I couldn’t understand why I did it.

I like Kai, I really do.

The evening when he confessed to me, he invited me for a casual stroll around the park. The lights were shining above us, as the sky was clear with stars spread out like a blanket despite the fact that you rarely saw them in the city.

I felt a slight rush for sneaking out although it was way past my curfew, as I took on my most appropriate summer dress before I snuck out the window to meet him. I wanted to ask how he knew where I lived, but then I remembered that I once told him, as we managed to pass through the gates without anyone noticing.

The whole time spent together was nothing short of romantic in a way. He offered to buy ice cream despite the late hours of the night, and although I was rarely allowed to eat the said treat I was a huge fan of it. He even offered me his jacket when the air became chillier, something I had always read in the books of our library.

When we stood beneath one of the tall oak trees, the branches slightly dangling so no one could see us. Not that there were many people out here during this hour anyway, but it still created a slightly more intimate setting around us as small glimpses of the moonlight came between the spots where the leaves couldn’t cover.

“I actually brought you out here for a reason,” he began after a while, as I stood there and looked up at him. He seemed a bit nervous, as if trying to say the right words to me. I wanted to act surprised, as if I didn’t know what he was hinting at, although I had my suspicion.

“Well, I’ll just get straight to it… So I’ve liked you for a while now, I just didn’t know how to talk to you before now recently and I’m very glad I took that chance because you are a very nice person,” Kai rambled a bit as he spoke and I could only feel myself smile slightly, the sight of him trying to act calm despite everything a tad bit cute.

“And I’ve wondered for a while if you would ever considering… going out with me?” he then asked, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck as I could only silently observe him. His eyes were casted a bit down, and he seemed to be moving his feet around as if he was very nervous, a slight smile on his face.

I waited.

I waited for the butterflies, the happy rush to run through my veins because this handsome boy had just confessed his feelings to me. Yet time passed and nothing happened, and I wasn’t sure of how to think of that.

“Well, if you don’t want to then-“

I silenced him with a kiss.

I did it because I have always heard that your first kiss was supposed to make one explode in various emotions. In all the novels I have read, the protagonist always feels a sense of warmth and fireworks going through their body and in their heads. Their heart would beat a thousand miles a minute; their palms turn slightly sweaty because they were excited yet anxious at the same time.

I closed my eyes as I felt his warm, soft lips against mine as I stood on my toes because he was that tall. A soft breeze passed us as I could hear the branches lightly sway with them, and some noise in the background instead of what I expected to be my beating heart.

Nothing.

I honestly, without having any other way to say it, felt nothing.

There were no sparks, no fireworks and no passion. My heart did beat a bit faster, picked up its speed slightly, but it wasn’t as if I had just run a thousand miles. I couldn’t even feel the bubbling sensation in my stomach by the fact that this was my first kiss, in a perfect environment that was as it couldn’t get more romantic than this.

When we parted I almost wanted to scream because what happened? Where was the spark that I had been waiting for all along?

As I could only look at the slightly flushed face of the tan boy in front of me, the smile on his face honestly so beautiful yet it didn’t awake anything inside of me. Instead I thought about kissing his best friend, and in that moment I knew who my heart really belonged to.

But it didn’t matter, because she wasn’t mine and she never would be, as I knew she would go back to Jessica’s arms one day.

Instead, I just tried to accept the reality as I had to do everything in my being not to look disappointed. Especially not when he looked so happy, so glad that I had non-vocally accepted his confession just like that by giving him my first kiss.

“Yes, I would love to go out with you,” I replied, although even I thought I didn’t sound too happy about it. I thought that when time passed I would learn to grow affection for him; not as a friend, but as a boyfriend.

However, the following week as our relationship was somewhat announced to the entire student body, I didn’t feel as excited as I should feel. Even my so called “friends” seemed happier than me the moment Kai and I sat down with them for lunch, their eyes basically ogling at him while they congratulated us on becoming a couple.

I couldn’t blame them, we did look good together and it seemed right.

Ara stopped hanging around us, which I found odd because even if I felt a bit weirded out by the truth of her and Jessica’s relationship, I didn’t want to stop being her friend. It was a bit awkward and the thought that we would never be made me probably act a bit harsh to her from time to time, but I didn’t want things to be like this.

Although it hurt so much by the thought of Ara only being a friend, I knew I had to accept it.

However, she didn’t even seem to talk to Kai and then I knew something was wrong. They had been such good friends; everyone knew that, so when she avoided us completely the other day I felt the need to confront her.

I stood outside the art classroom, waiting for the period to end as several students were getting ready to go home for the day.

Most of us were either done or soon done with all of our exams, but we still had school for some illogical reason. Some of our teachers, however, had taken an “early” vacation and dismissed us from the subject for the rest of the year. At least the science, math and biology teachers.

Art, however, was still in session despite them having delivered their final projects and I wondered why, but I didn’t ask because I hadn’t spoken to Ara.

When the doors opened up, I leaned against the wall as the students were flooding out, chatting about what might have been their grade for the semester or the final project. Some of them looked surprised for the fact that they passed; others were a bit disappointed whilst some were cheering.

I watched the students exit one by one, but still no Ara, and I was confused because I swore I saw her earlier today.

After a minute I decided to take a look for myself, when I heard two voices speaking and I instead opted for hiding behind the door the moment I heard Ara.

“I was supposed to wait until much later,” I heard an older voice, probably their teacher speaking as I caught the glimpse of cerulean hair sitting there. “But I figured it would be better to talk to you about this now.”

I wondered what they were talking about, and Ara must have been confused as well as I could hear her voice asking what was going on.

“When I was grading you project, Ara, I was conveniently with a good friend of mine as well,” the teacher then continued and I felt my heartbeat quicken by the fact that they must be talking about the painting I was modeling for, which I had totally forgotten.

“That friend of mine wants to see more of your art, and he seems to be interested in buying a few pieces… and if you’re very lucky, he might discuss some future activities for you.”

I felt my eyes widened as I felt a bit proud for the fact that someone wanted to buy her artwork, despite her claiming it wasn’t going to be sold.

The silence stretched on for a bit, and I was sure Ara was taken aback by the statement. “May I ask who your friend is?” she then broke the silence, as I could feel myself wait in anticipation as well for some unknown reason.

“You might have heard of him before,” Miss Kim said and paused, as if it was meant to kill me in excitement even if I wasn’t the one she was talking about. “His name is Choi Seunghyun, as in –“

The teacher got interrupted by Ara’s own voice. “The owner of TOP modern art museum,” both Ara and I said at the same time, albeit I was whispering as I tried to not be heard.