This was an usually peaceful Friday. I woke up feeling refreshed, got dressed, and went out for a nice cup of coffee at a café where I could sit and actually taste the freshly brewed grounds and let the atmosphere soak into my skin.

            I reached into my bag and pulled out the copy of the magazine I’d been given for participating, I hadn’t really had time to look through it, and I was too nervous at the dinner to actually watch the slide show that was on the wall but what I’d caught glimpses of seemed interesting. I flipped through leisurely, sipping at my latté, no one bothering me because you didn’t bother people while they were reading at a café.

            I came across my work towards the middle; I could see some small things that I could have done a better job at fixing but overall I was very proud of myself. The feeling was wonderful, here in my hands, in physical print, was something I helped create. The satisfaction made me realize I was really doing what I wanted to do. Photography was an art that I’d always admired and I’d finally managed to find confidence in my own abilities to capture something beautiful, something inspiring.

            Continuing through I stopped at a picture of a young Chinese model, I read the small print under the picture Huang Zitao, Gucci Fall 2015. “He’s pretty handsome” I mumbled to myself and by some random coincidence I glanced over at the sound of the door opening and the exact man came walking in. He was giant, well I supposed models were supposed to be tall except for Luhan he was taller than me but actually pretty short in comparison, and next to him was another tall thin man with bleached blonde hair.

            “Buy me bubble tea” the blonde one demanded.

            “What? I thought you were buying this time?” ‘Huang Zitao’ complained. The girl at the register stood up with a bright smile on her face like she’d been waiting for the next time two handsome men came in for coffee. “Hey look!” he pointed down at me and I tried to find what it was he wanted when I remembered I still had the magazine turned to the page with him on it. “Sehun look it’s me!” he took the magazine from me and held it up next to his face so that his friend could see.

            “I don’t see any similarities. The man in the picture is really handsome” he ignored him and went to order his bubble tea.

            “Are you saying I’m handsome?” he returned the magazine to me and apologized for being rude before nearly skipping over to the counter too.

            “No you’re ugly” the blonde replied making the girl at the register giggle.

            The two left after they fought again about who was going to pay and the café was filled again with silence as everyone tried to continue what they were doing before being interrupted, and then my cell rang.

            “Hello?” I answered Jongdae’s call.

            “Minseok!” He sounded extra enthusiastic. “Everyone’s looked over my layout and they love it! I’m so relieved; the changes you made really did help”

            “That’s great” I wanted to sound just as excited as he was but it ended up sounding fake and I felt sorry.

            “Do you have any plans for tonight?” Was he going to ask me on another date? I still needed to make up for the last date we had because I didn’t make much of an effort so it kind of flopped.

            I didn’t think just an apology would do, so a redo was probably what we needed. “No, I’m free”.

            “Joonmyun was telling me that the band has a new song they’re really excited about playing. I promised him I’d go and I was hoping you’d come too” He paused waiting for my answer but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu overwhelming me. “Are you still there?”

            “If you want me to come” was my answer because I didn’t want to find an excuse besides ‘you know Luhan will be there right?’.

            “Alright, then I’ll see you tonight?” he confirmed that I was actually agreeing to go and I gave him a ‘yeah see you’ before he ended the call.

            How many times had I found myself standing in front of my closet, obsessing over what to wear, now? I had an outfit picked out, one that I was confident was flashy enough but then I asked myself why I wanted to dress like that and ended up putting everything back in place of something more normal.

            I should have taken the train because I was going to a bar, but I just couldn’t bring myself to take public transportation tonight, plus I wasn’t really in the mood for drinking. I parked by the alleyway and text Jongdae asking him if he was already there and waited for his quick ‘yes’ before walking over. He was near the door waiting for me, a soft smile spread across his face and I forced myself to return it.

            “You came just in time, they’re almost ready to play, I think?” everything was a little hectic as both Joonmyun and Jongin were taking orders and Baekhyun was in the bar desperately trying to keep up with the amount of drinks he still needed to made, definitely not as smooth as Chanyeol yet.

