A few years ago my classmates accused me of cheating during an exam. The truth was, I caught one of my classmates cheating, and when he saw me looking at him, he screamed that I was trying to copy his answers. Which was kind of stupid, since everyone knew him to be the stupidest person in class. But the teacher ignored this fact and sent me straight to the Principal’s office, and marked my test paper zero.

I was hiding in the bushes just outside our school playground, crying my eyes out after coming back from a severe reprimanding from the Principal, when I heard someone calling my name softly.

Yoona…? Yoona, I’m here. Come out.

Ashamed at letting her see me cry (with all the snot running down my nose and my blouse wet with tears), I tried to hastily wipe away my tears before she sees me—but failed.

“You can’t hide from me forever, Yoona,” Seohyun said as she sat beside me on the grass, looking concerned.

“I wasn’t trying to hide from you forever,” I said, “I just didn’t want you to see me cry.”

Seohyun took out a spotted handkerchief from her pocket and gave it to me. “Why though? There’s nothing wrong with crying.” Seeing that I haven’t taken her handkerchief from her, she leaned close and dabbed at my eyes with the handkerchief, gently wiping away my tears.

“I—” I struggled with my next words. “I don’t want to cry over something so stupid, I mean, I didn’t even do it! It’s so unjust! And the fact that I’m crying over something that I didn’t do is just so… stupid!” Seohyun must have seen the fiery look in my eyes, for she gave me a small smile and said, “Well then, let me teach you something I learned from my Uncle Sooman.” Uncle Sooman was a priest, and was, as Seohyun claimed, her role model in life.

She moved to sit in front of me, so that we were face to face. “He taught me this prayer. It’s about accepting what we otherwise think is hard to accept, so that we’ll feel inner peace.  He told me it’s pretty useful when you feel that the world is going against you. It teaches other things as well,” she said as she clasped her hands in prayer and motioned for me to do the same, “but all in all it asks God to grant us serenity amidst all the chaos.”

I was not a religious person, so I blurted out, “And what has that got to do—“ but Seohyun shushed me and started reciting, with her eyes closed:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time
Accepting hardships as the pathways to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

She opened her eyes and caught me staring at her.

Seohyun reprimanded me with a steely look, and said, “Now do you understand?”

Despite the fact that I only looked at her the whole time she was praying, I understood what she meant and nodded. “Yeah,” I said, “I did.”

As we both stood up from the grass, Seohyun said, as though an afterthought, “I think it’s my first time ever to see you cry, Im Yoona.” She looked at me sideways, trying to gauge if I would get angry at her for taunting me like that.

“Ya, do you like that? Do you like the fact that you were the first person ever to see me cry?” I pushed her playfully and I looked at her with narrowed eyes, as though to say that yes, I am offended, Seo Ju Hyun.

“Yeah, I like it.” I was taken aback by her answer, but before I could react she stuck out her tongue and dragged me back to the classroom, my hand in hers.

But just before we reached my classroom (Seohyun and I weren’t classmates) she held me back and said, “But seriously, Yoong,” using my nickname to mean that we are now talking serious business, Im Yoona, “I don’t want to ever see you cry again.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Seohyun’s eyes closed in pain as she clutched the front of her blouse, “it kind of hurts here.” I looked at her hand and saw that it was at the place just above her heart.

It will take me a few years from that day to learn that perhaps it was easy for God to grant the serenity that the prayer was asking for—but maybe it was hard for Him to grant the courage to change the things that can be changed.

* * *

Present day

I was at the library browsing through all of the leaflets and brochures in my hand, all proclaiming the words OUR COMPANY NEEDS YOU! As I snorted in disgust over a yellow brochure that says it needs “highly competitive and skilled workers—work experience is a must” (I mean, why give away these brochures to soon-to-be graduates when what you need are experienced workers???), Seohyun arrived and dumped more brochures onto my table, piling over the ones that I was supposed to look at next.

“What the—??” I angrily looked up, and when she saw my angry expression, Seohyun backed away and held her hands up in surrender.

“Whoa, Yoona! What’s gotten you so… tense?”

I relaxed and smiled at her, and she took the seat across mine. “Aish,” I said, as I tossed the brochures in the air, scattering them like some entries in a raffle draw, “how am I supposed to find a job when everyone needs an experienced applicant??? How am I supposed to get work experience if they don’t friggin’ hire fresh graduates????” I let out a sorrowful moan as I allowed my head to sink beneath the pile of useless brochures.

“But wait,” I said, as I looked at her seemingly hassle- and worry-free, “how about you? I don’t see you running around looking for a job after graduation.”

She smiled at me, and pressed a finger to her lips.

I gave her a puzzled look. I knew that Seohyun was going to graduate at the top of the class, so I found it weird that she was not looking for a job when she has been studying so hard during our years in the university. Why then, has she been studying so hard if it were not to look for a decent job?

Seohyun stood up from the table and winked at me. “Meet me at the chapel in two hours, I’ll tell you something”, as she left and walked away with a spring in her step.

* * *

Exactly two hours later, I found myself inside the chapel, sitting on one of the pews with my feet propped up on the pew in front. I knew Seohyun would be scandalized if she ever saw me doing this, but I can’t help it: it’s the only way for me to relax inside this “holy” place.

I actually think of myself as an atheist. Well, I guess not in the strictest sense, because the only god that I refuse to accept is the Christian god. Or actually, any god who refuses to accept people like me: homouals. Growing up in a Catholic family, then, was super hard for me: I have already lost count of the times I heard of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah whenever the subject of homouals popped up in our home. I was made to believe that being a lesbian or gay was wrong, that this god hates gays and this “disease” must be corrected so that they won’t go to hell.

So being in this chapel, with that crucified man at the front looking straight at me, made me mighty uncomfortable. Is he rebuking me now at this very moment, murmuring condemnations at the lesbian sitting alone in his chapel? Does he think that the love I have for Seohyun, this love that I have cherished and kept secret for so long, is wrong and is just lust?

Suddenly, a voice whispered beside my ear: “Yoona”.

I turned towards the direction of the voice, and I saw Seohyun, her face inches from mine. What would it be like then, if I kissed her here, in front of that man who condemns people like me?

But before I could act on this crazy thought Seohyun had already sat beside me, lightly slapping my feet along the way as though saying, ya, put your feet down, and I obeyed diligently.

“Hi”, she said, smiling while holding an envelope in her hands.

I eyed her curiously. “What’s up? You seem really happy about something.”

“You asked me a while ago why I wasn’t looking for a job. “ I nodded. “Well, you see,” she said, running her slender fingers over the white envelope, and at that moment I thought how would it feel to have those fingers caressing my face? (dammit Yoona, you’re seriously going to hell, I’m pretty sure that guy in front can hear you), “well, I already found one.” She smiled at me again and handed the envelope to me.

I saw some sort of coat of arms on the envelope, with an address underneath it neatly written in black ink. The address jumped out at me like a surprise explosion, and I hastily opened the envelope to read the letter inside.

As I read the letter nothing else made sense except for the words “we have accepted you”, “the rites of our holy orders”, “bride of Christ”, and one last word: “nunnery”.

Seo Ju Hyun, the love of my life, is going to become a nun.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things I can.

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Hello my dear readers. :) First of all, THANK YOU for subscribing to this story. I know things are just getting started, so please hold on, because you know, I like to set everything first in place before we all dive in to the drama. Haha. I still don't know how many chapters this story will be, so please just hold on there and COMMENT! Please please. Your comments make my day, and sometimes I also take suggestions from readers. Hehe. See you on the next chapter!