I think about a day had passed in the hospital, before the doctors came to talk to me about my options after the scan and test of my now non-existent vision.

It was weird not being able to see nothing but black; there wasn’t even an outline of anything through a foggy haze or unclearness. At least I could survive that, but being fully blind with nothing in front of me? That was almost as walking dead, for a girl who depended so much on the world around her, and it made me feel sick and uncomfortable no matter what I did.

“We can schedule an operation in hopes for you to regain your vision,” the deep voice of the doctor, whom I have already forgotten his appearance, said as I probably had my eyes everywhere except for him. I didn’t even know where I was looking, but I had my face straight ahead as my back was leaning on the propped up pillows.

“However, you will have to take the surgery overseas, and the operation is only twenty percent likely to succeed,” he informed then as I heard the curtains flutter from the open window, a request from me as I hated the sterile air in the hospital room.

“Of course it’s a small chance, it always is,” I began with a hoarse voice, not having the desire to talk to anyone. It didn’t help drinking loads of water, because whenever I tried to search for the glass of liquid, I would only manage to knock it out of the table.

“It’s still a chance for succeeding, Miss Lee,” the doctor retorted, as if to give me hope, but I knew it would be impossible. There was no way I would make it with only twenty percent luck; after everything recently, there was no way it could happen.

“Don’t give me any details,” I interrupted him before he could say more, because I didn’t want to know. “If I decide to take the surgery I will inform you, but now I just want to get discharged from the hospital. When can I go?”

The men sighed then, before the fluttering of some papers were heard along with the obnoxiously loud breathing of his. I wanted to ask him to stop breathing almost, but that would be out of line, as my sensitive skin takes in the itchy fabric of the hospital gown.

“You’ll have to stay a few days more for check-ups and to recover fully,” the doctor said then. “Also, you have to make sure you have full supervision when you return home.”

I wanted to nod and say I understood, because of course I’ve had to have someone help me around as I couldn’t even see anything one inch in front of me, but it still hurt. I didn’t want to walk around this world not being able to see anything again, not being able to paint the image of the nature and other sights I took for granted.

The doctor left then, probably having someone else to take care of and forgetting me. I didn’t mind, because the solitude was slightly depressing, but still needed. At least I was realistic enough to know that things weren’t going to go as expected, and that I would have to live like this for the rest of my life.

Or I might be pessimistic, who knows?

I think a couple of hours passed before the footsteps of the nurse echoed through the room, stopping beside the hospital bed as I could only lie there and probably stare right in front of me. I didn’t know what I was looking at after all, but in the end it was all black.

“Miss Lee, there is a phone call for you,” the nurse said so formally, so politely as if I was someone important although I’m nothing but a girl who’s lost everything because of her vision. However, I couldn’t say that as I only nodded before letting my hand aimlessly search for the phone the nurse then handed me.

With shaky hands I took it beside my ear, the sound of the voice greeting me a bit loud to my ears, but I couldn’t do anything except for moving the telephone further away.

“Hello; am I speaking to Lee Ara?” the husky, sort of familiar voice asked then as I could only confirm the statement. I tried to rack my brain for who it might be, because no one came to mind who would match that particular voice.

“Yes, this is Choi Seunghyun,” the voice them said, and I almost felt the grip on my hand falter as I realized who it was. Coughing slightly, I tried to calm down my nerves as I answered.

“Oh I am so sorry for not attending, I-“I was about to explain, but the sharpness of his voice suddenly cutting me off made me shut my lips.

“I was quite disappointed as I had made time to give you such an opportunity,” he began; his voice quite serious and stable, almost as if he didn’t have a single emotion. “But after learning the news about your accident, I knew that this was not your fault in any way, so you are forgiven.”

For a moment I wasn’t really sure how to respond, but I nodded despite him not being there.

“Mr. Choi, I understand if it’s too late to ask for a second chance, but if you could ever, ever find the time I could arrange a new meeting whenever it best fits you!” I said then, hoping it would coax him to give in although the probability was quite slim.

It was silent for a while, the buzz of the line running through my ears as I could only sit and wait, nothing but blackness in front of me.

“I apologize, Ara, but I’m going on multiple trips so I am unsure if I will have time,” Mr. Choi then replied, and although I tried to tell myself that it was expected, the rejection still made me slightly deflate inside.

“However, I still find potential in you,” he said then, and surprised I tried to get myself to listen to see if he was joking or not. “Therefore, I want to make a deal with you.”

My heart sped up by the mere idea, even if I wasn’t sure what it was about, as I could feel my toes curl up by the anticipation.

“When I get back, I want to discuss some future plans… Or more like, your future plans,” he began as I could hear him writing something in the background, along with distant chattering on the other line. “We’d have to start small by getting your name known and selling a few paintings here and there for small sums. However, if you show to be successful enough I might consider letting you have your own exhibition in my new gallery I’m building in Hong Kong.”

I couldn’t quite get myself to believe what he was saying, offering me something so big I had never even dreamed of as I tried my best not to scream into the line by excitement.

Though there was one thing that I almost forgot mentioning; this made my heart almost sink again.

“I would love to accept your request, more than ever. I’m sorry Mr. Choi, but I have to inform you that the accident has left me with no vision,” it sounded way too formal for my liking, especially when sharing something as important as recent events. “I’m not too sure if I can ever paint again,” I had to almost choke out that sentence, trying not to think depressing thoughts as I lied there in my bed.

“I am aware of your vision loss,” he said then and I wondered why he even offered this in the first place then. “That’s why I am, along with the doctors and many others, trying to convince you to take that surgery.”