            The door to the back where Joonmyun’s office suddenly slammed shut as Kyungsoo came storming out straight to where Jongin was and Chanyeol came ducking out afterwards to help Baekhyun quickly as they talked. “Is he really not coming?” Jongdae muttered under his breath in what sounded like disappointment. “Come on let’s get closer” he took my hand and lead me right to the stage although I’d planned on picking a table to sit (hide) comfortably at. “What’s the plan?” He asked Chanyeol as he tried to finish setting up.

            “Luhan hasn’t showed, even if he did he hasn’t been to practice in days!” Chanyeol sounded stressed and I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Could Luhan’s absence by any chance be because of…? I didn’t want to believe that what I said could have affected Luhan so much, I never meant to make him abandon his friends. Wasn’t the band what made him the happiest?

            Joonmyun showed up and whispered something into Chanyeol’s ear which caused him to jump up and go sprinting into the back. We moved away so that Kyungsoo could begin to gather’s everyone’s attention. “Is he going to cancel on everyone?” I asked Jongdae.

            “No, they’re about to start. Everything’s fine” he replied with a confident smile. He knew something I didn’t, but he didn’t plan on telling me and somehow I thought his eyes looked sad as he stared ahead so I didn’t bother him. I watched to see how they were planning to pull off a show with a new song without their guitarist but then as Chanyeol rece again from the back, Luhan appeared after him.

            I watched him set up until he stood ready before the crowd and I looked away just in case he happened to spot me, I didn’t want to be caught staring. Chanyeol announced the song and they immediately began but despite the song being upbeat the mood of it was just flat. The crowd still loved it and then they continued to play some of their popular songs, everything else went smoothly and they finished without any problems.

            "We should go too, they're trying to close" I mumbled to Jongdae after the last customer finally left.

            "No stay!" Joonmyun returned from locking the door and turning off the neon sign that said 'sorry we're open'. "The kids clean up while we have a few more beers"

            Kai scoffed in the corner where he was cleaning a particular messy table and Kyungsoo chuckled as he waited for him.

            "It's fine" Jongdae encouraged me to stay longer but I was still a little weary because the second the band had finished Luhan had disappeared.

            "Where's Luhan?" Chanyeol expressed the concern I was just thinking.

            "I saw him in the back a while ago but I think he might have left" Baekhyun answered as he pulled the wet towel from his shoulder and started whipping down tables.

            "He's left already? That's a little odd?" Joonmyun pointed out and everyone agreed “Why was he so late?”

            “He wasn’t planning on coming at all” Chanyeol corrected. “He sounded absolute when we were on the phone but I guess something must have made him change his mind. I wonder what it was?”

            Jongdae leaned over to speak close to my ear “You look a little pale; you should go to the bathroom”

            “Okay?” I replied because it was kind of weird to be told to go to the bathroom, but it was probably just because he was still worried after me going to the hospital. He patted me a little low on the back as I left which made Baekhyun give me a look as I walked past him.

            When away in the bathroom I avoided looking into the mirror as I leaned against the sinks. ‘What am I doing here? I thought coming here and watching Luhan have a great time would be hard but seeing him act lifeless like that was even worse’ I wanted to ask myself out loud after a sigh but I was startled by the sound of someone in a stall behind me. I was sure I’d seen both Kai and Kyungsoo at a table so I wasn’t worried about walking in on them again; maybe it was a sneaky customer. “Hello? You know the bar is closed right?” I asked as I neared the stall I thought I’d heard the noise in.

            I knocked instead of just pushing it open but no one replied. Strange, I thought to myself. I was going to just leave it at that and walk away when the next stall over swung open and someone pulled me inside.

            “Shhhh!” their breath was hot on my cheek, body pressed against mine partly to keep me from running away and partly because the stall was almost too small for two people.

            “Luhan?” I asked when he’d uncovered my mouth and allowed me to express my shock.

            “I need to talk to you”

            “In here?” I squirmed trying to give myself a little more space.

            “Just… alone” He tried to back up but it wasn’t a kind of trying to make more room kind of back up, it was like he was giving me a chance to leave. Luhan hadn’t once tried to talk to me since I told him to leave me alone, and he probably understood that a lot of things could have changed since then so he wasn’t going to force me to hear him out now. I stood my ground though, nothing had really changed since I’d last spoken to him, besides the awkward attempt at a date between Jongdae and I, but whatever he had to say now would have a lot of influence so I wanted to know if he’d made a decision.

