing Ara,” Jessica said then. “I don’t want you to wait for me.”

Again I couldn’t hide my confusion, although I knew what it meant. I just didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe that what happened now was about to end all that we had together.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked and I knew I sounded dumb because I knew what she was trying to say, although young I wasn’t dumb, as she could only sit beside me and grab my hand lightly, her cold touch making my heart break just a bit.

“I’m saying that we have to break up,” she concluded with that, and I didn’t want to admit that I could feel the familiar sting in my throat. I couldn’t take it, the voice that had said so many promises about being together and moments involving us, would end it just like that.

“Why? Is it because of your parents?” I asked, my voice growing a bit softer.

I knew she didn’t want me to meet them, and I was actually okay with that because I was scared they either didn’t approve of the age difference or the fact that we were two girls. Although I found it sad that everything had to be kept a secret, I still held on because I wanted to be with her.

“Partly, but not the entire reason,” she admitted with her hand still in mine. “My mother flipped and I’m not sure if she told my father yet, but she has already deemed me as a shame to the family. I know I’m not taking over the company anymore at least.”

I could only look at her noticing the fact that the rain, and what I believed would be tears, ran down her face along with the little of the makeup she was wearing. Had it been another day, any other day, I would have laughed by her somewhat raccoon like appearance, but I couldn’t get myself to comment it.

 “Ara, I love you, but…” she began as she finally looked at me, right at me, and I couldn’t help the pain that surged inside my body by the fact that I could see sunset in her eyes.

“But that means that I am free to focus on my own dream, starting my own business, and I can’t let that opportunity go, Ara. I have to take that chance and see where it takes me,” Jessica continued as if she couldn’t see the pained expression on my face.

“What about me?” I asked selfishly because I couldn’t understand how we went from cloud nine to this. I couldn’t phantom how the girl I actually said I loved was not ending things with me.

“Your dreams are here in Seoul, Ara,” Jessica then moved her hand to remove a strand of hair that fell on my face, despite the rain that fell above us. “Mine aren’t.”

Then things went quiet, although I was pretty sure the beating of my slowly breaking heart could overtone every single noise around me as of now. No matter what she said anymore, it wouldn’t help at all.

“You’re going to graduate in less than two years, and then you’ll get accepted to that art school you’ve always dreamed of because you are that talented. I know it, and I believe in you, so you should too,” Jessica then said as the words of goodbye were soon approaching, but even then I couldn’t get myself to face it just yet.

“But the only thing I know is being with you.”

I didn’t intend on saying that loud, it was only something that just slipped out of my mouth, which made everything feel even worse by the realization. My eyes then let the tears slip down my face, knowing they would blend with the rain anyway, as I tried not to sob.

This was actually kind of pathetic, but I couldn’t help it because my heart felt as if it was shattering in a million pieces. I had never experienced such pain before, not even the time when I broke my arm during middle school, and I didn’t know how to cope with it.

“You’re still very young, Ara,” Jessica then said after a long while of silence, as if she was speaking to me as a child than a sixteen year old girl. “You don’t understand what real, real love is yet, but one day you will, although I doubt that person will be me.”

I wanted to yell at her then, shout out why she would say such painful words because I still didn’t understand how she acted as if everything was going to be fine.

“So are you saying that you never loved me?” I had to ask despite how rude and harsh it sounded, trying to ignore the way her eyes flickered a bit almost. I had effectively hurt her out of a brash reaction, because no matter how much I wanted to bad mouth her I knew that she wouldn’t lead me on like this.

“That is not the point, Ara; I’m just saying that I am not the one for you… And you are not the one for me.”

In that moment I swore I heard thunder somewhere, at the same time as my heart almost dropped to my feet by the shear depression that invaded my entire being. How could this happen? Was everything we had just a lie?

If what we had was real, then how could she say words like that to me?

“Me, myself and I; we’ve got some straightening out to do. You’re too young to understand, but one day you will.”

Then I could feel two hands cup my face, where I had no other choice but to look into her eyes again, trying not to show the pain I felt inside. With a broken sigh, I could barely register the fact that she leaned in to kiss me for what I believed might have been the last time.

The warmth of her lips, the soft touch and that taste that was just like hers never failed to make my knees go weak, to let my heart beat rapidly as if I was running a marathon. I couldn’t say it gave me a horrible feeling because I would be lying; her kisses still left me breathless.

Maybe I was too young to understand, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t come out of this unharmed. She was my first love, how was I supposed to know how to deal with this pain?

When we parted just then I knew that when I opened my eyes we would be over, and as I slowly did I could only let out a broken smile, just to reassure her despite how hurt I was.

I honestly hated her for doing this to me, but I couldn’t even stop her as she got up and left me, leaving our dreams and hopes behind.