Chapter Nine

            After Mark cleaned up at home he decided, much to Jaebum’s nagging that he needed to speak with Jackson sooner than later. Arriving at the boy’s house he wasn’t sure if he should knock or not, he had a key but what if Jackson was mad. Mark didn’t bother to check the text messages Jackson sent, too fearful of what the boy might say. Deciding to get it over and done with Mark held his breath as he put his key into the door and let himself in. Jackson’s mother was a flight attendant so she wasn’t home much and it as pretty late in the afternoon so Jackson’s father was probably at work. It would be just him and Jackson if the boy was even here.

            Creeping up the stairs Mark walked around the familiar hall until he got to the boys room and yelped, slapping his hand over his eyes. Jackson was standing in the middle of his room, water dripping off his body. He had just taken a shower and when no one was home Jackson liked to air dry. When Mark first figured out this piece of information they were both eight years old and had gotten dirty from playing kick ball in the mud. Jackson said he hated towels because he had sensitive skin and they rubbed him the wrong way. Ever since then whenever Jackson said he was taking a shower Mark would wait a whole extra ten minutes before coming to see his friend.

            “Oh hey Mark, where have you been? I only texted you about a thousand times last night? Well don’t just stand there come in, it’s not like you haven’t seen me before right?”

            “Y…yea but it’s different now…” Mark muttered before stepping into the room regardless. At least Jackson had the decency to put on his boxers this go around.

            “Different how? Look I…I did some thinking last night and I’ve realized just how selfish I was being. I didn’t take the time to actually understand your feelings or to even ask about what was going on in your life.” Jackson said sitting down on his bed before patting the space next to him for Mark. Sitting so close to Jackson was exactly the last thing he wanted to do, but he did anyway. He needed to make-up with his best friend. “I mean you having for the first time is kind of a big deal, even if you may think otherwise. It was supposed to be special and, did you actually have at the movies or were you just trying to piss me off?”

            “I...,” Swallowing hard Mark just nodded. He didn’t want Jackson to think any less of him. He knew to most people they’d probably label him as some sort of and he could handle that, but to have Jackson judge him like that would ruin him.

Jackson just stared at Mark for a bit before wrapping his arms around his best friend. “Mark you shouldn’t do this to yourself, you need to tell that person you love how you feel. Even if they don’t accept your love, it needs to happen because what you’re doing this Jaebum isn’t healthy and he’s a for allowing you to do this to yourself.” Jackson said, rubbing little designs on Mark’s back but Mark just shook his head.

“They don’t love me…I don’t need to ask to know that,” Mark said as his tears softly landing on the skin of Jackson’s bare shoulder.

“Mark I’m sure they love you, they’d be stupid not to love you.” Jackson said pulling back so he could look into his best friend’s eyes.

“You promise?” Mark asked, his lips as he stared at Jackson who nodded softly. Mark wasn’t really sure why he did it, perhaps it was because his friend didn’t hate him or maybe it was because he hadn’t been this close to Jackson in a while either way when he pressed his lips to Jackson’s it tore holes into his heart, because he wanted him so badly and was so scared of losing him

Jackson didn’t say anything at first, he actually didn’t even move. He just sat and let Mark press his lips to his. When Mark moved back Jackson was looking at him with one of the saddest expressions Mark had ever seen.

“Mark, I can’t…I love you but I can’t do that for you.” Jackson said and when he reached out for him the red head pushed him away.

“I know you can’t! I know but you kept pushing, tell him how you feel? I did, Jackson I love you and you don’t love me back.” Mark said choking on a sob. “I ing love you so much it hurts…”

“Mark tell me what to do? Tell me what I can do to fix this, I don’t want you to feel hurt because of me, you’re one of the most important people in my life.” Jackson said trying to grab Mark again but Mark had enough. He gave and he held things inside and nothing worked. It felt like everything was ripping inside his chest.

“I can’t do this Jackson, g…go back to Mei-Rin because I…I can’t be around you without feeling like all the time. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I love you so much but I just can’t anymore.” Mark said rushing from the room. Mark heard Jackson call his name but he knew if he turned around he would cave in, he would say that everything was alright and give in to Jackson because that is what he would always do.

Instead of going home by himself he found himself on the familiar porch of Jaebum’s house. Knocking on the door Mark waiting and was surprised to see someone knew.

“Who are you?” The person asked, their eye brow raised in curiously while there face seemed uninterested.

“I…I’m Mark, a friend of Jaebum’s. Who are you?” Mark asked confused. He was pretty sure Jaebum didn’t have a brother.

“I’m Jinyoung, Jaebum’s boyfriend.” They said. To say Mark was surprised would be an understatement, Mark felt completely blindsided.