“Don’t think too much about it,” the voice of our art teacher echoed throughout the classroom, relaxed and carefree. “Don’t try to force a picture; don’t force your imagination… Just let your intuition take over and let it decide,” she continued, and whatever else she added went through one ear and out the other, as I could only stare at the blank canvas in front of me.

Usually I paid attention to Miss Kim’s classes, because it was the only class I felt I could be myself and be graded for something I did out of creativity and insight, rather than how well I knew about chemicals or the Korean War. I would look forward to art classes, just to be able to unwind for a bit and let my brain get lost in the endless shades of colors and paint.

Today, however, was not meant to be as I could not get a single thought in my head, the canvas still blank and untouched.

“Miss Kim?” another voice came out from the seat in front of me. “I’m not really sure if I’ve done a good enough job, do you think I should redo it?” Suzy continued with a question, before her slender hand held up a drawing of a meadow which was everything but a bad job. Almost about everyone could see that it was a drawing put effort in, not something one does in a whim, and I reserved myself from rolling my eyes. That girl would do anything for attention.

Miss Kim complimented her, before the room went silent and one could only hear the sketching of outlines from pencils, or the clinking of brushes touching glass for the ones who used water based paint. Everything, every sound, went on a constant loop and I couldn’t even try to block it out anymore.

“And what about you, miss Lee?” our teacher suddenly asked as she towered above me, her shadow almost intimidating as I could only look up at her. For a moment I stayed silent, before returning my gaze towards the white canvas. “Painter’s block,” I responded with what I intended to be humor, but she seemed less than amused before leaving me alone.

My eyes wandered from then on to the view outside, hoping that anything could give me some sort of inspiration. I watched the birds fly in the sky, probably singing a soft tune as communication… Did they have to travel far? Where did they go?

I looked up at the overcast sky filled with white and gray clouds, surrounding what seems to be the usual blue image above. They say that no matter what the sky is blue, and the sun is shining warmly. Looking at the sky made me think of my cloudy mind, the barrier that prevented me from drawing something, anything…

But those clouds didn’t move, and it didn’t seem like they planned to any time soon. I could only sigh as the bell rang, indicating the end of class and my final project no closer from being completed.

I packed up quickly, before slinging my school bag over my shoulder and heading out down the hall. It was crowded with students like always; the next hour would be like this as it was lunch. I pressed myself forward to the entrance of the cafeteria, happy for the fact that the dark wooden doors were already open.

The cafeteria must’ve been new and modern once upon a time, but as of now it was a run down and old thing that had seen better days. I liked to believe that the walls were once white, and not a dusty kind of yellow that they sported now. Honestly, not even the food was worth buying here, as it was overpriced and tasted like sand. Still many people bought it, something I didn’t understand, but had no idea in doing either.

I scanned the room quickly; only to find a mop of bleached, very blond hair in the middle of it all, making it easier to find my way to the table I usually sat.

“Hey, Santa,” I saluted as I plopped down on the seat next to the said person, who gave me a glare through his dyed locks. I had no idea why he wanted to bleach his hair, but he did because he thought it would look cool, although he looked kind of stupid if you asked me. However, that’s another story.

“Very funny, Plain Jane,” Kai, my idiotic best friend since the day we ran around his garden in just our diapers, retorted before I earned a light kick on the shin. It didn’t actually hurt, but I still feigned injury with an overdramatic cry.

“Oh no, how could you do this to me?” I wailed softly, but the only thing he did was roll his eyes before continuing to stuff his face with food. I could only give him a look before casually taking the unopened bottle of juice away from him.

“Hey, that’s mine you idiot!” he protested loudly, food still in his mouth as I unscrewed the bottle and took a long sip. The cool, sweet apple juice ran down my throat pleasantly, before I gave it back with an obnoxiously cute smile to piss him off even further.

“Find a room,” I heard somebody mutter not too far away from our table, followed by some chuckles and other remarks that I mostly ignored.

One would think that the way we acted made us seem like a couple, I have heard that a dozen times before and I could only roll my eyes by the stupid assumptions. Of course I love him, somebody has to care for that weird-dance-soccer-lover-idiot, but not in that way that people think.

I’ve known him ever since I could remember, and I’ve been there through every awkward phase with him as one expects by teenagers. I probably knew him better than he knew himself, and vice versa, which made us something alike to inseparable. The only time we were separated was the time his family moved back to Korea before we did, but that was only a year.

I’ve seen him grow and he’s been my closest friend through anything, why would I suddenly find interest in him now?

