To Let Go or Hold On

Chapter 10 To Let Go or Hold On

Sena came back from Mr. Lee’s room to turn in the player’s data that she couldn’t submit yesterday. She was about to go to her locker and go home when her eyes catched Jongin’s tall figure, quite near from her standing point. His presence was strong to her, even sometimes her eyes look for him unconsciously. But she noticed that he wasn’t alone. He was together with Hyejin. Seeing them talking and smiling at each other, she recalled Chanyeol’s words yesterday.

I want her to be happy, but... letting her go isn’t that easy...

Despite the hurt feeling, she couldn’t remove her gaze from them. He looks happy and Hyejin was the same. But, these hard feelings wouldn’t go away. What should she do to let this feeling go? She desperately wants to know the answer...

Jongin glance over at her, sending Kang Sena into reality again. As soon as he saw her standing there, he was smiling happily and wave his hand. “Kang Sena!”

Sena tried to smile and wave back.

“What are you doing? Come here.” His hand made a gesture that indicated Sena to approach him. Afraid of interfering them, Sena walked reluctantly to approach him. Moreover, Hyejin’s expression was not that good when the girl saw her.

“What’s wrong?” Sena asked when she was close enough to Jongin and Hyejin.

“Are you alright?” he replied to her question with another question. He seemed worry, she could read it on his face. She frowned at first, but then she remembered that she was absent yesterday. Not getting any answer from her, Jongin continued. “I asked Chanhee and he said you were sick. Are you alright now?”

Well, she did say that to Chanhee because she couldn’t tell him the truth. She was busted for skipping school because Jongin asked about her condition to her brother. The things would become more complicated if she said that she was in Seoul that day. “Yes, I’m fine.”

He was staring at her, assessing her face. “But, you don’t look good.”

His words made she stop breathing and she wondered whether he could see what was in her mind through her eyes. Sena immediately shook her head. “You see wrong, I’m really fine.” She said, trying to look convincing. Kim Jongin couldn’t help but to worry about her since she was sick–it’s that he know-yesterday. Moreover, Sena was quieter than usual because she was contemplating so much today. About the closet, about the ring, about Chanyeol’s words, about many things.

At that moment, Hyejin grabbed Jongin’s arm. “Oppa, let’s go. Mijin is waiting.”

Hearing the junior’s name mentioned, Sena noticed that behind them, there was Mijin sitting at the bench, not far from their position, with her boyfriend. Noh Mijin is also a tenth grader like Lee Hyejin and she is also the club’s junior manager. Mijin and Hyejin are close, it seemed that they were going to go home together, the four of them.

“Bye.” Sena said that, but Jongin was said something that surprised her.

“Go first, I’ll take Sena home.”

“W-what?” Hyejin’s eyes grew bigger, she couldn’t believe what she had just heard and did so Sena.

“But, oppa, didn’t you promise to take me home today?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t let Sena go home alone when her condition is not good like this.” He then called Mijin and his boyfriend over and patted Mijin’s boyfriend when he approached him. “I entrust her to you.”

Hyejin still looked disappointed, even annoyed, but Sena couldn’t turn Jongin down. To be honest, she was really happy that Jongin was willing to take her home after a long time.

-----

“You don’t have to take me actually.”

Jongin grinned. Instead of debating, he answered, “I know. I just want to take you home.”

Sena couldn’t help but smile. Walking together with him like this made her overwhelmed, although she still felt bad towards Hyejin.

“There’s something different about you.”

Because of his saying, the girl turned her head and looked at him, “Like what?”

“You didn’t even tell me you were sick and didn’t pick up my calls, so I was worried...”

Sena thinned her lip. She remembered when she looked at her phone yesterday after she came back from Chanyeol’s room. There were many missed calls from Jongin and Minhye. Yesterday, she even forgot that she had a phone, she left it in the closet along with her bag.

He continued, “And you avoided me, trying to stay away from me. If I hadn't approach you first, maybe we wouldn’t be talking to each other now....”

So he noticed it. How could she not avoid him if her heart hurts when she sees him around that girl? She lowered her head, not knowing what to say. Sena couldn’t tell him about her feelings at the moment, could she? Like saying out loud ‘Because I like you’. But finally she opened . “It’s just your imagination.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Being together for two years made him know Sena more than the others. It would be strange if he hadn’t noticed her strange behavior, but it never happened with her heart.

“Well, I just... I just thought keeping my distance from you is what I should do since you have your girlfriend...”

“So, you’re like this because of that?”

She nodded slowly.

A few seconds lasted and she found Jongin laugh. “You know, I know, Hyejin knows, everyone knows. We’re just friends!”

“Even though she knew, she may find me uncomfortable lingering around you.”

“Hyejin is cool. She won’t be jealous about you.”

She must be jealous, her expression told everything. Sena knew it but he’s just too dense. Being indifferent to woman before was probably the cause. “Well, you’re right...”

He slipped his hands into his pant’s pockets. “So, we can talk about many things again, you know... about Namgu high and about the team, it’s the topics that only with you I can talk about it...”

“Just talk. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

With a happy smile, he circled his arm on her shoulder. “Yes we are!”

That’s right, they had a special bond and this was her chance. She couldn’t let go of him now or she would lose him forever.

-----

The night breeze was touching her hair softly. City lights glow like stardust, a nice view that she enjoyed. There were millions of people in Korea, even billion’s in the world and now they were doing their own activities, somewhere in this world. And part of this world, there was her who was standing in the balcony, looking at the city at night.

“Do you enjoy the view?” Chanyeol came with two cups of coffee in his hands. Yes, she was in Chanyeol's room balcony right now. Because of her good deeds for him, he feels indebted to her and tries to invite her out for coffee, but Sena was just fine with an instant coffee at his balcony.

“It’s awesome. I can’t get this kind of view from my room.” She said as she receive the coffee.

After sipping it, they both leaned on the railing, facing the night.

“The city lights was awesome, but you can’t see many stars in the sky.”

Sena raised her head, staring into the sky. “You’re right.”

“The lights or the stars, you have to choose one of them because it’s hard to preserve the two at the same time. You have to give up the other one to keep another.”

Sena looked at his face which had a soft expression like he had something in his mind. “Like choosing between to let her go or to hold on?”

“You know?”

“Well, I heard it when you talking to your friends... It wasn’t on purpose at first.”

“So, the continuation was on purpose?” he snickered.

“Kind of like that. I was curious because you mentioned her in your sleep.”

“Did I?”

Sena nodded. He was stealing a glance at her and nudge her. “Were you jealous?”

Hearing his question, her eyes grew bigger. “W-what? We just met and barely know about each other, how could I feel jealous about her?”

Seeing her reaction, he laughed. “Just kidding. I was just teasing you.”

Maybe he was just kidding but her heart briefly pounded in a different way. To calm herself, she got back to the topic. “If I were you, I would hold onto her and never let her go. That way, I could find my way to be by her side.”

Without looking at her, just looking at the city, he smiled bitterly. “But, it’s different.”

Furrowing her brows, she stared at him, not understand what he meant. He then explained. “To let go or hold on... those two options need sacrificing and it hurts at the same time. Because it hurts to let go but hurts more to hold on. So, it’s a different case with the lights or the stars.”

“So, you chose to let her go?”

He nodded and sipped his coffee again. It looked like he had made his standpoint, but still, she couldn’t understand him. If he liked her, what he should do is hold on to her. How could it hurt more than to let her go...?

Author's note

I'm sorry if I can't describe the story well, but I hope you still understand what I mean ^^

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