My voice then spoke for itself; at least instead of letting my brain think it over. “It’s a twenty percent chance for succeeding. I doubt those twenty percent will be in my favor, Mr. Choi,” I had replied what I honestly thought, but he did not seem to care.

“It’s still a twenty percent chance,” he retorted then before someone interrupted him, talking to him about something as he could only reply shortly to that person.

“I have to go now, but think about it,” Mr. Choi ended it there before the line went still, a long ring running through my hearing as I could only probably stare straight ahead, my mind a jumbled mess by everything I had just heard.

When another hour or so had passed of me doing absolutely nothing but thinking, I could hear the door open along with wildly excited footsteps of a familiar girl running through the room.

“Ara!” Krystal exclaimed, albeit not too loud as it would only irritate my sensitive hearing, before soft hands held onto mine as I could only look in the direction where I assumed she stood.

“If you are saying you want to read another chapter of that horrible book of yours, then no,” I said right away, earning a slight scoff and a slightly heartless shove with her hands. Then I heard a chair move and her body must have sat down on it, one hand leaving mine yet the other one staying before she continued to speak.

“Pride and Prejudice is a lovely story,” the girl said and I wanted to roll my eyes. I didn’t really want to be rude, but I honestly despised love stories to the core because they all felt the same; unrealistic and stupid. They were second place after all the same, but different, Korean dramas on television.

“Yeah, if you’re an unhappy housewife,” I retorted a bit too sharply, because I could feel the slight falter in her hands by my voice. I wanted to apologize, because I behaving like this must have taken a toll on her.

Krystal had been nothing more than supportive; she’d visit every day to make sure I was doing fine, read awful books just to keep me entertained, reassure me that everything would be fine and although she wanted me to do the surgery, she didn’t bring it up while we were together.

She’d done all she could to make me happy, because my parents tried yet they couldn’t just bail work, so I understood that they couldn’t visit nearly as often. I hadn’t spoken to Kai at all, which gave me a solemn feeling throughout my chest by the thought, but I didn’t even know if he knew I was awake to be quite honest.

I had a feeling that our friendship that we held so long had slowly started to fall apart.

“No, I have good news,” Krystal then said and interrupted me from my wandering thoughts as I could only pay attention to what she was talking about. “I got accepted! I’m going to Paris!” she squealed excitedly, her hand squeezing mine a bit as if to hold her emotions in check and I could only nod softly by the news.

“I knew you would get accepted, congratulations,” I praised her although I had always known since the day she showed me her dance that the girl with scarlet red hair would go far. The way she danced through the song as if she was on air, the spotlight shining on her figure that moved so gracefully across the stage as if it were her own home… They would be a fool not to accept her.

“Yes, I thought they didn’t get my audition tape because I hadn’t heard from them in a while, but I got my letter today and I will start from September!” she then shared, and as I could only think about what she said I found myself chuckling softly.

“You sent a tape?” I had to ask, wondering just how much this girl was technologically impaired despite her parents wanting her to become a CEO. I could feel her looking oddly at me in a way, as if she was wondering what was so wrong with that.

“I think it took such a long time because they actually had to look for a VHS player,” I said then and couldn’t contain my slight laughter anymore by the thought. Krystal, however, didn’t seem to find it as amusing as she only let out a small huff.

“You are so mean, you know that, right?” she said more as a statement than a question, but I could only smile back before taking a hold of her other hand after searching a bit. My heart still did funny things when Krystal was around, to the point that even if I couldn’t see her anymore I could still feel her presence. It was something about the way she walked, and her voice that made my stomach flutter with excitement for no apparent reason.

“I’m sorry Soojung,” I said then before lightly brushing my thumb over the soft skin of her hand. “You know I’m just playing around with you; in all seriousness though, I am happy for you.”

Things went silent then for a moment, and I was about to ask what was going on until she broke the silence by calling out my name. I wondered what it was about, because I was seriously just joking around with her, but before I could ask I heard the chair come closer to the bed.

“What are we?”

My breathing kind of stopped there, because honestly that had been one of the first and last things on my mind. I had wondered for days on end of how we could manage this or if we could; our dreams were different and so was our future. There wasn’t even much time for us; just the rest of the summer I assumed, but even then what could we do?

“We are humans,” I joked a bit, but it didn’t seem to work because there came no response, and I had no idea on what to say. As I sat there, with her hand in mine I knew that I wanted to be with her despite everything, to just have her there in my arms, to be able to feel loved and love again.

“Ara, I want to be with you,” Krystal admitted then, and I knew it was what she wanted despite our argument and everything that had happened recently. “I know things might become tricky for us, especially thinking of the distance, but no matter how I put my mind around it I still want to be with you.”

I wanted to say something, anything, but I had no words to tell her after that. Because, what she just said was entirely true and what I wanted to think. Although I was quite sure that we’d have to end this after she left to Paris, because I couldn’t handle long distance relationship and I don’t want her possibly first, real love to end on a strained note with empty promises of meeting again.

But I still wanted her, as a girlfriend despite everything because we had gotten so far, it would be odd to stop now.

Then, as I let go of her hands, I gently move my right hand up through her arm which is covered by a light jacket, all the way up to her narrow shoulders and to the outline of her jaw. My fingers trace her face softly, trying my best to avoid jamming them in her eyes or her nose, before softly managing to find the bow just above her lips.

Without warning her, without saying anything, I cupped her face to lean her closer, hoping she’d get the message as I drew my lips closer and closer to hers.