Chapter Fifteen

            After both boys stopped crying, Mark ran his fingers over Jackson’s cheek clearing it of some of the gunk from under Jackson’s eyes. Jackson was still clinging to Mark’s shirt like a baby, afraid that if he let go Mark would leave him again.

            “We haven’t cuddled like this in ages…” Mark said smiling down at the shorter boy who was facing him, still settled in Mark’s lap.

            “That’s because you left me…for Jaebum and Jinyoung.” Jackson said pouting. His face was scrunched up with what looked like disgust but Mark that all of Jackson’s face and he was not being judgmental. Mark smiled before saying, “Jackson…you wouldn’t happen to be jealous would you?” Jackson pout got even bigger before he said, “What no, why would I be jealous of those two? They don’t bother me one bit.” Jackson said, hiding his face from Mark by laying it down over the boy’s heart. Thankfully that was the spot where he wasn’t bruised too much.

            “Oh really? That’s not what I think, Jackson it’s literally impossible for you to lie to me. What are you so jealous of?” Mark asked, sliding his fingertips over the thick muscle in Jackson’s arms. Before making his way to the Jackson’s sides, tickling the boy.

            “I’m not jealous, I like Jaebum it’s just Jinyoung…did you see the way he looked at me. It made my balls want to shrivel up and die!” Jackson said shivering at the thought.

            Laughing at the thought Mark smiled, “He does have that effect on most people, but he’s really nice when you get to know him. Jinyoung just has different ways of expressing that is all.”

            “Oh yea? Like leaving these marks all over your body?” Jackson asked poking at a particularly large hickey on Mark’s collar. “They look like they hurt…I wouldn’t hurt you, you’re supposed to be gentle not use piranha teeth.”

            “It doesn’t bother me, I like the way Jinyoung does it. He’s a little rough sure, but he’s kind where it counts.” Mark said thinking about the devilish boy. Together Jaebum and Jinyoung were like day and night, they both played important roles. Jaebum was all around sweet and welcoming while Jinyoung was the best type of sin. They suited each other perfectly and for some reason they wanted Mark, it made the boy feel special and almost privileged.  

            “I don’t like the way your skin is more bruised than not…your normal skin color is much prettier.” Jackson murmured.

            “T…these marks help me forget, I need them…” Mark said, swallowing hand. The rise and fall of his chest grew as he thought about it. He needed Jaebum and Jinyoung to forget about this, this wonderful feeling that he had swimming in his heart right now.

            “Forget about what Mark?” Jackson asked, pulling back to look into Mark’s eyes. Mark knew that Jackson wasn’t stupid, he knew that Jackson already knew the answer. Jackson just wanted to hear it allowed, he needed this.

            “They help me forget about you Jacks…I meant it when I said loving you is painful. You can’t give me what I want and Jaebum and Jinyoung can’t either but they do help. It’s almost enough.” Mark confessed. He thought Jackson might pull away, or say something about how those words hurt him but Jackson did neither of those things.

            “I…Mark I don’t want you to stop loving me, I love you and you say it isn’t the same thing but you’re wrong. I don’t love anyone else the way I love you.” Jackson said. “I just don’t think I’m ready yet to give you everything Jaebum and Jinyoung give you.” He said.

            “Jackson I can’t date someone who isn’t gay, I am going to want things like cuddling and kisses, and Jackson because as it turns out I really ing love it. I don’t wanna force any of that onto you. I just got real unlucky and fell in love with a straight guy." Mark said trying to smile but it fell flat.

            “I’m cuddling you now and…and I’ve kissed you before. I can do that for you.” Jackson said, as if trying to prove some sort of point.

            “Jackson you aren’t getting it, I don’t want you to do these things because you think it’ll make me happy, I want you to do them because you want me the same way I want you.” Mark told his friend. The atmosphere in the car felt thick…almost suffocating with Jackson so close to him. Why couldn’t he have this, he wanted it bad enough. Leaning forward Mark brushed his lips against the corner of Jacksons. Jackson didn’t flinch right away but instead tilted his head to the side so that their lips could connect with each other. Mark let out a shaky breathe as he pulled Jackson as further up his thighs, spreading them in the tight backspace of the car.

            This time Mark was the one to kiss into the boy’s mouth, his tongue hesitantly brushing up against Jacksons. Mark shivered as he felt Jackson’s hands, rough from fencing, slide underneath his shirt. When Jackson brushed over one of Mark’s s the boy groaned into the kiss. While Jinyoung’s kisses were rough and Jaebum’s were sweet, Jackson’s kisses tasted like Mark’s favorite treat. Jackson’s kisses tasted like love, and that’s why Mark favorited them over the angel and the devils because Jackson’s kisses came from the heavens and hell all wrapped up together. When their lips parted from each other Jackson smiled at his best friend before saying,

            “I have no problems kissing you, and I wanted to do it not just to make you happy. I seriously do love you Mark, I just need time to figure out if I can love you the way Jaebum and Jinyoung do. I just need a bit more time, can you give me that?” Jackson asked pecking Mark on the lips. Mark didn’t have to even think because his heart felt lighter, the holes in his chest were healing. Smiling Mark said, “Yes.”