I know that I have hurt her so much, so badly, so mercilessly. But… this is the only way.

Or is it?

*Graduation Day*

The whole morning went by in a blur. Waking up, barely eating breakfast, taking a shower… then Mom applying make-up on my face, dressing me up in my graduation robes. Mom asked me if there was anything wrong, and I shook my head, and she asked, Isn’t Yoona going to drop by here? I thought you promised each other that you were going to go together, I firmly told her, No Mom, there’s nothing wrong. I’m okay. I gave her a smile, but she must have noticed that there was something off in my smile, but thankfully she did not push the topic further.

As Mom drove her car with me in the backseat, I looked at the seat beside me and could not help but think, if that night did not happen she would be sitting beside me, and she would be cracking endless jokes…

I shook my head firmly, as though trying to rid my head of thoughts of her.

No, there’s nothing wrong. Nothing.

There’s… nothing.

Just nothing.

As the students piled into the auditorium I unconsciously started to look around for her before I realized that oops, I’m not supposed to look for her. I am supposed to avoid her… because she is a sinner.

Supposed to. I sighed and went straight to the front row, where the seats are reserved for the top students.

(Again I questioned myself, is it a sin to love? Not knowing the answer, I pushed it to the back of my mind…)

“It is with great pride that I introduce to you, the valedictorian of this year’s graduates. The pride of our university… Ms Seo Ju Hyun.”

I ascended the steps to the podium as everyone clapped for me. Instinctively I looked around the auditorium, and I immediately spotted her, her face looking at me as though eagerly, though with sadness evident in her features.

“To my fellow graduates…”

I recited the words perfectly, for I had drilled them into my mind, but I could sense that the speech was formulaic, and was bound to be forgotten by everyone once I descend from the podium.

As my speech came to an end, I saw Yoona bow her head in disappointment. She remembered my promise. I felt like I had to say something to her, a farewell of sorts. I have to let her know… that I haven’t forgotten my promise to her.

As everyone gave the perfunctory applause, I felt like I had to say something. This is my chance… my only chance. (At that moment I had no idea that I was about to mess up with my promise, that it would have been better if I had just ended my speech right there…)

“And lastly…” everyone stopped clapping, and I continued, ““I am sorry. It has been so hard… to figure out the past few days.”

I am sorry I hurt you. I didn’t know… what I was supposed to do.

I caressed the crucifix on my neck, and the words started tumbling out of my mouth, and I was powerless to stop it.

“They say that the first human reaction to shock is denial. I continually denied what happened, thinking it was all a dream. But then I realized… it was wrong of me to have avoided this. I should have settled it with you immediately.”

I was in denial… of how I truly felt. I should have confronted my feelings. But I don’t even know if confronting them is the right thing to do…

I continued speaking, and although I knew that I was saying the wrong things, I kept on saying them because it was the right thing to do.

“And so, with all the people here as witness, I would like to say: I forgive you.”

Please forgive me.

“You are lost, but I am willing to bring you back to the path of righteousness. If you want to repent, I can help you do that. We can wash away your sins, and you can start anew."

I am utterly lost, I don’t know what to do… I don’t know if we can start anew after this…

"I would be greatly saddened if the devil completely takes over your thoughts… that’s why I am willing to help you.”

God help me, please make me forget her.

I looked straight at her, and noticed that her eyes were shining with tears. 

Please, please, please don't cry... I won't be able to live with myself if I see you cry. 

She bowed her head, and I knew at that moment that she has fulfilled her promise to me: she did not allow me to see her cry. 

What was I thinking? 

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Just a short update. :) Hello to all of you! Hehe. Though I rarely reply to all of you, please do know that I do read all of your comments, and your comments make me infinitely happy. :)

I hope that we are all cleared up here in terms of how Seohyun was thinking about all of the s that she made Yoona go through... but I am telling you, Seohyun's very very stubborn, so it will still take some time before she truly acknowledges her feelings (if she does have feelings for Yoona... coz you know, she might just be confused and all that. LOL). So yeah, it won't be rainbows and hearts in the next chapter. Haha. :P

Please leave a comment! Hihihihihi