            “We’ve kind of gotten off on the wrong foot” he began with a strange nervousness that was unlike his usual confidence, “You were right though, that first night that I kissed you and even for some time after that I was just playing around with you”. He waited for me to be angry with him like the people in the past who would slap him after he’d admitted that he was only playing with them and was ready to move on, but I’d known from the start so I didn’t have the right to be as upset. “That’s what it was, but somewhere in between then and now it changed. People don't date me for me anymore; they date me because I'm a model or because I'm in a band. I'm notorious around here so most know what they're in for when they approach me. They want to be played with like puppets, want me to drag them around because I'm some fun type of distraction from their ordinary fixed lives. But when I saw you here I knew you didn't fit, you weren't here to take someone home so that for a night you could feel reassured that your life isn't becoming some meaningless routine, a one night stand. You don't let me control you, you're independent, you're real not a puppet and I crave that life you have"

            He raised his hand slowly like he was waiting for me to slap it away, like I wouldn't want to be touched by him after hearing his confession. He placed his hand on my cheek, first his fingers, gently brushing them against my skin before fully cupping my face and leaning in. "I want to breath the air you breathe" his lips were so close to mine that I could physically remember how they felt when they were together. His other hand ran up my stomach coming to rest against my chest "I want to feel the racing beats of your heart when I'm close to you like this" he pressed his entire body against mine like he was trying to completely absorb me, "I want a real love, I want you Kim Minseok".

            I waited for him to kiss me, to end this intense want the both of us were crying for. He didn't though, like he said he wasn't pulling the strings anymore, it wasn't his call to make whether we were going to kiss now, it was mine. Something was wrong though, Luhan said he wanted me because I was self-sufficient, because I didn't let him control me, but the reality was that the reason why I liked Luhan was because his strong and confident personality brought out a part of me that wanted to make changes so that I could also take charge of what I wanted.

            That wasn't control though, it was admiration. I admired Luhan and I wanted to change so that I could be someone who didn't let his assertive personality over power me, but someone independent.

            That's when I realized that Luhan wasn't wrong. Somewhere in between then and now when Luhan saw that I wasn't someone he could just play with, was also when I became the person I wanted to be.

            He was becoming more and more nervous as I didn't say anything and didn't close the tiny gap between us. I turned my head to the side and I could almost hear the whine in his voice as his confidence dropped because he was rejected.

            "Would you-" I began and he turned his attention back to me from where he'd been sulking in the corner of the stall. "Would you want to come over tonight?"

            "I'd love to" he smiled like he was actually a little shy and I surprised him by giving him a quick kiss on the cheek for being cute.

            "What do you mean you aren't coming tonight?!" Chanyeol's voice sounded like it could strangle me through the phone. "I've been telling people all week that'd we'd play our new song and now you want to cancel!"

            "I'm just not in the right mood" was the only explanation I could give him which I knew would make him beyond angry with me, might even cost me my position in the band. I hadn't exactly been in the mood to do anything recently. I was asked to sit in on a meeting about next month's issue but I ended up calling in using my mother being sick as an excuse. All I felt like doing was putting on simple jeans and a t-shirt and going out to cafes or simply window shopping, anything that made me blend in.

            Chanyeol had hung up on me out of frustration so I tossed my phone over onto my bed and picked up a random magazine before lying down. I'd bought a few magazines the other day when I was out blending in and had already read through them and then reread ones that I already had. The one that I picked up now was actually this month's issue that I'd been given when I was forced to go to that diner party. I flipped through it casually, a little surprised by the quality of it because I had never actually read one.

            Towards the beginning of the middle, strategically placed after a few articles, was the photos I'd done not too long ago. Even though I was placed at the center of the photo I had trouble finding me amongst all the other models.

            Something about these photos seemed different, they captured beauty.  Despite how much I hated this job, hated dressing like a girl, hated being a model, I fit in this photo. I looked down in the corner where the information was printed in small black letters, I had to reread the list of names of the models because I'd read over my name at first, and then I found it. My name was the last one in the list and following its insignificant letters was 'photos by photographer Kim Minseok'.

