Nothing seemed right anymore.

I felt like the biggest scumbag on earth after Kai just wanted me to let him be, and I did as I knew he just wanted to be alone. He hated having people around him when he felt down, something I understood although I was quite the opposite.

I hadn’t contacted him after that, even if it was only two days ago, but it was a horrible two days which made me miserable to the core. Even when I thought I would have the joy of painting, it wasn’t really a joy because I either only made depressed paintings with dark colors, or I would just throw them away instantly.

Mostly because I painted the figure of a girl with scarlet red hair despite everything that had happened.

She had been evading my mind ever since that day, ever since Kai couldn’t even look me in the eye and ever since I knew that things would probably never be the same again. The only thing missing was a ing storm to show my sadness, but the sun was shining so bright as if the weather was mocking me.

“Ara?” I heard the girl of my thoughts ask, and I couldn’t help but feel the need to suddenly cry although I didn’t really know why. I didn’t however, as that would just be weird.

Krystal came closer as I simply sat on the stool in front of the canvas with only half of the picture painted. Whatever I was trying to create was easy to understand, but embarrassing to show as the girl only stood there.

She sounded astounded by the vision she saw, practically looking at an image that was supposed to represent her fair complexion, which had scarlet red hair to frame her face. I hadn’t gotten any further than that half of her appearance, nothing else on the other side as I could only sigh.

“I’ll give it to you when I’m done,” I said to her as I gazed at the picture, before turning around to get up and look out the window to see nothing but the sun and cars driving in and out the auto shop. It was still silent for a moment before she spoke.

“Ara, I’m sorry for hurting him, you know that,” Krystal began and I could only bite my lip by her words. “I know you are,” I replied simply before looking up at the endless blue sky.

“I just wished things weren’t like this,” I voiced out my thoughts through my cloudy mind, not thinking straight. “I just wished I never asked you to model for me, that I hadn’t helped you with Kai and ignored my own feelings because it ended up harming everyone.”

I could feel her coming closer, the small hairs on the back of my neck rising almost as if in anticipation because she had that effect on me despite everything. Then, before she could say anything about things being okay, I just opted to correct her because things wouldn’t be okay in a long time.

“You must be a ing highway, because a lot of accidents happen on them,” I said with a bitter chuckle, although nothing was funny about that joke as I turned around to look into her slightly hurt eyes.

“I can’t help these feelings,” Krystal admitted then almost silently. “I don’t really know when they started, but they just… did.”

 I nodded because I understood. “I can’t help it either; there’s nothing we can to about it than accept it…” I began slowly while looking at her. “But I almost wished you felt like that towards Kai instead of me, because despite the fact that I should be happy I’m not.”

When time passed by with nothing, the truth sinking in about everything that had happened and I couldn’t help it as I just wanted to be alone. “Just go, Krystal,” I said a bit harshly, but she seemed to stand her ground as she didn’t move one inch. Was it so ing hard for her to understand that I didn’t need this right now?

“Just go?” she then asked a bit bleakly as we stood there face to face. “After everything that had happened to us, after me trying to deny it we finally admit that there definitely is something between us and you just want me to go instead of working this out?”

I understood her frustration, because I honestly felt as down as well and confused by everything. I wanted to be with her so bad that it hurt inside, the want to just embrace her and kiss her with all the emotion I could muster up.

However, after everything it just didn’t feel right no matter how I put it. I couldn’t happily date the ex of my best friend no matter how much I desired to be with her. It wouldn’t be fair to Kai no matter what, not especially in his state.

“Krys…” I was afraid of even finishing the entire sentence as we stood there in the tense silence. “Just go, we will never be able to work this out… I don’t think you really feel the same towards me; it’s just hormones because we’re still young and you’re curious. You probably aren’t sure.”

Krystal could only look at me with a cold glare, and then she scoffed as if I told her the biggest lie in the world. Crossing her arms, almost as if in defense, she stepped closer with probably a lot on her mind as she parted her lips to speak with anger evident in her voice.

Wow how I managed to screw everything up with my stupid mouth.

“You are no one to tell me what to do, Ara, because I am perfectly capable of thinking and acting for myself,” she began with a scary low voice. “You have no right to tell me how to feel because I know very well how I feel and that is not a single word you said right now. How is it okay for you to like the same gender because you are so sure, but if I might do the same I’m just confused and curious?”

When she said it like that I immediately regretted what I just said, because it was probably one of the dumbest things that had ever escaped my lips. I of all people should never have said that, because it sounded so narrow minded.

“Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t want this, because right now you’re just one huge jerk who can’t seem to accept that someone actually wants to be with you for a long time despite everything,” Krystal said with venom in her voice, effectively making everything feel a hundred times worse before turning away to walk through the door.

However, before she could close it, she turned around to give me a glare that was supposed to be cold. Though in reality, she just seemed hurt and lost by everything that must have been going on, raw pain in her eyes as I could see tears streaming down her perfect face.

I had never seen her cry before, and now I was certain that I never wanted to see that again. Pain started stinging in my throat as well, the obvious sad state making me want to just fall. I wanted to run up to her and take back every single word I just said.

“I want to say I hate you, but I can’t because my stupid heart thinks the opposite.”

Then she slammed the door, as I could only look emptily at the space where she stood for a couple of seconds ago to leave me alone with my thoughts. I knew well that I had screwed up everything to the point that nothing could be fixed by a simple smile or joke.

And nothing would ever be fixed if I was to act as dumb as I was now on letting that girl go.

When realization hit me so hard I could almost feel it, although it took me a good while to comprehend it, and I couldn’t stop myself from exiting the door and running down only to see that the scarlet red hair was nowhere in sight.

Thinking I had to catch up to her somehow, I quickly jumped on my motorcycle as I hastily put on my helmet, not giving a damn if it was properly placed or not as I ignited the engine and drove away. I just had to find her and make her know that nothing I said was true, that I was dumb to even think like that.

My heart was beating a thousand miles a minute it felt like, as if nothing could stop the adrenaline as I searched everywhere for her while on my motorcycle. Even though my eyes scanned every place I could see through the crowd, I began to lose hope until I spotted a red head in the midst of it all on one side of the road.

I noticed Krystal was about to cross, as I could only accelerate my speed on the bike to try to catch up with her.

My voice called her name, hoping she would hear me and when she turned around with dried tears on her face, I almost felt relieved although nothing had happened yet, but at least she knew I was here in a way. Somehow I managed to meet her gaze, wanting to shout that I was wrong and stupid and everything as time almost stopped in that moment.

However, my distraction by looking into her eyes caused me more than emotional pain, as the sound of wheels screeching and stressed honks came into focus too late for me to react.

Then before I could fully grasp it, I could feel my body flying through the air by an incoming car somewhere which I was too foolishly blinded to notice. The pain that shot through my entire body was almost like a wave that came and went, and as I could only register my body landing somewhere on the concrete.

My senses seemed to be failing me as I could both hear people gasping and screaming at the same time things went silent, along with the pain that came and went as I could barely try to hold my eye lids open.

The last thing I could remember seeing was red; red liquid of my own blood in my hands, before another shadow made me focus on her. The girl was screaming words for me to wake up and not to go, but I couldn’t hear it clearly as they all became small fragments.

Scarlet was the last thing I saw in the distance, before everything suddenly went black, and I could only wonder why I had such bad luck.