Honestly, the thought of even having a crush on him gave me an unpleasant chill down my spine; yuck, that’s like dating my brother or something like that. “God damn, stop thinking about us dating again,” he said after the thought entered my mind, almost seeming to shudder himself as he nearly dropped his sandwich. “I’m not a girl, and you’re not even my type.”

I rolled my eyes, because that was more obvious than the fact that grass was green, as I proceeded to take from the other part of his sandwich, before he could protest again. He was at least smart enough to bring his own lunch with him, which meant free food for me. “I am pretty much aware that I’m not your type, and that you have a ,” I mentioned before taking a bite, not minding the looks some people were sending us.

I may have lived here for the most of my life, but I could never consider myself to be as conservative as most people were. That is probably what living in the states taught me, although it was a while ago, and people always considered me as westernized trash. It didn’t really bother me or Kai, but he is a generally open-minded person himself, at least towards me.

Oh, another fun fact was that I was as straight as cooked spaghetti, something that pretty much no one knew as I didn’t need even more negative attention on me. Sure, maybe this generation is more accepting of homouality, but there were still narrow minded people here which didn’t need to know. Only the most important people in my life knew; which were only my closest family, Kai and his parents, plus some other friends. Neither of them really cared or made a big deal of it, something I will forever be grateful for.

After a while of thinking my eyes started wandering around the crowded cafeteria until I spotted someone familiar. This made me smile in satisfaction.

“But I know of someone who is,” I mentioned with a nod towards the person’s direction, smirking a little by the sudden flustered state he turned into the moment he laid eyes on that person. I could barely hold in a chuckle by his antics, something that was so different from the cool and collected persona he tried to convince others with.

“I’d ask you to go talk to her,” I mentioned after a while, looking at the small figure a couple of tables away, brown hair falling straight down as she seemed immersed in a conversation with someone. Her face was set to one emotion, eyes seemingly piercing through as if they had something harsh to say all the time. The darkness in them didn’t really help, or her pale white skin tone, which made her seem even more serious.

“But she seems so… scary,” I concluded with a lack of a better word as I watched her from a distance, not caring if she thought I was staring or actually talking about her. She didn’t seem to look our way anyway, which made the coast clear.

“Krystal isn’t that bad,” he tried to say casually, and she probably wasn’t, but I had a feeling his slight crush really had an impact over how he saw her because something about her gaze almost made me want to hide, although I wouldn’t want to admit that, and I rarely got scared.

“Isn’t that bad? Does the girl even smile?” I had to ask, because of all the soon four years we had attended this school I hadn’t seen the corner of her lips react once. Scratch that, she has actually frowned a couple of times I think, but never smiled.

I’ve spoken to her before, when necessary, and at times we had to pair up for certain projects, but we never really talked about each other. It was more school related, so I couldn’t say I actually knew her, but I knew that she was a tough nut to crack.

Kai only rolled his eyes before looking over at me, basically telling me to shut it. “You know, not everyone radiates sunshine either,” he began before acting as if he realized something. “Oh wait, you really don’t either, you know?”

Scoffing slightly, I give him a shove on the shoulder, almost making him fall off his seat. “I can at least smile and laugh when something funny happens, like when you happened to be gullible enough to let your sister dye your hair for you and end up looking like Santa’s been sunbathing,” I said with a small, teasingly smile and almost chuckled by his annoyed expression.

“I’ve told you a million times to not comment it, but I think I look cool,” Kai retorted as if it was a good comeback, but I let it slide this time as I knew we were talking about something entirely different than a minute ago.

“Then go talk to her,” I replied before swallowing the sandwich in my mouth. “If she’s not as bad as you say; and plus you’re so cool,” was the only thing I could retort after that. I let my mind wander along with my gaze as I simply look ahead, not really noticing what was going on until I met a pair of dark brown eyes pierce through mine.

“And say what? Hi, I like your face? Real charming,” his voice leaked of sarcasm then, his face probably still trying to stuff the lunch he brought with him, but I barely heard it as I tried to figure out that mysterious gaze sent at me, which didn’t leave mine for a long time. It was as if she was trying to say something, although I was unaware of exactly what, but it made something in my chest almost bounce.

But before I could make anything out of it she turned around again, and nothing happened after that as she didn’t look our way again. How could he like someone as scary as her? I shrugged slightly.

“If the shoe fits, lace it up and strut,” I replied after a while, still trying to understand what that look from Krystal meant.