“Come in.”

I opened the door and saw Sister Stella poring over some papers. As I came in, she put down her papers and smilingly beckoned me to sit on the chair in front of her desk.

“Good morning, Sister Seohyun. Is there anything I can help you with?”

I sat down, head bowed and my hands awkwardly placed on my lap. “I… don’t know where to start.”

Sister Stella continued smiling at me. “Well, we can start with how do you feel today?”

I looked up at her and saw her graying hair beneath her habit, her eyes full of happiness, the smile lines visible with the wrinkles brought about by old age. As I looked at her I realized that perhaps dozens if not hundreds of acolytes had come to her like this through the years, and through all those years she has always been here—and will probably be until she dies, in the service of God and of the congregation.

In a few years, I might be in her place.

“Sister Stella?”

“Yes, Sister Seohyun?”

“Are—are you happy?”

She looked at me intently for a few seconds, and then nodded. “Yes I am. Would you care to ask why?”

“Uh, why?”

“Because I am where I belong. I belong in this congregation, in the service of women who want to dedicate their lives to Christ, and Christ alone.”

She opened her arms wide, and swept her eyes across her room. I looked around and saw pictures of her, of when she was just a young acolyte up to the present her as the Spiritual Counselor of acolytes.

“My journey as a nun was something I had truly envisioned for myself. This vision came to further fruition when He gave me a calling, when He made me feel that I am needed. And here I am, fulfilling His call. I couldn’t be happier.” She smiled at me, and I saw that she was genuinely happy.

“How about you, Sister Seohyun? Are you happy here?”

“I—“ I wanted to say, “I am happy,” but I can’t seem to bring myself to say it. Why?

Sister Stella gave me a nod. “Let me change that question a little. Were you happy before you came here?”

“Yes,” I said quickly—and the quickness with which I answered her question ashamed me. I bowed, too ashamed to meet her gaze.

“Look up, dear child,” she said and I looked up to her and saw her eyes full of understanding. “Look in my eyes, my child, for in my eyes you will see that whatever answer you give me, I will not judge you.”

She nodded encouragingly, and I smiled a bit, comforted by her assurance.

“Can you tell me why you were happy before you came here?”

I was stumped. Why? Yes I was happy, but why?

“Why don’t you follow the way I answered your question earlier? You asked me if I was happy, I answered yes, because I know I belong here. How about you? Were you happy because you felt you belonged somewhere?”

As I pondered over what she said, I realized one thing.

All those years, Yoona has been beside me, taking care of me. Protecting me from the bullies, making me laugh, soothing me when my nerves sometimes got the best of me, staying by my side so that I never felt alone.

Whenever we walked together I never walked behind her or in front of her. When we became classmates I always played my model student card to beg the teacher to allow me and Yoona to always sit beside each other. When I enter a room and see Yoona standing wherever—in the corner of the room, in the center, among peers, in front of a crowd—I am automatically drawn to stand beside her.

My place is beside her.

“Yes. Yes, I belonged… I belonged beside someone.” As the realization dawned on me, I added, “I belong with her. To her.” As I said those words, a great weight seemed to have been taken off my chest.

I looked at Sister Stella straight in the eye, and repeated: “I belong to her. I—I—I love her.”

It should have been awkward saying all these things to Sister Stella, but I did not feel awkward for one bit. I somehow expected her to chastise me after saying all those things, but she merely smiled.

“I am happy for you, Sister Seohyun.” And she indeed looked genuinely happy for me. I smiled—and then suddenly I remembered that she was a Catholic nun, and the things I said to her should’ve rattled her.

“You aren’t… you aren’t going to scold me? For loving someone like her? For loving a girl?”

She shook her head solemnly. “Loving is never a sin, Seohyun. To love and feel loved… is for me, the greatest gift that God can give us. We keep on saying, God is love, yet some of our brethren stop others from freely loving the people they want to simply because they are of the same gender, or different skin color, or some other triviality. It doesn’t matter. After all, a little more love in this world won’t hurt anybody.”

I wiped the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. “Thank—thank you, Sister Stella. It means so much to me.”

She extended her hands and firmly clasped mine that I had placed on top of her desk, and said: “Go. Go to her. Be at your place, be beside her. And never leave her again.” She kissed my hands and placed a hand on top of my head, and I heard her murmur a silent prayer for me.

“I wish I can sing ‘Climb Every Mountain’ for you, but sadly I cannot sing.” She chuckled softly and looked at me tenderly, her eyes twinkling. I smiled, murmured a last “thank you” to her, and walked out of her office.

As the door closed, Sister Stella smiled and whispered, “Ah, love. It may be hard to fight for, but once you succeed, the path is clear.” She nodded and went back to her papers, humming a cheery tune to herself.

* * *

I didn’t even pack my bags. I just ran out of the convent, not paying attention to the other acolytes who called my name, and went straight to where I knew I belonged.

Panting, I rang the doorbell.

Ding-dong.

I didn’t even care if I looked like a crazed nun, still wearing my habit haphazardly on my head because of all the running I did. I just need to see her now. Talk to her now.

No one answered the door. Feeling impatient, I rang the doorbell again. And again. And again.

“I SAID I’M COMING!”

I visualized Yoona, already annoyed from my incessant ringing. I barely had time to laugh at this thought, when suddenly, the door opened.

“I’m sorry to keep you—“ the annoyed look on Yoona’s face disappeared as she saw who was knocking on her door.

“Seohyun.”