            My cell phone rang and I sat up to retrieve it because I figured it was probably Chanyeol again. "Look forget about playing the new song and just ask Baek to play my guitar parts for our older ones, I know he can do it I'm the one who taught him".

            "Luhan, its Jongdae" because I hadn't checked who was really calling I was surprised to hear who it was. "Chanyeol told me that you weren't coming to play for the show tonight"

            "Ah, yeah I'm busy with my mom" I gave another lie to avoid telling Jongdae that I'd been in such a bad mood since the last time we'd seen each other at the hospital.

            "I just wanted to let you know that I'm bringing Minseok to the show tonight" he didn't sound like he was trying to rub it in my face, so why was he calling to tell me this. "If that makes you change your mind about not coming" he added.

            “Why are you telling me this?” I asked because the last time I’d talked to him he’d said I should stay away from Minseok, and now he was trying to get us together?

            He sighed like he wasn’t happy with what he was doing but was still going to do it anyways. “Just come and play the show, we’ll talk after that” and I was hung up on again. I checked to make sure Chanyeol hadn’t text me or anything but my messages were empty.

            It was already late; I didn’t even remember what I’d done all day to make it go by this fast. I had an hour to get ready, before I didn’t have the motivation but after hearing that Minseok would be there I was kind of excited. That’s when I snapped back into myself, I realized that I’d been out of it for too long. I had a commitment to the band, to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, how could I ever be so selfish?

            I jumped out of bed and swung my closet doors open, picking through the mess of clothes for something flamboyant to wear because tonight, while Minseok was in the crowd, I was going to stand out.

            “Where the hell have you been?” Chanyeol asked me when he came running into the back after hearing that I had slipped inside to get ready. I knew that he didn’t only mean just now, but he was asking where I’d been for weeks.

            “Sorry, but I’m here now” I replied. He didn’t speak again because I was trying to quickly tune my guitar before we left the office together for the small stage in the corner of the bar.

            We played our new song any everybody loved it. Kyungsoo gave me a nasty glare when I messed up a few times since I hadn’t been coming to practice, but other than that it went smoothly, as long as I didn’t look into the crowd and make eye contact with a certain someone.

            After the show was over I left for the back before I was stopped by anybody and just as I’d put my guitar away Jongdae entered the office. “Here to ‘talk’?”

            “Look, I don’t want to do this, actually I hate what I’m about to say, but I can’t keep pretending like I’ve been doing the right thing when I haven’t” He sat down in Joonmyun’s chair, leaning over to rest his elbows on his knees. “I confessed to Minseok”

            If I hadn’t been in such a bad mood recently I probably would have found that a least a little amusing but right now I was completely serious. “What did he say?”

            “Not much really” he tensed up strangely like there was something he was hiding. “He asked me how he could return my feelings…” another awkwardly tense pause “So we went on a date”.

            “And?” I pushed on, only a little (a whole hell of a lot) jealous that they’d gone on an official date before we had.

            “And nothing happened. Look, I don’t know what the two of you talked about at the hospital but ever since then he’s been drifting off, like he can’t concentrate. I tried to make him happy but I guess I just bore him” he dropped his head and I actually felt bad for Jongdae.

            “What is it you want me to do?” I asked because there was no way he’d be telling me, his love rival, of his failure if he didn’t have a plan.

            “I want the two of you to make up. Resolve whatever it is the two of you talked about so that he’ll be happy again” and now, instead of feeling pity for Jongdae, I respected him.

            “You think I’ll make him happy again?” In my new respect for Jongdae I really wondered if this was the right decision.

            He lifted his head and he had a weak yet smug smile. “If you don’t, then I’ll just keep trying even if I fail again. So this is your chance Luhan. If you want him you better take him now”.

*Whhhhy do I at transitions?? (╥ᆺ╥；) So two updates this week since I missed so many before.. Ah I actually really want to know what you think of this? I tried to make Luhan's confession a little unconventional and not too cliche? If you liked it yay if you were rooting for Jongdae I'm sorry but he's just trying to do what he thinks is best... man Jongdae is such a sweet guy. Yea introduction to Tao and Sehun, they're actually characters in the little spinoff of this called Sorry We're Open so go subscribe to that because its going to get updated any day now. As always you guys are lovely! and thank you!*