I keep trying to contact Earn but he didn’t answer my calls. So I started to texting him.

                        Is everything ok Earn?

                        Why don’t you answer my calls?

                        Something happened?

I keep trying.

                        I’m sorry for the way I behaved earlier.

                        Are you mad at me Earn?

                        Don’t be mad ; ]

I looked for the thousand time my cell phone to see if I had a reply, but like the times before, I had nothing.

I ended feeling totally exhausted. I tried to fall asleep but all the tiredness left my body. I turned around the bed to find a good position to sleep but failed miserably.   

I took my cell phone again and tried for the last time to call Earn. The usual song for the call started playing, I waited and when I was about to end the call the known voice of Earn sounded through the cell phone’s speaker.

-What’s up?-he said simply

My heart started to beat faster only listening to his voice. But his voice sounded really sad. That fact made my heart ache.

-Pete?-his voice echoed again through my ear

-He..hello-I mentally smacked myself-where are you?-really Pete? It’s the best thing you came up? Pitiful

-I’m in my house-

A silence grew between us. I wanted to ask him so many things that I wasn’t able to vocalize anything at all.

-There's something you want to tell me Pete? If not I’m hanging-he sounded irritated and angry

-I..I just wanted to apologize-I could feel something stuck in my throat-I behaved like an idiot-

-Yes, you were an idiot-Earn said and only with that I felt how my heart shattered more-but..so do I, I’m sorry too-he said and his voice sounded tired

-It’s ok-I said and made a brief silence-so…something happened with Noh?-I said while taking a better position in my bed

-…why you ask that?-he said and I could tell that he was nervous

-Earn, I know you like Noh, no need to hide it-I said very slowly only to make sure that my voice didn’t break

Was always this hard to be a good friend?

-…If you knew already, then, why you kept bothering me about it?-

-Because I’m your friend Earn, and I wanted you to tell me about it-

The silence grew and it felt awkward, the only sound was the one our breaths made.

-I’m really tired Pete, I’m going to sleep now-

And before I could process his words correctly or even be able to answer to his words he hanged up. The dead line was the only thing I could hear.

I looked my cell phone closely. The need to cry came again, but I blinked harshly to prevent the tears to fall. I refused to cry again. I was so done with all this that the only thing I wanted to do was hit someone, really hard in the face.

The morning was gloomy. Like, really gloomy, or it was all because I felt like that? I was really concerned about Earn, because even if he didn’t tell me that something happened with Noh I know that’s why he’s acting all depressed.

Always has to be Noh.

I arrived more early that usual at school. I entered the classroom after greeting some classmates. I wandered with my eyes searching for Earn. He was not in school yet. The time for the classes to start was getting really close and Earn didn’t arrive yet.

I took my cell phone and called him. Like the night before I was able to listen only at the song but not at Earn’s voice. He didn’t answer me. I was about to call again when he entered the classroom. I looked him closely. His eyes looked puffy and under them were dark circles, surely he didn’t sleep well.

-I called you-I said after he sat down next to me-why you didn’t answer it?-I was upset by his attitude

Without answer me he started to look at his notebook and book. He was ignoring me.

-Do you only use it as a jewel? Why you didn’t answer it?-

-Sorry-was the only thing he said after a brief silence

His lack of attention hurt me and I was getting really tired of his attitude. Why he has to be like this?!

-Are you still mad at me?-I said with my head down

-I’m not-he said softly while turning pages of his book

-Just tell what happened to you!-I almost shouted after a few seconds

I looked him. He seemed like a lost puppy.

-Nothing happened, so don’t care about it-he said after a long and deep sigh

Was he being serious?! Why he kept lying to me?

I bit my lip hard to contain my cry and turned my gaze away of him.

Can’t he see how worried I am?!  

Can’t he see that I want him to be happy?

-Are you telling me to stop caring? How can I do that? I’m worried about you-

-This has nothing to do with you so stop-

Can you please stop a little and listen to me?

-When you say it doesn’t have anything to do with me you mean the opposite, so I’m really sorry-I said totally desperate

I can’t stand him being mad at me.

-I didn’t mean it in that way, I’m not mad at you Pete-

A relief filled my body by his words.

-Then, what do you have?-

-I’m mad at myself-he said after a long silence and stopped his actions

I looked him closely. I wanted so bad to see him smile again. I can’t remember when the last time I saw him smile brightly was, and now seeing him in that gloomy, sad state was killing me slowly.

I just couldn’t handle seeing him in that depressive state.

It was hard seeing the person you cared the most be so miserable.

Suddenly a classmate came running into the room shouting that Phun had broken up with Aim.

I looked him while talking to another classmate. They were saying that they broke up because Phun liked someone else in his school, so that mean it was a guy. I turned to see Earn. He was totally immersed in the gossip of the guys beside us.

Without warning Earn stood up and exited the classroom. I saw him go and disappear through the door.

I stood up a few seconds after and went outside the classroom. Earn was standing against the wall with his cell phone in hand. I walked toward him slowly. He was calling someone, I supposed it was Noh. Who else could be?

I listened to the calling song of Noh.

I really need to do something

So that you are not getting away from me

So that you know that the person like me is secretly looking at you.

And waiting for you.

Yes it’s me here!

How ironic was listen to that song. It was just how I felt in moments like this.

-Where are you going?-I asked him after he dropped his cell phone

-I need to do what I should have done long ago-he said and he started to walk away

-Wait!-I told him loudly and without thinking I grabbed his arm-if you know it will hurt you, I don’t think you should do that-my voice sounded desperate

Please don’t go!!

-Stay with…-I started whispering but Earn cut my words

-I made up my mind already-he said simply without looking me

Then he harshly let go of my grip and walked away of me. I saw him go until he disappeared of my sight. I bent down my head and felt heartbroken again.

I’m not enough to make you happy?